somegirl

You get over this by not taking it personally. Just move on, keep going. Find another girl. You are only focusing on this because you have a time to do it. If you had something more exciting to do, you would do that. Keep going, don't focus on this. Uncomfortable things happen when you're proactive about changing your circumstances. It would be weird if it didn't happen.

This is a problem of people pleasing. You feel like someone else's behaviour can easily disrupt your mood and make your whole day go downhill. And you feel like you constantly depend on other people for your happiness. I got you. Have you watched Leo's video "The Root Solution to People Pleasing & Loneliness"? It talks about taking away authority from other people and redirecting it to yourself (because everything is fundamentally imaginary and authority is not "out there" out of our reach, but we create it). Also, Leo's video called "How Modern Branding Exploits and Abuses You" which seemingly doesn't have anything to do with your problem, but in fact it teaches people who are prone to exploitation (people-pleasers mostly) how to avoid being a target for abusers and manipulators. I think it is also important thing to learn. Personally this is my all-time favorite episode, in terms that I listened it in one go and there is also so many advices that might help you a bunch with what you're dealing with right now. (coming from a recovering ex people-pleaser)

My older ex took advantage of my inexperience and tried to install ideas about what is normal and what is not normal in relationships (because he knows I don't have a reference). I felt uncomfortable in some situations and intuitively I knew they were wrong but I wasn't assertive enough to say "No" and call him out on his bullshit behaviour. Lesson learned - Learn to say "No" assertively and unapologetically. Even if it leads to fight. You will regret not saying anything when you felt something was wrong. If it feels wrong it probably IS wrong. Listen to your gut feeling. It can *literally* be a life savior.

@undeather Thanks for clarification!

I will soon get vaccinated, however I am interested to know has anyone had experience with getting a vaccine while using retinol cream on their skin? Or, it would also be helpful if someone knows if it is safe to get a vaccine while using retinol cream (vitamin A)? The reason I ask is because I know doctors don't recommend using retinol while you are pregnant/breastfeeding as it can be potentially harmful for the baby. And also it makes you sensitive to the sun so you have to be extra careful while using it. So I was wondering, if it that strong, should you stop using retinol to get a vaccine or it doesn't really matter? Thanks.

My current BMI is 18.3. I'm in my early 20's, I am 5 ft 7 inches tall and weigh 117 pounds (aka 170cm and 53kg). I still want to be slim but gain a little bit of weight. However I've been avoiding exercising too much (I just take a walk here and there) because I don't want to lose more weight, but I still need to be active so what's the solution? As for the food, I can't afford too expensive stuff still. I eat beans, peas (very little because I hate it but still eat it) mash potatoes, spinach, and with almost every dish I eat, I eat it with chicken meat (or some other meat) and salads. I would eat pasta or lasagna from time to time. In the evening I would make sandwiches with curcuma, ginger, olives, potatoes, meat etc, or I would just skip dinner entirelly. I would have pizza once in a while too. And I eat a lot of different fruit after lunch. Fruit is replacement for snacks for me basically. I cut out noodles and salami almost entirely. I just think I have fast metabolism. Should I just increase the amount of food I already eat? Or eat entirelly different food that would help me gain weight? Thanks in advance.

@Heaven @Olivia24 Sure, thank you guys.

@Michael569 Thanks so much Michael! You're always helpful with health advices. I never thought I could achieve a little weight gain through weight lifting. I hope I can also exerice at home and get the same results? Like buy equipments and stuff like that.

Oh you think so? People have been telling me my whole life I am skinny. I surprisingly don't actually mind them telling me that at all (better be skinny than fat), I just want to gain weight for myself, my arms are so thin. ? You're tall! Ohh, and I thought that for a second in the moments of "weakness", like - I'm gonna eat junk food, gain weight, and then stop, but I don't think that's the way to go about it lol. I feel it's wrong and unhealthy for your body.

You certainly would if Leo hurt you directly or killed someone you hold dear, as an example. You wouldn't be so forgiving. Puppy killing might not be relevant to you or bother you that much because it's not related to you, but when it comes to yourself or someone you deeply care about, then it's a different story.

You got all this scenario going on in your head, thinking few steps ahead, but how will you go about it (having sex with her)? How do you know she will be down to it? You shouldn't think in advance, if you want to sleep with her, first you got to seduce her enough so that she will want to have sex with you. Kissing her is not enough. Be honest about your intentions also. Build some kind of chemistry. Because otherwise she will decline.

I don't actually have problem with self doubt, I'm actually pretty confident in my abilities that I know will lead me to success one day, if I'm just persistent enough, it's that I'm afraid to stand out from the crowd and just start my own thing (personal business). I'm mostly afraid how other people will react and whether they will feel envious/jelaous/bad because of me. Or simply make fun of me for some reason. I know this is messed up, but that's why I'm writing this thread. Because I DO want to stand out, be successful at my craft. I shouldn't care about others if I love what I do. This kind of thinking really holds me back and frustrates me because I wasn't this way when I was a kid. I was frequently standing out thanks to my talents and I never thought "Oh but how will xyz think about my accomplishments?". It never crossed my mind. I was just doing my own thing and showing off my potentials to the world. How do I overcome this messed up fear that I have?

@Nahm That's fine, maybe I'm not seeing something cause I'm too in my head lol. But yeah sometimes I would behave as if my thoughts about other's people's thouths are true. And it's not like I don't ever get jelaous, but in this situation I don't really think I am. Tbh even when I see someone with much "less talent" in my field successful and making money, I'm impressed and it gives me motivation. Art. Making creative illustrations, drawings, designing, being creative in that sense. Making stuff that people find it cool that they would want to hang it on their wall or wear it as a shirt.

I'm afraid of other's people's reaction once I start doing my thing. I guess I don't see how am I jelaous or what exactly I am projecting onto others.

You know what's funny, I'm actually pretty excited to see people succeed. Especially when I see that they are my age or from my town or from my field. I get excited and have this "can't find to start something myself" kind of feeling. I think I might be afraid of judgement or ridicule because I care about my art so much. I kind of gave it such a big importance. I'm maybe too attached to it. For example, I'm not attached to people so much, even my friends, but my life purpose is the only thing I care about the most, it's the only thing I can always go back to at the end of the day.

I'm so used to think about how others will percieve this or that (this only happens regarding my life purpose because I care so much about it), that I don't even know what I actually want... And as you said, I don't know if I'm doing something for them or truly for me. Don't know how to devide the two. If it makes sense. This kind of approach actually helps me see this from a different light. It feels way better. Feels true. Thanks.

This is so motivating lol. Thanks. Nicely said. Can't do anything meaningful in life unless I push myself out of my comfort zone... I'm just too much in my comfort zone that any little change disturbs me. Doing my own thing will be uncomfortable because I'm so used to just "fit in" for the fear of other people's reactions.

Exactly THIS. I would feel bad to make them feel so inferior and unsuccessful (compared to me). That book, I should read it lol. Well, this is true. I'm nervious because success reveals who is your true friend and who is not. I guess those who do not wish me to thrive in life shouldn't be in my life in the first place and I shouldn't be afraid to lose them lol.

Alright, this sounds absolutely right. If a girl is so hesitant even after 15th date, it surely is cause of lack of chemistry and attraction.

Sure, but you have to think what kind of girls would be willing to have sex that soon? Generally girls who look for fun. Normally, it's necessary for a girl (who looks for meaningful relationship) to get to know a guy for a while, take time to analyze him to see if he's a serial killer or whatnot and if it's even safe to continue anything else. Then next step happens. Safety is very important for a women.

So if a woman says no to sex after one month of knowing each other, it's okay for a guy to ditch her for expressing her needs and boundaries? Okay, let it be. I would rather be ditched than do something I'm not comfortable with. As far as I know, it is even desirable that women doesn't give in to sex too early for the risk of being seen as "too easy" or whatever.

Well, it's true that both women and men are selfish. How can it not be so? Girls are selfish because they want best for themselves, they don't want to put themselves in danger or date a financially unstable, unattractive person (for example). If she wasn't selfish she would have no problem dating unattractive morbidly obese guy with smelly feet. But because she has preferences, she has certain condition under which she will accept potential partner. It doesn't make her a bad person, but it does make her selfish, and that's fine, because guys do the exact same thing too.

Everything you wrote seems fine. Did she tell you something that made you doubt yourself? All I can say is that you shouldn't overthink stuff too much. You just do what you soul tells you. Just dive into the moment. Show emotions if you feel like showing.

Friends are a distraction too, if we want to look at it that way. Family holiday gatherings are distraction. Any type of socialization. If you want to reach spiritual mastery, you might as well not let anyone distract you from it. But like... Life without such things is boring. Why not learn to balance both things and have both? It's only impossible if you believe it is.

This may sound strange coming from a girl but I struggled with feeling "ugly" myself. The way I broke out of it is that I just *decided* I looked good and everything else, including looks, fell into place, literally. Including looks. Thoughts create reality. All I know is that victim mentality gets you nowhere you want. It just deepens your sorrow and helplessness. There's hope for everybody that wants to put in the work.