BroccoliSalad

Hello everyone, I'm a 24 year old female from Germany. I've been watching Leo's content for years now. I also purchased his life purpose course, which I took last summer before starting medical school. I'm posting this because I'm currently really stuck and I'm extremely overwhelmed by having to make a decision on whether to quit or not to quit medical school. I guess I should clarify some key things and give you guys some information on where I'm coming from first: - I have luckily not accumulated any student loans, as medical school (and attending university in general) is free in my country. - I am what some might call a non-traditional medical student, as I actually did my A-levels (Abitur) at a night school for adults last year in order to go to medical school. - There is no undergraduate degree or MCAT required to apply to medical school in Germany but you do need to pass your A-levels with very competitive results in order to gain acceptance. However, there are no specific subject requirements, which means that you can get into medical school without a solid background in the hard sciences, which is what I did (My AP classes were English, educational science, German and biology). I didn't take chemistry or physics during night school because I dropped these subjects as soon as I could. I don't like the hard sciences and I never had any interest in them. This last point brings me straight to the core problem that I have: I think I chose medicine for the wrong reasons. I am here to get to the bottom of this as much and as quickly as possible but it's probably going to take a bit of explaining in order to get there. I am grateful for anyone willing to read this to the end. As stated above, I have been listening to Leo's content for a long time. I do know what my signature strengths and my core values are. For those familiar with the concepts, I ironically seem to be strongest in the strategic thinking domain and creativity and judgement are generally my strong points. My most important values in life are wisdom, self expression and personal growth. If I had all the money in the world I would live in Malibu and I would read and write fiction and non-fiction books on psychology/society/spirituality related subjects. I started medical school with primarily extrinsic motives, such as hopes of increasing my social status, financial security and getting a residency spot in the United States and then being able to emigrate (living and working in California is my life goal and has been for years). I think I basically chose medicine as a tool for potentially getting a visa and to get financially independent enough to move to California. This must make me sound like a complete idiot. I of course also had some more legitimate reasons for pursuing medicine. I actually envisioned myself becoming an outpatient psychiatrist (this is by far the only medical specialty I can imagine pursuing as a career) specializing in psychosomatic medicine and eventually opening up a private psychotherapy/life coaching and nutrition counseling (I'm vegan and I believe in the power of diet as the single most effective preventative tool and therapy for most diseases of civilization) practice in Los Angeles. I also would write books on psychology/psychiatry/nutrition related topics. It actually sounds so damn good and this career (the outcome) is in absolute alignment with my interests, strengths, values and goals in life. But the journey towards this outcome is beyond painful and there is nothing that makes me enjoy it. I despise gross anatomy (except for maybe neuroanatomy), histology, embryology and most of the other subjects. I feel like I hate the medical school part completely and I'm constantly feeling like an imposter that's in it for the wrong reasons. It's also hard to motivate myself to study all of those dry subjects. It's only the prospect of becoming a psychiatrist that got me here. But I have some problems with the job of a psychiatrist as well. I actually do not believe in giving people pills to manage or cure their "chemical imbalances". I believe in coaching people in a holistic way that incorporates diet, exercise and change in behavior. I also feel like I would have missed out on virtually all (!) of the important theoretical concepts and research in the field of psychology (especially developmental and personality psychology) in order to best help and serve my patients. And I think that research skills and access to the world of psychological research are really (!) important because I've of course read a lot of books and they have often left me with more questions then I had started with and they come with so much contradictory advice. Even Leo's advive I sometimes find very contradictory. Although reading books like "So good they can't ignore you" by Cal Newport gave me some great perspective on my situation, I feel like the core message of "just choose something worth mastering, hit it hard every day for decades, become an expert at it and the passion will follow" contradicts so many other concepts Leo is referring to. Can I really just choose the thing that will give me the *rewards* I want in exchange of the accumulated career capital I will then have, regardless of the fact that my signature strengths and interests might not be in alignment with the *path* to get there? How does this not contradict the concept of intrinsic motivation, for example? I hope I got my point across. I just want to know the truth before I give someone advice as a counselor/therapist and I feel like I need to be a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist in order to do so. The only real alternative to continuing medical school I can see for myself is switching to a psychology/psychotherapy program. In Germany, you do not need a PhD in psychology in order to become a fully licensed clinical or counseling psychologist. You complete a five year university degree (bachelor's and master's in psychology), after which you pass a board exam to become licensed as a psychological psychotherapist. You then apply for a residency position called "psychotherapist in training" in a psychiatric and/or psychosomatic clinic in order to gain experience. After five years of residency, during which you work full-time and already make a psychologist's salary, you then finally become a fully licensed therapist authorized to practice independently. All I can say is that I would probably love and excel in all of my classes, as psychology is my true jam and I am also certain that I can make it through "the dip" (absolutely loved the book "The Dip" by Seth Godin!) and actually graduate, which I unfortunately cannot claim in regard to medical school. The things I hate about this option are that I would be stuck in Germany/Europe since this degree wouldn't be transferrable to California (I would have to do go back to school and get a PhD in clinical psychology in the USA, which is basically impossible to attain as a foreign student). I also actually cannot imagine not being able to live in California someday. I also unfortunately wouldn't be able to offer nutrition counseling to treat my patients in a holistic way because I would be "just a psychologist" and not a medical doctor/psychiatrist who can offer it along therapy. Another negative point would be bad compensation. Although I do realize that you can turn any domain into a lot of money (if you're truly extraordinary), psychologists earn on average about $165,000k less anually than psychiatrists. This is true even with quite similar educational investments and qualifications. I must also add that I do actually have family in California, my dad has been a (naturalized) U.S citizen since 2013. He and his wife are both registered nurses in the L.A. area and they are doing well, at least financially. They are always telling me to stay in medical school and that if I was to make the switch to psychology, I would never get the opportunity to come to the U.S. My dad especially thinks that psychology is "useless" compared to medicine and that I should just "stick it out" . He doesn't want to support me on my journey to California if I get a psychology degree and I actually want to make sure to be independent from anyone as much as possible. This is why I want a degree that will enable me to get a visa. I know this was a lot of information and I hope that it makes sense. I have about a month left to make my final decision on whether to quit or to stay.