DianaFr

Journaling can't replace therapy but it can be insanely helpful. I have been journaling for two decades as a regular habit and I don't know who would I be without it. As for the trauma work, it's not sufficient, though. I've noticed that my journaling habit has made me very self-aware, so working with other modalities like therapy is easier because I can self-reflect easily, I know myself very well, and when the therapist joins in, the work is just more effective. However, the thing with trauma is - one needs to experience the opposite in order to heal. You can dig up your traumas and reframe the related beliefs, you can also make sense of your trauma-related emotional patterns on paper but you can't recreate the experience you need for true healing. This is a huge shadow for many in this forum by the way. Let us do whatever we can to meditate ourselves out of existence by pursuing high-consciousness stuff and convincing ourselves that we're better than "normies" so we can find a way to cope with our pain. In reality what most people around here actually need is good relationships. Certainly not a new self-help technique. The same is true for journaling as trauma remedy. It is not a solution. Very helpful, but not a solution. As for the techniques, I mostly rely on a flow-of-consciousness style of journaling and rarely use prompts. Just start with whatever I'm feeling in the moment, and the story unfolds from there. I added more specific frameworks, like CBT techniques and other belief-reframing methods when I already had 10 years of experience in freestyling regularly, so I already had a good writing discipline. I don't think it would make as much sense if I started with the specific methods from scratch, because it would make the task too difficult to keep up with and thus less efficient. For me, what worked even better was creative approach and involvment of different creative tools like Tarot cards and creative writing. Wow, that made this work so much more exciting and turned it into a journey rather than a mission with a certain outcome. But that may as well be just me. My mind thrives on symbols and abstractions, and I applied it effectively in my trauma work. Maybe you have your thing as well to in corporate in your journaling practice.

I'm not a digital artist but I've learned one thing that's universal in different industries - no matter how good you are, there will always be somebody better. And that's fine. If you're surrounded by brilliant, talented and skilled people, it's only natural to start feeling uncomfortable because you want to be in their position but perceive yourself as less. But it's a game one can never win. Over the years I've learned it's better to get to know yourself inside and out through your work, develop your own unique way and make your strengths work for you, not against you. Another beautiful thing you can always rely on - as much as you are creating your work, your work is creating you. Just surrender to this often messy, chaotic, confusing and yet so satisfying process of doing your thing and it will take you somewhere. If you give in to the process like this, the concept of mediocracy becomes irrelevant.

Why? Can't God create?

Then what is a human being if it is nothing?

What holds you back from taking action?

Yeah, it's called psychopathy. Complete moral freedom and dead soul.

What is your endocrinologist recommending? What are your blood TSH levels? You are referring to an extremely variable dose of levothyroxine, but you should have a steady dose of it every day, optimised according to your TSH level. I've got this thing as well. I'm taking my thyroxine pill (100 mcg) every morning right after I wake up and that's it. I'm feeling fine. Just trying to remember to do my yearly check-ups and occasional ultrasounds. Do you have any other health concerns that comes with this?

I bet god once had the same realization - it's effing lonely around here, things have no meaning anymore, I better split myself and create the Other for me to interact with 😄 I don't know, maybe you should not look for meaning. Usefulness will do. Your existence might be fleeting, but since you're here and while you're here, you can make yourself useful. You will always exist in somebody's memories and in your contributions to this world. Things are not only turned into dust but also created. It's a matter of perspective.

Yes, pulling yourself out from that purposeless depressive mental state is possible! Having a good quality of life is definitely possible. My story could be a little different than yours, though. I have a C-PTSD, social anxiety, used to have an eating disorder for a decade, and suicidal ideation have been a natural companion throughout all this. I'm in my late thirties now and I could write a whole book about what made me feel better which I'm not going to do now. The main ideas: I accepted I was never going to be 'normal' which allowed me to start building my life for me instead of against me. I made care of my mental health a lifestyle. I will probably always have anxiety, I will probably always be prone to mental breakdowns and will have this intense sense of grief in me forever but that's okay. I'm no less happy because of that. I became really good at listening to myself and experiencing every single emotion I felt. It brought me back to life and the sense of purpose naturally emerged from behind my shadows. I continue to learn about myself through self-reflection. It's also a big part of my lifestyle now. Healing happens in phases. As soon as you're ready to uncover another layer, new stuff emerges. I've made my peace with that as well. I can revisit the same events, the same memories or the same old stories many times, and every time the newfound awareness opens up a new aspect I couldn't see before because I was not ready or didn't have a template for it. All in all, it's a life-long commitment to yourself. There's no rush, there's no end, just patience, compassion, and presence. It gets better, it gets worse, it gets better again. And you get richer and richer as you move through these cycles. Staying depressed and without purpose is a choice, though.

Coaching as a profession is a lot harder than one might think. The market is saturated and because of the ridiculously low level of entry there are many trash coaches out there you will have to compete against (most of them don't even know what coaching is but call themselves coaches anyways). Also, you have to love marketing. 50% of your business will be about that - working on your marketing. If you don't, you simply won't have clients. My rose-colored glasses about this profession has fallen of completely. I realized that the marketing part and the low overall morale of the industry were the deal breakers for me to pursue coaching professionally. It's not to say that my coaching diploma was a waste of time because I'm applying these skills at a different context. Just a word of warning - it might not go as expected if you don't have a strong strategy and the willingness and ability to bite the bullet.

Is this a real life situation or an idea your playing with? And does this refer to an individual relationship or do you attempt to describe a universal truth?

How do you synthesize DNA from atoms and make it come alive? Sounds like science fiction to me. Even if you use the right building blocks to synthesize DNA (not atoms), it's not going to be alive. You will just get ... a lot of DNA. What I mean is - if an organism carries genetic material (i.e. its evolutionary origin can be traced) and can be reproduced or cultured (i.e. it consists of independently functioning unit(s) that under the right conditions propagate and/or exert a biological function in response to stimuli) it is a living thing. Plants have and do all that.

Body in a casket used to be alive. In fact, the ability to die is a good way to distinguish between living and non-living things. Which makes plants belong to living things.

@Saranagata If I can isolate DNA from it and grow it in the lab, it's alive. Period.

What happened to hockey? Where did that certainty go? One realization that I've had - some passions should be pursued just for fun and pleasure. As soon as you turn them into your "purpose", it puts all this pressure and expectation on you which kills the motivation eventually. But it also depends on the person heavily. Some grow by learning to loosen up and go with the flow, others - by learning to commit (which is in fact the two sides of the same coin). Let me ask you one more question - what do you truly want and how do you want to feel?

It's okay to be multipassionate. You can study biology AND do art, one does not exclude the other. Just the opposite, these two can be mutually reinforcing, since both require a different mode of thinking that can help you advance. Studying biology will engage your scientific mind and help you develop critical thinking. Art will stimulate your creative, abstract thinking. You can practice both and then exchange the skills to come up with unique, out of box perspectives in both fields. Please keep in mind that your life purpose is not a static thing you find. It's fluid, mutable and everchanging, it evolves as you evolve. Today you want to explore viruses, tomorrow you can be hit with a realization that teaching school children about biology in a creative way is what brings you the most joy and fulfillment. Don't limit yourself.

I think it comes down to clear communication. There are women who agree to casual sex even though they want something more - they will feel objectified and hurt no matter what you do because you don't have what they want but they hope you do (or feel offended you dared to offer them something other than their desire). Clarity is important here. Other than that care is always a great thing to let a woman feel good. And humor. I once had a phase in my life after a break up when I was into casual dating just to have fun and experiment. I met men who were not looking for a long term partner either. I never felt objectified because, first, we were laughing a lot, and, second, they made sure I felt comfortable and was safe. Even if it's 'just sex', it's never just that. It's still an interaction that involves conversations, making plans, going to places, maybe inviting somebody into your home, then making sure they get back safely etc.

Yeah, it's a great excuse to not to learn true intimacy and connection.

Hi Nadia, Let's be real - you have quite a radical worldview, besides it's not just that you prefer your lifestyle over other lifestyles but you are taking a stance against them which complicates your energy. And this is precisely what you attract. You are probably targeting a person that doesn't even exist. And the fact that you seem to attract different men than you try to manifest tells me your subconscious is doing most of the manifesting for you which is quite different than you consciously state - hence the complicated energy that comes from you. You will have a hard time dating if you don't loosen up and not free space for other belief systems in your vicinity. Long term partnerships can certainly work even if you two are not perfectly aligned in all aspects. Just don't lead with this energy - I'm this and that and this is what I want you to be. Rather lead with curiosity to get to know people and learn about their worldviews: this is who I am and I'm excited to get to know you too. It's very different energetically and you will start attracting different people. It will just probably take some work to loosen the rigid structures in your psyche a bit.

A fellow molecular biologist here. I will give you an advice I would give to my younger self. Stop putting so much pressure on your life purpose!!! You can't get it wrong! You seem to try so hard to identify your values and integrate them into your career, that it makes me want to say - hey, relax and just enjoy yourself! It's not that it's wrong to do that, but I don't want you to follow the perfect map you think you have to follow, just to discover you're falling short. It's okay to not know things and it's also okay to not have the success others have. It means absolutely nothing bad about you! When it comes to values and purpose, it's more about self-discovery. That involves experimenting and learning from your experiences. People often learn about their true values in their thirties, fourties or later when all the bruises and bumps gotten along the way finally click - and then they KNOW. I don't know much about you, but in order for you to reach your true values, you must strip away the layers of social conditioning that might interfere with what feels good or not to you. Just get yourself into stuff and see if the values you've identified still stand. It literally doesn't matter if you stick with biology or move to business or become a photographer and travel the world. It doesn't matter and you can't get it wrong!! You can still impact the world positively no matter how perfectly or not you live off the script. Just do stuff, see what happens, reflect, digest your lesson, lay out your next move and do stuff again. You'll be just fine!

The moment the accident happened, your body learned that bad things can happen with people you love absolutely out of the blue, and it's all out of your control. Furthermore, they can change your life in ways you never wanted or asked for. So on one hand, it's about the risk of losing, in one way or another, people you love. On the other, it's also about your personal sense of safety, and stability, and the general trust in the order of your life. If it all gets messed up, of course, your body will signal what you've experienced. What can help restore the sensation of love is grief. That's the function of it, even though we don't like it. What I pick up from your text is that you have learned and grown after the accident, and that you continue to engage with your family and show love to them (without necessarily feeling it). I'm just wondering is that learning intellectual or was it emotional? I'm assuming the needs of your brother and father have been in the spotlight for some time now, but what about you? Have you had a chance to break down and let it all flush out of your system, so you can reconstruct your identity and relationships to feel love again?

As a female, my advice 'to get laid' (I hate this expression, it devalues sex like nothing else) is to have no intention to get laid, but instead being genuinely curious about the other person. What seems to 'work' is attunement, empathy, playfulness, cheerfulness, great listening skills, on one hand, and femininity, positive attitude to your own body and sexuality, and a sense of self, on the other. Good sense of humor and openness are very helpful as well. What I've found, men (and people in general) like to be heared and seen, and appreciated, and, after some time, challenged. Most men I've met, tend to keep their wall up (whatever it means for the particular person), so they often get caught by surprise that there's actually a back door to their protection. Since I love exploring the mind, the soul, and the body of the other, it all comes quite naturally, at least it used to when I was still dating. It's like a dance - synchronizing with your (potential) partner, following their lead and leading (inviting) when needed.

Depends. There's two people in a relationship. You're not wrong for having the thoughts and attitudes you're having. If you have a compatible partner, meaning, they are not going to suffer because of your approach to relationships, then it's completely fine! But if the person secretly desires something you can't or won't offer, it's not that good. Communicate openly and try to learn about what this other person needs and desires, it will help you come to your own conclusion.

Would you say you need distance, like, having your space is a genuine need of yours, or you crave closeness and intimacy deep down, just don't know how to achieve that?

You don't really love him, do you? You describe him as if he was a job opportunity for you to accept or reject. Or perhaps you are quite detached from your feelings, at least according to your text. Building a family is a very different thing than having an affair. Do you know what he is really looking for in his life's partner? Are you her? And vice versa? None of the things you described convinces me that you are 'the ones' for each other (but maybe it's too early to tell...)