ColeMC01

@Leo Gura The Rape, period/pill, needs to sacrifice to raise child and having to deal with crazy emotional fluctuations are spot on. HOWEVER, 75 percent of divorces are filed by women so it is the men who get dumped and the women who do the dumping. Men get dumped for better men just like women get dumped so it is a problem for both genders not just for women. Men also get abused by women, maybe not physically but emotionally and verbally. You have said you had girls not return your texts after having sex with them so you probably got pumped and dumped too. This idea that men just use women for sex and dump them for hotter girls is very one sided. Dumping, cheating etc happens by both genders. Women are just as hypergamous as men (some claim even more) so this is not a women related issue. Also as a men you have to struggle with being strong and masculine which can be very difficult. Having to deal with charisma, strength, confidence etc is LOT harder than to put on some make up and to watch what you eat.

@bejapuskas I guess it does

@Leo Gura That can work great in some countries/age groups but most girls my age where i live will not accept that. If they are dating you they will be super hurt if you date other girls even if the relationship talk has not happened yet. They will see you as a fuckboy that is not loyal. Would you recommend to leave it a secret and if asked to lie about it? Imagine if the girl you re seeing will get super upset and turned off if you tell her than i am dating and fucking other girls since we did not have the relationship talk yet.

Do NOT give a single shit about the girl until you fuck her and she falls for you. Treat her as you would treat a stranger in terms of how committed and caring you are to her. Every person has a base level of care that they give to everyone by the simple idea that they are a human being. Treat girls with that basic level of care, NOTHING more than that. Hard af but it is what it is, girls get repelled by neediness and caring is mistaken for neediness often since most people way of caring is based on neediness and lacking something in their lives. I am not saying to treat them like shit, you should not be negative, PURE neutrality. She has no more to you than a stranger you meet on the street until she falls for you. After that you can get a bit more engaged

@bejapuskas I meant average personality more than looks

So, during the quarantine i started to binge watch Leo's videos. I found them amazing, especially his videos on epistemology and it really helped me change a lot of toxic paradigms (including learning what they were in the first place hehe) , all of this caused a lot of intellectual/mental growth for me in a short amount of time. It has made me a lot more mature considering i am 22 years old. Especially this combined with total isolation during the quarantine since i was stuck in the foreign country where i am studying right now. However, i have noticed that my emotional maturity is behind my intellectual growth. Therefore what happens is that i understand that intellectually and i understand it truly BUT emotionally i still feel a negative emotion that i know i should not feel. So for example, my friend lied to me about something. Intellectually i understand why he did what he did but i still feel upset or pissed with me. I know i should not and i really understand his reasoning BUT i still feel upset. Therefore mentally i am very mature for my age but emotionally i can be quite childish, therefore feeling emotions that only a childish person would feel in the same situation. My question is , how do you grow and develop yourself emotionally so it can catch up with my intellectual and mental development. I would really appreciate your guys advise and please try to be not super harsh hehe. One last thing, i feel like emotional pain grows and matures you quite a bit but i am not so sure. What do you guys think about this

@ivory I dont get easily triggered, i was just using examples.

I understand guys but i am saying that what i understand and think it should be fine, emotionally it isnt. The lying friend maybe was a bad example but in general it goes like this: It makes sense, i understand this situation so it is all good. However, i am feeling a negative emotion. Would you be angry at a blind person that steps on you? No, you will not be because you understand he is blind and you do not feel any anger towards him (at least from the moment you realize he is blind). Imagine now you feel angry and pissed at the blind men for stepping on you. Well this is my situation kinda sometimes but not with a blind man ofc, i used that as an extreme example

@Ananta ok thank you

@Ananta Has it ever happened to you to meet a girl for some time and think: she s okay nothing special personality wise and then to fall for her and be happy? That is my question

@electroBeam Amaizing response, appreciate it

@Ananta I am bit above average around 6/10 if 5 is average but this thread is not about looks but about personality. I did mention looks but that is to little importance since if you like someone personality they will become beautiful anyways physicaly, at least to me it happens

There is no such thing as average in absolutist sense. I meant average FOR ME. So if i had a list of things i want in someone that person is average in those things. The things differ from person to person. Saying because with all girls i know and got to know in recent years only like 1-2 i actually really would consider amaizing girls in accordance to what i like in someone. 2/50 that is kinda bad rate. So if you get with someone that is average regarding your criteria could you still be happy with them?

@Ananta According to society i am not. I am quite good but i am asking this so would appreciate an answer. You can be great guy and suck at getting girls

So i want your guys help about this. I have a bit of a toxic mindset and victim mentality which i would like to fix. I am a decent looking (not good though), fairly intelligent, very logical, analytical, a bit shy (not a lot), kind, caring, not flirty, a bit serious but sarcastic sometimes, good listener, able to effortlessly put myself in other shoes, mature, good at creating rapport and comfort, not very bold or daring, very humble, honest, trustworthy, not edgy, not physical, good eye contact. So these are my traits in a nutshell according to most of society ( i am 22 btw). So these traits dont work like this to get a girl and therefore i am forced to change them. I feel like having to change my personality is a very difficult, cruel and unnecessary thing to do since i never had a problem making good friends or getting my way in life with these traits. It is simply for the purpose of getting my basic needs met, which are the need for sex and romantic love. What would be a good mindset for me to be okay with changing my personality for the sole purpose of getting these needs met. I have tried but made little progress, it is very very difficult and requires years of intense work. It feels almost like i am handicapped and have to extra struggle for this. I would really appreciate a more healthy way to re frame this in my mind. And please, the "dont be a bitch", "others have it worse" things dont work, i have tried these phrases but could not get any benefit from them. I know solving it is by interacting with more girls, but how do i re frame it in a way that it does not seem like heavy work and punishment. I honestly do not see any other benefit in my life by changing my personality other than having these basic needs met. I am very happy with everything else.

@Globalcollective I can tease and make jokes but it is not really sexual. I do look in a sexual way but that is it. I do not really touch or make anything sexual comments

Online dating is super looks focused. You re handsome so you cant understand

@Globalcollective Ok so a description of myself: decent looking (not good though), fairly intelligent, logical, analytical, a bit shy (not a lot), kind, caring, not sexually flirty , a bit serious but can be funny if wanted, good listener, able to effortlessly put myself in other shoes, mature, good at creating rapport and comfort, not very bold or daring, very humble, honest, trustworthy, not edgy, not physical, good eye contact, playful and good at verbal teasing, And no i am not talking about hot girls, just decent looking girls

@Globalcollective I didn't care either but when no girl is attracted to you then you start finding reasons explaining it and looks is the one that is pushed most by society. If i was awkward and shy then it would make sense but im fairly social and have no problem making friends. I can talk to attractive girls and see them as normal people, not goddess that need to be worshiped. So if i am okay in these areas without problems BUT no girl ever is attracted to me even though life has made me deal with plenty of them, the looks thing comes into mind.

@Globalcollective That is the case if you are an average looking guy. My friend is more logical, less humorous and more serious than me and he still gets that ratio because of his looks. I am not saying that game is useless, it certainty can get you what you said. However, saying game is only thing that matters and denying importance of looks is just stupid in my opinion. It is like saying you can be rich through stocks but you also can be rich through inheritance. Stocks would be game and inheritance would be looks. And honestly none of the guys i know that are good with girls had to talk to fucking 5000 girls, that shit is overkill and should be done only by people with HORRIBLE social skills. My social skills are not bad so i think 1000 would be more than enough

@Globalcollective You might look better than you think. Also if you talk to 50 girls and 1 likes you then it makes sense. My friend gets attraction by like 1/3 girls he talks to by just doing shit so if you have the same ratio then okay. If you have 1/50 ratio then that is nothing special. I get that too but talking to 100 girls to get 2, well fuck that. I would like to have a 1/5 ratio or something. So every 5 girls i talk to, 1 is attracted to me

I have a friend who looks very good and he doesnt do shit and girls like him. So this mindset of "looks dont matter bro" is complete bs

@ajai Truth with capital T is what i meant, sorry for the typo

@Leo Gura I dont know if it is a valid question but i am curious. Is the concept of science itself a human construct, projection. I am not talking about science as a objective material way of doing it. But, can we actually even use science, in any way (doesnt matter) to go towards the ultiamte truth

@Byun Sean I just want a decent looking, kind, caring girl that is somewhat smart. I am smart, decent looking, kind, caring and somewhat playful(when i want) and i take care of myself properly so am i asking for too much? I dont want a super hot girl or anything like that, just something DECENT. I feel like i am a decent guy from what i wrote in my first post, maybe not the ideal one but i am not looking for ideal girl either