tinB

@Omario Sure, but Im a girl though. Haha.

I forgive them. The problem is: I have to find a way to be okay with critizism and being misunderstood, and not feel the need to defend or change myself. I also have a problem with being happy if someone around me is not. I change my mood according to the other person. I can see now that this is because my parents didnt like if I was happy when they were not... Its like they took it personally. Im grateful that I can actually see what is going on now. I havent been aware of this at all before..

Thank you so much for responding. Yes, you are so right about my parents. They always misunderstood my intentions and motives, and I spended (and still spend) so much energy trying to convince them otherwise. For example... My vision got bad when I was 17 years old, and I told my mother. She actually thought I was imagining it in my head. And after trying to convince her for a long time, she finally took me to a visual doctor, and I had -2.00. When I was in primary school I told my mother that I was feeling ill, but she didnt take it very seriously. But after convincing her, she took me to a doctor and I had pneumonia. I always got blamed when me and my sister was fighting. For example, she took my clothes without asking, and I got angry - but I was the bad one for being angry. These are just some examples.. My mother and my father always think that I am exaggerating and want attention. They also criticize me for NOTHING (negatively or in a way of joking). If I listen to music they dont listen to, if I eat different food than them, if I have a different viewpoint on things in life. If I forget to do something, they automatically believe that the reason for me doing that was because I am lazy, or dont care. They are not trying to bring me down, its just who they are (to me and other people). As a result, I dont believe myself anymore. It is SO ingrained in my head. They always see me in the total opposite way than how I am perceiving my intentions, and I have tried so hard to make them understand me. Its like they live in a different world than me, and dont understand how to understand another person (if that makes sense). So as a result, I have become a "controlfreak", and I try to control everything. I KNOW that my parents love me and wish me good. They just have a VERY low consciousness, and dont see what they are actually doing to me. They love me, but they just dont GET ME. I am 25 years old now, and I have to end this madness. I have to start TRUSTING myself again. I have to accept the fact that they will never see me for who I truly am. I have to stop defending myself, and just let go! I have to be OK with people judging me. I need to stop thinking of myself the way other people do, and form my own self image.. And be more aware of why I am behaving the way I do. Its hard, but I am so tired of this shit, it is affecting everything in my life in a negative way: basically destroying my life.

This is literally my whole problem. I care more about other people than myself: theire wellbeing and how they are perceiving me is for some reason more important than myself! I always put other people before myself, and suppress my own emotions and instincts. When I have talked to someone, my mind plays the scene over and over in my head later, to make sure that what I did was "OK". If I "mess up", for example say something that offended someone, or if someone doesnt like me, its like the "end of the world" in my head (for some strange reason), so I spend all of my energy to make sure I please everybody around me. Even strangers. I think the reason for this is because I was very misunderstood by my parents, so I learned to adjust myself around people... I am also a highly sensitive person, and I pick up on other peoples moods and feelings very easily, which I think makes it worse. Its like you feel a responsibility for helping a person when you know how they feel and what they need. I am so tired of this, yet I dont know how to stop it. Is there anyone else who have gone through this? How did you manage to stop it..? :I

I am going through this and it is very difficult. My emotions are all over the place, and I cry a lot. My body is literally a mess, I am always tired and feel like sleeping all the time. I have aches in the body, and it feels like I have the flu. Anyone else experiencing this?