Ninja_pig

See I thought that I had already done that to a pretty large extent. I spent the better part of 2 years getting though all of my abandonment issues and it really felt like I truly overcame them. Everyone is saying I must be the problem if I didn't like my trip. Maybe it's simply just heavy stuff? Maybe it's merely something that is very shocking to anyone who discovers it even if they are some kind of "fully integrated" person?

If I acquired the idea of solipsism from Leo or this forum, wouldn't that mean that I would have also acquired the ubiquitous claim that awakening is pleasant? Also, I don't think it takes a spiritual experience to recognize the logic to solipsism. Is it not an assumption that other people are conscious? After all, there is no real way to prove it. I've heard from others that every trip is different on mushrooms. You ever hear "there is only one thing going on, and you're it"? That is pretty much the entire claim of nonduality, and that claim pretty strongly implies solipsism.

Thanks so much for this. I will be using this.

I should clarify that this is the first time in my life I have had suicidal thoughts of any kind. I did have a sitter for this trip but because I stayed silent during most of the thing he wasn't able to help very much. I'm probably not going to touch psychedelics again for a while, maybe not ever again. We will see.

I'm studying physics and applied mathematics at university right now and I just want to say if you want to "master" these subjects you will have to practice for 20+ years so don't make that your goal. Instead, I would focus on simply hammering down your algebra skills, stuff you learn in high school, and then deciding what you want to do. I personally think that Kahn Academy and Organic Chemistry Tutor on YouTube are great resources. Don't just "start learning math" tho, make sure you have an endpoint in mind or a goal. I might recommend trying to get a 25 or above on the math ACT test and you will be at pretty good level and pretty solid in your basic math skills. From what it sounds like to me you want a flexible high income career path and you don't really care what it is just that it has those two qualities. For that I would recommend software engineering. The best way to peruse this is by going to college and getting a computer science degree. If you do this, just get good enough at math to get into a university and then they will take care of you as far as math skills go. First have a goal, and then learn what you need to in order to achieve that goal. Unless you love learning math for the hell of it, don't focus on the abstract goal of "mastering math and science".

That's what a dream character pretending to be an "other" consciousness would say haha. this is why I don't tell my friends and family about this... Of course, if I saw someone else write my post I would say "That's what a dream character pretending to have woken up would say". This is why I'm asking for help. What kind of inner work are we talking about here? How do I appreciate the beauty of it? You got me on this Truth™ with a capital 'T' hype train Leo, and I was not prepared for it. Is my insight even correct? because if it is not then I am definitely 100% crazy.

Leo gives some pretty good advice here. Be careful not to go looking for people who tell you that it's okay to give up on your dreams. There are many great online resources to get better with math skills. Kahn academy has a free high quality training course for the SAT. https://www.khanacademy.org/sat/ As a math person I personally think that math is like playing an instrument - practicing consistently is the only way to improve. Don't be discouraged if it is super boring and difficult at first because, like an instrument, you magically get better eventually by simply trying consistently. Practice math test questions for an hour a day for a month and if you don't notice any improvement then I hereby give you permission to give up on getting into college. "Failure is basically irrelevant unless it is catastrophic." -Elon Musk "What if" -David Goggins

How in the world is physics non-math?

I used to be a person who was drawn to debate and loved arguing. You probably are actually open minded and willing to adjust your beliefs when presented with new facts or a new perspective, but I would guess that you make the mistake of verbally challenging others who have differing opinions. You do this because you want to be skeptical and careful, but other people will misinterpret this as defensiveness. Most people are not as interested in debate as you are, especially for the purpose of updating or verifying old beliefs, which is why they don't understand. My solution was to listen at least twice as much as I speak. Usually I don't really voice my own opinions at all. I merely ask questions, and if I really wish to argue with someone I do it by asking questions that provoke the other person into considering viewpoints they may not have before. Basically just don't argue, that's my advice. Listen to other's viewpoints and evaluate their validity only to yourself. This approach can counter-intuitively make you wiser, more considerate and more thoughtful than a healthy debate can.

All you know of reality is your thoughts and experiences. It is an assumption that there is an objective reality beyond those experiences. Materialists mistake the self-consistency of reality as proof that it must be material. To illustrate the point, think about when you are dreaming. Let's say in this dream you 100% believe that it is not a dream and then you find a set of mathematical laws that describe the things you see in the dream. Does this mean that this dream is now "material"? No. It just means it's an especially vivid dream :).

A trip won't increase your IQ (which by the way is a very real and useful concept; don't listen to Leo), but it will give you a whole new perspective on life and probably permanently change you for the better. One thing I vividly remember about my last trip was placing the value of mushrooms above that of pretty much any other substance on earth. It makes you insanely creative, overclocks your brain and lets you use 100% of it. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/single_dose_of_hallucinogen_may_create_lasting_personality_change

I let my curiosity get the best of me. This forum is just so interesting!!! Scrolling is not what I should be doing, so I guess it's mindless??

This may be a super dry take at this point, but CBT is basically exactly designed for someone in your position.

I just watched a video about this: According to Peterson (2016), conscientiousness is correlated with a high sensitivity to guilt. When a disciplined person does something they know they should not be doing, the experience more guilt than a normal person. This causes them to pursue things that will avoid the feeling of guilt. So disciplined people feel guilt less often but more intensely. If you want to be a more disciplined person, you can do so by basically acting like a disciplined person would. So this would be things like: keeping your living space clean and neat, showing up to things on time, doing certain activities at regular intervals, making and following a schedule. It has actually been shown that your conscientiousness can be increased involuntarily if you are forced to do some kind of task at regular intervals for an extended period of time. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/201902/three-potential-ways-become-more-conscientious

From what Leo says, I think gaining his level of understanding of reality has more to do with questioning and dismantling things you already "know" about reality. To do this you have to have high levels of focus and awareness and I don't really know how closely those correlate with intelligence. From what I understand, when you have a mystical experience, you don't just "get" it, you "see" it. Mystical experiences are often described as being what you get when you go beyond your mind. Enlightenment in particular is often described as the simplest thing you can possibly realize. Fred Davis, one of my favorite spiritual teachers says that intelligence is actually the main thing that allows people to keep themselves from seeing the truth because it allows them to make more elaborate lies. My most recent insight from my last mushrooms trip is that humans in general are insanely intelligent, and most of us are walking around with more intelligence than we know what to do with. So yeah don't let the fact that you are not a genius dissuade you from perusing spiritual work.

Judging by all of the famous people I know, I would say the best ways are to become a very successful politician, musician, Hollywood actor, become a world-class pro in some sport, or become very very rich.

Leo is the only person I know of who claims it is possible to know why there is something rather than nothing. I remember his answer: there is no difference between something and nothing. Conceptually, I can't argue with this, and I think it is much more reasonable than the common materialist worldview. Leo also has many other claims about the nature of reality, such as the universe is intelligent, I am the universe, and I am actively creating my own reality, but I have not been able to independently verify such claims thus far. I just want to point out that Leo is the ONLY person I've seen who explicitly states something like this and is not question begging. I will say that my knowledge of various spiritual claims is not very broad, but it is pretty descent. I have studied a lot of Physics, Christianity, Buddhism, and even nonduality (from people such as Fred Davis, Thomas Campbell, Elkhart Tolle, Alan Watts, and more), and not one, NOT ONE, has told me that I can understand that fundamental question, or even seems to be interested in the fundamental question, except Leo. These are the questions that Leo says can fall under the category of actual philosophy: 1. What are the right and wrong ways of doing philosophy? 2. What is reality? 3. Where did reality come from? 4. Why is there something rather than nothing? 5. What is Consciousness? 6. How to live the best life possible? 7. How to construct the best society for the good of all? Really. why. WHY isn't EVERY philosopher who has ever existed repeating some variation of these questions as a mantra? What could possibly be more important and intriguing? This isn't to say that other sects of philosophy and spirituality haven't done valuable things though. Buddhism gives you a practical way to achieve supreme long term happiness, Christianity tells you how to live a "morally correct" life, physics tells you how you can understand the physical machinery of the universe using math, and nonduality tells you how to transcend your ego and begin your true spiritual journey. But Leo is the only one who dares to ask the big questions. The fundamental questions. And he claims to have answers. For this reason, Leo is one of the only true philosophers in the world.

I know, health is the greatest wealth, and there is no point in becoming a physicist if I don't enjoy the journey. I like the hard work though, I like pushing myself, and I am fairly confident I know how to deal with burnout and not give up. But I mean I'm pretty sure Einstein wasn't successful in his early years because he was a bad student though. He studied physics independently while being a patent lawyer.

I just want to say that this is the best reply

For me personally having a comfortable life with a descent job is not why get out of bed in the morning. I want to be a physicist, and that takes a ridiculous amount of learning. I'm kind of rushing things and trying to finish my bachelor's by 22 because a bachelor's is like %5 of the knowledge I want to know at best, so I'm just going fast so I have a good amount of time in my life to do physics before my mind is not as capable or something.

Seems easy enough

@Leo Gura Sometimes it's really hard to believe that you are not just putting stuff on this forum with the thought "these granola idiots will believe anything". My mind is still open to the possibility though.

According to Buddhism, the amount of times you have been reborn is pretty much uncountable. There is one sutra that says the amount of blood you have spilled by fighting and dying in wars is greater than the amount of water in all the world's oceans. Probably not true at all, but idk maybe there is something to this rebirth idea.

Looking for some advice here There is probably no activity I have indulged in more in my life (besides sleeping) than YouTube. I don't know the exact number (I'm sure it would be scare to see it), but I would estimate that it is around 15,000 hours of watching in total in my life. It's quite impressive considering I am only 20 years old. I think it started out as a replacement to television, which I have been watching from a very young age. This is obviously a huge waste of time, and I am deep in the grips of addiction when it comes to YouTube. I have been able to quit for shot periods of time (cold turkey for a week or so) but I always have gone back to my old habits. I have deleted every other form of social media (which I may have been previously been addicted to) and have not gone back. This includes Snapchat, Instagram, Reddit, and Facebook. The main reason I have not been able to quit YouTube is that it has benefited my life in many ways. I often learn very useful information applicable to my life purpose and my life in general. I feel I have become smarter in many ways because of YouTube, Actualized.org being one of the many examples. Because of this I often do not feel it is a wise decision to quit watching completely, but at the same time it feels very difficult to watch YouTube "only a little". This is even with things such as the DFtube extension and not watching on my phone. So my question is: how do I get the benefits of YouTube without wasting such ridiculous amounts of time on it? Is it even possible? Is going cold turkey the only way to fix my problem?

I like this idea. I will keep this in mind for stopping/starting habits This is a really good idea. I will implement this. I keep a look out for the feeling of saturation now that you mention it. I will also read that book recommendation. Thank you! I think I will start following a rule where I can only watch YouTube while sitting in my chair or showing something to someone. No watching in the bed or bathroom or while eating. How did you delete your account? I tried deleting my account and it deleted everything except for the algorithm data. I still get relevant recommendations but all of my playlists, comments, and uploads are gone. I think I will implement this also. I like the idea of coupling movies/youtube time together and only watching at the end of the day. Maybe I'll do 1 hour of YouTube or movies and one hour of reading each day. Interesting! This is actually a really good idea! I don't think that this is a possibility right now because of my living/work situation, but I will attempt this in the future! I think I'm actually going to start recording this. Maybe use a spreadsheet to keep track of all the videos I watch and how much I enjoy them. Thanks for the suggestion! @Loba I think I am definitely like you with my thirst for knowledge! Although, I think my YouTube addiction may be restricting the total amount I'm able to learn because most videos are pretty short and don't actually teach you that much and I also don't read that much. This is why I think moderation is important because I want to be able to learn a lot from many different sources without using up all of my time. I actually didn't consider disabling comments, but I think that's what I'll do from now on. Disable comments and subscriptions. You have all been very helpful! In summary I will implement the following rules in an attempt to moderate my YouTube/movie consumption: 1. Limit scrolling on YouTube on my phone to 5 minutes per day, so I can look for a few new videos to watch. 2. No watching YouTube when I am not at a computer sitting down in a chair with my full attention on the video. No youtube in the bathroom, during eating, or in bed. 3. Only watch YouTube between the hours of 7:00pm and 12:00am (usually after I have eaten dinner) and only for 1 hour per day. 4. I will keep track of every video that I watch on a spreadsheet and rate each video out of 10 to determine which ones are worth my time and which ones aren't. 5. I will use YouTube's "watch later" functionality to find videos I want to watch and only watch those on my watch later playlist. I will only watch videos after they have been on the playlist for at least 24 hours (to avoid compulsively watching videos that I see) 6. The only exception to these rules is when I want to show a video to someone else, in which case I have to be in their physical presence and we both have to be watching the video. Thank you all again for the suggestions!