The0Self

That's what's appearing to happen there. Every "aha moment" and indeed every apparent circumstance is not an exclusively real circumstance, and therefore not something that actually happens, and yet it is the natural reality at equilibrium, which is all there is -- it's what appears to be happening, blindly as itself, without any reference to itself, as any apparent reference to itself... itself is blindly itself too. All is well. And there's no one who exists or doesn't exist that could understand anything, which is everything, which is nothing, which is all there is.

If there already seems to be some resonance there, perhaps this illogical pointer may robustly resonate, or not, and it doesn't matter: The longing for something just around the corner is actually always the longing for exactly whatever already appears to be happening. All is more well than can possibly be understood or imagined.

Yeah, if it resonates, it's not resonating with anything. The resonance is something else other than exclusively what is or is not -- which is to say the resonance is what is and is not. And not even that The brick wall: what isn't is; what is isn't.

Well... relatable in the general sense that you describe, plus we're both 27 and perfectly content being single No "issues" at all, commitment or otherwise, I don't think. I'm male though so maybe the dynamic is slightly different. But yeah after a sort of shift that took place over several years and culminated somewhat recently, I no longer view relationships in a way that even slightly resembles the conventional sense . Just for instance, I no longer consider "cheating" to be a meaningful construct -- no need to tie down my partner with only me. I haven't met too many women that have the same view, but they're definitely out there. It's essentially irrelevant though since I'm not naturally polyamorous at all anyway, but yeah.. the love (NEED) projected onto me is not really returned as need, but rather as "simply-already-complete / not-special" love, so I'm always the one who ends the relationship (often jealousy arises in them; I never cheat and neither do they so that's got nothing to do with it). I don't sweat it at all, or see it as a problem in any way, but perhaps if I were female it would strike differently. I have no clue really, but to me it's obviously not a problem. That's just a story though, I don't know anything, there's just what seems to play out.

It's probably similar for most. Interestingly, it can apparently be dealt with... Perhaps try turning up the intensity of the anxiety on purpose in a very direct sensorial meditative sense -- you might fail and the opposite may happen, which is of course "success." Of course there's no you to do that anyway, so it's just a technique in the experiential realm, but hey... why not? There's nothing wrong with anxiety though, nor the practice of a technique which alleviates it. But the focus, I'd suggest, could be on the emptiness and insubstantiality of the anxiety in the fading of it through simple technique, rather than merely the gratification and empowerment in the intentional quelling of anxiety.

Darknet of course...

God is just the personification of a hopeful answer of where this is going and how it might turn out well for me. I am God is a realization that can actually be achieved but in the end it's just what appears to happen, as in it merely appears / is only apparent, as is everything. God also points to liberation, and I can't tell you what that is, it can only be pointed to, and you're inevitably not going to like it: liberation is the end of any remote possibility of ever becoming liberated or finding anything of value -- and even that's just a pointing, it's not a real description of what this is; it's only apparent. Apart from the dream, there will never come a time when you can actually knowingly say "I am enlightened," because by definition it's the end of the one who knows, by virtue of it never having been real in the first place. You won't be there to notice your own absence; there's no knowing of the absence of the one who never was -- there isn't any possibility of the realization of what's already the case. No practice leads to liberation, which is, said another way: what's already always appearing to be, for no reason. There's absolutely no escape from a nonexistent prison. You could say it's the end of knowing or becoming anything, but it doesn't happen to anyone. There are all kinds of practices and substances that can apparently lead to the realization of God and infinity -- witnessing, self-inquiry, LSD, and many others. But it's all within the dream, which is neither wrong nor right but it is what it is -- fuel for the sense of separation from everything. Everything (the infinite; all there is) = nothing, appearing to be.

LOL yep... I certainly can.

It’s all simply an empty appearance of unbounded infinity. If doesn’t need to make sense, it’s unbounded.

TMI, TWIM, all kinds of experimentations in open-heartedness and playing with and cultivating positive sensations that built up like a fire... Total story... but yeah that’s how I would’ve described it at the time. There’s no real I though so it’s meaningless to even partake in these threads I’m just chiming in for no reason. Any spiritual tips feed the seeking energy, which is neither wrong nor right, but it is what it is.

It’s not your perception, it’s not of yourself, nothing can be fixed, nothing is broken.

Considering I’ve been addicted to multiple drugs in my life, and after becoming adept at jhanas I never even slightly became addicted to them, I’d say jhana addiction is exceedingly, stupid rare.

Reality isn’t an illusion, but the journey to realizing reality is... like a journey to learning all the secrets about reality, only to nearly find that there is no reality, nor anyone to find even that truth... and that would just be another conclusion about reality anyway — and there is none, so no one realizes that, even though it’d be the only true realization if it were knowable, which it isn’t. What starts with “aha!” ends in “no way...” ? -> ? ?‍♂️ ?

Sometimes it is sadness for the imminent apparent loss of the sense of separation/knowing.

Yep!

Yeah, nothing tanks the male sex drive like low estrogen, counterintuitively. High estradiol is usually associated more with excess water retention than low sex drive. In fact. high estrogen in the presence of adequate testosterone can actually increase libido.

Yeah, while there’s no wrong way to speak about this, OP’s post is not likely one of those “BOOM” formulations since it is (at least to me) clearly not the boundless communication of the message. Try this one on for size ?... The longing for something just around the corner is actually the longing for exactly whatever already appears to be happening. That can really resonate robustly if it’s heard. There are many other aspects that can be used as pointers to the ungraspable, and they’re generally more logical and clearer and even more complete... but in my experience they often don’t hold a candle to the illogical bolded phrase above. I really don’t know anything though.

“Am I gay?” = almost certainly not straight. Unless it’s a sort of a mere thought experiment or open-mindedness exercise. Perhaps try gay porn. If that doesn’t work, get your hormones checked — particularly testosterone. Could be a number of things even including low histamine. Or just depression.

The apparent you is doing infinity. But... You doing infinity is being done by infinity. So there’s no one doing anything at all. There’s just infinity: “what is not, but is appearing to be;” what appears to be happening; nothing. If only the sheer magnitude of the beautiful futility could be seen... ?

Someone else and someone here automatically go together like flocks of a feather. And when one falls, so does the other. Ain’t got any clues but two, then BANG, ain’t got any clues at all. Consciousness is a movement towards something else, which doesn’t exist. All-there-is has no need to observe itself. The infinite has no clue about what isn’t infinite. Freedom has no clue about what isn’t free. Causelessness has no clue about what isn’t causeless.

No matter how diligent and earnest the search, the apparent you will always be pulling a fast one on itself. It wants two things exactly equally: 1. its own end, and 2. its continuation at all costs. So it’s merely an empty and paradoxical apparent energetic claim. Even surrender will covertly operate as a way to continue the survival of me (seemingly hiding always-already-only-liberation), as one has to keep doing it (keep on not-doing), so it confirms there is a “one” to surrender. Until the bitter end, me will survive at all costs. In a sense it doesn’t give a fuck about happiness and enlightenment, it only wants to be real and see things separate from it as real. It’s an unbreakable illusion because there’s no illusion to break. To be poetic, the apparent collapse of me seems to be associated with hitting a brick wall of hopeless, helpless futility one too many times, just a bit too hard, waking up what you really are; the sleeper for the time being... nothing being everything (and nothing wakes up so nothing happens). If I could give any tips I’d say just follow what feels good. And explore ways to feel even more joy and goodness via skilled meditation... But I must note: each and every tip given, of any kind at all, just perpetuates the me, which is not wrong, but that’s what it does... And not including that last sentence would be recklessly misleading, from this perception.

Would love to hear reports on this. Especially from those who have experience with at least one of: 5-MeO-DMT, ketamine, God-realization. I will very likely not be using psychedelics anymore, so “I missed out.” If only I got the memo last year ?

Just another way of pointing to this. No more right though.

Many times, and it was quite similar, though really just completely indescribable. Usually with 110ug LSD-25 or 10-25mg 5-MeO-DMT. No insight is more profound than another, because there's only nothing appearing to happen. Knowing existence is the dream. This is beyond existence.

You aren't a being. You're life appearing as a being.