LostSoul

Thanks for your time. Yes Im introverted, but I have some Sort of double personality where I can be somehow extroverted when Im on party mood, or for example I have many people i can consider my friends. But yes, i like to be alone and thats my main character. *Have you suffered trauma in your childhood? I have suffered growing in a family environment of yelling at each other, neglected emotions, bad relationship between my parents, father always yelling... Pretty bad environment growing up but they are good persons, toxic people but not bad people. All that trauma was realeased when i had the kundalini awakening, which lead to new trauma. My mind couldnt handle thinking Im the new Jesus when i was just 18 years old *Have you been bullied before? No *How is your diet-exercise-sleep regimen? Pretty bad right now as in Spain we are on summer and Im always out, been drinking for the past week and no exercise. *Have you been diagnosed with any standard mental illnesses or disorders so far? No, and I could think i havent any (any mainstream disorder) *Have you ever been to therapy or ever assigned for therapy? Yes but didnt work for me... Just few days and was to expensive *What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in? I was in meditation when i had the awakening, then i havent done any consistent práctice in about 3-4 years. I went to low conciousness mode. *on the degree of general productivity, how would you rate yourself? 0, i only being productive in my 9-5 recent job. (Pretty nice job and, if i want to, It is for the rest of my Life. I mean i have no job problems aside from getting to one that i feel to be authentic to myself) Also i do not know anyone that can be considered productive in my circle.

Yes they are but i have been in this back and Ford since 2017-18. That awakening thing that was conection with everything turned into total aloneness (feeling alone?). I contracted so much into my head that now one of the things that perpetuate depresión and anxiety is not feeling conectes with the people of my age. I have no problem making friends but inside of me i dont trust anyone and crave intimacy and true friendship

Im just so lost, Life is brutal. I want to make something out of It but i run from my feelings like a child. At the same time im the most mature persona i know in my circle

Thanks for the answers folks, il look into that

There a technical problem or are they being eliminated on purpose? Some videos like the Hawaii retreates ones

So when I was 18 I had a huge emocional release (huge criying) where I saw basically all my life I had the thought "thats not me!!!" and then something similar to the experience that Echkart Tolle and so many people relates happened to me, some kundalini energy awaked and I was at pure bliss for 2 weeks or so. I started reservación what was happening to me and at some point I found this blog and the YouTube channel. Later on I had a huge dark night of the soul, depression and all that stuff, I repressed all the LOVE that I had seen and, believe me, there was too mucho to repress. I had up and downs that came from that times but you can say it lasted until now that Im 24 yo. Almost every day i feel anxiety but I can handdle It, i dont know why I have It but I think It is related to that memory of the time I was in bliss. My question would be: how can i start to relieve that anxiety in a healthy way? I still lo ve with my parents and that doesn't help at doing emotional work. Also, how can I start to bring that awakening back, being my soul and body so scared of It?

@Yimpa @Breakingthewall guys, I really have the inteligence needed to get out of the hole, but not trust in myself, nor in others. My body, mind, environment, all seemingly going against what I need for myself. Is very dificult. The most dificult is the pain on my chest, and belly. When I had kundalini I truly let go and LOVE, but i felt the backlash, fear of not be loved or not fit in society, fear of death, lead into deep trauma. Also I was a fucking kid seeing all of Life, so much for me at that time. But the faith remains since I Saw the light years ago. Sorry my english

@Yimpa can time be wasted? Im in inmense pain and anxiety of wasting my Life... I had awakening when I was 18 and now im 24 and I have almost only suffered. Really have social anxiety

Traumatize in what sense?

@MisterNobody i can tell you that i am aware right now writing these words... Dont you think so?

Leo has already said It to you. Watch yourself confusing relative vs absolut truths.

@Leo Gura yes, so how come oneself know what is true? Isnt always one deceived in some way?

@Yimpa no

I just want to kill my anxiety anda depression, basically to feel what you described haha

How to prevent the mania and dark side efectos?

I feel like I have very strong burried emotions on my body, I always have been running from them but now I knocking 24 and I feel like I cannot live life like this anymore. Even talking to people produces me anxiety, especially girls, but this only happens when I relax into my body and emotions came up, so much tension, so much sadness. I was looking forward yo start to heal through psichedelics because I feel I can't other way, I always end up with distractions. Any opinions on what are the BEST psychedelics for this? Any video source that explains how yo heal through them?

Lot of thanks every answer

@t1mb0b i Will be gettin HCI soon, but 5-meo-malt. Do you have any sugestions on how to consume It?

@Ulax im not the topic startera but i relate yo what he said, and myself im not able to Connect to people in that way. What can I do?

Does anyone know the expire date of this substance? I'm very interested in taking this psychedelic but I can see its potential dangers, so I'm planning not to take it before some years of basic personal development. My plan was to get it and, if it were possible, keep it for some years. Reason for that is I'm scared it could be banned in near future.

Nice. Thanks!

where can I learn how to be calibrated socially? any source?

@Leo Gura why is the opposite direction if outside and inside is One? I cant understand this. Thanks

yesss