Don Wei

When I was 15 I was extremely lonely and desperate, so when someone who I thought was a woman started talking to me on social media I was very happy at the time, and some of the people who I thought wrre good friends at the time got nude pics from girls at my old school. So at one point during the conversation I got out of control and I asked for nude pics. To my suprise the person started dirty talking and asked me to send pics first, after that she would send back. So that's what I did and she sended me pics too, I was so out of control that I didn't question that she didn't hold the camera in any of the photo's. After doing this back and forth for a while I stopped. And I felt great, like there was finally someone who liked me I thought. But then later at night she started texting me constantly and asking me money, that's when I started to get nervous. I told her I didn't have any money and that I was only 15. Then she sended me screenshots with my nude photo's some of which had my face in it, at that time I was extremely naïve. She also sended me screenshots of all my friends on facebook and instagram which included almost everybody who went to the same high school as me, family members, friends, aquintances, adults that I knew, people I looked up to, basically almost everybody I knew and I was already very depressed at that time. He threatened to send all my photos to everybody I know and I wasn't able to do anything about it. I told my parents and they threatened to call the cops. He stopped (I realized it was a man) and we went to the police but they werent able to help me at all. And for the next two years he has been stalking me online and using different accounts to stalk me and threaten me, I was so traumatized I deleted all the pictures of the first incident. And somehow my phone stopped working a week after the first incident. So I lost all the evidence. The authorities werent able to help me because they didn't take me serious. Instead they literally laughed at me and started questioning me instead like I am a criminal... all because i'm a man, and people think for some reason that men are always supposed to fix their own shit and suck it up and that we never encounter problems like this. That's exactly what I did. I tried to run away from it for two years but everytime a female thats good looking sends me a friend request I get extremely paranoid and scared. This is the is the only place where I think I can tell this without being ridiculed and treated like shit. I already did a lot of self help, I've been doing a lot of that, but this problem with my dating life feels so hard to remove, it has ruined my dating life right now, and it's hard for me to trust any women who shows interest, because I have also been manipulated, scammed, robbed, hurt etc this way before. How do I fix this problem ? It feels like things I used to fix other emotional problems almost don't work on this problem, the pain and emotions automatically turn on at these moments, it then feels like i'm on fire and my harts gonna explode.

@North Sea I don't know about smoking weed man... I do live in the netherlands, I can easily get weed it's not even illegal in a lot of places here, but I still don't know if I need to try it or not. Maybe it will automatically hapoen at some point in my life. Almost every person I know has done it here in the Netherlands especially the ones who live in Amsterdam lol

@Globalcollective yes i'm doing my best not to close it off but it can get difficult especially online @Barbara alright I'll definitely try meeting more women then when this whole corona thing is over @Shin Yeah I understand I also tried many different forms of self improvement in dating, at one point I was red pill but I don't agree with everything they say and I found out that just having more sex is nice but does not truly make you happier @Preety_India i'm not gonna online dating anymore I was already thinking about that for a while, for some reason I don't really feel attracted to the women I see on dating apps and it's almost like they just match with you to boost their ego but when I chat with them they just ignore me and I have really good pictures on there too so it's really starting to annoy me @Axiomatic thats very true, if I wasn't a guy this problem maybe might have already been solved or not @MsNobody thanks, aprreciate it ? @egoeimai That sucks, I don't think i'm gonna really do online dating again then, I tried to distract myself from these thoughts by watching a movie last week, but the movie was the one with Keanu Reeves called Knock Knock.... It might have been the worst movie on the planet I could have picked to forget my trauma. I really hope the guy you're talking about stops because that really is no way to live, always watching you're back and waiting for the next time he tries to blackmail you, that's what I think about at my low points. I promised myself I wasn't gonna go in a relationship either for the next couple of years because harder to focus on your purpose that way and i'm at a point where I don't have much time. I'm writing books right now but i'm also in university at the same time so there are many things that fill up my time, but I sometimes do feel very tempted to go in a relationship, is that because of a scarcity mindset or because my past relation was very toxic, or is it another reason ? Why do I suddenly feel the need to go in a relationship ? Is the solution maybe internal ? Thanks guys for the support I really appreciate it, this is really a safe place for me where I can talk about topics most don't understand and be myself.

hi guys, I had an argument last week with my mom and sister. We were arguing about life purpose, money, along with other things. I felt like my mom was really trying hard to understand me and she understood me better than my older sister but not completely. My brother and sister have always lived in holland but I moved away with my parents when I was 8 and I just moved back a couple of months ago. So my siblings, especially my sister don't really know me that well. I know even less about her since she almost never talks about herself and she's a very private person. Today I was having a long deep conversation with my brother who knows me better. And at one point we were talking about the argument I had with my sister about life. I am a very ambitious person, I have always wanted to improve myself in as many ways possible and one of the things we did not agree on is that most people do not know what their life purpose is and that most people aren't very conscious. And we also did not agree on the topic of money and other things. This might have been one of the most energy draining arguments ever because she did not understand what I was trying to say at all. It almost looked like she didn't even want to listen, although I could be wrong. She probably wasn't doing that on purpose. I told my brother the whole story and he told me my sister compared my way of thinking to the way of thinking of someone in the family who is a very low conscious person. Everybody in the family knows that so that really hurt me. I was screaming on the inside from rage and sadness that my own sister did not understand me at all and now i'm still very pissed of and disappointed that she thinks of me in such a low way because I know everything I have been through and how hard it was to get where I am now. I'm not some kind of sage but my entire view on everything has drastically improved over the last few years. What hurts even more is that I am aware that all the anger and disappointment I feel is not me but my ego just like the arrogant part I wrote about how hard it was to get where I am now and how my consciousness has gotten so much higher, I know that I shouldn't worry and that I shouldn't identify with the harsh past experiences or the fact that most people won't even acknowledge that I had it tough because people on the outside only see roses and sunshine when they look at me. I noticed that only being aware of all this doesn't help me actually control these emotions and solve my problems. I'm still angry right now. Btw I just noticed: here I am asking for help on this forum but at the same time my ego is so big right now that i'm also trying to convince you guys that i'm a high conscious person. I always find it hard to admit I make mistakes when I see them as low conscious mistakes or when i'm aware of the mistake while making it. That must also be my ego too...

@Claymoree I never said I didn't care for my family because of disagreements. That's the exact opposite of what i'm saying. If I really didn't care I would not have made this post in the first place. I also said that they probably have good intentions earlier so I already know that. The problem was not that I don't want to consider what they say or that we have different mindsets. It's that I was upset that they didn't understand me at all. I at first thought that they would understand me because they ate close to me, but I see now that that's not the way things work.

Btw guys i'm trying to change my account name and I went to account settings but it's not possible. Does anyone know how to change it ?

@LearningPodo I am literally in the exact same situation right now so I don't know how effective my advice is about this since we both have the same problem right now, but what I try to do is stay conscious about everything you do and take time to really sit down by yourself and think about your life. I did not only go to college but also a different country and I have not meditated for two months ! I also almost don't go to the gym either, I eat shitty food, I don't really take much care of body either. So I know exactly how shitty this feels when you live below your own standards and morals. I have also been sacrificing my sleep to study. So i'm still looking for anwsers myself.

@Origins that's probably it, it does feel strange sometimes to not be a kid. I turned 18 in july and the way people talk to me is very different compared to how it used to be so it is somtimes difficult to adapt to this. My environement changed drastically because I used to live in Suriname (country above brazil) and before I was 9 I lived in the netherlands. I moved back to the netherlands a couple of months ago. So that also plays a huge role I guess. I had to adapt a lot in my life and that's very energy draining.

@Mada_ that is true, sometimes it is hard to express myself completely. Explained everything I know and the way I look at the world is very difficult and most of the time when I do people resort to stupid ways to argue against it like black and white thinking or quickly judging me and then immediately comparing me to someone who they think is exactly like me but is actually the opposite. I'm not gonna lie though, this path is extremely lonely. I honestly don't know anybody my age who also wants to do all this and even less people who are actually serious about it. So there is almost nobody I can talk to about it and that's too bad that I can only talk about this stuff with you guys on this forum or my dad who lives on another continent. That's why I tried to talk to people close to me and even friends about it but that didn't work out like I thought it would.

@Carl-Richard It's not that I just expect people to understand me it's just that it's very painful to see that someone so close to me doesn't. I am the youngest one of my siblings and it feels like the older ones don't even want to listen just because they think i'm younger and because of that they automatically always know better. It feels very condescending. Even while I was arguing with her she was looking at my mom like she was thinking " look at this guy, just let him keep talking, do you see what this idiot is saying ". She and others close to me probably only want the best for me and have good intentions, but it's very hard for me to accept. My father is an extremely high conscious person and he also told me I should not expect people to understand me wanting to do self help (like what many people on this forum do) and find my real purpose. My brother also told me the same thing and I know that I should not care but I just do and it's hard to stop caring.

I noticed something important within myself, I understand and agree with what you guys are saying, but somewhere deep I feel a resistance because my old goal 3 years ago was to make as much money as possible, and I viewed self improvement and spirituality in a much more shallow manner. Now I still want to make a lot of money, but it's more like a bonus to me now. My goals have changed, but in order to have more options in life and be more free I still want to make more money. It's kinda like some kind of basis thing to have while pursuing my real goals. Maybe that's why I feel my ego low self get scared.

@Shunyata I have seen ghosts very often and not when i'm half awake either, I know i'm not hallucinating because other people have in one instance seen the exact same ghost I have seen and I did not even tell them about it. One time I was sitting downstairs, my mom and dad were both also downstairs and nobody was upstairs. Then I heard my mothers voice calling me three times and I anwsered that I would come upstairs, my mom was actually in another room downstairs and I did not know that at the time. My father is an extremely high conscious person and he is very spiritual, so he heard it too and he pulled me back when I wanted to go upstairs, he told me that he heard that too and that my mother was downstairs, then I got extremely scared and I started crying. My mom then came to the living room and was suprised by the story. Because there was another ghost in our house a couple of years ago but my father had already removed that ghost from the house. This one is also already gone but I don't live in my parents house anymore and my new house is filled with negative energy and it's fucking up my entire life right now, that's why I came here today to find answers so I typed ghost in the actualized.org scearchbar and I found this.

hi guys, there are many things i'm not proud of. First of all, I lost my virginity to two prostitutes. Why because I was just tired, and I did not care anymore, at that point I just wanted sex, and I did not care anymore how I would get it, or if it would be with a special someone, they say that things in your life get difficult, that that means something better is waiting for you... I guess that quote is bullshit then. The only way to improve your life is to improve yourself. As Eckhart Tolle said, hardships in life can only make you better or worse, you can't stay the same. But i'm not gonna complain about that, other people probably have a far more toxic and shitty dating life than me. Second of all, the second time I almost had sex, but I was so nervous and stressed that I wasn't able to get an erection and even when I do get erections, the women never make me cum. This might be the most embarrasing post ever... But that's not even everything, anytime I get of my comfort zone when it comes to dating and sex my entire body starts shaking and trembling, it get extremely tense and stiff to the point i'm not even able to hold a cup of coffee in my hand or walk normally. I'm struggeling to write this post right now because I was talking to a chick on tinder and I just thought, fuck it i'm gonna ask her out. I just moved here in the netherland and she lives in another city than me so this is extremely out of my comfort zone. Also i'm 18 and she is 20. My legs are twitching and I feel shivers through my entire body. I am nervous because I now see she replied something, but I haven't read it yet so i'm gonna do that right now quick. She said yes guys, but there is a problem. There is gonna be a conference tommorrow where they are gonna decide if they are gonna make the covid measures more strict and if they do I won't be able to go out with her. So I indirectly asked her if it would be possible to hang out at her appartement also something i've never done before, Oh shit she just replied, wel i'm gonna check my messages again. (I'm still shaking uncontrollably and I feel a fear that I won't get a boner again if it escalates to the point where we have sex) Well going at her appartement isn't an option, we haven't even met lol. But at least I tried. She did say that we could go out next weekend if the covid measures won't get stricter. Anyway can you guys help me with this problem ? Is there something wrong with my body ? What is the cause of this ? Do you guys have the same problem ? Is there something wrong with my mindset ? Is my entire approach to dating maybe wrong ?

@Leo Gura so I guess I shouldn't worry if this date goes succesful ? I mean it's all just experience, I know I'll get better in the long run. But I still feel a need to not mess this up, it's pretty ironic I spend so much time trying to improve myself, I wanted to literally be completely perfect a year ago, which I don't really know if it's even possible. But in the end I still haven't dated a lot.

@EmptyVase I do feel like I overthink a lot when talking to women. And everytime I do that I just forget what I wanted to say. I have also been a huge people pleaser, I was a boyscout (literally) in a stage red environment, imagine that. People even other boyscouts take advantage of that weakness and inability to stand up for yourself. Always having to think about a comeback just in case someone tries to bully you, or trying to fit in. That was terrible.

Hi guys, I wasn't sure if I should post this, it just happened yesterday. And it has never happened to me before so I don't really know how to deal with it. Yesterday at 5:30 pm I went to the gym in the park near my house but I decided to leave 30 min earlier, so I left at 6:00 pm and it was a cloudy rainy day, so it was almost dark. I should have just gone home. But I just had to explore the huge park for some reason, I just felt like it. And I was walking in the part of the park where I had never been before and at one point I passed a bench where two middle aged men were sitting and I felt very strange but I thought it would be akward if I would just turn around somehow. Then when I walked further I saw a dark small muddy path, and I felt a heavy ominious energy around me, most of the time i'm able to sense these things, but I got extremely curious and wanted to explore that path. It was not a place where anybody was supposed to walk because all the other paths were wider and with asphalt. I started to see dirty old childeren shoes on the sides of the path and broken beer bottles and it got weirder and weirder. So I then thought, this is enough I really shouldn't be here so I turned around and I saw one of the old guys that was sitting on the bench blocking the entrance to the path. Just standing there looking at me and the path was too small for two people to walk one so we walked towards each other. And I found it strange that this man was walking here because it is a dead end path, so there was no reason to walk there. I moved out of the way to let him through and then he suddenly tried to grab my dick and hold me but I pushed him away and ran before he could do anything else, and then the other guy from the bench came and this guy was a lot bigger than me so I kept on running all the way home, but I did not go home yet because I just felt absolutely disgusting and confused so I went to the mall and bought a bag of chips and I was trying to process what happened. I did not want to tell my parents, but I must tell someone this happened yesterday. Now I feel extremely paranoid to go outside and I first thought that anything stage red was bad because it is low conscious but now I see that improving yourself does not mean that you have to lose things from previous stages and that you actually have to integrate these things in yourself to become more complete. I always wanted to be nice and help people but if appearing too friendly to some people can make people think i'm weak and make them think they can cross my bounderies then I will physically protect myself, I respect and love other people, but I see that does not mean people will treat you the same way. So I think I'll have to find a way to combine all the different stages because I now see they all have valuable aspects. I guess I was to naïve to think everybody would respond positive to my positivity and openness and to think all the stages below you weren't important anymore once you transcended them.

@No Self I checked today and yesterday, when me and my brother drove by the place, but the place was empty, no one was there I don't think this person has a specific place or routine and secluded places like parks are known for this type of stuff so I don't think it will be anything the police didn't already know and it happened two days ago, I really messed up, I should have called the cops while I was in the park @Superfluo alright I'll definitely do that then first @Vercingetorix that's exactly what I was also worrying about, some other trauma's I have haven,'t even been healed yet so this would be to much @Roy I thought about carrying a knife, but I won't carry one because I know I would not use it. And would defeninitely not carry it open for everyone to see even though that's the only way a knife could be useful because then you can quickly draw it. I was very confused because I also don't see myself as a physically weak person, and I know some martial arts so I was very suprised that even I could become a victim @LordFall yeah i'm not really gonna carry a knife, I have not been trained in using it. @Keyhole I feel alright at this moment, but my schoolwork and self developement did suffer from it, I did not feel like doing anything at all, and I felt very disgusting for some reason @Ananta yes I hope this never happens to anyone again...but that is a false dream, this is probably happening to thousands of people at the same time right now. I definitely feel a little more grounded now. It doesn't matter what type of development you do or how wise and strong you are, we are at the end of the day just human, and we get hurt. If I trip and fall the wrong way or if a car drives against me too hard then it's all over. This is why I think it's best too always have a little left from lower stages, especially for survival.

@bejapuskas I found two people yesterday that really opened my eyes, Eckhart Tolle and Wim Hof. I really needed that.

Hello everybody, I got accepted in my dream university, Delft University of Technology and I moved from a third world country to a rich country, The Netherlands. But i've been feeling empty, and weird since i',ve been studying. In the beginning I didn't feel stressed though. Because back then there wasn't a huge load of work dropped on me. I have been doing self help for 7 years and I normally meditate twice a day. But I haven't meditated since I got here. I also had amazing plans to write books while studying in college. But i've only written 3 chapters and I also haven't done anything with that since I got here. I used to think I was a high conscious person. But i've also been questioning that lately, because if I was I wouldn't have this problem probably. I also haven't visited the gym in two weeks and because of certain circumstances I did not get any vacation. This year while I was still in high school I was also pretty stressed out and my future was very unclear and I thought that I was just in a stage of life where I would grow a lot internally because this year has been the most eye opening to me. I really grew a lot. But now i'm even more stressed, and depressed. I'm afraid that it won't matter how much I achieve because I think this feeling is something that will always follow me. It feels almost impossible to make all my assignments on time and at the same time improve myself and have a social life, which I don't because i'm in a new country. But somewhere deep down I have a feeling that life, could be a lot better and that i'm missing something. There must be something I overlooked. I honestly don't even know what I want right now.

@SirVladimir maybe I should try both and just see where it goes, I need to get more real experience in the book writing world anyway. You sound like you have already tried both and got more succes with self publishing so you already have that experience but I don't. By the way does anybody here know if leo already made a video about finding yourself ? I feel like he has but i'm not sure.

@SirVladimir @LfcCharlie4 I did shamanic breathing once a couple of months ago, but I totally forgot about that. I should probably try it again then. Its true that you can get very succesful doing self publishing, but as you said you need money for that. And that's something I really lack, so I don't understand how i'm supposed to do that at the moment, right now I'll first focus on completing my books. @bejapuskas I did not know I was wearing some kind of social mask, if this is not who I am then I really do not know who I am. But I do feel that world is much bigger and brighter then I think it is. Sometimes it feels like i'm being blindfolded and miss a big part of everything. I've also seen many things the last couple that really go against my values and entire way of thinking. For example people telling me that my life is just easy and that they are just doomed to have a shitty life, because that's just the way their life is supposed to be, I think everybody on this forum knows that's bullshit. And i've seen people close to me cheat on other people close to me and act like it's a totally normal thing because so many people do it. But it just seems very wrong to me. And then people tell me i'm too honest or naïve. So yeah I think it will take a lot of time to get used to this, maybe I shouldn't judge them, but that's pretty difficult too. On a postive note I have already done all the legal stuff I had to do like, insurance, getting my ID, learning how to use public transport, study finances etc so i'm glad that's over. @Elham yeah I'll just do what I have too do, my purpose along with many other things is very unclear right now,

@SirVladimir alright thanks, there is always room for more creativity, so some tips could be very helpful

@Elham i dont think moving to the netherlands was a mistake. I did not have a lot of oppertunities in Suriname and I already speak fluent dutch and english because I was born in the netherlands and I moved to suriname when I was 8, and dutch is also the main language in suriname because it used to be a dutch colony. I have lived in several differen't locations but i've lived in a tropical rainforest in the middle of nowhere for 8 years ! I almost didn't have any friends, I was isolated, I couldn't even go to the supermarket on my own because it was to far to walk and not safe to go with a bike. I almost didn't have a social life and the only things that made me happy were my family, nature, self improvement and my stories. My life was pretty dull, I did not do much and I first always wanted a girlfriend so I started with pickup and searching how to make money, then fitness, then redpill, then basic spirituality, and it just kept getting deeper. And sometimes I was able to go to the mall or the movies with some friends. But that's about it. Now i'm in a rich country I see that I have way more oppertunities to develop myself. And I also don't live with my parents in suriname anymore so things are very tough but its worth it The first week some people were even laughing at me because everything amazed and fascinated me. Like when going into a trainstation for example. I feel a little better today but I still feel strange and uncomfortable. Maybe the fact that I almost don't have any social connections plays a role here. Or maybe not but it sometimes does feel like i'm looking for something, but I don't know what. It could be my purpose. Or enlightenement or something else. I also get very deep euphoric dreams from time to time, that could be amazing movies or books but I always forget those as soon as I wake up.

@LfcCharlie4 yes that was the plan, but I first want to do traditional publishing, even if I won't make much money that way. Then when I have a lot of fans who will surely buy my books and when I already have enough money then and only then will I do self publishing. Right now nobody knows me so nobody is gonna buy my book and I don't have any kind of platform with people who could be interested in my books so that's the order I was going for but things can always go differently so if I somehow start making a lot of money writing books while i'm in college then I might not start working for any company at all. That would be the best case scenario. And then I could also focus more on improving myself.

@Leo Gura I do think that what i'm doing in university will have a positive inpact on society, I do civil engineering and we all have a subject called ethics, to make sure students don't make any low conscious selfish desicions that will impact the world in a negative way. And when I chose this path I did not know what I wanted so I thought that if I didn't know what I wanted to do I could at least do something useful to humanity that would also pay my bills. But I honestly don't see this as my end goal. I have always been a very artistic person instead, and I constantly get amazing stories in my head, it hurts me and excites me at the same time that no one has already created these stories, so I thought if no one has created it yet than why couldn't I just do it ? And what I think would really fulfill me is sharing these stories with as many people as possible in some way or another. So I started writing a book, and i've finished 3 chapters. But since I wen't to the netherlands a month ago I haven't written a new chapter yet and I didn't feel motivated, but a couple of people read these chapters yesterday and really liked it, so that motivated me to start writing further And now my plan is basically to go to university, learn new skills, actualize myself, get my degrees, build up my career and reputation as a writer while in college and maybe by the time I have been working as a highly paid wage slave for a year or two, I'll earn enough money to quit my job and focus even more on my books and self actualization. I think i'm right now still in the achiever phase for the most part. But not completely because I can see that achievements and materialism doesn't bring true long lasting fulfillment and happiness. It is just a resource for me right now, but not a real goal the way it used to be last year. And I am starting to feel less interested in the self improvement videos I used to watch on youtube. They now seem really shallow, and i'm not gonna pretend i'm all of a sudden so much more conscious than everybody else because I watched the ego develelopment videos, knowing something and being something are not the same so I still have a lot to learn, but I like learning so it should be fun