somegirl

Thanks. It used to be so easy for me to tell whether a guy is interested in me. They were the one usually pursuing me. But with this guy, I have no idea. It's just mostly friendly. And maybe that's good, for a start. To get to know him as a person. But I am already, at this very moment, preparing myself for rejection lol. Btw what do I do after our first meeting in person? Do I send him a message or wait for him to do that? (I'm ruminating in advance lol) Oh yeah. Gotta make sure that he's reciprocating too. You're right on this one.

True. I see. Good to know, the last part. My personal experience has been different, but again I haven't been exposed to many different experiences regarding this stuff. Such as?

Well this is what basically happened. I was seen as "not girlfriend material" because I was being too flirty, even though I really sincerely liked that guy. I insinuated being sexual with him too. And he insinuated that to me too! But he was judging me that I was doing that. But he might have been projecting.

@Leo Gura I can flirt a little but I have a hard time to insinuate anything too sexual to him. I don't feel comfortable to do that. I need to meet him in person for me to be sure that I want him. Maybe we won't click in real life. Who knows. That's why I don't want to be "too open" too soon.

I don't know what I'm more afraid of - what you said is possibly one of the reasons, but I'm also wary not to be taken seriously/be seen in the wrong way. Cause it happened before.

@Leo Gura Ookay. I'll say what is authentic to me. Don't wanna say stuff that are uncharacteristic to me @Shin You didn't read my original post I see. I didn't know that. I thought me initiating convo is enough sign for him. Cause essentially no girl does it. Or rarely. This is definitely out of my confort zone. Me initiating a conversation with a guy I like. For me personally, at least. Okay, now I'm learning that me having convo with him is annoying him. lol I mean, I just wanted to see, even for myself, if we can keep the convo going. But maybe it's better that I do in in person....... Ugh, yeah... I know, I see now.

Lol, thanks for advice

Thanks for suggestions but damn, that's TOO explicit lol. I mean we haven't even met and I'm already insinuating us sleeping together? I'm not even sure myself! I need to meet him in person for me to decide if we click

Oh man, I'm really pushing myself over here lol. I will just ask him out at one point, but got to make it smooth...

Btw I tried flirting with him, we were talking briefly about our mutual friend and how she usually wears hats, and I told him "I think you wearing one would suit you too. Do you think it would suit me as well?" and he said something like "Sure, why not, it would suit everybody" and I said well I'm not everybody. And he just laughed lol.

I see. Yeah, I project my thoughts onto him. Whereas in reality, I can't know for sure what's in his head. But also, I am allowed to assume and to come up with logical conclusions, based on someone's action/behaviour. I cannot totally ignore that aspect. I see. How can beliefs be relinquished? I'm not yet there. I'm in the process of replacing limiting beliefs with better ones. I cannot just not have beliefs. At least not yet.

Alright, thanks Leo.

https://youtu.be/qtsNbxgPngA Though, there is this too. Jimmy Fallon and Nicole Kidman didn't communicate efficiently that they liked each other. At least Nicole didn't. And she thought Jimmy didn't like her. So after many years, Nicole finally admitted to him that she had a crush on him many years ago, but as she saw he never reciprocitated, nothing ever happened. And they are not both married with kids, with other people. Look at Jimmy's reaction, he had no freaking clue she liked him at the time lolol Sad and funny at the same time.

Yeah... The bare minimum I want, for me to be able to open up and push further, is for him to show me that he is engaged in our conversation, interested to get to know me and asks ot of questions about me/what I like to do/my interests. He is already aware of how I look, and if he liked it, he would be interested to get to know me.

I needed to hear that flirting is normal, even when it's done by a girl. I recall I was flirting with a guy I liked a few years back, and he was judging me that I was being flirty with him, he thought I was not a relationship material because of it, and also he was judging me whenever I posted a slightly sexy photo on social media. And I never even actually posted anything too explicit, I always ket it low-key and elegant, tasteful. So this kinda skewed my opinions on this stuff later on. I felt judged that I was expressing my liking toward other guy and that I was not taken serious because of it. I crave to express myself authentically. Though, you're right, I think some people project their wishes on what THEY would like a girl to do to them, if they were in a similar situation. As @aurum pointed out. Yeah... I feel like, even WITHOUT me flirting, he should be at least interested to get to know me as a person (he saw how I look). Even if he is not sure about my intentions, doesn't he just enjoy our conversation? That's important if we want any kind of relationship to form. And right now I don't feel like he's too engaged. He doesn't really try to ask me anything back about me. I don't need to hit him with flirting tactics for him to start being interested in me. It's not right. I need to feel that he's interested in our conversation for me to start pushing with flirting/other stuff. I will definitely pull and see if he finds an excuse to message me in the future, or if he will give me any sign of attraction.

Omg so many different opinions. That's very cool story. Thanks for sharing. Man, I have so many of those. And I think it mostly stems from one guy I used to like who was judging me because I was flirting with him. Telling me girls shouldn't behave in that way. He was very judgemental overall. So I made an subconscious association flirting=me being seen as "not a relationship material". You are so right... I try to come out of my comfort zone. This is why I made this step. However, I'm hesitant. I just wanna be able to flirt and express my femininity, maybe even my sexual side freely, and still be taken seriously. This... I Need to hear.

I have a very hard time to express myself freely. Even though I want to. I just worry too much about the future and what might happen if I do. Like I worry that the guy I openly flirt with will look at me like I'm not a serious girl because girls that are for serious relationships don't flirt with strangers. I live in small town, it might be a reputation thing. The last part is true.

@Federico del pueblo I knowww. I sympatize with you guys with this dating thing... I mean, I don't stress too much because I don't worry if it will work out or not, but it would be nice cause he seems normal. I just thought guys like to chase and win girls over, not have it hand over to them. Because they appreciate it less if it's done that way. I don't know but I kinda feel dirty to flirt with someone I'm not sure is into me. He might make fun of me to his friends lol. My fear is that I would seem a bit promiscuous/low quality by me flirting too early, and not a kind of girl that is for serious relationship. Those are scenarios in my head.

@Leo Gura This might be an irrational thought of mine, but I feel like, if I flirt with him that he will think "Look at this girl.. Who knows with how many guys she flirts this openly besides me?".

Ugh, but Leo... I knoww I was mostly being friendly, I basically didn't flirt at all, but I initiated the convo, which means that I find him interesting, I think he's aware. My plan was to end the conversation and see if he will ever initiate one himself. When he does, I will start flirting. Because right now I don't feel 100% confident that he's in. I feel like me flirting too early makes me kinda... Low quality? Like I would give off low quality vibes if I do it too early.

I think it's guy's job to let a girl know if he's interested and take the lead. I might be wrong. But I feel weird taking the lead too much.

I agree totally with you. Sure, but I think I shouldn't be the one who asks him out. I mean, even me making the first move is out of the ordinary and should indicate to him that I find him interesting (even though I'm not flirting). I'm waiting for him now. You think that is the case? I'd like to think he is too shy and considerate not to say something stupid or to come off as creepy. He's around my age (22) so younger guys, I believe, are more cautious. I try to be very friendly though.

He's good looking to me personally. For my taste. But objectively speaking, he's not type of guy who is popular solely because of his looks (like Liam Hemsworth, Chris Evans type of beauty etc). You know what I mean? I'm still getting to know him. I don't let myself attached just yet. I wanted casual conversation and see how he responds to my messages. Yep. I will move on if he doesn't show me a sign that he's interested in me, somehow.

I believe he wouldn't reply to my messages in the first place though? Though maybe he's being just polite. I don't know. However, I didn't see pictures of his girlfriend and him on social media. Or like him hugging a girl in a suspicious way for the photo.

He's president of the student parliament here... I don't believe he is that dull... He gives me some long answers. He might be a bit shy/considerate. I don't know, that's what I feel at least. Though it's on him to make the next move cause I ain't making them no more lol