The0Self

I thought I was the most realized being on the planet once. I could see that all perspectives were in a hierarchy and just out of the corner of my eye was the ultimate perspective — that of God. It’s still right there now. “Behind“ my field of sensation. The more you surrender to love, the more it burns you and envelops you and explodes you/me.

I’m not so sure about synchronicities. I do believe in them but my absolute most harrowing and actually convincing run in with them was while under the influence of a meth overdose where I thought every speck on the wall was an alien camera and I was on a day-in-the-life-of-a-human show broadcasting on some alien planet. It was 18 hours of perceived persecution and actual synchronicities that I still can’t fully explain 5 years later. I chalk it up to psychosis. Also had a similar thing happen without psychosis when combining a dissociative with a psychedelic. I think they could be relative-God speaking with you.

I’ve been scripted modafinil before. I liked d-amphetamine better. I’ve been thru the ringer with all (lots) drugs. My lesson has been to avoid them. I was taking subutex and Dexedrine and was getting into jhana but I developed a heart condition (probably from the Dexedrine/d-amp) and the subutex without the added Dexedrine boost was making me too drowsy to get into jhana so I actually just quit subutex July 7th and am going through detox (opioid wd; aka HELL) in order to get back on track in my meditation. Meditation has gotten me into versatile states that are like 100x more effective a nootropic than any substance.

Thanks! And by the way why do you think I’m using kratom? The WD is so much easier than subutex! Lol. It’s still opioid WD though. Yeah as far as opioids go, kratom is on the low end; but as far as ALL drugs go, opioids are by FAR the most (worst) addictive.

Ok now that is interesting. I got a pretty good buzz just yesterday on accident by taking 2 doses too close to each other. I take 4g 4x a day. Sometimes 2g 8x/d. NOT recreationally. As I said I’m detoxing from subutex. Took my last dose of buprenorphine 0.5mg 4x/d at Tuesday July 7th at 4pm.

All I’m saying is it CAN be very dangerous and it IS addictive. As addictive as any commonly prescribed opioid pain pills.

Could be. I started out using it as a social lubricant when I was 16-17. Usually taking 3-10g at a time, once a week or so. I had almost no issues with it until I was 18 and got a perceivable WD upon cessation for the first time of using it daily for a month straight. It was so subtle I didn’t even know what it was until it was over (in 3 days). About a year after that I was into H on and off and also kratom still (there was this amazing source abbreviated ZE). Got pretty bad WD but not horrible. I can see many getting caught up with it just like ANY pain pills. It’s no IV heroin, but it is absolutely as powerful as oxycodone. It’s just that, as you said, it gives a bit of nausea.. SO DOES HEROIN. Every heard the term “I tried heroin and I can’t imagine anyone liking it, it made me sick/puke” Sound familiar?

Pregnenolone and histamine (base, or HCl if gut issues). Magnesium sulfate USP. Also might as well use pure d-amp if you’re willing to use modafinil — better off just mind-over-mattering it unless you have some kind of gut or brain issue. Stims can help productivity a whole lot though especially in the beginning. Every drug works in the beginning...

That’s probably true, but reckless dosing is all that works when you’re an ex heroin addict. Though, gas station or head shop kratom is nothing compared to the stuff you can get online (HS). My tolerance gives me brutal WD’s and I take 16 grams a day and feel literally perfectly fine. Years ago I would take 60 grams a day and believe me it’s basically identical to tramadol. You’re gonna have a bad time if you use it for years on end. I started out with kratom btw, not H, but I was young and dumb and used high doses and both of my birth parents were addicts so I always craved opioids. Once I experienced jhana abusing any drug became impossible but I’m still coming off subutex.

I hate to ruin your parade but kratom is playing with fire. I’m using it right now to get off of buprenorphine. It takes away all withdrawal and then some. It has strong opioid effects. Use it for a month straight and stop abruptly (don’t actually). You’ll feel a bit restless. Do it again and stop; feel a bit more restless but this time it’s agonizing. Before you know it you’re having full-blown opioid withdrawal which is just about the worst feeling you can imagine. You know the feeling you get when you get a papercut or break a bone? Hurting so bad you break out in a cold sweat? Combine that with the feeling of nails on a chalkboard IN your spine, and you have a shallow facsimile of opioid WD. Be very careful and maybe never dose 2 days in a row.

My sister has Hashimoto’s And Type 1 diabetes. I have narcolepsy without severe cataplexy. Medical troubleshooting used to be my passion. Supposedly T3 (triiodothyronine) without T4 (levothyroxine) is a far more effective treatment. And most people just get T4. Also oral histamine can help tremendously with both thyroid and gut issues. And pregnenolone. Basically with hypothyroidism you want to increase cortisol and thyroid but you also want to decrease iodine and adrenaline. It’s very subtle research to actually find that this is the case but it used to be my passion. Plus, I’ve been through an insane amount of troubleshooting-away my own fatigue as I have narcolepsy — though the fatigue is nothing compared to the fact that I have to enter REM sleep first before going into true sleep onset; this causes terrifying hallucinations that made me procrastinate going to bed every night but it was a blessing in disguise as I basically got a free DMT trip every night for a decade, and this did provide a lot of insight. Meditation skill allows me to deal with it like it’s nothing now.

I have actual narcolepsy. What helped me? histamine pregnenolone If you have thyroid issues: T3 (if they give you T4, try to get T3, it is way more effective but way less sides), histamine, pregnenolone, DHEA, cortisol (nasal spray), keto diet, fasting can all be tried. One by one. Also get testosterone level checked!

Pregnenolone. I repeat, pregnenolone...

Awakening isn't necessarily associated with any change in our experience. It involves a change in our relationship with experience. And who we really are and aren't.

Medicine of One (love his Ramana Maharshi book reads) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxdOC7z42O2fxeBje5QXpQQ/videos and Samaneri Jayasara (Teresa of Avila reading, tons more, etc) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz6X8QK9_JG49hJxnzAu-1w/videos

Listen to some of Rob Burbea's talks over on dharma seed. I DL them to my podcast app. His "practicing the Jhana's" (2019) and "meditation on emptiness" (2010) are incredibly inspiring, soulful, and informative. He just died a couple months ago due to pancreatic cancer. He was about as spiritually developed as one could be at his age (60 or so) and I think he even invented a new post-Buddhist-awakening framework called "Soulmaking Dharma." Although, nothing will motivate quite like tasting Jhana . Come back to it organically if you don't currently have the burning desire to be a master of perception.