Dario1995

Yesterday while meditating, some random thought-story went on as always, and i dont know why, from its own, a thought asked myself : who are you speaking to all the time? I felt some peace, aloneness and nothing special really. But then today, while driving, same thing happened,and this time it was do awesome and profound and only thing you can call it : realization. It was so quiet because i understood I am the only one, and all of people are I am. Oneness. Only I am. I am it, I am God. And all different appereance are I am also so I am only one and alone. And I can trascend everything. Every bit of life in universe. Leo was right. Infinite, freedom,liberation. It lasted for couple of hours. Now i am experiencing ego backlash (depression, stress). From this, duality perspective it is so alone in there. And I want to die, i cant do this. Yes, it is blissfull in I am, but my life is gone. I am afraid of transcending every thing. Really. How the fuck you continue living your ordinary life while being IT, GOD, IAM, SELF? Realization was the easy part somehow... I really dont see a point. Maybe thats the ego speaking, i dont know. Im eternal anyways, who cares. I know that some of you had or has this sort of problems. Can you guide me?

@inFlow Took a 4km walk after that "burning" feeling, felt reborn! Thanks

@VincentArogya Thats true. @inFlow I know, i didnt write : "i want do die" from Ones perspective. But this transformation right now is insane. It is like switching light on and off all the time. And when its off, sense of separation is so big, im burning. Literally I go from total Peace to total depression and suicidal thoughts. But i know this is necessary, cold showers, grounding and meditation will do its miracles. Thanks for advice <3

@Persipnei Went trough that one. Good thing is it is just psychological addiction, not physical like nicotine. Do not force it. When desire arises accept it, and then instead of smoking some, eat an apple, drink some water, or do some squats. This way you can "fool" your mind.

@Shin Yeah i am aware of that ? @zeroISinfinity How in the world did you know I was on toilet seat? ? @mandyjw Ordinary - family, job, friends.

@zeroISinfinity Wanted to ask you so many things Did you managed to somehow live a normal human life?

@zeroISinfinity I am typing this for an hour, because i cant express how i feel. OH MY GOD. I am imagining it all. Cant say nothing to you because there is no you, and i am typing to myself. Its retarded. This even doesnt exist. Hahahh.

@Persipnei But i feel like full enlightenment means physical death automatically. Is that the actual point of this? To prepare you for the death? Oh boy

Yes there is a lot attachment left Thanks for scaring the shit out of me ? I am kidding, i can feel this is only the beginning, and there is no end for transformation.

I dont know how it happened, but i just sat down alone and somehow there was no distractions from the present moment. Then it strucked me. Just saw what the ego is. I actually did not want to let go. I actually did everything I can not to see it. I think I am gonna throw up. Oh my. This is actually my first true aha! moment. I feel liberated but oh boy this liberation has some price. Everything I said on this forum i take back. So much ignorance on my part. I am getting some insights, every few seconds. I am gonna write here some important insights that came to me: First thing that fucked me up is I can see how far can this willingness, acceptance go ( i dont want even to imagine ). We invent our own stories and get lost in them. For story to be real, we must forget that it is a story and thats why waking up will feel like dying. But no one really dies. You cannot live in todays world fully awake. If you are physically alive, you are conditioned survive.

All experiences are true. There are no "more true" experience. Non Duality and Duality are the same. This is bigger than duality and non duality. All searches are "traps" . Speaking with angels and demons, experiencing kundalini, suicide and morning shit in the toilet are the same. wow. I did not expect it to be like this AT ALL. Right here. Always here. wow. shit! Absolutely nothing changed. Ego death experience and experience with full ego are the same.

I cannot stop to laugh hahahahah wow mate. This is fucked up hahaha.

@SoonHei You sir, you helped a lot. Don't know how, but after reading your answers, wow. I went deeper than states, thoughts,and feelings. Then it became clear . I literraly had Buddha smile on when that "happened". Maybe I smiled for the first time in my life .

I didn't read many, but these are some good books. Power of Now Way of Liberation - Adyashanti I am that - Maharashi Nisgardatta Also, read this forum. It can open your mind . Here you can read things you didn't want to hear, which may frighten you, but it can also help you in hard times. And opening your mind plays a part in awakening.

@SoonHei That ONE is experiencing itself as the coin, isn't it. But that far i dont get. The closest i experienced is no self: just thoughts and bodily senses. They are known by itself, there isn't anyone knowing them. They are conciousness itself, so there is nothing but conciousness, and still there is ilusion of subject-object relationship. But how conciossness creates that? Its beautiful and its true

@PurpleTree sorry, didnt know you are not new to this. Maybe you should take a break, or change a tehnique. Everybody is different

@PurpleTree Meditation at first brings up some repressed stuff from subconciouss mind, emotions and thoughts. Your ego becomes more vulnerable as you can see all the shitty thoughts, and then you can stop to identify with those thoughts. It is a good thing.

@Leo Gura Yeah, you are right, ego came out on the surface. I think the biggest trick is to think we dont have one. Before i didn't see how much ego was in me. It was some night. Could not sleep, my body vibrated, my mind went nuts, i felt like i am gonna throw up "me". And today, a constant thought "I am not ready" is popping up.

It is up to you. But be smart and rational about your decisions at such young age. They will define your environment in the future ( not completely but it matters, believe me). Ecstasy and bliss is great, but it is not permanent, it will fade. Eventually you will have to accept your human side, which involves being social, having sex, maybe even having kids, doing some work. Life is to be lived, dont dismiss it

@LfcCharlie4 Yes, as my father told me after i told him about my journey : why dont you do drugs like every other 25yo, son? ?

@LfcCharlie4 Thank you so much for this, especially no. 5)

@VincentArogya Eastern Europe probably? That is the case in my country aswell.. But i am not sure what do you mean excatly by conciousness work?

@VincentArogya How you react to situations, other people in life is a good way to see is someone present. And also, spend a week with your parents and family ?

@Stoica Doru No offense, but if you want to show devotion to Source, You,God, I think it is better to mantain healthy relationship with your body mind everyday. Are you aware that there is high probability of you seriously damaging your body, or even die? Good luck to you and please take care.

@Jhonny He could be the most enlightened being in the world right now as far as we know. But probably not ?.