Schnaby

@Average Investor @modmyth thanks for your input and support. It is obvious as I reflect deeper into spirituality and even before that, that this behavior is unacceptable. I put down myself by allowing someone to treat me like this. And you’re right, there is no way to get my point across to him, and life is not meant to be tip toed around. I only put up with this abuse, as I’m dating a serious Jekyll and Hyde. My love for the goodness in him defeats all else. And despite me trying to lead by example, he’s putting out my flame. I will stand up for myself again, and not be put up on the shelf for his pleasure.

Thanks for everyone’s input. I have stuck up for myself a lot in the beginning of this relationship, until I realized that it wasn’t worth giving into his fire, for the sake of an argument getting out of hand. It truly doesn’t seem like I can ever get through to him. It’s unlike me to allow someone to put me down and shame me like this, I am typically strong willed and independent. I have never dated someone like this in my life; I had an amazing boyfriend before him and I foolishly left him. I have a lot of compassion and understanding, but my mistake is forgetting to have that same compassion for myself, and to stop making excuses for other people’s behavior. I’m going to stand up to him about this situation, and I realize if he blows steam from this, then I’m going to have to let him go, otherwise I am enabling this behavior and getting further away from the strong, loving person I truly am. it’s hurtful because he says he’s so spiritually advanced than me, so I stick with him to see what light side of himself is there, but all I see is the cruel world, dark side of him. It is not easy to date someone with mental illness, and I have a lot of patience, but at some point it is disrespect to myself.

I am moving in with my partner soon, however he has extreme anger management issues. I have told him in the past that I am worried about moving in with him, with my cat. As I am worried he will do something harmful to me or my cat. He said he will do something to my cat if I do something wrong and act stupid. My bf flips the switch for any little thing. I walk on eggshells around him, I hardly even bring up any conversation or reply’s to his, as to avoid conflict. I never know what is going to agitate him. It is extremely un-normal. I haven’t mentioned to him my worry about him doing something to my cat when we move, but the fear is still in the back of my head. It’s sad, because he says he’s so spiritually advanced, and recognizes his faults, yet how can he still say something like this if he is? There is certainly some sort of chemical imbalance going on for him, and he says he will be better once he moves out of his parents house, but I’m still frightened that he will not change. The hope for change, is the only reason why I hold onto this relationship and deal with the abuse. I have had my turmoil with anger management myself, and yoga/pilates/psychedelics/spirituality has helped calm me very much. I have hope for him, but is it possible for someone to be so mean and cruel all the time, to even threaten an animals life, actually going to change?

I am moving in with him soon, and I am worried that he won’t let me listen to music at our apartment. I am also a dancer, and have trained in dance for over 15 years. I certainly bust a groove with no music on, but the experience of listening to music while dancing moves the soul for me. I am worried that he will put me down, and say something along the lines that my dancing is low conscious or my music taste is, when neither of which is, as it moves the soul and moves my soul. I’m not sure how to bring this worry up to him. I see this to be abusive, but I do care about my partner, and want him to understand.

My partner doesn’t let me listen to the music I like in my own car, and mutes the radio as soon as he comes into my car. Later he will put on his music while I’m driving and start singing and enjoying himself. I love to watch him enjoy himself and get into his music, although I do not like some of his music—which I would not tell him, As I believe he is an individual and deserves to like or dislike whatever he wishes. It hurts my feelings that he doesn’t have the same respect for me. He’s expressed to me before how he feels bad for not giving his ex girlfriends music a chance and for always putting her down for liking country music. It hurts my feelings that he puts me down and shames me for the music I listen to, meanwhile there are several artist we both enjoy. I have been dating him for a while now and I don’t even think He knows any of my favorite artists that I like, which I don’t even care about anymore! I don’t care about sharing my music taste with him, but when I’m stuck on long car rides with him, while I’m driving around aimlessly, it would be nice for me to jam to some of my music as well. Whenever I bring this up, he has something negative to say about it. And tantrums off with yelling and hitting my car dashboard. I sit quiet to his tantrum and he calls me a child for wanting to play my music. I also don’t listen to top 100, and have been a crate digger my whole life, yet he calls me basic. How can I approach him to understand that I don’t want to hear anything negative about my music taste, when I’m just trying to listen to the music peacefully while driving with him.

Do you only get “intimate” on your schedule? It would be unfair to your gf if you only give in to her intimately on your own time, and not meet her half way when she needs affection. My boyfriend is like this. luckily I like cats, so I understand he is like a cat, and only wants to be loved when he wants to be loved. I understand he also doesn’t come from a loving family, and I come from an overly affectionate family. I don’t even try to hug him or give him affection at all since it’s understood that he cringes at it. I appreciate the hug and kiss goodbye but the embrace is quick and certainly does not fulfill my hunger for a deep bear hug, but I can get that affection from my friends or relatives. Although it upsets me, it’s not the end of the world. But if your Gf likes random acts of affection, I believe simple touches and hugs can go a long way and doesn’t need to be sexual.

I see this as abuse but according to him, he is only acting like this towards me because “i act” like a child. According to him I have no depth with my words, that they don’t follow suit with my actions, And that my values go against his values. He tells me not to talk about my mother, my childhood, my loved ones. He accuses me of cheating on him when he goes vacant on me and doesn’t talk to me for weeks. Yet he calls me passive aggressive. He doesn’t let me get a word in, after I silently listen to him. I have brought up that he is manipulative and controlling, and he says that I deserve that abuse because I’m not self aware or have consciousness like him. He blames me for triggering his mental illness. I am truly the fool in this to stick with somebody for the good side of him I was so tricked into believing he was, when I started working with him and dating him. He has never said any good affirmations towards me, if at all once. I am honestly shocked that people like this exists, and that someone would ever treat me like this, when I am a strong believer in treat others how you want to be treated. I would give my heart and soul, or a listening ear to anybody in need, I try to see the good in all people. most of all, I try to make people feel good. I even get mocked at for trying to have fun and laugh..as I believe laughter is the best medicine. I am honestly scared at this point, I am afraid to leave my house, he has instilled fear in me to talk to my friends and loved ones, & it is unlike my character to be ignoring them. Most all, threading back to the original topic, most days I am wearing yoga pants, a Band tshirt,& the same vans slip ons! Occasionally I will dress nice and get glamorous. I didn’t realize it was such “devilry” Or “low conscious” to in somebody else’s eyes.

@Farnaby when he speaks to me like this, it definitely feels degrading and that he doesn’t like me. Thank you for all of your input, I will truly put more thought into this.

@Keyhole I’m sorry to go on with the long story and trail off the original topic. I have been dealing with this verbal abuse for sometime now, & have nobody to talk to about it. I have shunned Myself from my family and friends, to respect my s.o. Values on covid-19 & respect not bringing family and friends into my relationship problems. I cannot go to talk to a therapist because I’m not allowed to leave my house unless it is to see him. Thus, now I do feel like a troll locked inside my own room since March. I do see this as controlling behavior, but have been open to watching Leo’s videos to see where my s.o. Is coming from. I believe he is taking Leo’s material out of context, but from the belittling, I am still trying to understand my s.o. Point of view, and was interested in what other’s opinions were whom watch and practice Leo’s guidance. Thank you

@LordFall @Farnaby

@Lordfall, Thank you for your feedback. I have perceived higher consciousness to be in this way as well. Although I have not dedicated my life to watching Leo’s videos, as my s.o. Has proclaimed he has been studying them for 6 years, and is thus at a higher level that I wouldn’t be able to understand. As egoic as it may sound, I am educated and well rounded in a foundation of accepting others, having compassion, and putting myself in others shoes. the outrage from my s.o., as he often tells me my opinions don’t matter, that I am uneducated, dress like a prostitute, my family is ignorant, I’m ignorant, and full of nothing but lies, and lack the spirituality he has so highly attained. I have made the mistake of revealing too much about my family, that my mother has welcomed all people into our home as a child to help rehabilitate them — notably family members who had no where to go or no one to believe in them as they were drug addicts. He believes I come from a dysfunctional family, when despite the dysfunction this has built me to a better person and treat others with kindness, acceptance, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Which is why I give my s.o. The benefit of the doubt. But now it is truly taking a toll on my esteem and driving me onto his level of dark misery. He doesn’t show remorse for saying these things to me, and expects me to be happy go lucky after being treated like this—when i don’t push to argue afterwards, rather stay in a melancholy mood for a little bit. I don’t think it would be normal to take the abuse for hours and then snap into a happy go lucky person immediately at his convenience of when I’m allowed to be “joyful” allowed to be “serious” or allowed to be “mundane”

Farnaby, that is exactly how I perceive it as well, so I can look past that and work with him on those fears. But he is So obsessed with Leo’s videos & My s.o. claims he is so much More aware and conscious than I am, that this belittling And outrage makes me wonder if I am truly the problem or if he is justified to change the way I dress, or decide whether I can go outside during daylight socially distanced in parks or beaches for recreation during covid 19.

I have an issue with my s.o., as he has verbally abused me of his higher consciousness, emitting that he is more spiritual, and more aware than I am, thus can control and speak to me condescendingly. He continually puts me down for the way I dress, stating that I dress like a prostitute & don’t dress like a “woman” or with elegance. It’s very hot here now as it is summer, & he makes me feel bad for wearing shorts & knee length skirts with tank tops that cover my chest & my belly. I have always dressed classy & stylish, I do not conform to the trends & dress to feel good solely for expressing myself. I do not care what others think of me nor dress to get attention, but it truly hurts my feelings when my s.o. Puts me down, accusing me for dressing for attention & dressing like a prostitute, god forbid I wear sandals or lighter clothing in summer. When he told me this & I told him I understand his stance on dressing for “ego”, I responded by telling him that I dress for my own expression and esteem, which is thus “ego” of course, but I dress classy & stylish, he continued to throw a rage and punch my car Steering wheel, dashboard,& windows, while punching himself in the face, stating that he is higher conscious than I am and he chooses to dress plain—yet is constantly checking his hair in the mirror all the time, & gets angered when his hair is messed up. To me this seems like a double standard, he can dress “plain” in his opinion yet care so much about his hair vainly obsessing in the mirror several times a day, when I don’t even obsess about my looks like this. My question is, should I conform to his accusations although it would not be true to me?