Dario1995

After hearing how Adyashanti went trough 5 year that we would not wish for his worst enemy, it really struck me. It frightened me in a way i cannot explain. But i dont understand why he suffered so much. He was in spirituality 10 years before that, and surely he dissolved some of his ego. I mean, i am going trough ego dissolving process right now, and more it dissolves the more present I am. But it is not bad proces at all if you surrender. Of course, i am not going trough kundalini awakening, but what is the difference? Am i handling it better because i went trough depression, depersonalisation, dark night of the soul, ego backlashes? I get an impression that he did not suffer much before in his life. And i am saying yes now to every suffering that exist, but when i surrender like that there is no suffering and im so fucking confused about it. Is it possible that every kundalini awakening that went "wrong" is because of not letting go? Is it karmic debt that burns in kundalini energy? I am now really at the good place, i am joining spirituality and everyday life, doing good meditation 20 min every day and sahaya yoga.

@Seraphim Yeah, it is really simple but powerful. And of course, environment can make a difference. If you are financialy stable and have someone to support you, it is easier to go trough stuff.. How long did it last for you? Some are luckier than others. That is how it is.

@AtheisticNonduality Thank you for reply. Funny thing is that if now depersonalisation occurs, i would not suffer. I mean it would not be pleasant, but the law is that it is not permanent, and there is no constant commentator of experience in me that actually created suffering. Everything is volumed down somehow. The thing is now i cant even remember how is it like to suffer like that, because clearly, true I never suffered. Really. Nevertheless, I started my spiritual journey so immature, full of ego and a with a lot disrespect to it, I can see it now. But hey, this is what is it all about, maturing and growing. Now my goal is not directly enlightenment, but more preparing and opening for it.If it happens - great, if not - great.

@meow_meow Yes, but isnt it inevitable for one to awaken? I am planning to do Kundalini yoga maybe 20 years from now, there is so much to learn and be aware off. People should have more respect to whole spiritual world, it is no joke to play with some things. I have learned that much. @Toby Thank you!

So yesterday, in a village where my granddad and grandmom lives, i have experienced slice of oneness. It lasted almost all day, it was like IT or I or Self experiencing itself trough itself by itself. The dog was playing and i felt myself playing as him, good stuff ?And it was pretty great... Until, in front of my eyes my sister, who was learning drive with my dad crashed into nearby house. Of course, I ( ego) started to run, crying because it was second car crash in my family in past year. Fortunately, my sister and my dad are fine, but to see my full egoic reaction out of no where was not pleasant. I insulted some lady who was trying to help, and later i was soo angry with the nurse, who was actually nice and tried to help. Now i can see that the best way to see how enlightened someone is by his reaction to events. I actually saw what the ego is : reaction of subject (body mind) to the object ( what body mind sees). But it is now obvious to me that this being that I am is one and is you too. How long it will take to fully settle in oneness, i dont know.

Really, wow. This is really confusing. Yes, i have been told that the "reality is not real", and i kind of saw it, but it was like yeah probably there is boom, enlightenment and so called reality continue blissfully. Today I have been so trapped by emotions, i could not do anything. I decided to meditate. And thought came like : you are gonna end in a metal hospital if you continue this spirituality work! And I said to myself, if thats what necessary, okay. I really gave up my life for a minute. And instantly I have been drawn into this aware place, and it became so obvious that my body is not real. I searched in this empty space, there was only fragments of imagination of my body mind. It was not either happy or sad place, neither silent or loud. Presence was felt only. And it wasnt spectacular experience. It felt very normal, like i was home. Its very confusing right now, like subjective became objective? Wtf is going on? How and why the fuck we believe in external world where no one ever expierenced it? My view on the Truth definetly changed.

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo! @FlowerNote I dont know. Too much beliefs. We learned too much fucking terms. But, we search to feel complete, to get home. @diamondpenguin Hope you do. Good luck!

@Kalki Avatar The way I am looking at it, and someone mentioned similar thing: I ( as the only I that exist) created, or manifested this life out of Love. And this life is not separate from who you are. You can absolutely live a normal life and be enlightened or do spiritual work. Life is what matter, and spirituality is here to remind us of the truth. Imagine that every person is enlightened from this second. Would life stop? I think no. Ilusion is also part of the life and should not dismissed, it should be embraced once you realize Self. You will most likely have to work, pay your bills ( easier than the street). It is a necessity of life, and the beauty of it. And that part of ego that resist doing stuff it doesnt like or have no motivation for is gonna fall apart. So dont separate You and the life.

@gswva Try to put yourself in a position where enlightenment work is your hobby or a job. And you came home from work so you dont have to think about it anymore. This will open space in you. What is important is that you have to be ready to let go. And that comes from either suffering or being in that space of awareness. For me letting go happened when having panic attack while trying so hard to be aware and conscious , so i just surrendered. I could not do it anymore. Instantly clarity arrived.

After initial awakening or whatever you wish to call it, I'm ocassionally just thrown into this space of Love that i cant describe. And my whole body just snaps and I cry the way i never cried in my whole life. Its a creation of love! Every bird, every sound, every human being, from terrorists to my neighbours. Amazing! It these moments i feel like only purpose of my life right now is to celebrate it, and the only purpose of this post is to say to people who are suffering : Everything is okay and is gonna be okay. I love you. God loves you. You are part of him. Love is the key. I am you and You are I. Ego just drowns in love, laughter, kindness,so share it! The world needs it.

@gswva it will be Okay. I know how you feel. Be now in the present moment, forget about enlightenment! It is only in your mind. Sooner or later you will stop seeking, because you will not find any, and space will open in you. Best of luck ❤️

@EntheogenTruthSeeker So happy for you! @gswva It doesnt make sense at all till it does. It would be stupid to say or brlieve every thing is imaginary till you see it clearly. For separate self it is very real, till you merge with One. Its actually more alive than any form you believed existed. Try just to be for a few second without any thought story, and you will see how you played a game your whole life and convinced yourself to make it more real. After that every story playing is not taken seriously Enlightenment story is there to destroy other stories, then enlightenment story needs to be dropped also. Important thing is that the journey absoloutely doesnt end when you are awaken. Also, you must know what is enoguh for you right now, or in this life. Guys like Leo Gura are exploring because he wants to , but for me it is enough to be in this place of Love, Peace and Happines, sharing Love and living fully.

Right now i am no longer on a path to something, finally! To many of you probably this is very normal probably but to me it is BIG News. Something snapped in me day before yesterday, it just exploded in me. I had panic attack to the max, then it just bursted, reality. Happiness, Peace and Love ar natural states of being. There is really, i mean really nothing to found. It is all an ilusion. But not in a negative way, it is very liberating actually. The kingdom of heaven is in you as Jesus said. Wow, what a dream it was. There is actually no enlightenment, not in a way i believed in. Im not enlightened, just found that a happiness is not adding stuff to your mind, but actually losing stuff you are working on in your mind. Oh my god how unconciuos I was. Im just happy and therefore sharing this with you. If you are struggling i assure you, happines and peace are in you every moment! Just stop for a moment and just BE without your personal agenda. A second of it is enough to know

@Shmurda well it is more like you enter a present moment without your mind telling : I want this and i dont want this, personal goals and identity are gone . Also, there is clear knowing that everything is good, always. Because the false "I" is seen as an ilusory thing. I mean, literally, it does not exist, we are all hardcore schizophrenics ?. @Marten No one, just awareness trapped in the mind stories Now i get it why is it so hard and so easy at the same time. You cannot achive that place and our egoistic minds are all about achieving and failing and therefore - suferring. Its funny this life ? Thank you all, much Love <3 @Shmurda

Yes, it is excatly why egos destiny is death. And when you are identified with it, of course you are seemingly suffering. I tried to let go many times, but it was egoistical, to gain something. Happiness is actually being without any personal agenda. It cant be done or achieved.

@ivankiss yes, i agreed to that job because my intuition told me that I must learn to be functional in this society. @peanutspathtotruth Good luck on the job

So i am in a place right now where ego is dissolving just by itself. I stopped resisting and peace happened. At the same time, i started working in a very demanding environment. My work actually consist of thinking, calculating and meeting a lot of people. So is it possible to be effective on your job without identifying with thoughts? Is not the false I which is motivating factor for imagining things, thinking and being effective at work? Because I dont care about work anymore, but still I have to eat and sleep some where.

Thank you

Try to find that "I" who is aware. As "I" found out, there is nobody aware. Therefore, there is nothing but awareness aware of awareness. Thought is awareness itself, so there is actually no thoughts in Truth. Of course, relative to ilusion of you, thoughts exist. In my experience, the more you go into the Truth, in makes less sense to logical mind, but it is simply true. So this is just what i found out yet. And all of this i wrote are just concepts also, another ego story if you believe the words. Be careful Good luck ?❤️

Trough brutal honesty about myself, and power of the sea and the sun, I found that I really love the game. Love the suffering, and getting out of it, just because I can. It just that I forgot that i was playing. So i dont want to forget anymore. But it feels like I also want to keep playing, or is it just ego defending itself from the bigger revelations? Should I keep playing or explore more? Is there a middle way? Last week states of conciusness are shifting radically. Like a rollercoaster, and i am not resisting, it feels pretty good and scary at the same time. Sending Love from the beautiful Adriatic Sea <3 -Dario-

@Nahm @NahmThanks for advice ? @VincentArogya You are right, probably it was conceptual realization, an idea. I can see thats the trap i fell into, trying to understand trough mind. At the beggining of the search, yes, I was looking for that. Now I realize i am not in control of that or ever will be. When i am silent enough, even doing stuff is happening by itself, and the quality of doing stuff is okay( job, sex, washing laundry). Must say, my memory is somewhat worse, feels that I must jump in and search for a certain information. Direct experience it is! Makes "me" feel like i am 5 year old again. ? Its funny how pure existing can make you joyful, totaly forgot that feeling.

If you dont want to read the whole story,i understand, you can skip to the questions BACKSTORY So, 7 years ago i had sort of intelectual awakening. It was like all my beliefs were just shattered like a piece of glass. It was induced by weed and my curious mind. I was just a kid (17yo), and with that discovery that everything i believed in was actually lie (religion mostly), depression came with derealisation and depersonalisation. I have to mention that in that time, searching for answers, i found Osho, Mooji and Papaji, and the more i was in "spirituality" the more feeling of depression came in. So i sort of gave up on finding my true Self, and i built some self image, constantly trying to deny that i can see that is all but thoughts creating a story. Derealisation was in for about 6 months, deppresion was still there, until i went on medication, and i was feeling all great again. Quality of my life increased immensely. NOW Now I am 24yo, i cant really lie to myself anymore, i know i am not who i think i am. Its like i am stuck right now. I cant pretend that i am a 24yo male, with a job, car, a girlfriend. Its like an American dream, but the problem is i know its a dream. I am doing self inquire work for about 6 months, with ocassional meditation, litteraly 24/7. I am mostly listening to Rupert Spira, Mooji, Papaji and Adyashanti (and recently Leo) So i am now in a place where i cant control it anymore. I cant go back anymore. Im all in, if needed ill do 1000 lifetimes to discover my true Self. But the more insights i have, more pain comes. I am aware that i am not that pain, but i cant say i feel happy. Last few days it was horror for my ego. I litteraly watch this ego crumbling, but it never dies. And then i read some posts that the whole process should be blissfull and liberating. But Recently, 95% of time it is like desolving and dying and with all the social activites and a job, its really not pleasant experience. I mean i have ocassional beautiful experiences, like, two days ago, i was near a tree, and it was raining. And for a whole two seconds, it was reality.First time experienced no self. But then of course, "I" popped in to claim the experience. Recently i found this forum, which helped me a lot, so i am really thankful to you all <3 QUESTIONS I have only two questions: Is all this normal, or am i doing something wrong? Should it be more loving, peaceful experience? Peace to all. - Dario -

@bejapuskas I agree. I like when Rupert Spira says something like: It is more mysterious to me how you think you lost yourself than the actual truth.

@VincentArogya It happened a couple times. I experienced oneness by having looking direct into the moon, and asking : where does that take place? Not the moon, the direct seeing of what we call a moon. Also, i recognized oneness from direct experience that everything is awareneess and cant be nothing else. But those are experiences, they change. Even the separate self is an experience. My intuition tells me that its not about the state, or even the experience of different states( spiritual, mystical or egoic) I want to know who is the knower of the experience. Directly, not by answering trough thoughts. Not sure if it these were "mystical" though.

@bejapuskas @Nahm it is like i am simultaneosly, but efortlessly watching "myself" trying to let go and in the background there is stillness, pure observing. Even the thought " i am observing" is seen as a thought. Talking to you guys really calmed "me" down. Last night, while playing some cards with friends, i suddenly became aware of now, existing, it was so joyful...it didnt last long though. Thank you all for your replies. -Dario-