Don Wei

There are literally no words to explain this, it's like I finally understand everything at the same time. I thought I understood enlightenement or things in general but what I see now is so differen't. I thought I knew but its like the information I have now is so unlimited that i'm not able to do anything except being aware. I thought I was a man, but I now don't know anymore, I really want to question everything right now, The love is just so much that I don't want it anymore, its like i'm giving myself all the love and anwsers and it feels really weird, even writing this on my phone feels like a waste of time. There is just so much I want to say but I'll stay quiet for now. I don't even understand why I never gave myself infinite love before. I just need to process this for now.

@Seraphim yes there is, but sadly I don't fully know how to explain it and I also feel like you and everybody else already has the information you want, it was like first during the trip my body did exactly what it wanted, I was like an animal. I had no control, and after time passed I started to become more aware and get more insights, I tried to watch a video from Leo but it felt pointless, I tried to get many anwsers from outside but it was like my entire being tried to stop me from going outside and instead force me inside my own body and awareness, I also video called a friend who also does self development and has more experience with psychedelics. It was almost like there was no difference between me and him, we were the same and I felt bliss, like I was aware of him for the first time

@Fearless_Bum is it strange that I also feel some fear ? Maybe it's my ego but too be honest, normally when I do self development I do it to improve something or to raise my conscious but when I was in the god state I felt like I wasn't able to do anything with the information beside just being. It was too incredible for words but it wasn't biased so it also included all my fears and shadow parts I found out I have always been doing things for ego, but what else is there to do ? I have no idea what the point of anything is really, why do I even want anything ? More and more questions about everything keep coming up

@Nos7algiK I used psylocybin utopia, I was first planning on using atlantis instead but a more experienced person told me not to use that one as a novice, i'm glad I didn't, that would have been way too much.

@Fearless_Bum ah yes thats true, I felt a state of no mind like that, but the problem I experienced is that immediately after I felt a need to explain and rationalize wtf just happened, I felt a need to DO something with the information and as soon as that happened my ego started creeping back up. This all feels pretty strange and new, I kinda feel like a kid, like there was dirt in my eyes before and now my eyes are a bit cleaner.

@Fearless_Bum btw, I made this post while I was still tripping, I haven't processed it yet. So when I say awake i'm talking about my first awakening experience with psychedelics. I have had some experiences that felt kinda similar before but not near as powerful as this, it's like Leo said in one of the videos, there are many differen't ways you can awaken and different types of infinity. Like differen't flavours, but I don't know, I guess I'll find out.

@Fearless_Bum yes, of course. I did not let my entire ego go, i'm still processing the information I got. It felt like it was so infinite that anything I wanted to do was pointless, I also saw how much I manipulate and it was like the parts of my ego that I neglected were completely exposed. I'm now back in my ego, but I also know that I can never see things the same again, I will contemplate what I found more right now and I will use my new experience to see what to do I am not able to fully express what i'm aware of because i'm limited by words, my desire to do something right now is probably also my ego, earlier I didn't want to do anything with my awareness because I already had everything in my earlier state of consciousness, but don't take what I write too seriously, i'm new to psychedelics.

Hey guys, last year I posted about my depression in university and about my desire to be creative and express my highest vision as accurately as possible, something I haven't yet achieved. I was very afraid to make the big leap into the unknown and let my old views and life go, but I did it anyways, I had to work really hard and get out of the comfort zone like never before. I wanted to get accepted in filmschool to become a movie director, even if I didn't believe that was possible for me at the time, at first I failed a lot and I had nothing to back me up, no stability at all. At one point I had zero euro's in my bank account and I was forced to work a part time job in an icesalon which is a lot harder than you might think, and I got fired around the same time the filmschool rejected me, after a few months of struggeling and making short movies and networking I finally got accepted into a couple of other filmschools, I also made a youtube channel in the meantime, and because I'm not experienced enough to earn any money with my purpose I had to take another part time job, and all this is where the problem comes in. I still feel very unbalanced and confused, even though I got exactly what I wanted. The reason I feel unbalanced is because one small problem is able to ruin a lot. The cameraman who helped me film my short movies is moving to another country, my laptop that I use to do pretty much anything broke, so I can't make any youtube videos either, and even if I was able to make youtube videos it would still be a problem because i'm starting to doubt if I should even make the videos that I make, and if they will make me satisfied long term, on top of that I haven't been able to do as much as before either because of my part time job. I find it pretty strange that i'm able to be very high conscious at one point, and become low conscious and stressed in an instant, and how fast things in life can go right or wrong, could I be in the limbo phase AGAIN in 1 year ? I know I was in the limbo phase end 2020, but I don't know why else I would be so confused and frustrated while everything seems so good from the outside. Or maybe i'm just too impatient and my expectations might also just be too high, what are your thoughts ?

@aurum that's true I still have no idea how I can make any money with my life purpose at the moment, longterm it pays off a lot, but I decided to enter a part-time job so I can survive a little. I hate working for people in such a setting a lot more than I thought I would. I mean looking from the outside I thought it wasn't gonna take much effort because it's just some low paying part time job, but when you're working it feels like you have to put your soul into it, and the higher ups are never happy with anything less than that, even though it's a part time job and I get paid almost nothing. I can't imagine that so many people work like this their entire life, this is literally hell. No wonder Leo calls it slave work, I actually feel like one.

@aurum that might be it, is it common for this to happen during the process of actualization ? I never really hear anybody talk about this and I find it hard to explain to other people, it's not very concrete.

@Matt23 It seems to me like the self improvement I knew and thought I already experienced was only an illusion or a tip of the iceberg, this new level i'm experiencing feels very painful and uncomfortable, like pouring salt on a wound. It's like i'm questioning everything, especially about myself. And it feels painful that I don't know myself anymore, I don't even know what will happen after this, when my end goal was shallower I atleast knew what the reward was gonna be, But there's no turning back now, so I'll see what type of light will be at the end of this tunnel. In the meantime I'll probably have to improve and gain more experience with the more basic self help stuff, to build a stronger foundation. (Btw ignore the quotations at the end, I tried to quote some things you said but it doesn't work somehow)

I also wanted to say that I used to do a lot of meditation and spirituality before I moved out of my parents house last year, since then I have only focused on purpose and more basic self improvement, I haven't even meditated since then, so that may also have a small influence on my mental state right now, I know i'm following my life purpose and growing through the pain and discomfort, but I also feel very inauthentic and weird, so maybe i'm following my purpose, but just in a toxic manner. Sorry if this post is confusing, i'm very confused right now like I said, and I have a lot of questions about this hollowness I feel, I almost don't even recognize myself, I used to think I was high conscious because I knew a lot of stuff theoretically at a young age, I was too arrogant, I feel like I don't know shit right now

What are some of the biggest pitfalls young people who want to achieve a lot fall in ? I feel like i'm in this category because I really want to achieve a lot even while i'm aware of spiral dynamics and the ego developemwnt stages, I always wanted to be a film director and also write books, but I was extremely afraid of what other people would think and also that I wouldn't have enough money to take care of myself while persuing these goals. So I supressed this creative artistic side of myself heavily for 10 years and I tried to become a civil engineer at a great university instead because it felt more safe and i didn't have to doubt myself or make extremely painful decisions, while doing this I stopped taking care of my health and stopped improving myself just to get good grades. I couldn't take lying to myself anymore and my creative urges started to leak out and moat people could see this was not for me and then I decided to quit and NEVER ignore my true passion and higher self or health anymore, and now almost everything I do is something related to becoming a filmdirector or at least a little bit similar, I for example started a youtube channel because I practice filming and making skits for fun so I though well why not upload it to youtube then ? And I also continued to write my book. But the most important thing is that I have to now prove I am good enough to get into either filmschool or artschool. (both schools i'm talking about are good to become a film director) And school doesn't begin until september so in the meantime I have to earn money somehow, and I sometimes work for my big brother and there are also other dead end job type of ways to make some money in the meantime, but I would rather be a part time model until september (I haven't send any pictures to agencies yet) While i'm doing all this, what are some really big pitfalls I must try to avoid ? Or am I already falling in a pitfall without knowing it ? I am happy I made the decision to truly pursue my purpose and passion but something still doesn't completely feel right yet, so that's why I decided to ask you guys, maybe you guys can see something i'm maybe missing.

Hi guys I was searching on youtube if Leo ever made a video about fake friends, because I really needed advice about that. But as I typed in "actualized.org fake friends" a lot of videos popped up with people criticizing Leo, especially about the two part total awakening videos and the ones where he talks about 5 meo dmt. I at first immediately got upset because Leo's videos have helped me a lot over the years even though I don't do any spiritual awakenings drugs and I don't plan on doing them or any other type of drugs anytime soon. I also just started my own youtube channel and i'm still finding my way with it, but I know what it's like to be ridiculed and criticized because I just started and for now I only make skits and I find most of them akward, other people seem to think the same and give lots of critism. Not always the helpful kind. The only thing that gives me hope and keeps me going are the couple of positive people who like it and my vision and passion of becoming a movie director and releasing my creativity into the world. (Back to the subject at hand) But I literally wasted like 3 hours looking through these videos and their comment section just to find positive ones or at least people who actually went and watched his videos himself instead of just listening to a video about the channel... What concerns me is, this wasn't even critism towards me and I felt pain like this. How would I then respond if people actually criticized me like that. Does this critism ever bother you ? Doesn't it ever hurt or anything ? Btw are you ever gonna make a video about fake friends or toxic people around you ? I know you have been making videos about deeper topics lately but sometimes relearning the basics is good right ? Also something that really pissed me off was the amount of people calling actualized.org a cult and the people who watch leo brainwashed, even though the content has made a positive impact on me and I don't just blindly follow this channel, I always watch a couple of completely differen't self help channels to sse differen't perspectives and form my own opinion.

If there was one book to learn to solve the deepest problems in your life, and anwser the questions you didn't even know you wanted to ask, what book would that be ? Btw I already purchased leo's book list, but i'm not talking about specific categories here, just the most crucial book to read in order to be the best most authentic enlightened version of yourself. What book would you guys recommend ?

@Elevated ah yes, the life purpose course, i'm doing that right now

I was a civil engineering student, but I was always a more creative artistic person than a technical scientific person, I used to live in a 3rd world country where my talents where useless so I supressed it for my entire life, bit I could not go on like this, this way I'll never be more than average and the last few months while I was studying civil engineering were the most depressing, stressfull times I've had and I am paying my college a lot of money to study this too, so I decided to quit and go to the dutch filmschool to become a movie director, I first have to prove i'm good enough to enter, but I constanly feel insecurity and fear right now, it's like I constantly see so many reasons to quit and be normal and just get a 9-5 job like almost everybody I know. The film industry is not very big compared to hollywood or bollywood and there is a constant voice in the back of my mind that tells me to quit and that I can't and that it is impossible for me to become succesful here in the netherlands and then go to hollywood after that, and I don't only hear this voice while trying to do this, I hear it every damn time I try to pursue my purpose, I also write books at the same time and I hear the same thing, that i'm not good enough and that I don't have many oppertunities. I feel like I could literally go to LA or NY and still hear that voice telling me I don't have many oppertunities. How do I deal with this voice ? And how do I keep following my life purpose and be succesful even though it almost seems impossible most of the time ? I feel free but at the same time I feel constant danger, fear and I get these adrenaline rushes every day now. And I constantly hear things that demotivate me to go to filmschool and at the same time things that demotivate me not to go to film school, no matter what I do it's never good with this voice in my head

@Mu_ yes I am. I still have a lot to learn, but I have spend a lot of time improving myself for someone my age, I don't know that many people who do that, thats what I love about this forum, everybody here wants to be the best they can be and are serious about it too. When it comes to talent, I have always been more artistic and creative. In fact, almost my entire family is more creative than technical for generations. So I should have actually known better than to run away from it and try to become an engineer. A lot of people didn't like it and called me weird. I did not like that and I did not have mqny oppertunities where I used to live, so therefore I heavily supressed this to fit in and be "safe and secure" and at this same follow my passion just a little bit, but that does not work at all. So here I am, from now I'll go full out and transform my life on a bigger scale. I am still very scared and insecure at the moment though, your question even made me doubt myself for a moment and my ego almost got defensive before writing this reply, but at least I keep on going right ? I am at a point where I have no idea where I'll be in a few years and how much I could achieve internally and externally, or how I would do that, but there is something that makes me keep going and also the fact that I already experienced what ignoring your purpose leads to, how soul draining that is.

@mmKay thanks, well I just purchased the life purpose course, I was extremely nervous to do it because I am 18 and I don't have much money and everybody except my father would be extremely pissed off if I told them, but I understand how much value this is, and if I can really improve myself 10x times more with this which it probably will it is more than just worth it. Most people I know would spend that money on clothes or shoes but not this. I am definitely gonna do the exercises you described because I still feel the nervousness and insecurity that you feel if you don't do what everbody else does and truly follow your passion. If Leo reads this, thanks for all the help over the past. This whole actualized.org thing is truly something else, most people only give you a small piece of the puzzle and beat around the bush and when you purchase their course you discover they didn't know the anwsers too.

I decided to go to university because that was the most respected secure path to take in my country and all my friends were doing it. It was also the only way for me to go to a richer country with more oppertunities in life. But the technical science-ish path was never the right path for me because I have always been very artistic and creative. I was always the one in school creating stories for performances and I was pretty good at acting at that time. I have always been connected to music too and especially to art. There are 2 professional artists (painters) in my family and my cousin is a succesful actrice in my country who is right now working on some kind of show or movie or serie with oprah. So it should have been very clear from the start what to do. But these creative skills i've had were useless in the country where I lived and it's still difficult making a living doing it in the netherlands where I live now. So I followed my scientific career and was decently succesful until I started college. I always loved self improvement and education so I have been focusing on that since I was like 12 and I looked down on people with dead end jobs and people who don't want to be the best version of themself and become more conscious. Another reason why I focused so much on self inprovement as a kid was because I was extremely issolated and kinda missed a part of my childhood but that's another story. I have never been so miserable and depressed in my entire life as when I started college back in september. Not only did I suffer mentally but also physically and I grew more aggressive and angry even though I read the power of now recently I still struggle with my depression. I really can't take this anymore because college takes all my time and energy even though being an engineer is not my end goal or my passion. I am writing a book right now and the people I showed absolutely loved it, and I of course still need to improve my technical writing skills but I have a lot of passion and creativity to write it, I think I would keep doing this, even if nobody wanted to read them. And I also always wanted to become either a director or actor, but most people discouraged me from doing that. I now decided to stop my college education to become an engineer because I cannot focus on my real purpose this way and decided to do architecture which is also not my main goal but at least closer to it and easier for me which will give me more time to work on my real goal and improve myself. The ironic part is that even though I looked down on dead end jobs I am now forced to work at one in the meantime because my architecture class starts next year in september... everything leo said would happen in his toxic life purpose and college video happened to me. It almost feels like it doesn't matter what I do because someway I will always get back on the right path. I had been ignoring my intuition for too long but this decision does make me feel relieved and good so I guess it was the right choice ? Even though I have to work a part time job in the meantime in order to still have money to eat and work on my purpose to digg myself out of this mess ? Do you guys having any advice about this ? I still think negative about part time and dead end jobs, but I'll have to do it for a few months and the fact that I'll do an easier education doesn't mean I'll be slacking off and doing nothing. I'll use my extra time for my true purpose. This college thing doesn't serve me anymore.

@SirVladimir I am now writing a book with horror as the main genre but only because I got some kind of inspirition, some kind of weird ecstatic feeling and vision that I desperately want to share with the world. I can't escape it either, because random words, sight's and thought's, at this point almost everything I am conscious of, everything I can sense is art to me and I love to share this beauty and these amazing stories with as many people as possible. I get ideas for books almost everyday but I don't write them or try to remember most of them because I am confident that I will get this flow state again, so I don't try to hold on to it. I don't want to tell everything about the book and all my ideas but it involves a suicidal young man who's life is falling apart and in some way comes in contact with a mysterious group or cult (haven't decided yet) who are able to store souls of certain people and switch them with other people's souls. They somehow promise him they will give him a soul of a very succesful person so he can easily get out of his shitty life and become a better person but it all goes downhill from there. I don't only want to make them feel scared but I want to make them feel as many emotions as possible and feel the same emotion I feel when I gain insight or when I am completely in the moment and feel amazing. It doesn't even have to be by writing books. If it were movies then I would be okay with that, but I choose books because I don't need much money to start and I can write anything I want without having to worry about money for special effects or staff.

Hi guys, I was scrolling through people's stories on instagram this morning and I saw a meme where they basically said women react positive when a women they don't know compliments them, but negative when a man compliments them. I was intrigued to know more about it so I decided to scroll through the comments and I saw lots of women say they find a lot of men who approach them "creepy" because they often have sexual intentions. And some women even went as far to say that "most men are rapist" ! This was very absurd to me because the fact that most rapist are men doesn't mean most men rape. And lets be honest most women never approach men, that's why people often expect men to approach. So if men are expected to approach and if they are called creepy when they obviously have "sexual" intentions. Then how the hell are people supposed to date ?! Isn't it normal and logical that the men often have sexual intentions ? That just means they find you attractive and want to date you. So I was wondering what are the reasons some of you women find it creepy when men give you compliments and how can a man approach women without being seen as creepy ? And to the guys here, has a women ever called you creepy and what did you do wrong ?

Hi everyone, I'll keep this post short. My question to you all is; Can you guys categorize countries in different stages of spiral dynamics ? Especially stage turquoise. I was wondering what spiral dynamic stages different countries are in and if there are any stage turquoise level countries. And if there are, please explain why certain countries are in a specific stage. If you guys know let me know.

The last couple of weeks everything went well, I did all my schoolwork on time. I already wrote a couple of pages in my first book. I ate healthier and I felt more present. But friday that slowly started to change back the way it was before, I was gonna be as productive as possible this weekend and in a sense I was yesterday for a while. I did chores like cleaning my appartment and cooking but I did not do anything really important. I kept on pushing my important responsibilities further on my schedule until it was almost 3 o clock in the morning, and I then woke up 11 am today. It's now almost 5 pm and I haven't done shit yet. It almost feels like an invisible force is stopping me from doing anything. I tried to read a book a few minutes ago but my body literally started showing withdrawl symptons, like my body just started to get irritated and I just couldn't sit still anymore, it felt almost like when you try to hold your breath. I kept watching movies and youtube videos this weekend, but I wasn't able to enjoy anything because at the same time I was fighting myself on the inside to stop and start doing important things. It felt like I was running away from something but I don't know what. Sometimes I listen to music to avoid this feeling, this emptiness and melancholy. I don't even know what i'm looking for, but it feels like I have never been happy my entire life and I feel there is something much greater. When I look around I sometimes feel like everything around me is not real, it feels like i'm sleeping and it stresses me out that I won't fucking wake up because this is just real life and not a dream. I know this is a very confusing post but I don't know how else to describe it. There are certain things I want to do, decisions I want to make that I think will make me happier, or more peaceful like studying, meditating, going to the gym, eating healthy, improving my dating life, learning by watching self help on youtube or reading books about, learning more about anything really, etc. And i've done much of this but it feels like nothing really makes me feel complete or happy, I don't know how else to describe it. I think there is a feeling that every human wants to feel and I know already that no amount of self improvement can ever give you that, no amount of money, status, knowledge, women, achievement etc. For example I first thought that being in a relationship would make happy, that didn't happen. Then I decided to explore redpill and get sex, I don't know if i'm the only guy who thinks this way but it's not as great or satisfying as I expected it to be. I got in an amazing university in a first world country and I still feel like shit at this moment, so what is the point of life ? This is just a cycle that's going to repeat itself untill I die. I work hard to get something that's supposed to make me happy, then it doesn't, then I try something better and maybe I fail and achieve my goals a bit later because of it. But no matter what I do, I always feel the same on the inside. And at the same time I feel a fear to be like most people, I am afraid to not finish and publish my book, and also to fail in university and basically die dissapointed when I get old. I'm 18 years old and I already feel like I missed out on so much shit. I don't want to keep feeling like that. Sorry if this post was too long but I wrote what came to mind, there must be something i'm missing, something bigger and better that i'm not seeing right ? I don't believe this is the absolute truth, there has to be something better. Anyways thanks for listening if you came to this point