somegirl

In a way, she awfully reminds me of myself. But she is more extreme with her way of thinking. Kinda more sensitive and takes things to heart too much and too soon. Jumps to conclusions too. But maybe I'm just really like her. Damn, if I am really like her, I don't like this lol. Seems kinda scary, her ways of thinking and the way she just jumps to conclusions and she is stubborn. Yeah, kinda scary. Don't want that. This is good, in a way that I can see how I am like (or at least one aspect of mt personality I need to work on). ✅ I want to be open minded and not take things to heart and too seriously. ✅ I want to give people benefit of the doubt and not assume the worst from the start ✅ I want friends who will openly communicate with me when there is problem, not run away from me (and/or problem) ✅ I want to control my emotions better

Yes, I don't want to force anybody for any communication. I was even the one who offered to communicate, after eveything she has told me. And she has told me some pretty bad stuff, like the fact that she thinks I have bad and evil intentions towards her lol. I wonder if she's projecting. I was literally in shock but also it was kinda funny how ridiculous that was, that someone would think that of me. Noone has said that about me ever, and I also know myself and know I never wished to screw her over in any way. If she wants to communicate, and this friendship is in desperate need of communication, she can ask me. I won't for sure run after her and beg her. Hope she gets over her ego defenses. She has some very distorted and inaccurate views of things, it got me surprised.. Thank you. This is so true. Couldn't have said it better. I guess we can do something though. Find more mentality and emotionally developed people that match our awareness and ego development and are mature enoguh to communicate when problem pops up. I see, interesting. Might try that. Though I feel like I can't even be fun with this friend. She is way too sensitive, even worse than me lol. She also doesn't get harsh jokes I noticed. Takes everything too personally. So I have to be very careful what i say to her, not to accidentally hurt her. Kinda tiring at times, like, I really restrict myself around her. Cause I know she can't take it.

She has spoken and let it all out on me, everything that is on her heart lol. And brought up situations that happened few months back. She has literally stayed silent this whole time, making me believe everything is fine between us. What is more shocking, and kinda hilarious, is that she has told me that she thinks I have bad/evil intentions towards her. I was literally too stunned when I read that. She, a friend that is supposedly close to me, thinks I have bad intentions towards her?? Like what? Why are you then friends with a person who wishes you bad??? What? And she told me she has a reason to think like that based on few situations that happened in the past (she's very ambiguous and didn't say anything specifically). We supposedly have to talk on Tuesday and sort this all out. Honestly now this is getting critical. We can't function as friends if she honestly thinks I have bad intentions. Why would we be friends then? She has such screwed view of me and my actions. I have literally never thought of ways I can screw her over. Never. I even helped her when she would ask me, even be TOO helpful. I would compliment her. And she tells me I have evil, secret intentions? Oh come on, get out. If we don't resolve THIS specific issue of how she views me, we are officially done. I don't care that we have big celebration going on. This is unacceptable for a friendship. She better have good reasons to explain to me why she thinks the way she does because noone has told that about me EVER. Gosh...

Got shocking news. This friend is un lable to effectively communicate with me. And she's running away once conversation starts becoming heated. Leaving me without a response for more than 12 hours. That is not the way to go. I ask once again that she gets it to together or we will hardly function like this. I want to be able to speak with friends once we run into a problem. Instead of her speaking that she's still mad at me (if she is), she just replies me to in a harsh way. I called her out on that, because I noticed her tone was harsh. If we resolved that little "conflict" we had, she should at least try to not make it worse. And she does it currently. So either we talk or we can't function.

I really really dislike people with victim mentality... Like it seems like everything is against them and everything bad that can happen to them, happens to them. How come it always happens to them and not somebody else?? Just... Ugh. Be a little more proactive about your life.

I have noticed I constantly have intrusive thoughts that pop into my head throughout the day, that remind me of things that make me feel angry or upset. It's like I can't let go of things that once happened. I am especially awfully triggered by someone being disrespectful towards me or treating me "less than" or like I'm stupid. Oh god... I go into rage. My heart starts beating fast and adrenaline goes up in some instances, and I can get so nasty. I don't know if that's normal (since noone likes being disrespected, I imagine). And the moment I enter that vicious circle of anger, it's so hard for me to control myself. It's like I am not me anymore. I have noticed I am becoming this negative person, as a result of these intrusive thoughts that keep reminding me of things that upset me throughout the day, and I notice that hatred is slowly developing inside me. And this is exactly what I don't want to happen. I fear my friends wouldn't want to talk to me because they would be too afraid of my energy. Like, I don't just get angry anymore, I start hating and cussing (inside of my head) and wishing the worst for that person that did me wrong. How do I change this? This is a problem that lasts for a few years now. What is the healthy way of dealing with people who might disrespect me in the future?

I'm a little scared tbh. Even though I hear good stuff, how would I know that it won't be bad for me and my body? I don't know... If I would try it, I would do it with my significant other (bf).

Oof. This sounds bad. It does sound like a cold business meeting. You're not excited to see your partner and do things together even after a long day at work? You should be so excited to spend time with her after a long day (and vise versa), not go to bed. Seems like something is seriously off here... Is there not enough attraction between you guys, would you say? Not enough things in common? Maybe the lack of time you guys spend on each other is the reason you have this kind of dynamic. Time should definitely be made. Otherwise one shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if one doesn't have time for it. Try telling her that you want more passion in your relationship. Maybe she feels that way too and you can work on that.

Interesting. So intentions are more important than anything in this case. Sounds scary... But I know this is the right thing to do. I see, got it. Yeah I think I have aversion towards anger. I hate the feeling so much, it makes me so uncomfortable. Ohh I see. Didn't know intentions were that powerful. Wow. Thanks. I will do this. Super helpful. Yeah you understand what I'm saying. It's really intense and uncomfortable. But if you managed to do it, I guess I can too

This is exactly how I feel. Like I'm letting them get away with it. But for the things that happened in the past, this kind of approach is ridiculous. You're just hurting yourself... Right And they can be very freaking intense as well. Like for me, it's so intense. This is why I have trouble controlling myself once I get angry.

Yeah, you're right. I know I should accept them. It's just so hard when you're in the moment.

Oh wow, thanks for putting it this way, makes things much more clear for me to figure out which "category" I'm in. Loll. I don't know if I'm like this. I feel like sometimes I am. Like I get angry when someone is correcting my grammar for example. Or when I make mistake while speaking. It triggers in me a belief (that I think I have) of being stupid and serves as evidence to me that "This is why you're not good enough". Just one example. I have made a smal list of things that trigger me as a response to @soos_mite_ah . I was once like this but now I swung to the other side of the pendulum. I'm maybe even too reactive. I have such a low tolerance towards people who dare even think of going that root or disrespect me in any way. Though what I view as disrespectful is not so clear to me. Though I can guess - a lot of things. Sometime going overboard with it. This sounds like a dream to me lol. You know... The reason I kind of also don't want to lose that ability to "be aggressive" is because... I don't want to get hurt again. Someone already abused my good nature and I don't want to let it happen again. And you're right, I feel so freaking powerful and in control when I assert my bounderies for example. I don't think that's fake sense of power. I want to be able to defend myself and rely on myself, not be helpless little girl I once was. So in a way... I want to let people know that they can't play with me by showing small snippets of aggression here and there. Is that more healthy way to go about it in your opinion? I mean, I still think we need to be able to have this "aggressive side" but express it in a more healthy way. Is that's even possible? I think I want to be a positive person that radiates love, but also a person who is able to put someone into place when they are crossing my bounderies or making me feel less than.

Oh, I see. Interesting.. Got it, it makes sense. If I'm understanding you correctly, you're suggesting I pause for a second during the times of anger and while anger impulse is triggered, before my response? If so, I have tried in the past. But every time I try to slow down, man, anger is just such a tricky emotion. I just get carried away. Though I can like REALLY try, maybe have post-it notes or do tapping method and affirm stuff like "I'm aware of my emotions and I take control over them, not the other way around". CBT, I think I have read about it before but I forgot. If it's not overly complicated, I will try that as well. Thanks.

Yep, will for sure look into it more, but for now I'm just writing what I think is happening. I think it definitely is past situations and "traumas" that happened in my crucial years od developing as a person, unfortunately... Yeah I figured this is a bad idea, to let things build up over time. For sure. Oh yeah... I sometimes assume ill will from the get go. Sometimes. Gotta give people the benefit of the doubt. I would feel better and less tense. Yep. When someone is being defensive after me telling my concerns or something that is bothering me, that's a big no no. I have written couple of examples while replying to your message now. Regarding feeling stupid and all. So a brief list: -when someone is disrespectful towards me -when someone tries to make me feel small and like they are better than me (rolling of the eyes, correcting my grammar etc). God if I ever catch someone rolling their eyes on me, it's critical lol. -when someone tries to make me feel stupid or uneducated. Huge trigger of mine. -when someone's not having integrity. When they are not actually implementing stuff I asked of them to do or change (so so so crucial for me). This is synonymous to respecting someone, in my opinion. -when someone is not respecting the deal we made

Well based on everyone's comment, my anger is not thag bad, or in fact, necessary. Though maybe I was not able to convay the experience I feel and how out of control I sometimes can be (was worse in the past). So... Just for the record, I never yelled at people outside my home when I got angry (so that includes my friends, colleagues, classmates, professors, cashiers etc). Though I am the worst in family conflicts, which now, when I think how I behaved back then, I feel bad. I would literally yell from the top of my lungs, and I really think I have used all my lung capacity while I was doing that. I would get hysterical sometimes, usually when I felt like I was not being heard or taken seriously. One time I broke something. I feel ashamed of these things. This was when I was in my teenage years, maybe up until 20 years old. I'm 22 now. While I understand and can empathize with myself that I was doing these things because I wanted to be heard and respected, I didn't need to become such a nasty person. This is a good suggestions, would need to think about what's exactly causing these reoccurring thoughts that make me feel angry. I think... I think I just have such a fragile ego. I almost don't let anyone even dare to do something that would "remind me" of my "not being good enough" belief that I think I have, deep down. Like, even someone suggesting I made a mistake while speaking, for example, is enough to trigger a response of "This means I'm stupid" and cause anger. Sometimes, on days I feel especially fragile and "not good enough", I notice I purposely talk in a condescending way in order to assert my dominance and show everyone that I am better than them. Lol, it's just funny now that I'm writing this.

✅ I want a person I talk to to be present while talking to me and not leave conversation abruptly, especially when it gets heated.

The only thing that's holding me back from being with guys I want is because I actually do not think I am worthy of such people.

Wow, this is good guess. I would say a sense of not being enough for sure. Though I don't know how shame plays a role in that. Like I am ashamed of myself? Oh god... This is so hard. To welcome my anger and let myself feel it fully AS I'm angry? That's almost impossible. When I get angry, I almost can't control what I think. I feel so so bad inside my head and ao uncomfortable that I just need to let it out. I have low tolerance for uncomfortable feelings, I just want to get rid of them as soon as possible. Awareness would help me, I am almodt certain, I'm just not sure how realistic that is for me. I told myself 100 times I will pause and take a breath whenever I feel triggered or angry, but every time I failed. Every time. Something just takes over me. This sounds like a meditation technique. I appreciate you writing all of this and I feel it is true and would help me fix this. I just don't know, it's easy for me to write that I will try it, but I just know that in practice and in reality, the moment I feel anger is the moment any rational thought goes out of the window... This is so important and I keep reminding myself of this fact. I understand now how this works... I will look into it, what is behind this anger. Makes sense with that shame thing. I just don't know if it is shame for me. Got it... Yeah it requires such big courage to love somebody that hurt you. But when you manage to do so, you would be making a decision from a higher vibration, not low vibration that would make you regret things.

Of course I don't want to waste my time changing others. I want to manage my anger/rage better. I don't want to be this negative person full of hatred. I want the very opposite of that. I think, because I take things to heart, that I equate someone's behaviour towards me to be the very evidence of my worth or lack thereof. So if someone is being disrespectful, I interpret it like I seem too stupid/weak enough for them to choose me as their target. And I get triggered because it already happened to me in the past. So I rage because I freaking don't want it to happen again. I want to protect myself and let people know I am not the one to mess with. Though I go overboard with it, I get filled with hatred and negativity and keep ruining my mood in the following days or months or years by these intrusive thoughts. Basically this is how it goes.

Yeah, I understand on a superficial level that people do stuff to survive and fulfill their selfish needs even at the expense of others. I just get angry that they feel comfortable to choose me. And I know I cannot expect to manage to avoid every "bad" person in life, I just take it to heart too much. I take it so personally.

Ohh, yep.. Definitely the case for me too, I think. Older brother, although he was joking with the teasings while I was growing up, I would sometimes beg for him to stop with it because it bothered me so much and he never ever would. Never heard what I was saying. And then in high school I was such a people pleaser and people exploited that and I got the short end of the stick. Was angry for a long time and it felt like an injustice was done upon me for being disrespected and all I did was be a nice person. Well, not anymore after that. Now I almost want to scare people away if I see signs of disrespect, so it doesn't cross their minds to do anything like that to me again. Well, this is at least my assumption and theory of what's happening. I feel screaming would help me but I unfortunately cannot do that because of neighbors that will for sure hear me lol.

I don't care. ? But I know they do, they just like make up done well.

Also I was not rejected by top guys at all. They were average. Limiting beliefs will kill us

And because of this way of thinking, you get no results you want in dating world. This kind of thinking sabotages you and makes you think that if only you had the right looks, the right this and that, that everything would be fine. I can assure you that, although it's important to look decent, clean etc, that looks play a small role in attraction. Attitude is more important and how you carry youself. And also how you think about the world and yourself.

I feel sorry that you're basing your overall view of these things, on comments made by couple of guys from school (they are probably still immature given they are in school). Ever thought that there are guys who do not talk about sex and girls in such degrading tone like those guys from school?