somegirl

So... A guy I used to be crazy in love sent me a message last friday. After 2 years of not talking. I think I was dreaming one night about him beforehand, but I'm not entirely sure. What is crazy is that I saw him the very day he sent me a message. I really didn't expect it. But he basically asked me why I deleted him everywhere. He was seemingly bothered and kept asking me why I did it since we had great interaction, him and I. But I didn't unfollow him for no reason, there was planty of reasons, which is why I did it. I explained to him why. Every situation I felt used and let down. Hurt. And situations I cried about. And he felt sorry and apologized. He said that was the last thing he wanted me to feel. He leads this carefree life and in the process of it all, I got hurt because I felt used and ditched every time he would ask me out (even though I told him to leave me alone if he doesn't want something serious with me). I saw how sorry he was thoguh. He said "When I see you, I can only remember good things. There is no room for bad memories." And that soften my heart honestly. That I have that kind of influence on some people. It really was sweet to hear. I was kinda cruel tbh. I didn't want to make it easy for him. I was seriously hurt back then (not now, I moved on and have 0 reaction to what happened). But I didn't want to just let it be forgotten. I didn't want to let him get away with it and let it slip so easily. What happened needed to be addressed. Which we finally did. After 2 freaking years. It felt like I was dreaming. Everything I wanted back then (for him to apologize for hurting me), it happened. Plus he was hurt. He seemingly was hurt that our interaction ended. He wanted it to last. Which was a shock for me to know. I thought he didn't care about me, why would he be hurt that our i interaction ended? His actions told me he didn't care. But... He apologized. Though we didn't see each other still, we only were chatting. I want to see him too these days. It would be nice. But he seems apprehensive about it. He is kinda scared of me I think. Though he needs to understand that I was seriously hurt. I deleted him because I don't want to be in contact with people who do not care about me and do not consider my emotional and physical wellbeing. Which I felt he neglected my emotional wellbeing. He was doing what he wanted back then, when he wanted and how he wanted. When I wanted something, he would not make room for me. Anyway, he was flirting with me too. Which was interesting too. I don't know what we are. But I am not in love with him anymore. I am cold turkey now. But I still think he is attractive and interesting as a person. If he is willing to treat me with respect this time, I can consider letting him be in my life. Otherwise I don't need people who do not care about me. We will see. For now he lets me dominate him a little. In our conversations I mean. Which is good and I am thankful that he is smart enough to let me be that way, to get him back just a little. I see that he pays attention what he writes to me and doesn't want to seem like he is bringing me down/making me feel stupid/less than gim which kinda happened before. He lets me dominate him in conversations. Let's me make fun of him. He pays attention not to hurt me even by accident. And this is why I see the change. We will see. After things like this, when someone has done me wrong, and if that person ever comes back into my life, I expect them to "bow down to me". Because, hey, you hurt me, so just let me make you feel just a little what I felt. 1/100000 part of my pain. Let me dominate. You did me wrong. The least you can do is let me dominate a little. I won't abuse it. Because I am not that kind of person. So you can trust me that it won't last long. Just first couple of times. The other guy who hurt me who also came back after 2-3 years also apologized etc... But he continued behaving superior to me. He did. And that I didn't want to let it happen. So I just deleted him again and never heard from him ever since. You don't get to acr superior tlwards someone you hurt. If you care enough about that person, you will let that person have their moment and be a little superior in comparison to you. Because you hurt her. That's the least you can do when you hurt someone deeply. You can't afford being a smartass, it will backfire on you. Which it happened with this other person (we'll call him D). D fucked up and act like a smartass even though he should have let me have my little moment, just for a short while. But no, he wanted to act superior still, so I let him go. Find someone else to do that to. I noticed this is kinda crucial to me. Whether someone let's me have my moment after they come back to make amends and fix our relationship/friendship/whatever we are. ✅ I want to spend most of my time talking to people who care about me - about my physical and mental wellbeing. I do. This is crucial to me. ✅ I want person to be smart enough and let me have my moment of shine when they fuck up. Just agree with me, laugh at everything I say. Let me see that you care to make me happy.

@Striving for more HSV1 is like... Extremely common. And I mean extremely common. You don't have to worry, almost everybody has it, it's not a big deal. Some even get it from parents at birth etc. HSV2 would be different story.

In the spirit of Leo's latest video, a big chunk of the video he talks about conflicts of every type; family and friends conflict, war conflict, conflicts within academia even, but also mentions body conflict and autoimmune deseases where essentially body attacks itself because it is in conflict with itself. Now that we're aware that autoimmune desease is actually because body is "fighting" itself because one part of the body wants domination over another, from big picture perspective, can something be done about it? Can we make it stop being in conflict with itself and make peace within itself? I can bet we can find a story in some part of the world where one was able to cure such deseases.

@Tudo But why not live and enjoy this life you were given? Like, we don't know how we got here, but here we are, we have a chance to live this dream and experience lots of interesting stuff, and make something out of our lives, why not make a good use of it all? (disclaimer: I haven't had a direct experience that everything is just a dream, I have just heard from other users that it is the case, as well as from Leo).

@Jameskells Definitely it has potential to change you as a person and your views on things. But travel is only effective when you plan to stay for a long time (minimum 1 month) and when you visit new places every (other) day. It also helps if you have a guide who lives there who can show you around and take you out on interesting places every day. This is all from experience.

How would you feel if your gf told some random guy "I'd let you f me now but I have a bf so you won't have that luxury"

@kray this is exactly what I wouldn't want the most when I'm in relationship with someone. Of course that would be a deal breaker, I don't believe he flirts that way, but flirting is still.... Stepping into risky territory. Because where do we draw a line? Edit: Nevermind lol

@Kshantivadin Are those old habits destructive or just annoying?

@Max_V Maybe look into why you're reacting the way you are about this topic. Because some people do not have same reaction. Maybe something happened in the past that reminded you how used you felt, or you're interpreting it in some unique way that others don't, or something along those lines.

Seems like you have already made up your mind and lost attraction for him and don't even want to communicate with him and hopefully fix things.

What if you finally decide to approach someone and a meteor falls on Earth ?

And I'm with you 100%. I also would like those beliefs and customs to not exist. It will be a long process though. I still see even people high on consciousness being a bit apprehensive /uneasy when topic of female sleeping around is brought up. But oh well... Maybe one day.

@Max_V I would not be more attracted, honestly. But that shouldn't surprise us, double standards exist and it will always exist in the back of people's minds. Girls are judged for sleeping with more men, whereas for men that's desirable. It's just how life works, we should play by its rules. That's my philosophy at least.

@Max_V It's not about power or dominance. It's about being considerate of someone else's situation. This kind of behaviour would be acceptable if both parties were in same financial situation. But it was not the case.

@Gili Trawangan I actually understand her. She is a student and is dependant on her parents for money and doesn't have that much, and he is a guy who has stable income and has more money than her. I don't understand why he wants them to split bills when she is not earning the same as him. Kinda shows me he doesn't care in what financial situation she is in rn, he just wants them to pay equally even though they are not financially equal right now. If they were in similar circumstances in life (i.e. they are both students or they both work) then splitting bills would be beyond reasonable. But the way it is now, it's not so much. @AliceK I actually had bf who was earning money, unlike me who was on my second year of college, and didn't have much money. He actually didn't feel a tad bit guilty for letting me pay for both of us, despite me not being financially stable (or my family, for that matter). I offered to pay nevertheless because I was polite, but in the back of my mind I wished he would stop me and pay for both of us instead. He knew I didn't have much and that I am a student. It bothered me silently and yes, I didn't find it attractive. Not because of money, but because it showed me he was not being considerate and understanding of my situation. If we both were in same financial situation, I sure as heck would not have a problem splitting bills.

Tbh I was also surprised that some people do use condom even for oral... But then I thought, that's actually smart and responsible because of various STIs (especially if you're sleeping with someone for the first time).

@Karmadhi is the male version of me ? Literally I have all these thoughts, just the other way around.

I mean look at Afghanistan as an example. Some people wanted to force that part of the world into democracy. It backfired. People (at least not a large amount) are not developed for that yet. They didn't even fight back that much. In other words, they didn't have such a strong will and a reason "why". They have a long way to go before they become more "like the west". Whereas when you see a french revolusion in 1789, people were willing to die for values and morals they believed in. People were ready for freedom. How the west got to afford this civilized lifestyle today, however, is a matter of another discussion. Hint: it was not pretty, nor moral.

Ugh... I cringe when I look at some posts. Some people just have too much time on their hands. It's a bit pathetic. I kinda know why it happens - attention. ✅ I want to do things that fullfill me spiritually, emotionally and physically and I want to not have time for others stupid distracting things or people.

@RMQualtrough This thread sounds like a Journal type of stuff. Maybe write in that section, it would make more sense because there's nothing to help you with your given information here.

@PurpleTree It won't happen (at least not in a foreseeable future) and we shouldn't even entertain such thought because it's pointless. It's like asking what will happen if N.Korea looked more like the west. Things today are they way they are because they work. We cannot expect every country to be like the west, just because some people think democracy is the only right way. It's not for some people. Some people like being told what to think and do. Some people's mentality allow for authoritarian social systems to thrive. Some people are not developed enough to see a problem in it.

@Antor8188 What if? And what if this? And what if that? You're just too scared to do what he suggests (and that is approaching). Otherwise you wouldn't theorize too much. But I understand that fear. Going out of your comfort zone is necessary for growth though (just need to learn to take care of yourself and not overwork yourself).

Person you find attractive finding you attractive too and wanting to be in relationship with you too.

Yeah... Probably. Maybe some of it has to do with being scolded when making a small mistake in the past (like accidentally spilling something)... And it just kind of got programmed into my mind. What things fall under this value? Like, what does this entail (since beauty is a broad term) specifically for you?

If only I could pin this comment on my wall. This was very helpful info.