Leilani

@SQAAD adyashanti talks about the fear of God and Teal swan does an excellent job explaining the infinite and how to live an integrated life.

@Blackhawk Just know you are a diving being of love. You are love at your core. When you die you go to God. Be here enjoy this life love people and when you look in the eyes of another know with your heart that they are the same love you are.

@Leo Gura I found that love too my dear, can you see that from the poetry I wrote trying to describe it? But it gets even better. You don't have to let go of any of this and you were never meant too. ❤️

@Danioover9000 I know!!! Thats why I get frustrated when Leo says no one gets it and he is more enlightened than everyone else. A lot of people have gone there and it usually takes them at least 7 years to integrate the experience before they will say anything because they understand that in the wrong hands it could do major damage. He reminds me of how I was when I first had my experiences and was in a bit of manic psychosis.

@dearleo123 Thank you thank you thank you!!! This is exactly my point @Leo Gura I really do understand where you are at I was lucky enough to have a very loving relationship with my boyfriend who was kind of anchoring me but I was stuck for so long I kept saying but I am almost there, I almost have it, trying to understand and get what cant actually be understood is a trap in sense. its right here. I kept thinking I was going to get there and then there and then more I get what you are talking about I felt like I held the candle to existence and if I didn't hold on everything was going to go. I then just said fuck it I am going to go there the whole universe can disappear and guess what it didn't. I was still here no matter how hard I tried I was still here. I lost so much during that time. My relationships are so screwed and you are causing so much potential danger to very vulnerable people. What led me to seek truth was major and I mean major suffering. Multiple rapes by different people an abusive father who I had to be removed from just so much pain and my mind was already pretty messed up. A lot of people reach this route through suffering and want an escape. I let go of my loved ones and attachments to them I didn't care anymore and yet I was still here. here is some poetry that I wrote after a bit more integration: I just had an experience that I feel I need to share. I know that when you hear you are alone you feel a lot of fear but I want you to know that that means you are only getting it with your mind, your ego, your human self etc. It would almost be better to say you are not alone for the sake of the mind to understand. But at the same time there are no "others" Where as you feel a heart break when you hear things like you are alone and the story's of others is just a story it's really the opposite feeling of a broken heart. When you "die" it feels the opposite of alone yet again there are no "others" there are not two meaning these are story's being made up for experience. When you hear this you FEEL the real beauty of what Jesus did. He became human and went through all of that suffering for "us" for you for the all. You know how suffering feels You did that also, You experienced that nightmare (no not you mind, not the human self). You beautiful selfless love. But guess what None of the bad stuff ever happened. You aren't touched by this at the same time you are completely whole untouchable perfect and free. You still feel compassion and honor this experience though when you feel it with your "soul". This is where we come too experience every experience possible and it's damn hard there is so much pain, suffering and seperation. It's absoustly heroic of us to do this. It's so damn beautiful. When you see that love shine through this heartbroken place THAT is what you call God. It would be better to say love is God. God really isn't the best word for it. I hope you can feel this message. I see you. I love you. Come home and see this. It's so beautiful. I promise you there is NO fear in this. None. The minute you feel fear you aren't getting it. Please understand that and feel this. Love became you! You are so special that love became you! Just so you could feel sperate and lonely and scared and less than, so you could experience Not being love not out of fear of being Love/God but because it is love and love just does "this". LOVE became you out of LOVE. It's a gift to be YOU it doesn't have to include suffering. This "life" this story, this experience is sacred. It's so sacred. The mind will not get it. It has to be felt and the feeling is the opposite of fear. It's feels as if your heart came back together for this first time and you didn't realize how fucking broken it had been. Eternity and a moment all at once. Don't be afraid of eternity either it's the same as just a moment.

her nde is interesting to me. She even refers to herself in third person often and speaks at nondual conferences . She refers to herself as the "story of kelly" I like her approach because it seems to be pretty integrated. @Purple Man

@Purple Man I love this. Let me know if it makes sense to you. I had a similar experience to what she is describing at 17 and wrote about it also. War we cried As if it were not of mankind’s own making. The soul of man, The synagogue of that most violent of battles; Between good and evil. Centuries of bloodshed in between those rivals. Shall I pray that as the blood falls to Earth It will end that war? No messiah yet has managed it. It rages on The very sound of it Is blasphemy Blasphemy against the sanctuary of the human heart. Neither side recognizing a trace of itself in the other. Neither side lifting a white flag against the silence of the sky. Only love can bring the silence of union To this riot of parting between God’s children. Only love Only love And Love, the only antidote Excludes nothing, Including evil. Beyond the fail mortality Of polarity, It calls these two brothers back together as one. Christ- the choice Lucifer- the lack of choice… To love They called him the bearer of the light, For without him There could be no Christ. Without determinism We could not know the freedom of will; Nor taste its sweetness In the volition of our autonomy. Each side calls for each other’s death. But there will be no elegy. There will be no elegy because one cannot die without the other. One cannot live without the other. Only love can quiet Both the fervor of the devil’s tongue And the fervor of the angel’s wing. Only love Only love And love, the only antidote Excludes nothing, Including evil. Only love will end this war. I saw my mission in a near death experience sometime ago. My mission is not to help good triumph over evil. My mission is to help people to expand beyond both polarities. My mission is integration. Not much of what I am about to say will make sense to those who have not experienced integration directly for themselves. But beyond the flesh, we know it. We know it in the marrow of our bones. So I ask you to listen to what is to follow with that part of you that knows beyond mental knowing. Pain is constantly trying to drag love towards it. Because one is the truth and one is the illusion. And they are desperate to become one. Illusion is the most painful thing there is to consciousness. The most painful thing in this universe is a concept. That concept is “OTHER”. In other words, “NOT ME”. It is painful because in truth there is nothing that is not me. And for this reason, pain is always an indication that something has been dis-included from yourself. To love is to take something in as part of yourself. The very opposite of that is to push something away. How can you not love any part of yourself? You ARE everything. And because all parts in this universe belong to everything, everything is taken as itself. You cannot “not” love because love (all parts being one) is the truth of this universe. It is the truth of who you are. You just have to realize it. Love and oneness are the same… No boundaries… No “separate self”. When we think that something is bad or wrong about us, we push it away from ourselves. This leaves us alone. Cut off from other ‘parts’ of us in the universe. We become repelled. This “pushing away of parts of our self and pushing away of others (which are actually all you in a universe that is all one) is self abandonment. I felt the moment my body went into shock. I was bleeding out onto the floor. When it did, it set in like a cold fever. I closed my eyes. Soon, the thoughts in my mind that I was thinking about myself began to crack. They cracked like glass that opened into blackness. I saw all my “personalities” break apart like they were just an illusion that the real self was wearing; like stained glass. My mental body was disintegrating. Soon, I couldn’t move my muscles. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t open my eyes. My limbs felt like they were severed and twisted in the bed with my torso. Suddenly from behind me, snakes and tarantulas and beetles and worms (all the things I have any resistance to in the natural world) began to crawl into my skin, through my spine, and underneath my muscles. They did not recognize my boundaries and I could not assert them. I was fighting against it without being able to move. That was when the resistance started. They would not recognize me as a self. They were merging with me, like it or not. I lay there feeling the fish that were near my neck, gasp for breath... for me. I tried to expel them, but they would not go. I tried to take them in, but I could not get the aspect of me that didn’t want them there to let that happen. I started seeing the image of a white letter “I” appearing in the blackness. Then “ME”. I heard a voice saying “You have to give up something very precious to get what you want.” I saw that to be able to feel good (which at this time, I was feeling desperate to do because it is torture to lose your own boundaries to things you don’t want inside you), I was going to have to give myself up. But I couldn’t. It was a war. Wanting to let myself go but being unable to was the most exhausting battle I have ever experienced. As a result of that war, my heart started to feel so much pain that I saw the image of a string of barbed wire looping around it and being pulled so tight that it split my heart open. A murderous ache spread through my whole body. I started speaking out loud but in my own mind and it kept snapping me back to where I was. I asked mentally, what is the point of all of this? My inner voice responded, “Never has there ever been anything more than THIS.” And then then “This… This… This”. Each time I heard myself say the word this, I got an emotional taste of ONENESS. And I knew that it was the universe’s way of speaking to me about the fact that everything that has happened in my own individual life as Teal was leading up to this moment. This re- awakening. I saw Buddha under the Bodhi tree. I saw an image of myself in my childhood bathroom, vomiting up the word “ME” into a bucket. I watched my childhood abuser pick up the bowl and walk away with it in order to throw it away. I didn’t know what I was anymore. I started crying with grief inside of myself. A voice said, “It is normal to grieve your loss of self”. It was like a funeral. I saw an image of myself on that very morning, suicidal and hysterically crying. I had been drowning in powerlessness and self hate. It was as much pain as a human can experience... Being cut off from source. I heard the words “You are dying today… You are dying today… It is what you have been asking for over and over again.” I felt the finality of that moment. I had gone too far, even for me. I was desperate for the feel good feeling of being one with everything. That total relief that is promised in death. I was fighting for it at any cost, including my own death. But it never came. I had to let go of everything and everyone who was close to me in my life. I said goodbye to them without words and watched them fade away from me into blackness. “I don’t care anymore” I heard my inner voice say. “I’m worthless to anyone of them in this much pain. I can’t love them because the pain has bound up my arms and legs and heart. They get nothing of me anyway”. Then that voice inside me started saying, “ What am I?” “Show me the truth of myself.” I saw my heart beating in my chest. I saw it connect through beating strings to other hearts inside other people’s chests, then animal hearts, then plant hearts. I recognized them all as my heart. I asked for them to all join as one and so they did. As they did, they began rising to a suspended location in the sky. It was beating. I looked at it and I thought… The heart is another word for core, which is another word for source. That thought dissolved the heart into blood. Then I saw all the people I loved at that time dissolve into blood and I willingly decided to dissolve into blood as well, so I could mix with them. The knowing came to me…We are all the same blood. I asked to see God. At that moment I zoomed out from my embodiment and I saw God as myself. A giant image of me in this life. I was smiling and dancing. I was shown that this giant image of yourself is the truth everyone sees when they ask this question. If you asked it, you would see a giant you. You would see this because God is indivisible from yourself. You are created in its image. Everything in existence is created in its image. Everything is part of it. As she was dancing, she was pointing to people and things randomly and pointing at herself in an excited way as if to say “That’s me and that’s me and that’s me.” She took me on a tour of all the parts of herself… Of all things in existence (as if they were body parts within her)… Including the totality of the past, present and future. I asked, “How did this all begin?” I saw blackness. She explained that “definition” was the beginning of the cancer. She wanted to define what she was. Just that one thought, cracked her oneness. That was the first time that she started to feel the torture that there was nothing for her to be in relationship with. The second she created a fracture in herself, she perceived herself as isolated. It was the feeling of having no soul mate. It is a loneliness that is so ineffably painful it comes with no words. Like a cancer, that thought began fracturing the oneness and those fractures became other fractures. And soon the fractures began forgetting what they were a part of. The illusion of separateness was a kind of tipping point, after which all further fractures within that oneness, no longer felt the oneness… Only aloneness, only ‘self’… Only that which we call ego. This was the birth of ‘relationship”. This was the birth of ‘OTHER’. This was the birth of ‘attachment’. Aspects of source became like enemies. They couldn’t be one and so they began to devour each other and run from each other. They began to push and pull. It was at this point that source itself felt desperate. It felt pain about the lost aspects of itself. And so she created all kinds of things from human embodiments of herself (what we call messiahs) to plant medicines to near death experiences, all things that would dissolve the attachments so that a being could come back to oneness; where there is no need for attachment. There is no need for attachment in a unified field. It was happening to me right then and there. At that point, I merged with her. I am God. But I battled as her for what felt like an eternity to let go of the desperate longing for another God somewhere and to focus on pulling the parts of myself in that were disintegrated instead. She told me, but this time from the inside, “You’re supposed to feel separation anxiety. Without separation anxiety, the expansion path could not be oneness. We would never find what is real about ourselves then. It is an indication that you are separate from something, not loving something.” She showed me the future of my singular embodiment as Teal. She showed me that my destiny is to be the new spiritual leader who is supposed to bring people back to authenticity and integration (which is oneness). If I didn’t feel the pain of separation myself, the pain that is the reality for the universe at this time, I would never be able to carry out my purpose. The allure of fame is instantly diminished when you realize that there is nothing else besides YOU in this universe. In this vision, I was standing on a mountain in front of the whole world. All people were watching me. But when I turned around, all the people that were watching me were a billion duplicates of me. I saw this because everything is me. I saw at the deepest level that I literally do not even have an audience. It was the single most humbling thing I’ve ever felt. I started to really care that aspects of me (as god) didn’t know they were a part of me. I cared to love them. And I suddenly saw all my focus going towards pulling in those parts of myself, especially the parts of myself that felt unwanted by me. This is the platform of my career. At this moment, I saw my god self literally become embodied in the form of my individual Teal self on a stage. I was being shown my future. I was in front of the world. Most of the world was being called home by me. It is what I already knew intuitively. All my cells turned into worlds. I saw myself shot… Assassinated. But this time it didn’t cause me pain to see because I knew that people needed to see the pain of separation (pushing people away from yourself) in order to desire and find oneness again. “I am part of you” I said to the god self. She said “No, you still don’t get it”… I am you.” I struggled to conceptualize of it again. She said, “No, you still don’t get it… You are me.” I suddenly saw myself AS everything in existence. I saw myself as a toothbrush, as a series of people, as a horse, as a spider, as a plant, as space itself. All of the things in existence were flipping through so rapidly that I took in millions of years worth of fragments, I saw myself as all of them. I turned towards the things I didn’t want to be. Things like war, broken fences, poverty, corrupt politicians, dog poop, vomit, etc. I felt myself fighting against it, resisting it. Not wanting to be a part of it but knowing that I have to do this. I fought against it. I felt myself being really upset with myself that I was unwilling to just let my ‘self’ die so I could take it all in. I reminded myself to love that self which is unwilling to die because it too, is part of me. I saw that the problem with certain spiritual philosophies is that they believe that God is only positive things… only happiness. But the reality is that God is all things. It is pain. It is illusion. It is joy. It is truth. And what it needs me for is to teach its parts to integrate with its other parts, which is love. This is the way it fits together: The positive aspect of Source needs to practice love for the negative aspects instead of to push them away. The negative side needs to accept this love as a bringing in of itself. At this moment, I was shown every person in my life in succession who I have pushed away. I saw them clearly. I saw the sides of them that need love so clearly. My heart broke. My heart broke as I watched how the way they hurt me, led to me pushing them away, which made me lonely and them lonely. With each person, I went up to them and reached out across the distance created by the push away and held them so tight. I heard myself say to them “I love you so much more than you will ever know”. I do not hate any of them. I love them so much I can’t stand it. The hate was the feeling of pushing them away because of hurt (feeling like I was pushed away). Feeling like they didn’t love me anymore. I was forced to lay for an indefinite amount of time inside this aspect of me that feels completely unwanted and therefore separate from everything else. I saw that I could love someone that pushed me away and that loving would make us one. I was the only one who needed to do it; it only takes one to love because love is… only one (oneness). Then I saw mother. I saw myself inheriting her shame. She did not integrate it, so she handed it to me, like her mother did to her. Each person who inherited it, added to it. I saw the side of her that is panicking to be told she is ok and good. I held those shamed parts of her as part of myself. I merged her into myself. It was then that I was shown the whole story of why I ended up in this place where I was willing to end my life. The universe brought me here because this was meant to be the place of my awakening in this life. The place where I would face my shame that leads to self-hate, which leads to separateness to such a degree that I would die to myself. Across my vision, I saw “This is your enlightenment in this life”. I was sucked back into torment. For what felt like timeless eternity, I felt my bones break and my tissues stretch to absorb all of the things I love. People I love, horses, sunsets, snow etc. And then it switched to all the things I do not love in this universe… One by one. I had to see them as myself and pull them in. And each time my body had to stretch to accommodate and absorb them. War, compound fractures, illnesses, viruses, bacteria, murders, rapes, landfills, oil spills, sewage systems, brothels, etc. I took in the Akashic record. I took in the history and present and future of each being in existence. My mind became the mind of God. My heart became the heart of God. There was not anything I did not know and see and feel. Even illusion was part of me… A part of me that I absorbed. Illusion came in the form of a black vapor. The growing pains of stretching to accommodate everything was unbearable. I was praying that I would just dissolve or break apart instead of hold shape. I had to see the pain it caused me any time I pushed anything away from myself. Like the energy when something is “gross” or smells bad. I had to see the pain of JUDGEMENT. I saw myself going to the bathroom and when I went to the bathroom, I looked at the waste in the toilet and felt sad that it was a part of me that I was ‘getting rid of’. I realized that I could choose to feel sorrow at getting rid of it because that was the attitude with which I would be flushing it away. Or I could see that the toilet bowl is me, the water is me, the pipes are me and wherever the pipes are going is me. So instead, I could offer that part of me to the other parts myself (offer the waste to the water and to toilet bowl). And this, was loving it. The pain was so unbelievable I started slipping into blackness. I was terrified that this resistant self would not die so I could be one with everything. I was desperate to escape it but couldn’t. Each time I got angry or upset, like mentally said “I hate that”, I would see an arm come out of me and pull it into itself and rub it lovingly into me. I did this several times to aspects of myself that would pop up and yell something like “god damnit” and thrash against something. I saw how desperate my ego was to stay safe. As if the torture of being pushed away by others is so much you’d rather push them away and suffer aloneness, only to find out that aloneness is worse. I felt trapped between being hurt (all forms of hurt are about feeling pushed away) and choosing to be alone (in pain). I was failing. I was failing to die. A being came in and laid with me. I felt like that was a failure. I failed to face it alone. I forgot for a moment that this being is me. I needed it. I needed it to be close to me. I saw that it was the embodiment of the aspect of me that was capable of loving all the things about me that I felt were unlovable. And then another being came to me. It held its hand on my chest. For another eternity, I writhed and moaned in pain under its hand, begging the resistant side of me to die. But my ego wouldn’t let go of me. I started shaking. All of me was shaking. I realized that the thing that needed to be loved so badly was my own pain body. I let the beings that were there with me love that aspect of me. I fought against it, but pulled it in at the same time. And soon, that aspect of me could not resist anymore. It lost the fight. With a few more surges of resistance to death, it let go. I felt it dissolve and break into dust. I saw that pain is necessary. It is necessary because it is the chrysalis. The butterfly and the chrysalis are one and the same… The butterfly being oneness. I was still in so much pain. But I wasn’t resisting it anymore. At that moment, I saw myself crawl out of a chrysalis as a giant blue morpho butterfly. I flew up into the sun and when I reached the sun, I exploded with the sun into a star burst. The pieces of it fell down like a screen of confetti against the black and I knew that it was complete. I bowed to the experience. I bowed to myself… to oneness. I was dead. But then I woke up. I had survived instead of died. I was back inside my body again. I sat there like an open chalice as knowing after knowing came… You cannot be trapped by something you love. To be trapped is to see something as ‘other’. You can only be trapped by something you are pushing away. There is a difference between what is true and what is real. EVERYTHING in this universe is true. It is all a matter of perspective, including illusion. It isn’t possible to be wrong. But real is beyond all this. Real contains both truth and illusion. Inauthenticity is the same as not giving a part of yourself to someone; so they cannot even have the opportunity to take it as themselves. This is why so many need conflicts happen when someone is not being authentic about their own needs and truths. It does no good to write list upon list of what you like about yourself. That defines you and pulls against what is unwanted. You use it to escape the aspect you cannot love. If you offer positive to the negative instead of using positive to get away from the negative, it is an integrating energy. Offering myself thoughts and words that cause me to feel good about the future is something that the aspects of me that fears the future needs. I can offer a medicine to the aspect of me that feels sick or like I have no control in this world or like the past damaged my heart. I can offer music to the aspect that feels stuck in one vibration. I can offer proof for how the self that feels powerless to something, is not powerless. And this, is loving it. MEET THE NEED of the disintegrated self. This is really my work in the world. My work is: WHAT CAN I OFFER THIS SELF THAT FEELS SEPARATE? So as to bring it closer to the whole… This is loving it. When we perceive ‘other’ and we don’t trust ‘other’ with ourself, we feel deep fear about the future. We cannot trust that it will feel good because we feel they are against us. You cannot rely on anything that perceives itself to be separate from you to capitalize on your best interests, so of course you distrust it. But the ultimate reality is that everything is you, so it does have your best interests at heart. You can’t not trust the universe if every aspect of it is you. It can’t NOT have your best interests at heart. When you perceive a ‘push away’ in the dimension of fragmented aspects (3-d), you feel fear (illusion). That fear causes you to perceive ‘other’ (illusion). And thus feel the need to protect yourself (I) against that other. In people who are afraid, like people who were abused, the ego is particularly strong because of this dynamic. When you push things away, the “definition” between you and them gets thicker and stronger like iron walls between you and other, instead of paper walls. Safety is about seeing oneness. Safety is about seeing similarities. So your practice (which will cause you to feel safe, not protect the “I” and be open to life) is to be looking for similarities in yourself and everyone. Looking for yourself in things people do that makes you feel a push back. “In your anger, I see my anger”. “In your desire to stay away from what you think is evil, I see my desire to be good.” LOOK FOR SIMILARITIES. Look for how each thing in existence is you. Especially in the things you resist. To fear is to push something away from yourself and to Love is to bring it in as part of yourself. They are opposites, just like truth and Illusion. When we get into pain in a relationship, it is always an indication that we have a fear present (why we feel the separation from them). So any time we feel this, we can expose the fear instead. The universe’s heart is broken… Broken into different things and people. You can’t not have a broken heart as an “I” that is separate from other things. It is our job to love that broken heart back to unity. Watching the energy when a person thinks “I hate” or “I don’t want” or “I don’t like”, or makes negative judgments, it pushes things away. It pushes them away from oneness and into a state of loneliness. This opposes love. This causes pain. There is only one type of pain in this universe. That pain is separation. There is only one kind of happiness in this universe. That happiness is unity. Any time you feel pain of any kind it means that you feel separate from something. Any time you feel happiness of any kind, it means that you feel united with something. Every time there is a judgment, there is a fear. Soften judgments of others by seeing how that judgment is true of you as well. Oneness must be practiced, continually looked for and witnessed. When I am in pain of any kind, I have to ask myself, what part of myself am I trying to push away (usually in response to it being awoken by something external to me)? Is it the side of me that doubts the rest of me? Is it the side that feels so powerless and cut off from others it is in rage? Is it the side of me that doesn’t feel like it is good enough? Can I take that part in as part of myself? Can I bring it closer? This is radical self-love. The universe is a mirror of self. Doing this automatically makes the world more unified because in taking care of your resistance in this way it takes care of your external resistance to the external thing that triggered the resistance. For example, a war triggers the aspect of you that feels powerless. You want to get away from that part of you. But by bringing it closer, taking it as yourself, your resistance to the war is decreased by proxy and that ‘ends’ war because war is resistance. Because the universe is one united consciousness that split into fragments, there is no other work in this universe than “parts work”. No other condition in this universe than multiple personality disorder (splitting). The new question needs to be “How can I love this thing?” The answer is, how can you not? It is part of you, whether you like it or not. It is part of oneness and love is to take it as yourself. You can’t not… You can’t not! Thinking it is possible is illusion. Even if you push it away, it is still part of this universe, which is one. So it’ still part of you. You cannot be lonely if everything is you. There is nothing lonely in oneness. For something to feel lonely, there has to be an “other”. And there is none. I was in tenderness for hours while I was coming back into this dimension with the awakening, having lived through my near death experience. I was listening to the sounds in the area as if they were expressions of myself. I could feel deer vertebrae in my neck, half of a tarantula sticking half out of my jaw. A snake in my back and centipedes. A bat in my chest. My scapula felt broken open and 10 miles apart from the expansion still. My body still struggling to absorb all I was resistant to. My body hurts. My body hurts. It hurts as much for having taken everything in as it hurt for keeping it out. I was afraid with the awareness I was receiving that I would forget it. I was afraid that I would fall all the way back into illusion again. Each time I worried, I was told “Don’t worry because you can’t un-see this. You can’t un-see reality." I could see and hear and feel so clearly that my ‘self’ is the first thing that separated me… from me. My shame of myself was the second thing that separated me. I have been pushing things away from myself ever since. And I got to a point of ‘separation’ so intense that the only option was die to become one again. I had to let my ego die so I could start living. In a way, all people on the path of awakening, which is everyone in existence (whether they know it or not), are an embodiment of the divine, reflecting back that divine in other people and calling people back to “ourself”. The illusion me (ego) is part of that real me (source). And on that morning, I was loving her for the first time. But now she was very small and tucked inside me for safe keeping. I ended a million year war that day. A war "I" have perpetuated over lifetimes. A million year war because this is how long the oneness has been fragmenting and pushing parts of itself away. I no longer wanted to push anything away from myself, no matter how painful it was to take it in. I saw myself in everything and in everyone. Until my identity came back to life again, everything was a part of myself and a part of myself that needed LOVE. I can never fully write what happened to me that night… you can’t write thousands of years. While I was going through it I knew “I will never be able to explain this to people in a million years.” But I also saw that I am a voice for this universe trying to reach the aspects of itself that are separate. I am a bridge. So I will not stop trying. These “realities” make no sense to those who have not seen oneness with their own eyes, conceived of it with their own mind and felt it with their own heart. But I will find a way to close the gap. I will find a way to bridge it. For thousands of years, duality within the universe has been like a war. Good versus evil; both sides unwilling to see itself in the other. What I experienced that night was the way that war takes place inside us as individuals. I saw the way that war takes place in me. I saw that for light to fight a battle against dark is to perpetuate suffering in every facet of life. It is to create separation, which is the opposite of love. I saw that love is the only antidote to this… Most especially love for the things we don’t want to love. We are being called to end this war between good and bad by integrating good and bad. For the truth of us is that we are beyond polarity. We are both and we are neither. We are beyond polarity because it is not just that we can love. It is that we are love. We are love because we are one. And in a state of oneness, nothing is excluded… Nothing is left out.

@Purple Man I would say look into teal swans near death experience. Or Nanci Danisons NDE Where she realized what Leo is talking about I will link a video down below. :https://youtu.be/1UlrWwli9Q0

@Leo Gura Ok Leo I have went there 10 years ago. Wrote about it, tried to write poetry to describe it, was obsessed with teaching everyone about it. Did more damage than good. Live a life of joy and love.

@Leo Gura I guess I am just upset that you seem to say you have reached a state that is so high when I feel like I actually know quite a few people who have experienced what you are talking about but have a way more integrated view. (my grandma is a shaman and has quite a few far out there friends one in particular who experienced the void in like the 60's or 70's and had to check into a psych ward) I just wish you emphasized integration a bit more as even after all of my experiences nothing really compares to having my daughter and being able to hold her and feel her skin against mine and smell her. Go on adventures etc knowing we don't actually die and we are love at our most fundamental level makes it more fun but for some time I was obsessed with finding truth and when I came back down I realized how much I had neglected my relationships and life it didnt matter if on the most fundamental level it didn't exist I am still here and want my life and relationships to feel good. Living that truth is what its about living a full life without regrets. Also I get confused when you say you have gone higher than any other teaching and that your experience makes NDEs look like a joke when the ones I have read actually seem to be almost exactly in line with what you are talking about they just sometimes tend to focus more on how to live a more joyful life. Making claims like that without actually looking into NDEs is just confusing for example and makes me feel like you are a bit arrogant and not trustworthy.

@Yeah Yeah I don't know if other people had this experience as a child but I remember being very young and wondering why I was me and not others. Why I had a seperate body. I feel you on the relationships I am very lucky because I have had relationships where I could actually feel myself merging with them. The love is insane and almost transcendental. I have always been able to get really close with people to where it seemed as if we were actually one. Its beautiful and painful but freaking amazing.

@Leo Gura one more NDE: Does this not sound anything like what you describe experiencing? 1. Surfing incident 2. Caught in a trough under water in huge surf. 3. Panic knowing I am going to drown. 4. Realized I had to give up, could not hold breath any longer. 5. Sudden calmness and resignation; loss track of body. 6. Clear and graphic life review as if certain events were cataloged. 7. Visualized a large green blue circle with a feeling of depth but did not look like tunnel. 8. Suddenly found myself in a large hall with a stone bath being washed by humanoid aliens; very peaceful (this was certainly a subjective illusion). 9. Sudden transformation into a realm of timeless Absolute Beauty, Absolute Love and Absolute Infinity. The radiance was literally unbearable. 10. Absolute forgiveness, non-judgment, non-duality, timeless, no blame or retribution, no sin karma and no reincarnation. No God as there was no subject or object of attention I AM That. 11. Beyond science, religion, spirituality, new age phantasmagoria. This is the most real insight of my whole life and clearly remains with me after thirty years. In my hippy years experimented with drugs e.g. acid however nothing, but nothing, compares with this insight. Also came across a similar state during meditation. Somewhere in this process, I became conscious of the fact that I must return to the world and play out my allotted role. This really pissed me off. As I crawled up the beach, I really didn't want to be here and in many ways have just been waiting for this lot to finish. 12. Theoretical implications: a) Absolute Infinity is a fact; George Cantors set theory provides sound theoretical evidence of the mathematical context of infinity. (We do not create infinity it is literally thrust upon us and is therefore absolutely necessary.) Hugh Everett's many worlds interpretation of particle wave duality; Max Tegmark's theoretical application to infinite universes. See also John Barrow 'Pi in the Sky' and Rudy Rucker's 'Infinity and Mind'. Evolution is asymmetrical, that is the billion to one symmetry violation at the origins (matter/antimatter) of the universe supervenes through complexification and self-organization onto Darwinian selection as a bias for pleasure over pain. Evolution is not value neutral. Given infinite universes non-denumerable infinity tells us that every moment must exist infinitely for all possible sum over histories (Richard Feynman) for all possible universes. (Will be pushing for space here.) Given infinite universes and infinite sentient civilizations infinite civilizations will survive for vast time scales eventually resolving into Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. This state of beingness is a permanent aspect of every part of existence. Science has become shackled to skepticism and the narrow constraints of a very primitive epoch in the scheme of biological and silicon based evolution. Ray Kurweil demonstrates the capacity of potentiation in his demonstration of cosmological, computational and exponential technological growth. We will eventually drop the distinction between artificial and carbon based intelligence for new cohesive constructs far beyond our current capacity to visualize. As cells in our bodies are not conscious of our bodies, our self-conscious minds are not cognizant of the Absolute because we are bound by cognitive duality. Consciousness is dualistic and narrative based whereas awareness is timeless and immediate. Yet for anything to exist, whether subjective or objective, they must inevitably be absolute necessary aspects of a perfect existence. One also has to take into account the profound paradox of time (quantum block time) relativistic twin paradox, matter antimatter time vector reversal etc. we really don't know much. The axis of existence proceeds from the Pervasive Ground (unified field) through Manifest Material Reality and onto Infinite Potentiality. Existence is an Infinite Web of context and though the local universe has some 10 to the 26 bits of information they overlap and furthermore are connected non-locally. Existence is not constructed of finite locatable things it is a nonlinear process of textural flow and integration. Lot more I could add however gives the gist of what I am on about. Hid in a corner all these years however when saw this site decided to have a stab at explaining my NDE. I have written extensively but not published. Who, after all is interested in radical and revisionary ideas. After all they forced Thomas Kuhn into a corner. Our current epoch is incommensurable with a civilization two hundred two thousand, two million or a billion years older. Plenty more where this came from. It's time to wake up and go beyond the magic and mythology of religion and the primitive egocentrism of science.

@Ry4n When I say we did not come here to become God what I mean is we did not come here in my humble opinion to discount the human experience. "Leo I'm sorry, but it's statements like this that show you've still got some work to do pulling your head out of your ass. Not having any stink of arrogance or holiness is the last word of Zen; the complete integration of Absolute and Relative, where real spiritual maturity lies. I'm checking your ego from a place of love here. Actually live it, not just preach it. I know you are capable of that. Namaste." Also this is exactly what I am talking about. Integration. A lot of people actually have understood and experienced what he is talking about but it takes years to fully integrate it all. He reminds me of how I was when I first had my experiences. Teal swan is someone who I feel like is a good example of how to live an integrated life. @Leo Gura Have you actually read near death experiences? I am going to paste a few examples here because many and I mean many of them talk about you are seem to be pointing at in your teachings. I get annoyed with you at times because you seem to think no one gets it. Also NDER'S come back with the knowing that there is not death at all. Here are a few examples please tell me what you think: Cami R described it like on the NDERF site: 'I crossed into a state that was deep, fundamental, irreducible. An ocean of exquisite sensitivity, of omnisentience (sensing everywhere at once), turned me inside out to reveal itself at the core. Losing every sense of distinction, I floated as part of this gloriously intelligent web of light. Even the awesome flavors and energies from previous states of consciousness looked trivial compared to this luminous irreducible force, this field of existence. It seemed to be an order of magnitude different from the earlier experiences. This was the force of consciousness itself. There was no 'I' left whatsoever, not even the broad perspective from the life review. My boundaries as a human and as a spirit were completely erased. Witnessing from a localized single point, my perspective was simultaneously spread through the multidimensional, nonlocalized perspective of the entire web. There was no end and no beginning, like the lake underneath the forms that dance through our lives. This was beyond bliss, beyond truth, beyond peace and ecstasy and all the searing emotions of the previous stages. It was stillness in the middle, consciousness without form John Scott NDE: It’s almost if not impossible to describe the source light because it is everything and nothing simultaneously, that’s what I saw; a conundrum full of dualistic opposites within one united energy field on every level of cognition. Hafur NDE: ***We live in a 'Plural Unity' or 'Oneness'. In other words, our reality is 'Unity in Plurality and Plurality in Unity’. ***I was everything and everything was me, without essential differences other than in temporal appearances. ***There is no external god, but that god is in everything and everything in god, just as life itself. ***There is no God outside ourselves but is, rather, in everything and everything is a part of God, as is life itself. ***God is everything and nothing at the same time. ***Everyone and everything, or temporal phenomenon within this dimension, is where it should be because it emanates from the blueprint of a shared dream (if we can call it that) that is repeated indefinitely until we understand what is essential or real. ***Everything is part of an essential game of life itself, and that to the degree that we live by true love, unconditional and universal, the closer we are to an understanding what life truly is, which is true happiness and perfect wisdom. ***Everything is experience and that this life and the next are essentially the same because everything is god. Nothing is outside of god just as nothing is outside of life itself. ***Death is a metamorphosis of time. One more illusion from our mental concepts. Essentially, time does not exist, nor does space. They are illusions of our creative mind that plays a game of self-deception in the creation of events. ***'I' includes 'We' and are like a mirror where we perceive the reflection of our reality in its many facets and illusions. ***The 'creator' is eternally creating, and one of the creations is the practice of conscious love. 'One learns to paint by painting'. That's why this 'temporal human illusory creation' exists as though it were a matrix within another matrix and this, within another - multi-dimensionally until we wake up. ***I experienced something that can't be transmitted with words but that can be expressed as 'The Essence of Life is its Total Nothingness’ (please understand 'Nothingness' as something that has no intrinsic substance, but is rather constructed by a multitude of phenomena, which in turn are formed by other untold multitude of phenomena to the point of infinity). I understood that intangible, indescribable life is all that exists. There is no death (it's only a description to show the polarities in the world of phenomena). ***Consciously living by love is the essence of life itself and is made manifest or materializes in this plane of existence as a cohesive force to recreate itself in multiple forms as a game in which nothingness recreates itself in temporary, illusory events. ***The known universe is a fraction of infinite reality that by love has become finite pieces in our temporal 'hands'. ***I learned thousands of other things without end, and it is difficult to express in words because words are insufficient, they can't describe what I experienced in this other state of consciousness that was much clearer than this one. When I returned to this life, I felt I had fallen into a very heavy space, and that my body was as lead and my mind was the same and very slow. I saw my loved ones, family and friends as if they were nothing to me. They were only reflections in the great theater of life, and each one voluntarily agreed to play a part in order to learn more and better how to love. I spoke with them to tell them of my experience, and they looked at me as though I were crazy. I realized they didn't understand what I was saying to them. Little by little, my experience grew faint, but there appeared many new special experiences of telepathy, intuition developed between others such as voluntary out of body experiences and involuntary bi-location. I especially cannot control the latter, and I would like to know using conventional language how this phenomenon happens. I only know that everything is eternal, pure consciousness and that we are in a mental dream that is permanently being constructed as a dynamic of consciousness that knows itself and recreates itself through each one of us. That we are the 'point of emptiness' where the void or nothingness of the universe becomes aware of itself. It is really hard to explain this. I know that everything I saw originates from thoughts, or the Universal Mind. It is projected in images and events that interact with lucid consciousness as an experience, and that this whole experience is a part the infinitude of that which is real on every plain or level of existence that we want to invent or divide into pieces so that our temporal mind can decipher it despite its limitations. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything, and everything is in it. As an analogy, we could use the image of steam, converted into water, then into ice. Once it is in that state, ice forgets that it is steam with its capacity for expansion. This is what happens to us in this plane of consciousness. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything and in which everything exists or is within it. A marvelous, loving and conscious eternity. Note: I feel that all the images that were created in my mind during this experience, before entering into the light, are symbolic thought forms of something perhaps more profound that could serve in support of a translation of that which is essential experience. It is impossible to explain with our limited human language, yet I am now trying to decipher it little by little. I noticed a change in the speed my mind worked and developed my intuition or universal perception of life. It is difficult to translate with my physical brain, that which is essential or infinite with conventional language. Perhaps through the art of telepathic communication, soul to soul, it can be done. I will continue trying to do this, and will try see if someone who has experienced this same phenomenon, or who has had a similar experience, has another part of the verbal puzzle. Among all of us, we can put together a clearer picture that can benefit those who do not read. I ask your indulgence for my limitations and hope that I haven't confused anyone. I will conclude by saying: 'From but one piece of clay, many forms can be made At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I entered into the light. I entered into the 'void' and into 'everything' at the same time. I became fused with the light and reality became aware of itself. I realized everything was God and is permanently creating. Nothingness creating nothingness. Truthfully, I do not know how to express or transmit this with words. They limit me. Mellen Thomas Benedict NDE: At this point of my near-death experience, I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity. I was in the Void. I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time / the First Word / the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply, I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness. When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind-expanding thought, isn’t it? Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event that created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations. The ancients knew of this. They said God had periodically created new Universes by breathing out, and recreated other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big Bangs or Yugas creating and recreating themselves. Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw that each and every little piece of creation has the power to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I am still speechless about this. It took me years after I returned from my near-death experience to assimilate any words at all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal Intelligence. The Void is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The SPACE between atoms and their components. Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call it Zero point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure infinity accurately. There is more of the zero space in your own body and the Universe than anything else! What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical “I am” really has a question mark after it. “I am — What am I?” So creation is God exploring God’s Self through every way imaginable, in an ongoing, infinite exploration through every one of us. I began to see during my near-death experience that everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe. Wherever any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that, and God in the Void.

@Leo Gura Also I just have to say one last thing. No it does not infuriate me because on some level "I know its the truth." how brain washy by the way?! It infuriates me because I wasted so much damn time on finding this "truth" and obsessing about it that it caused so much damage to my relationships and life. It infuriates me because I bet in 5 years you will see all of this so differently "like I did" and wish you hadn't wasted so much of your energy on this and you will have to sit with the guilt of the pain you caused others. It infuriates me because you deluded yourself with DMT after studying these concepts for years and didnt stop to think that maybe those teachings influenced you in any way. You then lay claim to absolute truth. You lay claim to the mind of God and think no one else gets it. Does that not sound like ego to you? When I was 18 after taking a couple of hits of acid I was on the phone calling my friends crying because I didn't think they were real in fact "I knew it" You really don't know what I have or haven't experienced and your arrogance is nauseating. You are teaching these things to mentally unstable people. people who have probably suffered a lot (because that seems to be most peoples route to wanting to understand truth) You don't care about the impact this could have on others? Do you guys who are following some random youtuber who boofed dmt hear this? He doesn't care what his teachings do to you or the world. Please proceed with caution. He is dangerous. Leo please it takes someone who has had an NDE on average 7 years to integrate their massive experience you need to take some time like years to process this before deciding whether or not you should be teaching anyone.

@SgtPepper This is perfect! Yes everything is divine every person, everythithing. Leos realization are relatively new to him and I really don't feel like he is fully integrated and it can be dangerous to teach from that place. He also seems to lack humility and is stuck on this "truth" I more mean truth can only take you so far. Many people understand that everything is made up of God but how loving are your relationships? How much fun do you have in your day to day? How deep are you connections? there are some things that can't be understood or quantified and that is where the real beauty is.

@SgtPepper Leo literally said he doesnt care if it destroys all humans. That is why it bothers me.

@SgtPepper My point is that there are a lot of people who have experienced what Leo has I mean a lot. A vast majority of them had NDES where they went to the void. Mellen Thomas benedict is just one example but the difference with the NDE is they seem to come back with a more full experience. With a better understanding of why we are here and that life is actually where its at. Where you understand the beauty of our emotions and relationships with each other. He seems to think he has gone farther than anyone else ever when I have seen many reports of people who have gone to the "Void" and experienced that its more than that. Babies are first created in the womb but when you are a child would you discount your own existence because technically it all first began in the womb? Would you try and desperately get back to your mother's womb and say everything else is just delusion? When you eat food do you sit there and tell yourself its not real its just made of this and that at the most basic level so that somehow makes the experience of eating it less than? What is the point of truth without the beauty of the experience? How will you know its truth if you heard Leos teachings before experiencing it? I really have experienced what he is talking about. It was terrifying and I remember having to hold myself together after because I kept feeling like I was going to dissolve but after the experience I fell in love and experienced deep connections with people that made the "truth" of that not matter at all.

See this is why you are dangerous. You literally don't care. You also sound like Richard Rose here. Just because you experienced something does not mean you know more than everyone else. YOU have no idea what other people have or have not experienced. You don't care that you could actually be missing key components to all of this? You don't care that you could actually be wrong and destroying peoples lives in the name of truth for something you could be very wrong about? Do you know how many people swear up and down that what they have experienced is true? I was in group homes with people like that. Try telling my schizophrenic friend that her twin sister who kept getting raped didn't exist or the dragons she was having sleepovers with were not real. She would look at you like you were crazy. How will people know if they did take DMT and experienced what you did if it was actual truth or if it was influenced by what you said and told them would happen. And saying things like it upsets you because on some level you know its true is dangerously close to brain washing.

@Leo Gura Stop trying to become God; God is becoming you. Here. -Mellen Thomas Benedict NDE experiencer I really think you don't understand that many people have gone as far as you but you are actually missing the whole point of being here. Our bodies hold so much wisdom.

@SgtPepper What upsets me is that I think a lot of people will come to his teachings not realizing at all what they are getting into. It frustrates me that he seems to believe without a doubt that he has experienced ultimate truth when I really do think he is missing a big part of it. Also a lot of people dont have access to DMT so just have to go off of what he is saying. A teenager hearing nothing matters the people you love dont exist could ruin their lives and the lives of those they love. It may be truth on one level but your missing a lot of the componets. Yes on one level everything is made up of the same thing but have you experienced loving someone so much you merge with them? You miss so much when searching for "ultimate truth" Just because you understand the structure of a human body does not mean that you truly get what it is to be a human. Just because you understand the truth of something like let's say they atomic structure of a potato does not mean you have tasted and smelled what it's like. Does that make sense?

@Loba Please don't let go of those experiences. Have you heard of Mellen Thomas Benedict? He had an NDE and went all the way to the God Head and while in the God head he realized something huge and it kind of my point with all of this. Also Jill bolte Taylor expereinced a more non dual state. I actually feel ndes give more of a full experience. Concerning the validity of Benedict’s testimony, P.M.H. Atwater has this to say: “I can attest that his case is genuine and his claims about the brain tumor and the conditions of his death are true. I have met his mother and step-father, been in his and their homes, and have followed his life since – his struggles and his accomplishments – as he sought to find a way to integrate his experience into his daily life while still honoring the mission he felt guided to fulfill.” – P.M.H. Atwater 2. The Road to Death In 1982 I died from terminal cancer. The condition I had was inoperable, and any kind of chemotherapy they could give me would just have made me more of a vegetable. I was given six to eight months to live. I had been an information freak in the 1970’s, and I had become increasingly despondent over the nuclear crisis, the ecology crisis, and so forth. So, since I did not have a spiritual basis, I began to believe that nature had made a mistake, and that we were probably a cancerous organism on the planet. I saw no way that we could get out from all the problems we had created for ourselves and the planet. I perceived all humans as cancer, and that is what I got. That is what killed me. Be careful what your world view is. It can feed back on you, especially if it is a negative world view. I had a seriously negative one. That is what led me into my death. I tried all sort s of alternative healing methods, but nothing helped. So I determined that this was really just between me and God. I had never really faced God before, or even dealt with God. I was not into any kind of spirituality at the time, but I began a journey into learning about spirituality and alternative healing. I set out to do all the reading I could and bone up on the subject, because I did not want to be surprised on the other side. So I started reading on various religions and philosophies. They were all very interesting, and gave hope that there was something on the other side. I ended up in hospice care. I remember waking up one morning at home about 4:30 am and I just knew that this was it. This was the day I was going to die. So I called a few friends and said goodbye. I woke up my hospice caretaker and told her. I had a private agreement with her that she would leave my dead body alone for six hours, since I had read that all kinds of interesting things happen when you die. I went back to sleep. The next thing I remember is the beginning of a typical near death experience. Suddenly I was fully aware and I was standing up, but my body was in the bed. There was this darkness around me. Being out of my body was even more vivid than ordinary experience. It was so vivid that I could see every room in the house, I could see the top of the house, I could see around the house, I could see under the house. 3. The Light of God There was this Light shining. I turned toward the Light. The Light was very similar to what many other people have described in their near-death experiences. It was so magnificent. It is tangible; you can feel it. It is alluring; you want to go to it like you would want to go to your ideal mother’s or father’s arms. As I began to move toward the Light, I knew intuitively that if I went to the Light, I would be dead. So as I was moving toward the Light I said, “Please wait a minute, just hold on a second here. I want to think about this; I would like to talk to you before I go.” To my surprise, the entire experience halted at that point. You are indeed in control of your near-death experience. You are not on a roller coaster ride. So my request was honored and I had some conversations with the Light. The Light kept changing into different figures, like Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, mandalas, archetypal images and signs. I asked the Light, “What is going on here? Please, Light, clarify yourself for me. I really want to know the reality of the situation.” I cannot really say the exact words, because it was sort of telepathy. The Light responded. The information transferred to me was that your beliefs shape the kind of feedback you are getting before the Light. If you were a Buddhist or Catholic or Fundamentalist, you get a feedback loop of your own stuff. You have a chance to look at it and examine it, but most people do not. As the Light revealed itself to me, I became aware that what I was really seeing was our Higher Self matrix. We all have a higher Self, or an oversoul part of our being. It revealed itself to me in its truest energy form. The only way I can really describe it is that the being of the higher Self is more like a conduit. It did not look like that, but it is a direct connection to the Source that each and every one of us has. We are directly connected to the Source. So the Light was showing me the higher Self matrix. I was not committed to one particular religion. So that is what was being fed back to me during my life after death experience. As I asked the Light to keep clearing for me, to keep explaining, I understood what the higher Self matrix is. We have a grid around the planet where all the higher Selves are connected. This is like a great company, a next subtle level of energy around us, the spirit level, you might say. Then, after a couple of minutes, I asked for more clarification. I really wanted to know what the universe is about, and I was ready to go at that time. I said, “I am ready, take me.” 4. The River of Life Then the Light turned into the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen: a mandala of human souls on this planet. Now I came to this with my negative view of what has happened on the planet. So as I asked the Light to keep clarifying for me, I saw in this magnificent mandala how beautiful we all are in our essence, our core. We are the most beautiful creations. The human soul, the human matrix that we all make together is absolutely fantastic, elegant, exotic, everything. I just cannot say enough about how it changed my opinion of human beings in that instant. I said, “Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are.” At any level, high or low, in whatever shape you are in, you are the most beautiful creation, you are. I was astonished to find that there was no evil in any soul. I said, “How can this be?” The answer was that no soul was inherently evil. The terrible things that happened to people might make them do evil things, but their souls were not evil. What all people seek, what sustains them, is love, the Light told me. What distorts people is a lack of love. The revelations coming from the Light seemed to go on and on, then I asked the Light, “Does this mean that humankind will be saved?” Then, like a trumpet blast with a shower of spiraling lights, the Great Light spoke, saying: “Remember this and never forget; you save, redeem and heal yourself. You always have. You always will. You were created with the power to do so from before the beginning of the world.” In that instant I realized even more. I realized that WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN SAVED, and we saved ourselves because we were designed to self-correct like the rest of God’s universe. This is what the second coming is about. I thanked the Light of God with all my heart. The best thing I could come up with during my near death experience was these simple words of total appreciation: “Oh dear God, dear Universe, dear Great Self, I Love My Life.” The Light seemed to breathe me in even more deeply. It was as if the Light was completely absorbing me. The Love Light is, to this day, indescribable. I entered into another realm, more profound than the last, and became aware of something more, much more. It was an enormous stream of Light, vast and full, deep in the Heart of Life. I asked what this was. The Light responded: “This is the RIVER OF LIFE. Drink of this manna water to your heart’s content.” So I did. I took one big drink and then another. To drink of life Itself! I was in ecstasy. Then the Light said: “You have a desire.” The Light knew all about me, everything past, present and future. “Yes!” I whispered. I asked to see the rest of the Universe; beyond our solar system, beyond all human illusion. The Light then told me that I could go with the Stream. I did, and was carried through the Light at the end of the tunnel. I felt and heard a series of very soft sonic booms. What a rush! Suddenly I seemed to be rocketing away from the planet on this stream of Life. I saw the earth fly away. The solar system, in all its splendor, whizzed by and disappeared. At faster than light speed, I flew through the center of the galaxy, absorbing more knowledge as I went. I learned that this galaxy, and all of the Universe, is bursting with many different varieties of LIFE. I saw many worlds. The good news is that we are not alone in this Universe! As I rode this stream of consciousness through the center of the galaxy, the stream was expanding in awesome fractal waves of energy. The super clusters of galaxies with all their ancient wisdom flew by. At first I thought I was going somewhere; actually traveling. But then I realized that, as the stream was expanding, my own consciousness was also expanding to take in everything in the Universe! All creation passed by me. It was an unimaginable wonder! I truly was a Wonder Child; a babe in Wonderland! 5. The Void At this point of my near-death experience, I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity. I was in the Void. I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time / the First Word / the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply, I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness. When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind-expanding thought, isn’t it? Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event that created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations. The ancients knew of this. They said God had periodically created new Universes by breathing out, and recreated other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big Bangs or Yugas creating and recreating themselves. Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw that each and every little piece of creation has the power to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I am still speechless about this. It took me years after I returned from my near-death experience to assimilate any words at all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal Intelligence. The Void is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The SPACE between atoms and their components. Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call it Zero point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure infinity accurately. There is more of the zero space in your own body and the Universe than anything else! What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical “I am” really has a question mark after it. “I am — What am I?” So creation is God exploring God’s Self through every way imaginable, in an ongoing, infinite exploration through every one of us. I began to see during my near-death experience that everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe. Wherever any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that, and God in the Void. As I was exploring the Void during my life after death experience and all the Yugas or creations, I was completely out of time and space as we know it. In this expanded state, I discovered that creation is about Absolute Pure Consciousness, or God, coming into the Experience of Life as we know it. The Void itself is devoid of experience. It is pre life, before the first vibration. Godhead is about more than Life and Death. Therefore there is even more than Life and Death to experience in the Universe! When I realized this I was finished with the Void, and wanted to return to this creation, or Yuga. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. Then I suddenly came back through the second Light, or the Big Bang, hearing several more velvet booms. I rode the stream of consciousness back through all of creation, and what a ride it was! The super clusters of galaxies came through me with even more insights. I passed through the center of our galaxy, which is a black hole. Black holes are the great processors or recyclers of the Universe. Do you know what is on the other side of a Black Hole? We are; our galaxy, which has been reprocessed from another Universe. In its total energy configuration, the galaxy looked like a fantastic city of lights. All energy this side of the Big Bang is light. Every sub atom, atom, star, planet, even consciousness itself is made of light and has a frequency and/or particle. Light is living stuff. Everything is made of light, even stones. So everything is alive. Everything is made from the Light of God; everything is very intelligent. 6. The Light of Love As I rode the stream on and on, I could eventually see a huge Light coming. I knew it was the First Light; the higher Self Light Matrix of our solar system. Then the entire solar system appeared in the Light, accompanied by one of those velvet booms. I could see during my near death experience all the energy that this solar system generates, and it is an incredible light show! I could hear the Music of the Spheres. Our solar system, as do all celestial bodies, generates a unique matrix of light, sound and vibratory energies. Advanced civilizations from other star systems can spot life as we know it in the universe by the vibratory or energy matrix imprint. It is child’s play. The earth’s Wonder child (human beings) make an abundance of sound right now, like children playing in the backyard of the universe. The Light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I realized that we are part of a natural living system that recycles itself endlessly. I was never told that I had to come back. I just knew that I would. It was only natural, from what I had seen during my life after death experience. I don’t know how long I was with the Light, in human time. But there came a moment when I realized that all my questions had been answered and my return was near. When I say that all my questions were answered on the other side, I mean to say just that. During my near death experience, all my questions have been answered. Every human has a different life and set of questions to explore. Some of our questions are Universal, but each of us is exploring this thing we call Life in our own unique way. So is every other form of life, from mountains to every leaf on every tree. And that is very important to the rest of us in this Universe. Because it all contributes to the Big Picture, the fullness of Life. We are literally God exploring God’s self in an infinite Dance of Life. Your uniqueness enhances all of Life. 7. His Return to Earth As I began my return to the life cycle, it never crossed my mind, nor was I told during my near-death experience that I would return to the same body. It just did not matter. I had complete trust in the Light and the Life process. As the stream merged with the great Light, I asked never to forget the revelations and the feelings of what I had learned on the other side. There was a “Yes.” It felt like a kiss to my soul. Then I was taken back through the Light into the vibratory realm again. The whole process reversed, with even more information being given to me. I came back home, and I was given lessons from my near-death experience on the mechanics of reincarnation. I was given answers to all those little questions I had: “How does this work? How does that work?” I knew that I would be reincarnated. The earth is a great processor of energy, and individual consciousness evolves out of that into each one of us. I thought of myself as a human for the first time, and I was happy to be that. From what I have seen, I would be happy to be an atom in this universe. An atom. So to be the human part of God … this is the most fantastic blessing. It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation of what blessing can be. For each and every one of us to be the human part of this experience is awesome, and magnificent. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are, screwed up or not, is a blessing to the planet, right where we are. I went through the reincarnation process expecting to be a baby somewhere. But I was given a lesson on how individual identity and consciousness evolve. I was so surprised when I opened my eyes from my near death experience. I do not know why, because I understood it, but it was still such a surprise to be back in this body, back in my room with someone looking over me crying her eyes out. It was my hospice caretaker. She had given up an hour and a half after finding me dead. My body was stiff and inflexible. She went into the other room. Then I awakened and saw the light outside. I tried to get up to go to it, but I fell out of the bed. She heard a loud “clunk,” ran in and found me on the floor. When I recovered, I was very surprised and yet very awed about what had happened to me during my near death experience. At first all the memory of the trip that I have now was not there. I kept slipping out of this world and kept asking, “Am I alive?” This world seemed more like a dream than that one. Within three days I was feeling normal again, clearer, yet different than I had ever felt in my life. My memory of my near-death experience came back later. I could see nothing wrong with any human being I had ever seen. Before that I was really judgmental. I thought a lot of people were really screwed up, in fact I thought that everybody was screwed up but me. But I got clear on all that. About three months later a friend said I should get tested, so I went and got the scans and so forth. I really felt good, so I was afraid of getting bad news. I remember the doctor at the clinic looking at the before and after scans, saying, “Well, there is nothing here now.” I said, “Really, it must be a miracle.” He said, “No, these things happen; they are called spontaneous remission.” He acted very unimpressed. But here was a miracle, and I was impressed, even if no one else was. 8. The Lessons He Learned The mystery of life has very little to do with intelligence. The universe is not an intellectual process at all. The intellect is helpful; it is brilliant, but right now that is all we process with, instead of our hearts and the wiser part of ourselves. The center of the Earth is this great transmuter of energy, just as you see in pictures of our Earth’s magnetic field. That’s our cycle, pulling reincarnated souls back in and through it again. A sign that you are reaching human level is that you are beginning to evolve an individual consciousness. The animals have a group soul, and they reincarnate in group souls. A deer is pretty much going to be a deer forever. But just being born a human, whether deformed or genius, shows that you are on the path to developing an individual consciousness. That is in itself part of the group consciousness called humanity. I saw that races are personality clusters. Nations like France, Germany and China each have their own personality. Cities have personalities, their local group souls that attract certain people. Families have group souls. Individual identity is evolving like branches of a fractal; the group soul explores in our individuality. The different questions that each of us has are very, very important. This is how Godhead is exploring God’s Self – through you. So ask your questions, do your searching. You will find your Self and you will find God in that Self, because it is only the Self. More than that, I began to see that each one of us humans are soul mates. We are part of the same soul fractaling out in many creative directions, but still the same. Now I look at every human being that I ever see, and I see a soul mate, my soul mate, the one I have always been looking for. Beyond that, the greatest soul mate that you will ever have is yourself. We are each both male and female. We experience this in the womb and we experience this in reincarnation states. If you are looking for that ultimate soul mate outside of yourself, you may never find it; it is not there. Just as God is not “there.” God is here. Don’t look “out there” for God. Look here for God. Look through your Self. Start having the greatest love affair you ever had … with your Self. You will love everything out of that. I had a descent into what you might call hell, and it was very surprising. I did not see Satan or evil. My descent into hell was a descent into each person’s customized human misery, ignorance, and darkness of not-knowing. It seemed like a miserable eternity. But each of the millions of souls around me had a little star of light always available. But no one seemed to pay attention to it. They were so consumed with their own grief, trauma and misery. But, after what seemed an eternity, I started calling out to that light, like a child calling to a parent for help. Then the light opened up and formed a tunnel that came right to me an insulated me from all that fear and pain. That is what hell really is. So what we are doing is learning to hold hands, to come together. The doors of hell are open now. We are going to link up, hold hands, and walk out of hell together. The light came to me and turned into a huge golden angel. I said, “Are you the angel of death?” It expressed to me that it was my oversoul, my Higher Self matrix, a super-ancient part of ourselves. Then I was taken to the light. Soon our science will quantify spirit. Isn’t that going to be wonderful? We are coming up with devices now that are sensitive to subtle energy or spirit energy. Physicists use these atomic colliders to smash atoms to see what they are made of. They have got it down to quarks and charm, and all that. Well, one day they are going to come down to the little thing that holds it all together, and they are going to have to call that … God. With atomic colliders they are not only seeing what is in here, but they are creating particles. Thank God most of them are short-lived milliseconds and nanoseconds. We are just beginning to understand that we are creating too, as we go along. As I saw forever, I came to a realm in which there is a point where we pass all knowledge and begin creating the next fractal, the next level. We have that power to create as we explore. And that is God expanding itself through us. Since my return I have experienced the light spontaneously, and I have learned how to get to that space almost any time in my meditation. Each one of you can do this. You do not have to die to do this. It is within your equipment; you are wired for it already. The body is the most magnificent light being there is. The body is a universe of incredible light. Spirit is not pushing us to dissolve this body. That is not what is happening. Stop trying to become God; God is becoming you. Here. The mind is like a child running around the universe, demanding this and thinking it created the world. But I ask the mind, “What did your mother have to do with this?” That is the next level of spiritual awareness. Oh! My mother! All of a sudden you give up the ego, because you are not the only soul in the universe. 9. What Is the Best Religion? I asked God: “What is the best religion on the planet? Which one is right?” And Godhead said, with great love: “I don’t care.” That was incredible grace. They come and they go, they change. Buddhism has not been here forever, Catholicism has not been here forever, and they are all about to become more enlightened. More light is coming into all systems now. There is going to be a reformation in spirituality that is going to be just as dramatic as the Protestant Reformation. There will be lots of people fighting about it, one religion against the next, believing that only they are right. Everyone thinks they own God, the religions and philosophies, especially the religions, because they form big organizations around their philosophy. When Godhead said, “I don’t care,” I immediately understood that it is for us to care about. It is important, because we are the caring beings. It matters to us and that is where it is important. What you have is the energy equation in spirituality. Ultimate Godhead does not care if you are Protestant, Buddhist, or whatever. It is all a blooming facet of the whole. I wish that all religions would realize it and let each other be. It is not the end of each religion, but we are talking about the same God. Live and let live. Each has a different view. And it all adds up to the Big Picture; it is all important. I went over to the other side during my near-death experience with a lot of fears about toxic waste, nuclear missiles, the population explosion, the rainforest. I came back loving every single problem. I love nuclear waste. I love the mushroom cloud; this is the holiest mandala that we have manifested to date, as an archetype. It, more than any religion or philosophy on earth, brought us together all of a sudden, to a new level of consciousness. Knowing that maybe we can blow up the planet fifty times, or 500 times, we finally realize that maybe we are all here together now. For a period they had to keep setting off more bombs to get it in to us. Then we started saying, “we do not need this any more.” Now we are actally in a safer world than we have ever been in, and it is going to get safer. So I came back from my near-death experience loving toxic waste, because it brought us together. These things are so big. As Peter Russell might say, these problems are now “soul size.” Do we have soul size answers, YES! The clearing of the rain forest will slow down, and in fifty years there will be more trees on the planet than in a long time. If you are into ecology, go for it; you are that part of the system that is becoming aware. Go for it with all your might, but do not be depressed. It is part of a larger thing. Earth is in the process of domesticating itself. It is never again going to be as wild a place as it once was. There will be great wild places, reserves where nature thrives. Gardening and reserves will be the thing in the future. Population increase is getting very close to the optimal range of energy to cause a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness will change politics, money, energy. After dying, going through my near-death experience and coming back, I really respect life and death. In our DNA experiments we may have opened the door to a great secret. Soon we will be able to live as long as we want to live in this body. After living 150 years or so, there will be an intuitive soul sense that you will want to change channels. Living forever in one body is not as creative as reincarnation, as transferring energy in this fantastic vortex of energy that we are in. We are actually going to see the wisdom of life and death, and enjoy it. As it is now, we have already been alive forever. This body, that you are in, has been alive forever. It comes from an unending stream of life, going back to the Big Bang and beyond. This body gives life to the next life, in dense and subtle energy. This body has been alive forever already. One of my questions to the light was, “What is heaven?” I was given a tour of all the heavens that have been created: the Nirvanas, the Happy Hunting Grounds, all of them. I went through them. These are thought form creations that we have created. We don’t really go to heaven; we are reprocessed. But whatever we created, we leave a part of ourselves there. It is real, but it is not all of the soul. I saw the Christian heaven. We expect it to be a beautiful place, and you stand in front of the throne, worshiping forever. I tried it. It is boring! This is all we are going to do? It is childlike. I do not mean to offend anyone. Some heavens are very interesting, and some are very boring. I found the ancient ones to be more interesting, like the Native American ones, the Happy Hunting Grounds. The Egyptians have fantastic ones. It goes on and on. There are so many of them. In each of them there is a fractal that is your particular interpretation, unless you are part of the group soul that believes in only the God of a particular religion. Then you are very close, in the same ball park together. But even then, each is a little bit different. That is a part of yourself that you leave there. Death is about life, not about heaven. What happens when we dream? We are multi-dimensional beings. We can access that through lucid dreaming. In fact, this universe is God’s dream. One of the things that I saw is that we humans are a speck on a planet that is a speck in a galaxy that is a speck. Those are giant systems out there, and we are in sort of an average system. But human beings are already legendary throughout the cosmos of consciousness. The little bitty human being of Earth/Gaia is legendary. One of the things that we are legendary for is dreaming. We are legendary dreamers. In fact, the whole cosmos has been looking for the meaning of life, the meaning of it all. And it was the little dreamer who came up with the best answer ever. We dreamed it up. So dreams are important.

Please watch these videos. Many people who have experienced what you have have realized something beyond it. When I was 17 11 years ago I had an experience where it felt like I went to a place that you describe from smoking weed. It was terrifying and I thought I was experiencing the separation of everything. I was cycling between absolute despair and orgasmic bliss but both states were painful. I have experienced going into a void and feeling what it was like to have no one to share myself with.

@Carl-Richard Who said I thought simulation theory and atheistic nihilism are fine? Just because I dont want to be punched in the face does not mean I am ok with being raped and stabbed. That argument just doesnt make any sense.

@Leo Gura Who is telling you its your Job to wake people up to this truth? Why do you feel God created all of this just to have people wake up and go back to being God. Maybe God wants to be human. Maybe he wants to experience relationships and going down a water slide and eating delicious food. Maybe there is things you cant understand with the intellect. Maybe God knows everything but here he gets to experience it all. We can experience it all here.

@Harlen Kelly Exactly you really dont know what I have experienced and its dangerous to tell people you have found ultimate truth and that others just have no clue what you are talking about because who can verify?