somegirl

@integral lol that post is gold. but I don't think she is a narcissist. I think she is hyper sensitive and has big ego.

What's odd about it? We were best friends for 4 years. Those 4 years were not all great, she never communicated when something bothered her about me, she would just stay quiet until I noticed. Though I cared so much about friendship that I wanted to talk things through with her. But then I noticed she does this "non-communicating" thing again, and again, and again, and I eventually gave up on her. I refuse to constantly force someone to talk to me, and got tired of questioning my every move and whether she is mad because of me or because of something else. So I just gave up trying to make things right anymore. Meanwhile, when I distanced myself from her, she became extremely negative person overall. She would trash talk about other people (wouldn'tbe surprised if she talked bad about me too), would get mad over little things people do and narrate a whole story about the person from that one thing, would have this negative, bad aura around her very often when I see her etc... I don't know why and how she became this person. It happened gradually because I noticed she had that tendency before too. Like she would interpret some of my actions as evil, even though they were often neutral or good. I never had bad or evil intentions towards her but she interpretted my every little move as such! Like for example if I went quiet at one point, she would interpret me being quiet as me "calculating" something, like a villain. It's so exhausting tbh. She's just very dissatisfied person today. I don't think she has inner peace.

@PurpleTree Well I work with her on a project so I just want to get it over with. And also, what if she starts spreading negative things about me to others? Lol since she is obviously capable of that

Really fed up with negativity lately, I really can't handle it anymore. I got into conflict with former guy I liked, current guy I like, 3 people when I went to Italy, former close friend. That's freaking too much. What's happening? Is this some kind of painful transition into something good?

@Leo Gura It has always rubbed me the wrong way when I see people being so convinced that what they say or do is always right and that they know it all. That they figured it all out already. You are still learning like all of us, and have much more to learn, don't you think too? You reaching higher levels of consciousness (even though I have no experience of it) does not mean you still don't have human tendencies, biases and ego, I assume. Don't you think that ego has influence over you sometimes? That by you saying you're more consciousness than others, that it's just ego at play, and not some metaphysical explanation for emphasizing it that much?

@Leo Gura Something else also interested me... You were saying in one of the videos ("what is the devil") that (I'm paraphrasing because it was long time ago) we should stop seeing people as evil because we are creating evil that way or something. Cause evil doesn't exist, it's just projection, we only see it that way (when it threatens our ego). Okay so, by that logic... Why would you in your "infinite insights" blog say that CIA hiring sociopaths is digusting and disturbing? I mean it is, from a an average human perspective, but also, highly conscious person would know that by condemning evil in others, he just creates more evil. Isn't it so? Cause we wouldn't be able to see evil in others if we didn't have evil in ourselves. Who are we calling evil if everything is interconnected? Only ourselves, no? Your literal quote from the video: "Seeing evil in others does not solve the evil but in fact creates more evil" Other quote from the same video: "If you want to stop doing evil actions, you also have to stop seeing evil because in order to see evil you must project evil, therefore you create evil." This is just one example. This also applies to the situation where you got fed up with members here. We are not solving anything when we literally criticize others that they are this or that. We just perpetuate more of that. This is my critical mind speaking. My intention is really just to see how you think, cause if you ask my logic, highly conscious person would be conscious of these things.

Lol

Would you say that emphasizing that truth too much comes from the ego?

Yeah that section was just... Ugh, I can't. Aw thank you soo much, I hope you're doing well and are evolving too. My journey has definitely not be linear, I experienced ups and downs and still am experimenting with what works for me. The goal is to reach the highest version of myself and feel good enough on my own. Sending lots of hugs and good luck to you ?

@Federico del pueblo Aw, someone noticed me being gone for a while No worries, I'm well, I just decided to work on myself on my own, didn't resonate with some things here anymore

@Leo Gura What's the point of these posts Leo? Why constantly repeat how you have reached a new level of awakening that noone else in this world has ever reached (not even Buddha blah blah)? And how it will be almost impossible to even try to reach that level of awareness? What's the intention behind this? And how noone here knows what they are talking about? I get it, there are some delusional people, there's some truth to it, but I still don't understand the need to voice and emphasize this so much. To demotivate? To boast? What is the point?

Having some kind of strange discomfort in my throat area... Specifically suprasternal notch. When I take a deep breath, I feel a slight pain there. Not too bad but it lasts for a few days now. Don't know what it is and why it happens and what is it trying to tell me. Googling it, it says that it is related to emotional stress (chakra). I wouldn't be surprised. I have so many people to forgive. It took a toll on me. But I want to wipe the slate clean. It's holding me back in many areas in life and affecting my self-concept. Ugh... I'm just so pissed at some people, but I need to feel it and go through those emotions in order to release it. It's just such a torture at times. Maybe I need to take a break.

@Kshantivadin Not for long, ali hvalaa <3

I am different now. I am no longer the old me carrying around baggages from the past. Fuck. that. I didn't want that in the first place, even though I somehow created it. I just don't want to put up with it. I'm tired of these chains. I want to freaking break free. I am a totally different version of myself. A new state of mind. The ideal version of me. With new past, present and future. I am living in a parallel reality I DESERVE. I deserve the best. It was never meant for anything bad to happen to me. It was never meant to be. Not to somebody like me. Everything bad that ever happened was a mistake. Everything. This version of me lives a perfect life. One my inner being knows it belongs. It was meant to be here all along. It was always here all along. This version of me was living this perfect life all along. And I was oblivious about it. But I'm glad she exists. And I am her now. I give myself permission to be her. This new best version of myself. The one who was patiently waiting for me to realize that I am her all along. That she's been within me all this time waiting for me to be conscious of her. Hey, I'm here now.

I am the fucking problem. I am the cause. And I am the solution.

I was walking down the street in the middle of the day, and at the time there weren't many people in that street (just me and this piece of shit) and he was walking behind me. At one point I felt something was wrong because he was approaching me closer and closer until he finally decided to make sexual suggestion to me (he asked if he can ******** on me) you can guess what. And proceeded to moan like a fucking donkey that he is. I told him to get away from me, cursed at him and told him that I'm calling the cops and reached my phone so he can see I'm calling the cops. (I didn't freaking call the cops because I forgot to take a picture of him as evidence to the police) He didn't say anything after that, and he took a turn to different direction. I am a bit distressed and feeling shocked because this has never happened to me. I feel bad because I don't have enough evidence for the police to find him and plus I don't even know if he can be arrested because he didn't technically do anything physical to me, he just made sexual remark/verbally harassed me on the street. Though I was ready to fucking punch him, had he gone more closer to me, though do you think it would be wise if I did? (Considering he is a guy) How do I cope with these situations if they happen in the future? How do I prevent this from happening again? How can I defend myself? I think I will carry pepper spray with me from now on.

Too far where? She's just living her life. Do you want her to close off and not live her life anymore because she's in a relationship with you? Besides that, you can't control what she does there. But it's up to you to be like "What is mine and what is meant to me, will never leave me. If something or someone leaves, it means we were not meant to be." Have that attitude. I get the attachment thing. But the quote above is so much more powerful and it give you a sense of peace. Best of luck.

Ultimately everything starts and ends with self. Everything.

Okay I just witnessed crazy synchronicity. Few minut s ago. This is undeniable. It's not a coincidence, it's too accurate. Omg. Friend sent me some post that actually has to do with some specific question I asked someone just few days ago. This is too coincidental. It's a sign. I wanted universe to send me signs and it happened. Thank you.

I need practical stuff, something I can begin doing today. How do I start viewing myself and other differenly? I sometimes think I don't deserve the stuff I want. I actually know my limiting beliefs, I am aware of them, but I don't know how to change them. Note: Can't afford any therapy or course, instead would like to be guided by some exerices or books that you can recommend.

I don't know if finding and killing "the pattern" or that shadow self is a way to go. You think it is? I thought the point was to integrate the shadow. As you wrote, to smile at it, to kinda accept it. Give it love.

But you know... When I was imagining my dream life or how it would feel like... Nothing comes up. I don't feel anything, I feel numbness most of the time. Also when I do shadow work, when I try to think of some painful and unacceptable parts of my self, I just can't bring myself to feel those emotions. Good or bad (most of the time). I think it's because I am burnt out. I am so exhausted of emotions altogether. I just want to live my dream life.

Elaborate? Maybe an example?

I see. I wouldn't say I have problem with IG models. I think I look good and I'm told that constantly. I just come across people who only value my body/my looks and not anything else. And it happened couple of times that I started to wonder "Do I even have anything else to offer than the looks? Is that really all I am worth?". I mean I have many talents, have unique taste in music, I have friends and am funny and fun to be around when relaxed... So I just get confused how I constantly come across people who are not amazed by my personality. This is why I think, on a deep level, fundamentally, I do not value my personality myself. Because if I did, thid wouldn't be happening.

I'm glad you guys can fix stuff in life by not doing anything. Though that approach doesn't work for me. I can't just "not do" anything and pray on higher power to give me enough luck to fix some aspect of my life, accidentally. Edit: If you were referring to meditation technique, then apologies.