taslimitless

Hi, I feel this post will be both writing to discover what is true for me- as well as to see external feedback on how to proceed forward. For context: I am 27 years old, female, not a "10" but considered attractive, I have spent years now serving bufo (5-meo-dmt) at retreats and privately, talented artistically, currently apprenticing under a somatic MDMA therapist and finishing up my bachelor in psychology. I tend to be thought of as wise, sweet, fun, open, conversational, thoughtful, insightful... I have my faults and hiccups and my life hasn't always been sunshine and roses and I am vulnerable about that- it's typically well received. In many ways I am in a new prime of my life. I have attractive men interested in me and sense that at this moment I have good options/the potential for good options in men. I want a relationship. I want to have kids one day and I am aware of my biological clock. My question is in regards to this new man I am seeing. He is 36, attractive, former professional tennis and poker player, multi-millions in assets. He lives in the south west USA on a property with 6 houses, is growing all the food he eats there on the land... he's into a certain type of spiritual music and hosts events on his land each week. He has all the "spiritual books" on his shelf, ha spent his time studying too. He wants kids- and within my timeline- he wants a wife that he pays everything for and she takes care of the house/kids and has her dream business/something she loves to do on the side. I met him in the north western USA and he recently flew me down to spend time with him. He took me out to expensive meals, we went to "conscious" events together, spent time singing, talking, he got me a two hour massage, new art supplies... he's interested in me. My hesitancy with him is: He often carries a seriousness that contrasts with my more lively spirit and it can be emotionally a little difficult for me, I have other men in my life with whom talking feels lighter, easier and somehow deeper, I seem to be a lot more sexual than him (at one point he said "lets cuddle" and he meant have sex, or he said "we can't have sex all day" to which I replied "why not?", he seemed a little uncomfortable at first with me wanting to swallow his seed, he also doesn't make eye contact all that much...) , I have done A LOT more psychedelics than him and it sounds like I will continue to, find him to be a little awkward in his affection- not sure if this is a "us" thing (hasn't necessarily happened with other guys), he was looking for a partner which knew more "spiritually" than him- he feels he found that in me- but I was also sort of looking for the same thing, I am much more playful- and used to men who are too - we both care about eating organic but I am wayy more into fruits/vegetables and he's more into the wheat and cheese- which I don't eat. When I was at his place I sometimes had the sensation of feeling trapped. I have heard that this is classic avoidant behavior but also I was having the sense that I would prefer someone with a different personality. I have the internal question of what if I'm not daring and don't see if there is someone better suited for me and end up in a life I'm not truly happy in. Fearlessness is a top value of mine. In all honesty though - he's a really good option for me - he is supportive of my dreams, we both want kids and to raise them in the same way, he's smart, well respected, done and doing spiritual work. I also have an internal clash between falling into this wife role and my desire for continued growth. I want kids and a family- I think this will be a huge teaching point in my life and the lends ability to love in that way will be such a gift/treasure- and I also see it as the sweet dream it is - what would you do? what do you hear from me? what's your opinion/perspective/advice? many many many thanks

Hahaha this sooo good and hilariously accurate! You got a gift my friend

@DianaFr you’re right. I don’t. Actually some part of me can’t stand him. I just have various people being like “what the fuck is wrong with you” because of how he looks on paper- but my heart really wanted someone to say what you just did. I don’t know what he is looking for, but he’s ultimately not what I’m looking for in a partner. It takes so much energy for me to push though being with him. Everyday I spent with him I wanted to leave and everyday (because he flew me out there and I felt trapped) I would tell myself to give it another chance so I could cope. thank you.

Hi I see where your girlfriend is coming from. I personally struggled with an eating disorder for many years and one of the main ways that they are “cured” is by allowing the individual to relax and allow all foods, no hard restrictions. This is kind of eating disorder recovery 101 if you go to any specialist or treatment. Not saying she’s had one, but just to bring some awareness to that angle. I also empathize with you. I personally eat a very healthy diet in comparison to the “average population” and have dated guys who eat poorly. Honestly I found it to be unsustainable for me because of the lack of congruence. I think this can be said for many lifestyle choices. I also can’t date someone who drinks every night or has an aversion to hiking in nature. (These people exist lol) It sounds like other areas of your relationship are pretty solid. I’d say continue to do you, and don’t try to pressure her. Overtime she may warm up to eating healthier just by being exposed to your good example and wanting to feel better. Ultimately “eating healthier” is something she has to desire on her own. Eventually it may be apparent that your values don’t align and you separate, or you realize it’s not that big of a deal to you and you guys grow together in other ways. You probably don’t care this much about how what your friends eat, so try applying this to her, and don’t be swayed from your values by someone else’s actions. best of luck ?

No, I was referring to the make-believe spiritual mumbo jumbo and group think that people often entertain in these circles.

Thank you.

Hi I’m 26, female and have been seriously interested in spirituality since I was 18. I’ve often felt the same as you. (Still do sometimes!) I have noticed that as I’ve developed myself over the years the men I attract have become more and more “my ideal” in terms of being interested in spirituality and actually embodying that. That would be my biggest tip for you. Also patience. And like Leo said, I think it has a lot to do with where you hang out. Personally I met my last two boyfriends at psychedelic retreat centers. Ecstatic dances, yoga, transformational festivals, retreats I think these can all be good places to start. Though for me I’ve found as I get deeper into this work, I see a lot of people “pretending” in places like these. Gets lonely. But I trust you’ll find the gems. good luck!

I have been on iboga microdosing regimes and then taken other medicines (5Me-O and psilocybin) with no issues what so ever.

The retreat center I have been living/learning/working at the past 6 months mainly works with bufo, the natural source of 5-MEO-DMT, and then uses mushrooms and a few other medicines conjunctively for healing and to disassociate people from thier egos. One thing that has come up over and over again since I've been here is this idea that the medicines do not work the same on people who have had the covid vaccine. And the more vaccines someone has had, the harder it is for them to go deep into the work. We had one guy here a few weeks ago, who had just gotten it 2 weeks prior to arriving; and he absolutely lost his shit in a way I've seen no other guest do the whole time I've been here. (Could just be him, his personality though) I have also noticed that sometimes people who have gotten the vaccine will have a harder time feeling the medicines, even in larger doses. It appears to be something that can be felt... My teacher seems to have an ability sense when people have had it, especially when he's also taken medicine. I am curious if anyone has noticed a change to thier trips/journeys since getting the vaccine, or has heard of anything like this? Thank you.

Leo's last blog post, the one listing all the things that are NOT God Realization, leave me with the question of where to turn to now. What direction to start in. My aim is to obtain the highest level of consciousness and God Realization possible. I would prefer to leave everything behind, all the practices, teachings and teachers listed and only put my time and efforts in the right direction. I don't want to waste my time. I am curious to where to go from here.

Contemplating death and suicide with curiosity can actually be incredibly life transforming/affirming... Pros could be: You would then know what it was like to experience death (though you are also able to have this experience while alive, so killing yourself is unnecessary) The past would be gone, there would be no need to worry about the future, you would be elevated of all caring, for there would be no you to care. Your family, friends, all ideas of the world, ideas of Karma or Jesus, who you are, all attachments... gone. Taking off the identity (ego) you are manufacturing/maintaining. You can reach/practice this state while "alive" (if you so choose to lable yourself as such) so again suicide is unnessesary.... (Death)..." slices through every lie, ridicules every belief, mocks every vanity and reduces ego to absurdity. He is sitting with you right now. If you want to know something, ask him. Death doesn't lie." -Jed McKenna Also maybe you aren't afraid of dying, but are terrified to actually LIVE. Life works in mysterious ways, you never know what's going to happen, who you'll meet, what serendipity will come your way... The curiosity keeps me here. "Good", "bad" whatever you want to lable this moment, and even though it may be absolutely meaningless... holy cow, it's a fucking miracle. Great entertainment for conciousness. Sending you all the love and the biggest hug. Take care

Leo has stated before that the reason his videos are often an hour, two, or sometimes even three hours long is because not everything can be explained simply. Sometimes more complex, nuanced ideas require more words to articulate and build/create understanding.

But "you" cannot love "yourself", because "you" as you think of yourself, a defined character, does not exist. Break down and expand the definition of you.