Ima Freeman

This is nowhere near of what my experience is. Does that mean, that every time a human (or animal) comes into my experience, it is me who deceives myself into thinking there is another being doing stuff?

After reading about Yoga and doing spiritual practices, my view of reality got transformed quite radically. It is said, that I'm not the body nor the mind and I contemplated about it more and more. Meditation and other mindfulness practices revealed to me how automatic my mind and my body operate. Recently this lead to emotionally troubling thoughts about having no free will at all. Thoughts like: "body and mind are doing their thing and I am only able to watch it" Even the things that get typed here are just my monkey minds ramblings typed into a machine by my body. I got a sense now, that I'm in a deterministic prison. Back then my perspective was that I am free to do what I want, travel the world, think, create,... Why this is such a bad thing for me? I'm not feeling well in the past weeks. Furthermore, meditation shows me how tiny my level of consciousness is. What are your thoughts about this?

I am not talking about dissociation like modern psychiatry is defining it, btw

The problem with me is, that I am very much asleep, yet reading and thinking about advanced spiritual matters. I don't have experiential knowledge, but I have to start somewhere.

Thank you for your advice, I have to get my own insights anyway. But I long for guidance I trust spiritual authorities, because from them stem my initial motivations for mysticism. In a way it stems from my mind I guess

I can't see myself as the universe. More like the perceiving entity. Spiritual awakenings are lacking in my case.

I got the notion of "I am not the body, I am not the mind" from a guru, a very famous one, that's right My experience does seem to confirm this. I become aware of my body and mind working without instructions increasingly often. That doesn't mean that I feel dissociated from them all the time. Mostly I am deep asleep. It is a thought, that is triggering it. Don't you notice your mind and body doing things autonomously? What changed for me is, that I became more aware If I am body and mind, how can it be, that I can watch them doing things on their own? My identity, likes, dislikes, words, etc. are my minds work My bodies actions stem from instincts or from the minds intentions I become aware of them

New things are happening. In that way I'm not trapped.

But there is lack, suffering and fear all the time in my life. I want control, because I believed in the past that I am working on increasing it. And the act of increasing control is little wonder if suffering happened and can happen anytime soon. Another problem is that I have no control over fear and negative assumptions, if my mind is autonomous. In my experience the come over and over again.

That seems like on of the two only ways to solve this dilemma. The other being to fall more asleep again.

@Oeaohoo @Kksd74628 @Aaron p @Leo Gura @RickyFitts @Matthew85 @Terell Kirby @The Mystical Man Thank you all very much for your answers

Recently I saw a video of Leo (forgot the title) in which he said, that the phenomena that are witnessed are absolute reality. If that is true, what about the idea of the unconscious? There is the idea, that something is there in reality that is hidden from consciousness.

The highlighted parts should be in line with your opinion. And I believe many people would react with fear in your example, not rage.

It shows you both. Their action shows you how they are and your reaction shows you how you are.

@integral Don't pray for better times, pray for more strength.

@SQAAD Being disrespected, especially being adversed by others is one of the biggest fears in human psyche. Being disliked by others in a tribe puts you into life threatening danger. Humans in modern society do not live in small tribes with very limited resources any more. There are situations in which it is necessary to show boundaries and tell people that they crossed a line. That is, if they live with you or are part of your daily environment (e.g. workplace). Otherwise you can turn into a doormat for sadistic venting by others. I understand your situation, because I suffered from murder thoughts in the recent past. Things like stabbing my relatives, cutting heads off. The daydreams revolved around others showing disrespect towards me and me killing them in a utterly unproportional manner. I still do have thoughts of violence towards others, but they are very rare now. In my case it was due to brain health issues, because I detoxed heavy metals. This made my mind extremely agitated. The rage is still a natural reflex, that healthy people with an stable, peaceful environment normally do not encounter. People with an unhealthy, overstimulated brain come into contact with the primal fear I described above. Sounds like this could be the case with you. Being treated violently in the past could be a factor too, as was the case for me. Anyways I would recommend you to not try to deny the violent, stage redish type of your psyche. Instead contemplate on it and let it be. Try to accept and learn about this part of the psyche. That should reduce the feeling of shame and guilt. And very important, look into detoxing, nutrition and health in general. You want to detox agitating chemicals out of your body and find foods that are calming to you not stimulating or inflaming.

@Oeaohoo Thank you for your answer. The unconscious is a concept of psychology as @Carl-Richard pointed out. But I read recently that in eastern thought the same or a similar concept existed. What I originally ment was Leo's teaching of reality. So the unconscious is only real when it is thought of, when the thought ceases it no longer is consciousness an therefore not real anymore.

I kinda grasp what you're writing, yet I'm not sure Does that mean, that the unconscious reveals itself when the ego ceases?

Could you please link these videos

Sounds like a flashback of the shrooms caused by THC I doubt that this would have happened if you didn't trip the day before

Trance is the best thing for me to open my heart Not everyone's taste, but if you can lose yourself in it, than there is hardly another style that enlivens and "euphorizes" you as much

@Manusia You can of course enjoy it. There are many touristic places to do winter sports like skiing, cross country skiing, sledding, things like that. And there are many wellness spas too. For tourism there is a very good infrastructure. But I don't like the cold and winter in general. I like hot weather (the hot I have here where you can chill in the sun without problems )

@Manusia Austria, Upper Styria to be more precise Very beautiful in the summer. Can get depressing in the winter.