somegirl

@Harlen Kelly I get what you mean. Thanks.

@StarStruck There are no kids involved in this story. I would have mentioned it. lol

Breakup happened for many reasons: his sexual condition which I was afraid would threaten me in the long run, so I have developed some kind of overall fear towards sex because of it (plus I think I have lack of trust in him because, as an older guy with much more experience than me, I thought he would know more about potential dangers of sex without protection, which he didn't, which made me fearful) , and another reason was my discomfort due to age gap (I thought I would get used to it). He is a guy in his early thirties, different stage in life than mine.

Sure. I told him it wouldn't be fair towards him and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship if it doesn't involve intimacy. But he insisted that he wouldn't mind us not having sex as long as I am with him. "And then maybe things would eventually change", he said. I know that I would not want it. I would just be forcing myself. I have fear of it and I am honestly more happier when I don't do it. Then I wouldn't be worrying of potentially catching something or getting pregnant.

@Harlen Kelly @Leo Gura Thanks for your advice. I too was taken aback by how much he was willing to do just so we can get back together. He was telling me all the "right things" that I almost felt bad declining. I just thought it was unfair towards him to suffer because of potential lack of sex, and frankly it would be unfair towards me too because I wouldn't enjoy it due to my aversion from it.

It might be cute to you, but he is very good with negotiating and honestly, he said all the right things yesterday. He was basically willing to sacrifice a lot for me.

We talked about our relationship and us possibly getting back together, and so I told him that of we were to ever get back together, that I wouldn't be having sex since I feel more at peace when I don't (because of an aversion I have). And that wouldn't be fair towards him and me also, I said. That's when he told me he would be okay with not having sex because he realized for him I am more important than sex itself. Honestly, he said all the right things during this conversation. He was willing to sacrifice lots of stuff for me...

It's not that hard to swallow that, but excuses are.

@Peter Miklis @Shin Huh? I have carefully read what he was saying about open relationship and I know what I was asking - I was asking if he were to be in a commited relationship (which is the same as monogamous relationship) would he be okay with the cheating from the girl's side. Since he has much compassion towards guys who seek sexual variety, would he be so understanding if same thing happened to him.

@Twega If you were in a commited relationship with a girl, would you be so understanding if she cheated on you?

@Twega In my humble opinion, I think guys use this rethoric to rationalize cheating as "part of guys' nature". Because if this were to be true (that guy's brains simply operate that way), then guys and girls are made to just naturally not get along together, ever, or be compatable to form any type of relationship. Do you see how impossible it would be to form any kind of stable relationships and bonds, because there will always be aversions from girl's side, or from guy's side for that matter (if they don't satisfy their sexual needs with variety of girls).

I would hope so. Because given that logic, girls are "made" to suffer (because they obviously crave monogamous relationships and deep intimacy with one person) because sooner or later they will be replaced by another girl, because nature simply made it be that way.

Given what you guys said, successful and long lasting monogamous relationships are simply not possible because guys naturally crave for variety, so one girl is not enough. Sooner or later she would have to accept this reality and learn to deal with it, since it's just nature at play. And she has to be okay with it.

@Twega So is this one of those talks that "guys can't help themselves and are naturally made that way to crave many sexual partners"? Would you say monogamous relationships are not possible, given guys are obviously craving for variety?

Why do you do it when you already have a girl to do it with, rather than just watching it over screen? No judging, just curious

I have a question. If he died on May 3rd, why is OP and Sunny's sister talking about it just now ,after some days have passed? If this is true, it's truly sad and I wish his family and friends to find peace soon.

I realized that I am my most authentic self in two cases - 1. when I'm (madly) in love, 2. and when I have just enough drinks (not too much). Then I just don't care how I am percieved, I enjoy myself and life and I am able to communicate with new people without being too nervious. And most importantly, I am able to express myself in a way that is true to my authentic self. When I am in love or had a few drinks, that's when this "caged self" gets released and I feel this is how my true self is supposed to look like (minus self doubt, feelings of incompetence, etc) How do I bring my true self out without having to depend on these extrernal things? Has anyone else been in my position? Does meditation help?

These short clips are actually pretty helpful. Since videos are long and I don't listen to its entirety all the time, plus I have limited attention span, clips made me realize some parts I haven't registered. It's like I'm watching entirely new video. Guess I didn't really pay attention to some parts of the video. But it's good cause it makes me want to watch entire video afterwards.

Happy B-day! All the best ?

@freejoy Well then start "gaming" prostitutes. You've already got your answer. :-) And also, "started having sex at 5 years old" seems very unlikely. No matter how much it is said that guys like sex so much, any kid would be traumatized having sex at such a young age. That's why we have laws that prevent such things from happening. Kids don't actually WANT to be sexual while they are kids. And that's normal lol. It doesn't even cross their minds, especially at such a young age (5).

So high school is a tough period that shapes you and builds you up. It's the case for most people at that stage in life. I'm nit gonna tell you that you won't encounter assholes when you get out of high school because you will, THERE ARE EVERYWHERE (though it does get better after high school nevertheless). And whenever you encounter one and he/she lures at you, it's a sign that you haven't learnt (yet) to deal with them or learnt a lesson life is trying to teach you so life tosses you assholes until you figure out how to deal with them. The best approach I figured out how to handle such situation is to be tough and develope strong self confidence. I mean really, a strong one. So much that you have that "don't fuck with me" aura around you. It's about self confidence really. They lure at you because they smelled you are a good prey (either you are too nice, lack confidence, act weak etc). You can also tell them "Hey, you bore me, find someone else to play with", but say it assertively. I know my friend in collage said it to a person that tried to play with her and after that that person backed off. Or if someone tries to put you down you say "What was that?", in a condescending way. They will back off when they see you have that in you. They have to "feel" you really are comfortable with yourself and who you are. So the answer is develope confidence. Love yourself. I KNOW it's hard to develope self confidence at that stage in life. But I promise you this kind of situations you are facing right now will force you to. You will use this situation to your advantage and learn most important lesson in your life. After that assholes will just avoid you (cause yiu don't act like a prey anymore).

There were couple of guys I met that were needy and maybe even desperate, that turned me off... It's never a good look. One guy had his first date with me and after our date he immediately started having hope that something will happen between us (because he's never been on a date with a girl). He was also bombarding me with messages afterwards, also indicating that he has never had an opportunity like this ever show up for him up until he met me. Of course that screamed "desperate" and I didn't like it. Other guy told me that "he cannot function normally" without me. That's also something that you shouldn't say, I mean, it sounds "romantic" but it's not, it's just manipulation, guilt-tripping and his lack of self respect and self love. I left him, hoping he will learn not to rely on any person for his dear life. I understand them though... I really am a catch ?. But honestly, all you got in your life is you. Everyone else is temporary. You shouldn't rely on anyone else for happiness. It is hard, but you will eventually get to that point. P.S. Also, guys were also stringing me along. So it's not "women are monsters and guys are victims". Both genders do this. For fun, building ego, self esteem etc. You only have to know how to recognize when someone is stringing you along. And don't be needy.

I am too interested in this. And also, very good read, you really managed to bring tear to my eye, as I could feel your excitement and joy. I was wondering, what were you doing before this trip/experience? Were you meditating every day, contemplating etc. so it all lead you to this point...?

@flowboy Thanks a lot!

My bf and I have been together for over a year. We seem to get along effortlessly as two people, but there are problems that are on my mind that makes things hard and make me want to brekaup. First is 11 years age gap between us (i'm 21, he's 32). I feel I am wasting his prime years. And his mother kinda wishes I was his age so he can get married so she's secretly unhappy about us (and so is my mother). And so am I, because I wished he was around my age. My plan was to date someone my age or a little bit older. But it seems like this is only my problem because he tells me he is not wanting to get married soon and is willing to wait for me for a long long time until I am ready for marriage (and I am not anytime soon). Another thing is that I am not satisfied or happy with sex and intimacy. I am scared of sex ever since I started being sexually active (scared of pregnancy and STD stories, which is my problem to solve) but I was especially scared ever since we found out my bf has herpes type 2. Right now, I feel like I just need to do it in order for "everything to be okay". But I don't deeply enjoy it. I dont enjoy sex life. I am deeply heartbroken right now. And so is he. And I feel bad even more to see him hurt. Especially because he didn't hurt me in any way to deserve this breakup. What is your thought about this? I am currently emotional and cannot think straight. Maybe I'm making a mistake.