Megan Alecia

-- Warren Buffet I'm seventeen and transfemale. At the start of my hero's journey. Need to find myself and expand my learning curve. I still feel young, hence this ideally more grounded journal.

I'd like to see more substance and less platitudes and ego games. Maybe you could clarify what kind of culture/values does Actualized.org stand for. It all seems unclear and vague in actual fact. You could create an echo chamber here and banish all critiques of your work, let's see how that turns out.

It's up to the person, unless you're an essentialist.

The borderline cult mentality is far more dangerous than any drug in my view. Anyone and his mom can invent platitudes and the next thing you know, a person's killing himself for it.

A human being- - Assessed by its capacity to function in the world (in society to be specific; this is arguably the foremost role of psychology) - Noticed by how it presents itself to the world, whether in the form of a job, talent, status, past and/or present achievements (in other words, one's power to deal with the world) - Fear as perhaps the most primitive human emotion/in general, dating back hundreds of billions of years (indication that change and chaos are two of life's inherent laws) - Human interaction is so valuable (Ralph Smart); use it cleverly

head in the clouds

What's on (my) mind?: Books: The Mask of Sanity by Hervey Cleckley Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin The Psychology of the Child by Jean Piaget Personality Disorders in Modern Life by Theodore Millon The Red Book by Carl G Jung Maps of Meaning by Jordan B Peterson The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Maxims and Reflections by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Meditations by Marcus Aurelius The Man Without Qualities by Robert Musil Remembrance of Things Past by Marcel Proust The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski Escapism by Yi-Fu Tuan The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker The Upanishads Tao-te Ching The Secret Oral Teachings of Tibetan Buddhist Sects by Alexandra David-Néel and Lama Yongden Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons Y: The Last Man by Brian K Vaughan and Pia Guerra The Ceasing of Notions by Soko Morinaga Meditations in an Emergency by Frank O'Hara A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas Ethics by Baruch Spinoza Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy Lifestyle/cities: Stockholm, Sweden (ideal city) Melbourne, Australia New York City, US London, UK Lifestyle/recreation: Blue meanies/(Panaeolus cyanescens) or Copelandia cyanescens Panaeolus Copelandia Cyanescens Blue Meanie Shooms Trip Report. After thirty minutes, you feel a dull throb of music in your head. It feels like the top of your skull is opening, letting in the noise from around you as it lets out its own, dull song. The music grows, steadily climbing to a crescendo. You feel around for the top of your head, but it seems to be gone. Standing up, you notice there are thistle bushes growing in the corners of your house. Through power-points and cracks in the walls, their twigs are winding themselves through the air. You touch one, and see the spiky stems recoil. Beauty and bath products: Lush Sultana of Soap "Revel in Sultana’s majesty and wash with the royalty of soaps. It looks like a fancy Italian dessert, a giant nougat cake topped with succulent currants, cranberries and apricots, but this decadent soap was made to create a creamy lather with a light and fruity bergamot-olibanum scent. Your skin will be delighted and you’ll be left softer and smelling like a fancy candy shop with a touch of fruity sweetness." Tom Ford Black Orchid "Black Orchid was created by perfumers of the fragrance company Givaudan in 2006. It was announced as an oriental chypre. The top notes are French jasmine, black truffle, ylang-ylang, black currant, and effervescent citrus. In the floral-spicy heart, dwells Tom Ford's black orchid, more imaginary than real, and the base combines woodsy notes (patchouli and sandalwood), dark chocolate, incense, amber, vetiver, vanilla, and balsam. Black Orchid is opulent and classically dark; its fragrance is in line with the best creations of the best perfume houses. A luxurious and sensual fragrance with a rich, dark trace of black orchid and spices, it is modern and timeless. It remains to be said that Black Orchid is long lasting and with a widespread aura." Mane 'n Tail original shampoo and conditioner "Mane 'n Tail Shampoo is the original horse to human crossover shampoo that provides fuller, stronger, longer, healthier hair. An exclusive original hair care formula that contains high lathering cleansing agents fortified with moisturizers and emollients. The exclusive micro-enriched protein formula creates a gentle rich fragrant lather that provides down to the scalp cleansing action without stripping natural oils leaving it soft, shiny and manageable. Safe for all hair types and chemically treated hair. What makes it special? - Cleanses hair thoroughly, yet will not strip natural oils - Rich, fragrant lather provides body, shine and manageability - Safe for color-treated and permed hair - Ideal for all hair types - Made in the U.S.A." Philosophy Amazing Grace "wrap yourself in amazing grace, a clean, fresh, feminine floral from philosophy. there’s a reason amazing grace is a best-selling, award-winning fragrance—and now is the time to discover why." Christina Aguilera By Night "Christina Aguilera by Night is a new fragrance by the popular singer and it especially attracts women who want to seduce with a fragrant composition. She is glamorous, irresistible, sensual and self-confident. The perfume can be expected on the market by October 2009. Christina Aguilera by Night is a fragrant story which adds up to Christina Aguilera edition from 2007, decorated with lace on a flacon shaped like female body. Red is Aguilera's favourite colour, and combination of red nuances and black lace is certainly the best choice for the upcoming season. Colour of passion and fire is announcing a composition created of seductive oriental-floral aromas. The scent starts with playful accords of mandarin, freesia and red apple. Besides fruity-floral notes, almonds are there to create a sensual and creamy effect. A heart is composed of vanilla blossom, which enhances feminine and gentle notes of the composition, as well as seductive powers of women. A base incorporates amber and vanilla, which make a very powerful and sexy finish." Dove Men+Care Clean Comfort Ray-Ban Clubmaster (Blaze Clubmaster) Vaseline original --

No one's forcing anything. Though, may this situation stir something in those that create these "conscious love" nonsense, given that these kind of ideas have just claimed a life. When someone replaces critical thinking with a kind of bubble, in this case the bubble of consciousness and love, people are gonna get easily brainwashed by that. At this point they're (the originators of so-called consciousness) free to say pretty much anything, even things that are obviously... I guess out of this world.

Hopefully this puts an end to the delusional consciousness platitudes peddled here.

The meaning of life: We're not in control in this life. Why? Because of change and chaos. I have more than sufficient data that validates these two as a relevant, perhaps even ever-present aspect of the human condition. What about ourselves? What is the prima causa of all of our actions? Psychology through the ages have always sought to answer this question. There is the theme of a wellspring... Jung himself said that the sea is "the mother of all things", or something to that effect. And its no mystery that the sea is a metaphor for the unconscious. Our unconscious drives... What hasn't been said at this point? Our primitive emotions and motivations. The things we desire, those that would bring more satiation to us, some peace and resolution to our existence in this universe. These desires and emotions drive the human condition, in actual fact. When we see something outside, I imagine these emotions SOMEHOW influencing the subsequent assessments and associations that we make. This particular concept of "internal and external objects" is to my understanding a fundamental theory in psychology, and something that needs actual research, in short reading. But at the moment I'm just thinking... is the Self everything? This is one of the few things that, if I'm not mistaken, the West and the East did philosophically agree on: the Self as the ultimate thing, the "philosopher's stone" as it's called in the realm of achemy. Even fucking Ayn Rand had the ideal, rational man. Spiral Dynamics implies... a loving, benevolent, sage figure. Right, because in the end I truly believe that love is the binder of all things. Sam Vaknin asserted that even severely personality disordered people DO experience love, albeit in more "abnormal" ways, in relation to the rest of society.

^One of the truest statements about the human condition, from Chuck Palahniuk's "Fight Club".

This place borders on cultish tendencies with its empty platitudes. Makes one wonder what the intention is behind it all.

Socionics Basic Archetypes: ILE (ENTp) The debater who will argue about anything with anyone. The career guru who is constantly building his already lengthy resume through the planned acquisition of relevant experience. The clown who is always being silly and frivolous. The outgoing nerd who makes jokes about things like parabolas, loves gadgets and wears things like fisherman's vests to work and to parties because all the pockets are convenient for holding stuff. (all descriptions from wikisocion.net) Terence McKenna SEI (ISFp) The person who always lightens things up, smooths the rough edges and sharp words of group communication and discussion, making people laugh, relax, and take things less seriously. The lazy hedonist with a short attention span who loves to consume movies, music, shows, food, and drink and sees no reason to strain himself in life. The aesthetic connoisseur who demonstrates incredible taste in art, in cuisine, or in fashion and lives for aesthetic pleasure. Selena Gomez ESE (ESFj) The social organizer who is always getting everyone together to do fun things and is so enthusiastic about everything that it's embarrassing. (Trudy Campbell from 'Mad Men') The doting grandmother or aunt who is always ready to spoil the kids with some food. The arbiter of fun who has a highly developed sense of what is (objectively) enjoyable and is willing to force it down people's throats if need be (because who doesn't like fun?). LII (INTj) The lone repository of truth — the last stalwart in a crazy world of illogic and delusion. Noam Chomsky The self-sacrificing workaholic who works hard, not in order to earn money, but because he doesn't want to give anything less than 100%. Mr. or Ms. Literal, who says exactly what (s)he means, and trusts that you will too. The book worm who spends every moment of every day reading. The smart aleck who never lets authorities tell him what to think and always finds a way to get the last word. The specialist who devotes every waking moment to excelling in an extremely narrow but highly competitive technical field. SLE (ESTp) The alpha male (or female) who is constantly preoccupied with his territory and social status, threats to that territory, and making sure everyone recognizes his leadership and status. The challenger or revolutionary who rejects existing authority and organizational structures and tries to overturn them and establish his own system, or simply overturn them for fun without putting anything else in their place. Joe Rogan The rogue artist who revels in his or her own naughtiness, likes to shock and appall audiences, and doesn't take his own work too seriously. IEI (INFp) The poet who becomes enamored of expressing his idiosyncratic vision of life, taking no interest in the quotidian affairs of man. The survivor who, by maintaining good relations with all factions simultaneously, always survives political or corporate upheavals. Edward Snowden The good-natured tag-along who likes to be attached to groups and provides constant comic relief. EIE (ENFj) The exalted prophet who is constantly telling people about what will happen or is happening unnoticebly and driving home how wonderful or how awful that is. Ralph Smart of 'Infinite Waters-Diving Deep' The true servant of the arts who has lost himself or herself in artistic expression and is ever an artist/poet/actor/musician, no matter where he is or whom he is with. The player or yuppie who rises to the top in corporations where "walking the walk" and "talking the talk" is most prized, especially by optimizing the impression of his performance. The hypochondriac who is constantly ill with some strange and menacing illness that cannot be seen. The motivational speaker who uses his personal charisma to get people fired up about the things that really matter. LSI (ISTj) The policeman or referee who keeps a sharp eye on how well people are adhering to the rules and takes it upon himself to correct or punish deviants. The career bureaucrat or administrator who rises through the ranks of traditional administrative structures (government organs, large corporations, and other large, hierarchical structures), carefully performing his duties and winning in the long run. The rational artist who sees music, film, or visual art as a language to be deciphered. Eminem The cult devotee who is swayed by the rhetoric of visionaries, and becomes devoted to executing their plans. The logistics analyst who rigorously but realistically devises the optimal operating procedure for any given task. SEE (ESFp) The player who is always busy conquering people of the opposite sex and bragging of his or her social and sexual prowess. The aggressive trainer who likes to whip people into shape physically or socially and make them be more effective in society. Tony Robbins ILI (INTp) The computer geek who lives in virtual reality and understands computers and Internet communication, but lacks experience in real-life social situations. The mystic or spiritual philosopher who is into all things mystical, esoteric, or eastern and makes little sense to the material-minded. David Lynch The encyclopedist or librarian type who knows literally all there is to know about vast areas of knowledge, but does not use his or her knowledge at work. The office introvert who will not let a sentence mean anything but what was technically said, and doesn't care about how uncomfortable he is making his co-workers. LIE (ENTj) The entrepreneur or speculator who is constantly thinking of how to turn everything into money, yet continues to count pennies and make sacrifices even after he or she has become wealthy. The job-hopper or independent contractor who is constantly changing jobs or locations in order to progress or out of a fear of stagnation, to the sacrifice of his personal life, which will be settled "some day". The maverick politician or activist who defends positions politically unpalatable to the conventional wisdom of the time, either rising to power when his positions are later seen as correct, or remaining a niche politician with a limited number of followers. Bernie Sanders The know-it-all windbag who has lots of information about many subjects, and helpfully or annoyingly is always ready to share it with those around him, equally ready to correct the erroneous remarks made by anyone else, always with pitiless courtesy. ESI (ISFj) The moralist who is quick to judge people for good and bad behavior, finds fault easily, and punishes just as easily. The devoted worker who quietly and unfailingly fulfills his or her duty and expects the same from others. The sentimental yet tenacious achiever who has a very strong motivation to achieve a specific prestigious career goal, yet has a great deal of interpersonal sensitivity and often insecurity. The Weeknd IEE (ENFp) The self-appointed psychologist who shows interest in everyone's personal, relationship, and career problems in order to figure out what might be the matter and offer pertinent advice. The social connector who knows lots of people in completely different areas of life and is constantly trying to hook people up with others who share their interests. The nonpartisan who knows that everybody can be right, and likes to explain people's differing points of view to each other without taking sides. Contrapoints SLI (ISTp) The quiet individualist who marches to his or her own drumbeat, cultivating eccentric, yet enjoyable interests and pretty much ignoring everything else. Mr. or Mrs. down-to-earth, who takes a dry and simple attitude towards everything, deflating all excitement and elevated emotions and sentiments. Rivers Cuomo LSE (ESTj) The social protestor who campaigns against deceit, mismanagement, injustice, or disorder in society, without necessarily offering a clear solution. Jocko Willink The busy worker bee who spends considerable effort on the quotidian details of work, while neglecting the "big picture". EII (INFj) The person who is always exemplary and perfect in all he or she does, but is far more focused on achieving his internal ideal of perfection than achieving more concrete goals in life. Kurt Cobain The self-sacrificing martyr who hasn't found protection and refuge in life, and becomes the servant of a failing and hopeless cause.

Jesus would likely say yes.

Everybody's looking for happiness. That's always been how things are for the human story. Never to be changed. We live for self-preservation. Even meditation is about... good benefits. Art is pleasurable, knowledge brings clarity. The infinite pursuit of happiness.

Felt like this belongs here.

@Leo Gura Wouldn't hurt to credit me for bringing that quote here.

You must be a saint of patience - Robert Greene

Aesthetics, in the Basic Sense: Attempting to create a clean, sophisticated, pleasant aesthetics with the following products. Lush Sultana of Soap Haven't tried this yet, but I like how it looks so far. Given how "quality" it is I'm expecting this one to be a reliable and ofc fragrant soap. Tom Ford Black Orchid Love this smell. Really sexy in a sophisticated way, and leaves such an alluring impression to its "audience". Mane 'n Tail Original Shampoo and Conditioner This works in general. First "quality" shampoo I ever bought, with a mild, pretty nice smell. Plus my hair actually got soft and smooth with it. Amazing Grace Philosophy Haven't tried this, just came across it as I was looking up soapy scents, which I'm quite a fan of. Dove Men's Care Clean Comfort This one seems like a good idea for a pleasant, reliable, neutral deodorant. Vaseline original For chapped lips and such. Pink himalayan salt To stay hydrated/aside from water of course.

Humanity's So-Called Shadow: Malignant/non-malignant narcissism Mass killers of the Indonesian genocide of 1965-66 Ted Bundy, the "All-American" serial killer (Hare), "who murdered more than 30 women and escaped from jail twice to kill again" Psychopathy Ted Kaczynski aka "the Unabomber"-- "Based on the interviews and test results, Johnson determined that Kaczynski, 56, has suffered from paranoid schizophrenia since his early 20s. A significant mental shift took place in graduate school, Kaczynski reported, during a period when he considered having a sex-change operation." (Chicago Tribune) Paranoid schizophrenia "Dear Mr I'm too good call or write my fans!": (Eminem) Make no mistake--the shadow isn't specific to personality disordered people. One of the foremost discoveries of the 20th century is that all of us, from time immemorial, have and DO possess the unconscious--a part of ourselves at once powerful and ruinous. Ivan IV the Terrible-- "Crowned as the first tsar of Russia, he controlled the largest nation on Earth but in his later years, executed thousands and, in rage, killed his own son." "He had started as a reasonable ruler, but his escalating paranoia and the deterioration of his mental health from 1558 onwards turned him into a monstrous tyrant who left death, destruction and economic ruin in his wake." (History) Without much further ado, humanity's 14 shadow types-- the side of us that we'd rather not look at: NPD Antisocial PD Paranoid Borderline Schizoid Histrionic Avoidant Schizotypal OCPD Dependent Passive-Aggressive Masochistic Sadistic Depressive Specific "Dark Triad" Traits: Donald J Trump, the United States 45th President and suspected malignant narcissist Having watched The Act of Killing (both the international version and director's cut), I suspect Anwar Congo (one of the Indonesian mass killers/film's main topic shown in previous photo, one in the middle) to be a subclinical Cleckley psychopath. Avoiding your Abuser: The Conflictive Posture What is Abuse? The Narcissist as Sadist

It's All in Your Head, or Is It?: Semantics and Vocabulary of Information Elements Lenore Thomson's Descriptions of Cognitive Functions A model of human cognition. The Spiritual Instincts - notes from a workshop Instinctual Variants Instinct Stackings Scrapheap: Collection of Notes A theory about the motivations of our "animal soul/nature."

Life, More or Less Simplified: The Spiral Dynamics model goes to show that change comes to us in so many ways. We, in turn, respond to it by creating order through shared beliefs/values. Most of social discourse denote these various beliefs and values.

I'm the bad guy DUH

Wellness

We are emotional beings. This is the source of both so much pleasure and pain in this world. Its beyond words... how breathtaking everything is.