somegirl

And well, I also resonate with this. I also feel the FOMO thing. I have been thinking about this recently. It's just that I feel we are missing out on a lot of things because of this current global situation. And also, lack of money and therefore a lack of adventurous experiences is also something that bothers me. It's like, when are you gonna explore but now? I might write a post about it. Just because I don't have a solution to this... Though I have recently joined a few social groups where I exposed myself to meeting new people. So... Maybe you can try it if you think it's gonna help you.

I think I can understand you. I have noticed quite a few people saying similar things regarding guys of this site. Tbh, I have not seen too many guys like this because I don't often read most of the threads lol. And thank god because of that I don't have much negative experience. But, here and there I would occasionally come across some quite surprising threads and seeing some of the comments below one particular thread I forgot the name of, did provoke a reaction in me. I specifically remember that notion of "there's no relationship without sex" and it didn't resonate well with me, to say the least. Or "girls only go out in clubs to have sex". I can suggest you drop whatever narrative does not resonate with you. Just fuck it. If they think relationship doesn't begin unless you sleep with them (an example), let them think that way, it's their life. You do what you feel most comfortable doing. Period. Period! No amount of shaming is gonna make me do something I don't wanna freaking do. I don't freaking care about the rules. We are humans first and foremost. If it's in a guy, biologically, to protect their girl and offsprings, they should know what would make us feel protected and comfortable. That should be their number one priority as a guy. And I'm sure the right guy is not going to do anything that would make you uncomfortable because the right one will be attuned with your emotions. A person (emotionally and socially developed one) can see when they are making someone uncomfortable. And they stop. They are not pushy. They see a human in you, not just someone they wanna sleep with. That's all I wanted to say, it's a bit of a rant, but it's because I understand how you felt about being paranoid because "oh well we should just accept that guys are the way they are". I don't buy that.

@Illusory Self Great job. Even though I don't know you, I am very proud of you. This is a big deal!

@mamad you just stop being friends in that case. It's natural and is part of life.

I would understand an unease feeling when a guy hears his girl has been sleeping with more than 30+ people before him. That fact sometimes can indicate that a girl's mental health is not good, that girl is trying to avoid pain or fullfill her needs in an unhealthy way. But if a girl has slept with, for example, one or two guys before meeting her husband, I have no understanding for a guy's shock in that case. It just shows guy's insecurity.

@Thought Art Good video

Oof. Bold claim. I guess girl's value really do decrease in blue stage societies once she sleeps with more than one man in her entire human life. Oh well, whatever. If you're subscribing to this kind of thinking, and think there is nothing wrong with it, I can't really do anything about it. This kind of perspective has deep roots.

Very true. It's because there is a reason why a man might be broke, and most of those reasons are not good/attractive to a girl (i.e. being lazy, not ambitious, man-child etc.). And for a girl, if she is not a virgin, what is the reason behind that? She had sex with another man before you. That's all. Is it such a big deal? Seems so, to some people.

@Bobby_2021 Well since you are in stage blue , it's not weird that you have these views. But I would suggest, as crazy as that sounds, that a girl is able to live her own life however she wants. Her not being a virgin is not something she should be judged for. It might even be a good thing so she won't be totally clueless about it and might even know what she likes so she can be a better lover to you too. But these are all extreme ideas I would assume, in a stage blue mind. You two simply might not be suitable for each other because you have different views on life.

It's a reccuring theme in my life. It drives me freaking nuts. This is also one of the reasons why I don't freely express when something bothers me/when I'm angry or upset with someone. Because I fear I will basically lose them. What's the deal? Why does this keep happening? Usually when I'm upset with someone, it's for a good reason, it's not out of the blue, either something hurt me, or someone behaved in a careless way towards me etc. and when I express annoyance towards i.e. my friend I always somehow end up in a situation where that friend actually is angry/upset WITH ME that I expressed my feelings. And they don't talk to me after that. I am literally put in a situation where I need to apologize because I care more about this friendship than being right. But I am tired of this. Why am I punished for expressing my feelings? It honestly scares me how easy it is for my friend to distance themselves from me instead of communicating with me. This tells me that I don't have a right to be upset, if I want to keep friendships in my life. I don't think it's supposed to work like that...

Hey this sounds amazing. Keep it up! Also your New Years goals are similar to mine. Hope you will be able to fullfil them all. You deserve it ?

This sounds interesting. It is logical in some paradoxical sense. How does one raise consciousness though? How long did it take you to come to this realization and shift in perspective?

Okay so one guy I went on a date with 3-4 years ago messaged me yesterday. I was confused. Needed a minute to recall who this guy is. He said he remembered me in a good light and he specifically remembered how confident I seemed and how not nervious I was (compared to him). I was radiating confidence and good energy. Yeah. Sounds about right. I was so confident back then. Felt so good in my skin. I was on fire. It's so different now. I don't know what happenwd to me and what's the deal now. I just literally don't let myself feel happy and confident. And I often worry about others. Back then I just wanted to have a good time and have fun. I had different mindset. I want that back. Something is holding me back. ✅ I want to be confident. I want to radiate positivity and confidence. I want everybody to notice that about me when they meet me for the first time. I mostly want that so I can feel great in my own body and mind.

I found out that two people I recently met are in a relationship. At first I couldn't believe because they didn't behave like a couple at all in public. Even on social media they behave like two best friends. The way they speak to each other in public is also very friends-like. While being "friends" is also important in a relationship, I certainly don't want my future partner to behave with me in this way. I want my bf to be proud that I am his gf and I want him to not have a problem to show affection and admiration for me in front of everybody. Of course, shouldn't overdo it, but certainly let people know what we are. ✅ I want my bf to show everybody that I am his gf, in a tasteful way and with moderation, that would make me feel special.

Missing out. Time wasted. Regret.

This is actually quite upsetting cause now I remember reading one of his threads where he managed to explain the experience of god realization so vividly that It brought tear to my eye. Made a video about it too. "It's just all God". This really makes me think how nothing is certain. Deep condolences. Nothing is certain.

For starters you can try referring them as ladies, rather than that other word. Other thing is - if they did not ask you for any advice, you shouldn't feel pressured to give it to them, even though you have noticed things they can improve. Maybe if you really want to let them know, you can bring it up next time they mention a problem you have solution to. Just ask them "Can I tell you what I think is holding you back?" when they seem really desperate to find out what they are doing wrong. But only if they seem troubled do you do this. Otherwise don't bother.

Got Secure. Don't know. If I am secure, why the hell was I shy my whole life.

So just when I decided to make positive changes for real and set intention to it, it's like universe is supporting me to continue this way (or at least I want to interpret it that way). I came across this quote today and it is exactly the kind of quote I needed.

Exactly this. Man, I resonate with this thread so much, not because of supposed size, but not being satisfied sexually. One of my exes, who was supposedly more experienced than me, seemed completely uninterested to make me feel pleasure as well. And when he did try, it was just so sloppy, I could sense he wasn't REALLY trying, he just wanted to get it over with. Which turned me off instantly. There was no real desire to make me feel good. And now I see that he was just selfish. And he was. Not just because of this, but because of many other things I can see now.

I was in Belgrade for New Years. Man. I am always amazed with this city. Now, for some reason, even more than usual. It's just so fun and you can see a lot happening at the same time. At one point you see couple kissing, right beside them you see some street man singing, right next to him you see group of people cheering on little kid who is dancing... I'm just so amazed. It's so cool. And some many different people to see. From all over the country and world. Everybody came to have a good time. I am speaking as if I was here for the first time, but this is not the case - but something about this visit was different from the rest. Can't exactly pinpoint it. I think I was not enjoying it enough as I should have. I also did something I thought I couldn't/was too incapable of, and that is travelling back to my town on my own. Alone. That's a first for me. Yay for me for that. Anyway. This was truly inspiring. There's a lot of things that came to mind when I was there yesterday. There's also some wishes I have for the New Year. And goals. But I might create separate comment for it, as I am not too sure about it yet. ✅ Man, I want to live like this. I want to travel on my own whenever I feel like doing it. I wanna have courage to do more things on my own. ✅ I want to meet cool people. I want to feel like I'm also part of the conversation. I don't want to just admire them for their coolness, I want also them to act cool towards me. Just wanna meet cool people like this. ✅ Wanna seem cool myself. Cool is relative term but... In my mind, I think of someone as "cool" when: they have their shit together, when they are open to new (maybe even unknown, uncertain) experiences because they have adventurous mindset (this is so attractive to me), when they are confident in themselves (and that shows through the way they walk and talk). So I want to be cool in that way. ✅For some reason, people I saw today and yesterday and places I've been through were inspiring. I want to inspire like that as well. ✅I want to earn enough money through work I love so I can afford to live or at least have a flat in Belgrade. It just motovated me to work on achieving thay goal more faster I think. ✅ Want to be more open to new experiences and people. Just enjoying every moment and embracing whatever is coming my way. ✅ Want to see (and live) life like it's one big interesting journey. Like in a movie. Even when something "bad" happens, it's happening for a reason that is needed for me. And you can always turn it around and use it to your advantage. Life is what you make of it. ✅ I want to NOT take things personally. I saw yesterday and today how it is when you don't take things to heart and personally. And I just felt at peace. So calm. I noticed that I am too tense when I constantly interpret things as something personal in the past. But I also noticed that I tend to do that when I'm in a low state of being/feeling sad/feeling moody. So I need to work on raising my energy and my mood more. ✅ I want to be more positive and uplifting. I want positive energy to shine from me and be addictive to other.

@ivankiss Mhm, I assumed it is a period, doesn't necessarily mean you will always be like this. But even being like this is not a bad thing at all, don't get me wrong. It's even sometimes necessary for one's own growth. I assume everybody went through it at some point. Enjoy life and go with the flow, you seem like a nice guy anyway, you won't have problem to find somebody when you decide to settle Poz

@ivankiss If you have ever heard abour Robert Greene, he wrote a book about The Art of Seduction, in it he mentiones 9 types of seducers. You would totally be a Rake. Rake is a man who has an intense interest in women, he is a hunter who is able to understand female spirit and is able to seduce them with ease. He admires women like they are walking piece of art and he cannot get enough of them. But. One women cannot satisfy him The only way he can be satisfied is by constantly having new women in his life. Which, you can imagine, is not sustainable. The moment one women becomes familiar, it kinda loses the edge he wants. Of course, this is my thought, you might disagree with me on this. hahah But reading some of your stories (couldn't manage to read them all) I am actually amazed with what ease you are able to attract some of the girls, but not just any girls, but the girls you absolutely want and crave the most. Some guys would die to find out how you do it, trust me. Maybe you can write a book about it one day lol.

I just think I need to love myself more. I just think that I do love myself, but in reality I am not as confident as I used to be. I think I am not good enough in a way. After talking to a group of people, I constantly critize myself and other people (in my mind) for this and that, and I often feel bad and defeated for not having done this and that. Sometimes it is legit other people who should be more considerate, but since I cannot control them, all I can do is focus on myself and how I carry myself and behave. So I can feel good on my own body. Me going in this oranisation seem bad and uncomfortable but it can be good for me in the long run. I will try extract the most valuable things in my life and apply to my life. It will make my life more closer to my dream life. There's also this one thing... I noticed that I view some people as better than me and therefore I behave in a way I don't like, I people please (and I often regret this afterwards), but then other people I view like they are "below" me, as bad as that sounds. And some people I view as equals. I don't know how. It's just energy they give off I think. Let me think. People who do not pay attention to me I feel are above me. People who do not value me as much as I would like them to value me. People who do not compliment me. Those people I feel and behave as if they are "above me". I also have problems setting my boundaries firmly with these kind of people because I don't feel like they value what I say. I don't feel like they want to listen to me. Because they view me as "below them". I don't express my thoughts with them. I just go with what they like. ✅ I want to be confident no matter who I interact with. (I need to work on this) (People being "above" me is just my perception of them, it is not a fact grounded in reality) People who treat me fine, pay attention to me, compliment me, I feel they are equals to me. They are the best. I can talk to them freely. I can joke and express myself without fear. I can set boundaries with them too. People who compliment me too much are "below me". People who don't seem confident in general. People who talk quietly and stutter. I feel relaxed with them. I don't feel threatened. I can also express myself freely with these people. I easily set boundaries with them too, and I do that confidently. I can express my thoughts freely. /////////////////////////////////////////////// I actually never distinguished how I want to be and to appear as a person when interacting with other people. It got me thinking. What kind of person I want to be and to appear to other people? Who I eould like to be? I was listening to Robert Greene and he mentioned that we are all essentially actors in our own lives. We all play a role and we can also create a work of art with our character. We choose how we wanna act. So... In order to live a life I wanna live... (which I have only glimpses of that dream life, but not the whole picture and clear vision of how that lmust look like) I need to be the person that fits that picture. I cannot be negative and live an exciting life. It doesn't go together. I'm visualizing that... ✅ I want to fix my energy. I want to be positive (but genuinely positive ,having positive thoughts). I don't want toxic shit running my system. I want to be attractive to positive uplifting people in my life. -I will do this by being more grateful in life and focus on the positive things that will make me feel good and happy. I will make a list of things I am grateful for every single day. I managed to be this positive bubble of energy when I was in elementary school. My friend even made a comment about my energy and how I seem positive. She even asked me if I am in love with someone, because I seemed so happy. ✅ I want to be well put together. Clothes that are clean and suit me and enhance my atributes. Mostly neutral colors (beige, black, gray, white). ✅ I want to speak fluently and eloquently. I don't want to stutter. I want to seem like a very good speaker, that is interesting and pleasant to listen to. When I see high quality people, i always notice this common trait in her. Good, clear speaking abilities and good story tellers. They don't stutter. They don't necessarily speak loud, but when they speak, they speak in moderate tone so everyone can hear them clearly. -I will manage to do this when I read more book but OUT LOUD. Saying every word clearly and precisely. ✅I want to be enlightened in intelectual sense. I want to be knowledgeable about movies/series and books. -I will do this by, of course, watching more movies and series. To keep up with what's trendy and to relate to people around me so I can have things to talk about. I am honestly not so big on movies and series, but I want to create myself in a way I want. I would want my future bf to know much about movies and series and books, so I need to match that frequency. Even though movies are a form of art, and I am into art, I never got myself into movies ever. I don't know why but it seemed boring to me to watch movies. It's just people acting. I see people every day. I was more interested in cartoons. But. I want to change and be more knowledgeable in this area. ✅ I want to be more feminine. I want attractive, seductive, feminine energy beaming from me. Oh my god. I actually managed to do this 3 years ago. And everyone noticed that! Everyone made a comment about my energy. They saw something undescribably attractive about me, but not just the way I looked, but the kind of energy I was radiating with. Even my friends noticed this. -I managed to do this by pretending and behaving as if I am the deal. As if I am the most amazing, attractive girl wherever I walked in. As if every guy wanted to be with me. I even managed to have very seductive look. One guy even made a comment on it once. Leaving this list for later. I am a bit tired. ✅

Friend is still behaving distant. No message from her side whatsoever. She just messaged me on Sunday regarding assignment we have to complete together. But no talk about anything else after that. We need to see each other tomorrow for this assignment. Otherwise I really wouldn't wanna see her. Tomorrow I plan to tell her, either live (if we meet each other) or through text (if she decides to postpone this or tell me she can't come see me for xyz reasons) that I have noticed weird, cold energy coming from her and will ask if I am wrong. I won't attack her. I will control myself. I will try to be as non-confrontational as I can possibly be. But on the inside I am already done with this friendship. It takes a lot for me to give up on someone I am close with, like this. But this is not acceptable behaviour coming from a supposed "close friend" of mine. I don't want a friend like this. I can't imagine what could she say that would make me change my mind. It must be something really really fucking good, to make up for this kind of neglectful behavior. Either way I will tell her everything that is on my mind. Every single situation (as of recently) that bothered me, coming from her. And I will ask her why. And I will remind her ehat kind of promise we made to each other. And I will ask if she really cares about me and this friendship because I feel like she doesn't. I don't care that it's new years and that atmosphere should be happy and positive. I will bring up this issues now. I will. If she has the heart to behave like this now, in this time of the year, I will gladly return the favor. I will bring up tough topics and uncomfortable conversations. One. Last. Time. However, knowing that she stays quiet instead of talking it out with me, and by her seeming unbothered by this kind of distance she created between us, even if things get resolved, I am definitely keeping her at arms lengtht. Definitely. Even if we have a good conversation tomorrow that will resolve some things. Why, you ask? Why would you do that if you were to resolve these issues with her? Because she does this to me in the first place. Because she has a heart to treat me as an invisible object when she has a bad day. Because she stays quiet after having treated me like that and is okay with our distance. Because I feel that she doesn't want to maintain this friendship anymore. This is why. Fuck this. I am hurt. I am angry. I don't want this. ✅ I want something real and stable. ✅ I want someone I can rely on. ✅ Someone who cares about me. Someone who will not make me feel like shit after interacting with them. I am fucking tired of always questioning my worth after this kind of interactions. I am tired of feeling something is wrong with me. ✅ I want someone who will bring a light to parts of myself I wasn't even aware I have. ✅ I want someone who will encourage me to be better. I don't want someone who I feel is jealous of me. That's another thing. I kinda feel that she is threatened by my success. Maybe I am wrong. I don't know if I am just saying this because I am so done with her or because I sincerely think this. I don't really feel her genuine happiness when she sees me thrive. I have had this thought hovering above me for quite some time. She doesn't compliment me very often. I want to actually feel appreciated by my friend. Maybe this is my fault, but because of this, I felt I am not free to share my talent and show off because I feel she will feel threatened by me and won't want to be my friend or hang out with me anymore. ✅ I want to feel appreciated by someone I am close with, either in friendship or relationship sense.