somegirl

That doesn't make much sense. Can you elaborate?

Well they have much more experience than me. They have many experiences with dealing with people. They can use that knowledge to their advantage, which they often do. There's an imbalance in dynamics. This is why it bothers me.

Read my response to why it makes me a bit irritated lol.

It makes me a bit irritated that they do not care that they are much older than me... Like, they do not have conscience that they shouldn't be dating someone so much younger than themselves. For many reasons.

Well it's not like guys in their early/mid/late twenties do not do anything. Some of them already have jobs, live on their own...

This sounds true in some situations, however sometimes it is important that you go out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself. I am an introvert as well, but I have come to enjoy socializing and partying/dancing, even though I hardly imagined myself being that way before. It's good that he's putting himself out there. He's deliberately going against his thoughts that say "No, go back, this is unfamiliar territory...". I would recommend @Illusory Self that he keeps doing those "uncomfortable" things until he comes to enjoy them. And I only give this advice because he said he wishes to be good at approaching women and socializing. Otherwise he could just drop everything and stay home. This is so true lol. I don't even know myself sometimes if I'm doing something "to grow myself and throw myself out of my comfort zone" (so my "suffering" is justified) or am I genuinely hating something and I genuinely don't wanna do it, and it doesn't help me grow myself. I guess the difference is... One needs to go deeper and introspect. Ask questions... Why do I hate this... Is it because I am just not used to those situations/people or because I just don't genuinely want to do any of that stuff because it doesn't authentically interest me. @Illusory Self You're block yourself out. You think/worry too much. You want to be someone you're not, that's why it is hard for you to just authentically be you and answer in your manner to those girl's messages. I have figured that part of socialization is being able not to overthink (which we introverts love to do). You just say and do what you feel at the moment and not care what others say. You care if you're having a good time. Have that change of perspective. Change your framing. And you just have to keep going out and doing this. Who cares if they don't respond/if you say something awkward? People forget it in the next few minutes/hours. You just move on. This is how extroverts behave. They just go with the flow.

@melodydanielluna I'm curious how do you know you transcended and moved to a stage yellow on Spiral Dynamics? And to answer some of the questions, it's hard to say where do these people meet each other. Because those people are rare. And everyone assumes they are at the higher stage when they are not. That's why being self critical is important in some cases. Those people are so rare that I don't even have a reference or example I can use to know how that even looks like, let alone where to find them. But I would guess that, like attracts like. If you're in a stage yellow rn, you would organically have friends who are at a higher stages and also eventually meet stage yellow partner.

Well it's either telling the truth or you (he) can lie to her about it. Choose the best option

Damn this is hard... On one hand I understand that you want to live and experiment and "be wild" and don't want to be tied down while young. On another, you found someone you clicked with, though not entirely, if I'm understanding it right. I would say... Maybe see if she is open for an open relationship. I think you might regret committing to a long term relationship if you feel this way now. You feel you want to "live" a little more and see what's out there. Other people might be okay with committing to a long term relationship this young and don't have desire to experiment much. But you seem unsure about this relationship. If she is really a great girl (a dream girl by your standards) it might come back to bite you in the ass if you decide to leave such girl. But by your story I didn't get an impression that you're 100% in and 100% sure about her.

@Jacob Morres just keep talking and interacting with people and you will become careless about whether you come off as awkward or not. I am an introvert and I definitely had this problem, but I just put myself out of my comfort zone a lot more and now I don't care about how I come off as much as before.

@Hello from Russia Oh okay

Sounds like a wonderful relationship. #relationshipsgoals

Are you referring to me?

✅ I want to be that cool friend... As in, cool because of her behaviour. Charismatic in a sense. I want to be more expressive. I don't want my facial expressions to be frozen when interacting with other people. I want to be interesting as a person.

Friendships are not complicated at all. That's your belief. I have friends I have known for 16+ years. And I don't live in first world country. Maybe it's complicated for some people because they care too much about it. Like... They don't have abundant mindset. They worry about whether they will ever find/keep a friend that it backfires at them and those potential friends always somehow seem to just vanish.

He is diabetic, 29 years old, but the most upsetting thing I see is him not caring about his health at all, and my parents worrying about him. He has this pent up negative energy boiling inside of him and it shows. He is deeply unsatisfied and frustrated individual who works overtime (from morning till night literally) so he can fill the void inside of him. (For the record, he is very unhappy with my family's money situation). Whenever he walks inside our house, I can just feel his negativity and I (even though it sounds bad) oftentimes don't like seeing him because he is very unpleasant to talk to. He doesn't know how to answer in a calm tone, he always yells, and complains about everything in his life. And I'm not exaggerating. This is him 24/7. Today he picked wrong insulin and injected it into his hand, and instead of taking care of it and asking doctors what he can do now, he decided not to care about it. It's as if he wants to kill himself. Generally he seems pretty uninterested in food and what he has to eat (because of his condition he needs to measure the amount of food he eats and has to avoid certain food), but instead he relies on my mom to take care of it. As if he will never have to live on his own and take care of himself at one point. Also... My brother doesn't have a girlfriend and never did and I assume this frustration and unhappiness stems from that too. He never mentioned any girl in his life. I honestly don't know what to do and what my parents can do. They worry about him too much but are helpless about what they can do. Any suggestions or advice are welcomed.

I actually know a guy who "forgave" his girl for cheating (even though he brings it up here and there and they broke up couple of times over it but got back together) and now they have a baby. And they seem stable now... Just interesting to see lol

So you mean I need to see him as being happy as if that's true? Like I will manifest it that way? I have heard some Law of attraction people talking about that - acting and and being grateful for something as if it already happened/as if you already have that thing.

Yeah... Though right now I can't have that kind of conversation with him. The way he is now, he would feel embarassed/uncomfortable if I were to suggest we have an open, honest conversation because that would mean he needs to open up and be vulnerable. Or he would yell "I don't have time for it, I need to work!" As a matter of fact, I think part of him being diabetic is because he never shares his feelings/struggles/frustrations. He bottles it up inside of him. Maybe I can talk to his best friend and come up with something that is feasible. In the end of the day, I feel I should set an example of being a bright spot in his life, the one who he will feel he can be vulnerable with and open up, without being judged. Then I can talk about personal development and why he needs it. This is my dream. I just don't know if it will happen in this lifetime.

Seems like this is the case for my brother. He might be depressed. I just know how unsatisfied he is with everything. Though I never saw him complaining about his condition, just his life situations (usually money, lack of material things etc). Though I think psyche is related to diabetes. He might have had this negative energy and thoughts inside of him that he felt he couldn't express and it resulted in this condition. Yeah... But you know, I just remembered, he always goes to doctors for check ups 2 times a year and also goes to psychologist two times a year so they can monitor the situation (and this is all covered by his health insurance). So I find it strange that noone reported anything weird when it comes to his mental health. For the first time ever I am glad I do not live in US (or my brother, better speaking) because this would absolutely cost him a fortune to manage. Not the best health care system in the world, but at least it is free, and so is insulin. Thank you God.

I understand this. Especially after reading a few comments from previous threads on this forum. I believe it can be pretty frustrating if that department isn't handled well. I know it was pretty frustrating to me, and I am a girl. So it's even worse for guys. You suggestion is good. Though, you made me come up with something even better. I am very close with my brother's best friend. He is like my second brother. We can maybe sit him down one day and ask him what troubles him. I just hope he won't be overwhelmed or uncomfortable by this. My brother might feel so embarassed and close off even more. I for sure won't yet do this, because it is not time. I can also maybe talk to his best friend and ask him to help me so I can do this on my own. He cares for him deeply too. Yes, exactly this.

I really don't know what happened. I just remembered, being a little girl, that something just shifted. He stopped gifting me toys, stopped playing with me. Maybe some girl rejected him? Maybe someone humiliated him in front of everyone? This is just my speculation. I have no way of knowing unless I ask him and unless he answers me honestly. Which at this point I can't imagine him being vulnerable and open up to me about that. He is very closed off. Very cold, unreachable.

This actually made me tear up... As I feel it is true. I inherently believe I cannot change him unless he wants to himself. Just for the record, situation here is a little specific and different than that of the west. My country is deeply corrupted, but to the point where a young person cannot find a good paying job and use that money to live on his own unless they are a member of dominant political party. Living on his own is expensive. This results in young people living with their parents till they find husband/wife. But even then some decide to stay and live together with parents because of lack of money. I see. I actually hoped some of my friends would find him attractive. But... I think his looks is not a problem, I think his energy is. I believe he went on some dates in the past (I actually caught him using tinder at one point), but I believe nothing ever happened because they sensed how deeply unhappy and frustrated he is. The worst thing is - he doesn't communicate any of this to us. He doesn't ask for help. This is just my assumption. I never took psychedelics but man do i want to someday in the future. And I don't want just my borther to take it, but my whole family. But ofc I cannot force anyone unless they are ready. Even I am still a bit apprehensive about it. Have you taken it before? Dreaming and praying this will happen. Ahahah, as if that helps. It's very hard to tell someone to stop doing something. Thanks. This is very beautifully said.

The way he is now, it is impossible to talk to him. As I mentioned, he is unable to have a normal conversation without yelling or being unpleasant to talk to overall. He is very inaccessible. Though I remember a time when we were little kids how he cared about me and wanted to play with me all the time. He was always joking with my father as well, they had an inside joke. But then during puberty something changed and he became a different person - to me and generally.

✅ I want someone (bf) who absolutely LOVES what he does and does it sonpassionately. I alsow ant someone adventurous and with an open mind.