Tangerinedream

The nice thing about Berlin (when I’ve been there to party) is that the clubs are good at sussing out creepy guys and over alpha guys. Berghain Is mostly gays, so girls can dance freely and not be preyed upon. The bouncers are good with not allowing too many alpha males in the clubs, because they know that it ruins the vibe. I actually found that in clubs there, and when on drugs etc. people aren’t interested in hooking up and just focused on dancing.

@Peter Miklis what you are saying is that put in the right circumstances that you would cheat. Stop projecting your own lack of self control onto the rest of the world. And if a person who is high conscious is in an unhappy relationship, the smart thing to do would be leaving that relationship. The low conscious thing to do would be going to cheat and adding more toxicity to the mix.

One way of stress release for me is usually through crying. i want to take it a step further and get more release by screaming. I just can’t think of a suitable place to do it without alarming people hahah. Has anyone tried this ?

Agree. If you supress or try and ignore your needs you will constantly be searching foe that certain missing piece. The more you meet your needs, the less you need them. @aghost the issue here is incompatiblity. This particular guy couldn’t meet you needs for whatever reason, this doesn’t mean you should force yourself to be detached. It just means you should partner with someone who can meet your needs. Being able to meet another’s needs takes emotional strength and a secure attachment style. Some people are simply not ready for this at that time of their life.

Oh yeah I saw that one, it puts all the blame on the female for not being hot enough and is objectifying. It also makes out that all men are animals that will cheat inevitably. I wouldn’t take it as the ultimate truth, though the guys on this forum will make out it is. people do fall in love and care enough about eachother not to cheat at any chance they get.

Yeah it just depends on the people involved. Every case will be different. and since usually it’s never talked about openly, it will end up a situation like OP, where he wants sex but she is afraid of being used. If they talked about it all then maybe that would lighten the mood. when people aren’t honest with what they want, it’s just a guessing game between the sexes. Her making assumptions about him and vice versa. Each being frustrated with the other. Although i suppose she was honest in saying she wants a serious relationship and is being honest about not wanting to have sex yet.

Yes but the point was that you were saying sex isn’t a big deal and I’m saying it’s more a big deal for the woman because she is the one who will be penetrated and dominated, not the other way around. So it’s a bigger thing for her than for the man.

Easy. By pushing or expecting sex without offering any intimacy or care for the girl. It’s actually very common. Then maybe just take a step back from the relationship, if you feel she just wants attention. But she’s probably just testing you to see if you’re a fuck boy or not lol.. so then again stepping away because of no sex would then prove to her that’s what you wanted.

Do you want a relationship with the girl or just sex ?

Well there is somewhat of a power dynamic going on, isn’t the man the dominator in this sense? You can’t really be equal in sex, it’s not the woman in a higher position of power in sex (maybe if she’s on top or something but generally the man is holding the higher position) Somewhat agree tho about waiting too long for sex. dynamic and feelings can change afterwards. but still we don’t know the full details or story of the OP. This could just be a super reserved girl or a girl who’s been hurt before, or has trauma. Who knows. Just adding that also, this winning and losing thing is generally how it goes. A man sees having sex has getting something, winning, conquering. What do you think pickup is? It’s about conquering lots of girls bodies. a guy will feel like he has achieved something whereas a girl will feel used.

And how do we know the girl isn’t fun and exciting, and that op is being cold and moody? So many things we don’t know

Yes. @kras Also, it might be confusing because pickup teaches that a guy should be detached. But it is a coin with 2 sides. The problem is that if you are told to force or act being detached, chances are you will go to the extreme and become emotionally unavailable. whereas healthy detachment is simply having other things going on, like a life purpose or a friends group. so that you aren’t looking to the other person as something you need to get something from.

Cold, dismissive, not showing emotions, serious, acting very detached.

‘I don’t know you enough’ is more like meaning ‘I’m unsure how attracted I am to you’ and if she’s unsure how attracted she is it means means that perhaps OP is behaving somewhat emotionally closed off and pushy for sex, therefore she doesn’t feel safe enough in his presence to surrender her body. Emotional unavailablity and neediness for sex are the main repellents lol. (Unless there Is a trauma related attraction to emotional unavailability, but of that were the case it would make her chase him more)

It’s not a big deal for guys yes. Girls are the ones giving their bodies up to be used for a guys pleasure. so it’s a bigger deal for us.

Do you want a relationship with this girl? If that’s what she wants and you don’t then why are you still trying to get sex? (This Is probably what she wants to avoid, people only wanting sex) if you have a problem with taking it slower then find another girl, don’t wait around hoping to get sex out of this one, if you have no plans for anything more after that. Another thing is that she can probably sense your desperation to sleep with her, so that’s why she’s holding out. Girls can feel this desperation for sex very easily. This makes her feel unsafe to open up sexually. You must be giving off a vibe of trying to get something from her (you said you have pushed for it a few times) Pushyness acts like natural repellent, it doesn’t offer any containment. If she is a girl with strong boundaries then this will make her deffo not want to sleep with you. There is still a lack of trust. if you can’t offer this containment then I would say move on.

@Parththakkar12 yes I can understand if you know the girl a bit. I feel like most girls would give a reason if asked, but I’m sure many of them will not feel comfortable with doing that. You don’t know how the guy will react, he could get aggressive or something. I had this happen before when I rejected a guy, he got nasty and started calling me a bitch. sometimes it feels safer to give no explanation. and if you are doing pickup and approaching ppl you can’t expect explanations in that situation.

How many women have you been rejected by ? and how many told you the reason for rejection ? how do you want them to take responsibility, what should they do? For example: Boy: Hey do you wanna go for coffee with me? girl: no I’d rather not, but thanks for asking. What would you do in that situation? Demand an explanation?

Hehe. battle of the egos. But of course, This could also be incompatiblity. But this stage could be more or less skimmed over if both ppl had already did the finding of themselves and self love part. the way I see it tho is more like facing challenges along the way, but coming out stronger on the other side.

Hard to say, but most important thing is meeting and spending time together in person, so you can see what his behaviour is like. take off the rose tinted spectacles and observe his behaviour and how he makes you feel. Do you feel safe or anxious around him? Really try and observe how you feel in his presence… Love is something that develops over time, it can’t be rushed. Take it step by step!

It’s a rugged road that gets better, it’s not easy. Many relationships stay around the power struggle point… never growing past that (they never find themselves so can never accept the other) so therefore don’t reach stage of divine love.

You don’t until later. In the beginning it’s all lust and fire. After this wears off reality hits and this is make or break point of relationship.. this is when you find out and decide to move forward and accept eachother warts n’ all.

The question is what level of consciousness are you operating these choosen relationship types at… for example, both types can be toxic depending who the people are… because usually the polyamory that ppl say they are into is really just a way of emotional avoidance. Then when you ‘fall In love’ with someone you realise how messed up you are and shadows you’ve been avoiding (like the person found out in comment from the video) …for sure there is more to be learned from an intimate relationship, if you do it consciously and face your shadows. but by sleeping with lots of people you don’t learn so much because no1 is challenging you and it’s easy to run away when something comes up.

I would take it with a LARGE pinch of salt. If someone whom you have never met is showing excessive praise, sounds like love bombing. this clouds your judgment and it’s why you are losing all inhibition and acting ‘crazily’ around him.

This is a common trap of talking with someone only over Internet or phone calls without ever meeting them! imagination can run wild! Then when you meet them in real life it’s not the same, so it’s better to meet in person ASAP. I remember once a guy I was texting with whom I had only met one time at a party, told me he was falling in love with me and he was imagining that I was perfect for him etc. I was like ‘you don’t even know me, how is that even possible’ It was too intense for me, and when we met again in real life it was so awkward.