Don Wei

@Seraphim yes there is, but sadly I don't fully know how to explain it and I also feel like you and everybody else already has the information you want, it was like first during the trip my body did exactly what it wanted, I was like an animal. I had no control, and after time passed I started to become more aware and get more insights, I tried to watch a video from Leo but it felt pointless, I tried to get many anwsers from outside but it was like my entire being tried to stop me from going outside and instead force me inside my own body and awareness, I also video called a friend who also does self development and has more experience with psychedelics. It was almost like there was no difference between me and him, we were the same and I felt bliss, like I was aware of him for the first time

@Fearless_Bum is it strange that I also feel some fear ? Maybe it's my ego but too be honest, normally when I do self development I do it to improve something or to raise my conscious but when I was in the god state I felt like I wasn't able to do anything with the information beside just being. It was too incredible for words but it wasn't biased so it also included all my fears and shadow parts I found out I have always been doing things for ego, but what else is there to do ? I have no idea what the point of anything is really, why do I even want anything ? More and more questions about everything keep coming up

@Nos7algiK I used psylocybin utopia, I was first planning on using atlantis instead but a more experienced person told me not to use that one as a novice, i'm glad I didn't, that would have been way too much.

@Fearless_Bum ah yes thats true, I felt a state of no mind like that, but the problem I experienced is that immediately after I felt a need to explain and rationalize wtf just happened, I felt a need to DO something with the information and as soon as that happened my ego started creeping back up. This all feels pretty strange and new, I kinda feel like a kid, like there was dirt in my eyes before and now my eyes are a bit cleaner.

@Fearless_Bum btw, I made this post while I was still tripping, I haven't processed it yet. So when I say awake i'm talking about my first awakening experience with psychedelics. I have had some experiences that felt kinda similar before but not near as powerful as this, it's like Leo said in one of the videos, there are many differen't ways you can awaken and different types of infinity. Like differen't flavours, but I don't know, I guess I'll find out.

@Fearless_Bum yes, of course. I did not let my entire ego go, i'm still processing the information I got. It felt like it was so infinite that anything I wanted to do was pointless, I also saw how much I manipulate and it was like the parts of my ego that I neglected were completely exposed. I'm now back in my ego, but I also know that I can never see things the same again, I will contemplate what I found more right now and I will use my new experience to see what to do I am not able to fully express what i'm aware of because i'm limited by words, my desire to do something right now is probably also my ego, earlier I didn't want to do anything with my awareness because I already had everything in my earlier state of consciousness, but don't take what I write too seriously, i'm new to psychedelics.

There are literally no words to explain this, it's like I finally understand everything at the same time. I thought I understood enlightenement or things in general but what I see now is so differen't. I thought I knew but its like the information I have now is so unlimited that i'm not able to do anything except being aware. I thought I was a man, but I now don't know anymore, I really want to question everything right now, The love is just so much that I don't want it anymore, its like i'm giving myself all the love and anwsers and it feels really weird, even writing this on my phone feels like a waste of time. There is just so much I want to say but I'll stay quiet for now. I don't even understand why I never gave myself infinite love before. I just need to process this for now.

@aurum that's true I still have no idea how I can make any money with my life purpose at the moment, longterm it pays off a lot, but I decided to enter a part-time job so I can survive a little. I hate working for people in such a setting a lot more than I thought I would. I mean looking from the outside I thought it wasn't gonna take much effort because it's just some low paying part time job, but when you're working it feels like you have to put your soul into it, and the higher ups are never happy with anything less than that, even though it's a part time job and I get paid almost nothing. I can't imagine that so many people work like this their entire life, this is literally hell. No wonder Leo calls it slave work, I actually feel like one.

@aurum that might be it, is it common for this to happen during the process of actualization ? I never really hear anybody talk about this and I find it hard to explain to other people, it's not very concrete.

@Matt23 It seems to me like the self improvement I knew and thought I already experienced was only an illusion or a tip of the iceberg, this new level i'm experiencing feels very painful and uncomfortable, like pouring salt on a wound. It's like i'm questioning everything, especially about myself. And it feels painful that I don't know myself anymore, I don't even know what will happen after this, when my end goal was shallower I atleast knew what the reward was gonna be, But there's no turning back now, so I'll see what type of light will be at the end of this tunnel. In the meantime I'll probably have to improve and gain more experience with the more basic self help stuff, to build a stronger foundation. (Btw ignore the quotations at the end, I tried to quote some things you said but it doesn't work somehow)

I also wanted to say that I used to do a lot of meditation and spirituality before I moved out of my parents house last year, since then I have only focused on purpose and more basic self improvement, I haven't even meditated since then, so that may also have a small influence on my mental state right now, I know i'm following my life purpose and growing through the pain and discomfort, but I also feel very inauthentic and weird, so maybe i'm following my purpose, but just in a toxic manner. Sorry if this post is confusing, i'm very confused right now like I said, and I have a lot of questions about this hollowness I feel, I almost don't even recognize myself, I used to think I was high conscious because I knew a lot of stuff theoretically at a young age, I was too arrogant, I feel like I don't know shit right now

Hey guys, last year I posted about my depression in university and about my desire to be creative and express my highest vision as accurately as possible, something I haven't yet achieved. I was very afraid to make the big leap into the unknown and let my old views and life go, but I did it anyways, I had to work really hard and get out of the comfort zone like never before. I wanted to get accepted in filmschool to become a movie director, even if I didn't believe that was possible for me at the time, at first I failed a lot and I had nothing to back me up, no stability at all. At one point I had zero euro's in my bank account and I was forced to work a part time job in an icesalon which is a lot harder than you might think, and I got fired around the same time the filmschool rejected me, after a few months of struggeling and making short movies and networking I finally got accepted into a couple of other filmschools, I also made a youtube channel in the meantime, and because I'm not experienced enough to earn any money with my purpose I had to take another part time job, and all this is where the problem comes in. I still feel very unbalanced and confused, even though I got exactly what I wanted. The reason I feel unbalanced is because one small problem is able to ruin a lot. The cameraman who helped me film my short movies is moving to another country, my laptop that I use to do pretty much anything broke, so I can't make any youtube videos either, and even if I was able to make youtube videos it would still be a problem because i'm starting to doubt if I should even make the videos that I make, and if they will make me satisfied long term, on top of that I haven't been able to do as much as before either because of my part time job. I find it pretty strange that i'm able to be very high conscious at one point, and become low conscious and stressed in an instant, and how fast things in life can go right or wrong, could I be in the limbo phase AGAIN in 1 year ? I know I was in the limbo phase end 2020, but I don't know why else I would be so confused and frustrated while everything seems so good from the outside. Or maybe i'm just too impatient and my expectations might also just be too high, what are your thoughts ?

Hi guys I was searching on youtube if Leo ever made a video about fake friends, because I really needed advice about that. But as I typed in "actualized.org fake friends" a lot of videos popped up with people criticizing Leo, especially about the two part total awakening videos and the ones where he talks about 5 meo dmt. I at first immediately got upset because Leo's videos have helped me a lot over the years even though I don't do any spiritual awakenings drugs and I don't plan on doing them or any other type of drugs anytime soon. I also just started my own youtube channel and i'm still finding my way with it, but I know what it's like to be ridiculed and criticized because I just started and for now I only make skits and I find most of them akward, other people seem to think the same and give lots of critism. Not always the helpful kind. The only thing that gives me hope and keeps me going are the couple of positive people who like it and my vision and passion of becoming a movie director and releasing my creativity into the world. (Back to the subject at hand) But I literally wasted like 3 hours looking through these videos and their comment section just to find positive ones or at least people who actually went and watched his videos himself instead of just listening to a video about the channel... What concerns me is, this wasn't even critism towards me and I felt pain like this. How would I then respond if people actually criticized me like that. Does this critism ever bother you ? Doesn't it ever hurt or anything ? Btw are you ever gonna make a video about fake friends or toxic people around you ? I know you have been making videos about deeper topics lately but sometimes relearning the basics is good right ? Also something that really pissed me off was the amount of people calling actualized.org a cult and the people who watch leo brainwashed, even though the content has made a positive impact on me and I don't just blindly follow this channel, I always watch a couple of completely differen't self help channels to sse differen't perspectives and form my own opinion.

@Elevated ah yes, the life purpose course, i'm doing that right now