AsafTheMagniv

I think your thought process is correct and it is probably from our nature to get better, be more, and want more good. So when something predictable happens, it doesn't add more to our lives, it does the opposite.

I would just simulate in my head how things look for a normal person that looks at me - notice in his perspective how he may look at you and what acts that you do may be weird to him and maybe change some things about yourself so that you won't be that way - at least be aware to some degree of how others perceive you

you are pretty good - keep it up? but I would say those epiphanies are about dualism and not non-dual - those are very advanced ones and they gotta be connected to how the universe works in some ways. If you want to answer some questions sometimes cutting to the source is a very effective technique for example: what is truly red and blue? they are dualities of color but what is truly color? what is color? if you answer questions that are searching for the making of reality you will get much deeper epiphanies.

can confirm

1) if I were in your position I would debunk and understand deeply the root of every insecurity you have - it will help you understand your situation much better. Understand that there are things you can control and there are things you can't control - understand this deeply it will change how you view things 2) I would say no matter what porn you watch if you enjoy it then enjoy it - attraction isn't something you can easily control and there isn't very need for it too - how you react to things are things that you gotta take for your own hand, you are the one piloting this human body and nobody else will change how you think or react to things except you. there is no need to feel disgusting or bad about any situation, to be attracted to bad or good things is natural. 3) if masturbating affects you do bad things, all you need to do is change it - your fate is controlled by your own hands, how you act, behave and the habits you build are things that you can change always - all you gotta do is take the matter into your own hands, change what you don't about yourself, you are the only one that can change yourself - take responsibility.

I would say to be good the more aware you are the gooder you can be - with intelligence and awareness you can see more and deeper options and with the wisdom to back it up to do the gooder choice will make you a very very good man. most people can be very bad just because they are unaware of the suffering they give to other people or even themselves

the fact that you are alive means that there is to some extent favoritism, good and bad - if you think you are nondual rn and that you are experiencing everything and nothing you are just dreaming in the dream. In the grand scream of things you are god, but rn you are just clowning if you think that you aren't somehow limited rn. god is everything and nothing, and it is also someone who is limited that cant see that he is god - rn you are experiencing limitation that's all.

you will be fully awakened only when you will be everything, when there wont be nothing of you in any way - you can't experience everything, you can't ever be fully awakened because for that to happen there is a need for there to be nothing separated and the fact that something experiencing anything means that you aren't fully awakened

then how are you typing? you want to say to me rn you are not limited?

the only thing you can do with knowledge is to use it - there is no other way. you gain nothing from enlightenment other than experiences and knowledge which are the same thing. everything that can be known is knowledge.

Like Thought Art said I would recommend you to trust your own conclusions if you can really prove that things are another way than Leo said. if they are wrong it is very likely that in the future you will disprove them because in the end all paths of truth come to the same conclusion. if you want to really improve I would recommend you to watch spiral dynamics videos, it can be very helpful to know what to strive towards and at what level you are at. if you have doubts contemplate about them, if you can't come to a conclusion on the same day it's fine just remember to contemplate about them from time to time until your doubt is gone - in the path of spirituality confusion is a common feeling, it also means that you understand that you don't understand and that's already a big step in understanding the doubt that you have. every video from Leo, every knowledge you hear or gain in any way before you believe it prove if it's really true or false - in that way you can gain insights that you yourself made, just remember to question them too.

the fact that you can talk to me means that you are limited -> which means you are in a dream - in an illusion

I know that I'm god and I'm not god I know that, what I want you to realize is that you are still experiencing a dream rn and you can't just say you aren't because that is true because it's also true that you are in an allusion rn.

of course, in the view of reality, nothing new happens but for you? for you who is alluded things happen, enjoy it or whatever - rn you are experiencing something whether you like it or not. sometimes it's good to view in the view of god or reality or whatever perspective you want - it is still a fact that you want in some level you want to survive and good and bad for you is still determined in the dream for you. of course, we are both illusioned but we still experiencing the dream and that's a fact. in reality, it is true that we are not doing anything, there is no free will, there is and there is no god, good and bad and everything happens and doesn't happens that is true, but you rn are living - even if its false, for you rn the dream is real in some way and for as long as you are alluded "live" you will experience it - you will never be the whole because to be really not in a dream is to not be separated in any shape of form it means that the you will die. of course in a sense you are alive and not alive always but that's only in the perspective of god or reality or whatever you call it.

you are just mystifying things, you can call it whatever names you want - whatever you experience can be known and can be in fact knowledge. the way that you acquire knowledge helps you to obtain other knowledge that you wish to seek - it gives you the tools to see reality better and work with it.

but you are not god now are you, to be god is only one of the infinite things that happen and do not happen simultaneously. I do agree with you that you can view life as a game and you can transcend things but what fact is that you will remain partly human your whole life no matter what, at least until you can bend reality to some extent but that is a very high level and fate.

your whole system in life no matter what creature you are is determined by survival

awakening no, but you do have something with survival - your whole life, good and bad is determined by your brain which is determining what is bad or good in the perspective what helps you to survive

what i mean is that you want to improve - your whole motivation to awaken is driven from your survival, your survival wants to improve to survive better

Enlightenment is just knowledge, maybe deep but still only knowledge it can liberate you depending on your level but that depends on who you are. in the dream there is always a you now matter what level you are. Honoring the moment and love is just a way of life nothing more nothing less - you can be at Jesus level of awakening and still find reality meaningless, of course in his level it will be very different from yours but every creature has feelings to some extent and that will remain that way until you die. there is no need to do anything whether it is to be grateful or to be depressed, emotions will come and go at every level and the way they affect you depends on your level of awareness and understanding of emotions and how you work. Enlightenment only gives you knowledge that can help you navigate life and find inner peace but it doesn't have give you happiness in any shape of form - of course some people do find happiness in their spiritual path but every path is different. if you don't understand how controlling a car works or how a human works why should you be happy suddenly? in this dream your consciousness is connected to this body no matter if you like it or not - maybe at a very very high level it won't but for us happiness comes from the body.

to awaken is just a term that you understand reality better, you can always "awaken more" - it isn't once, and then poof you are awakened. the fact that you are alive means that you aren't everything, you are always infinitely far from understanding everything no matter how much limited knowledge you get. even if you have infinite knowledge you will be infinitely away from everything because reality is infinite of infinities. to seek to awaken is just to seek to improve - to improve your understanding and you gotta get more insights and knowledge about reality to improve - as simple as that - of course, there are infinite ways but do what works for you.

everything is meaningless from one perspective but you are still alive aren't you? that means you still want to live and there is still good and bad - there is still meaning, cause if they weren't you would do nothing and die in the next week. he is just trying to make you understand reality more, the fact that you are still here means that it interests you - the fact that you are alive means that deep down you seek to improve.

Reality is everything and nothing at the same time an infinite set of infinite sets infinite possibilities and yet one and unchangeable

In one of the realities or languages, it is effable Reality is the same all the time - it doesn't change and it can't change - everything is happening and not happening at the same time. The single frame that you see is just an illusion - it's just one of the infinite things that are happening and that's why its an illusion

if I were in your position I would enquire why I feel fear - when you truly understand why you fear something, the feeling of fear will lessen and its a great way to understand yourself and how emotions work better we feel fear because we feel danger but when you understand what you fear, it would not look that scary at all