BornToBoil

@Farnaby Yeah, I am definitely not going to just go around repeating pick up lines like a parrot . What I am mostly interested in is understanding women psychology and improving my inner game. I guess pick up isn't really a thing that I want to do for the sake of itself, because I am ultimately interested in creating a long-term relationship. But I understand that I can't really do that right now because of my lack of social and relationship skills. So I if I have to go through that pick up journey to improve myself then so be it ))

@Porphyry Fedotov I am not an expert in dating, but congrats anyway, I think you did well!!!

@Leo Gura ok, haha. Btw, I really appreciate your work, Leo. Thank you!

@Hello from Russia , @Leo Gura I have been thinking about it right now and what about Truth? Shouldn't manipulation and Truth be mutually exclusive? Even if you use manipulation with good intentions, like making a girl feel loved. Shouldn't truth be important to us as people who are into spirituality and self-actualization work? Just to clarify here, I am talking about a case when you try to make a girl feel loved so she gets attracted to you, even though you don't really love her. Am I missing something here?

@Strangeloop I actually agree with Leo rn, I think that it was just my mind trying to come up with excuses. After all it's not like I am jumping of a cliff, trying won't hurt.

@Hello from Russia You are right, the intention matters. To be honest I haven't given it much thought before, but what I meant by manipulation was something like what Leo mentioned in some other thread here: And I guess I didn't like the part of making her to "feel some threat" so she tries to lock you down faster. My first thought when I read this was: "Am I a TV on black friday sale or something?", haha.

@Leo Gura lol, that actually makes sense, thanks Leo!

@hoodrow trillson it's not about believing in "broscience" or not. Why don't you try for yourself and see if it works. I assume that people are different and for some it will have no positive effects, but for someone else it can be a lifechanger. Also, "not beating my meat enough" will be the last thing that I'll ever regret in my life, lol. @Osaid I see, yeah, I can see how it could make you worried. My longest streak was 30 days without porn and masturbation so I probably haven't felt the full effects of a flatline. I will do 100 days now. I am curious what the experience will be ))

@lmfao I honestly don't get why people worry about it that much. If you are aware that it will happen and that it will pass then what's the bid deal?

I am not sure about energy stuff, but I think it can greatly imporve your willpower, discipline and self-control which will definitely be useful for self-actualization and life in general. Also it's an opportunity to learn more about your body and your sexuality.

Ecosia.org

@Willie No I have no ability to help rn, and I know that I have to work on myself a lot first. I am just currently in the process of looking for my purpose and creating a vision for my life, so that's why I am thinking about it. No I don't feel like I have any obligation towards my country or its people. I just wish I could be proud of my country. And I find appealing the idea of contributing to it becoming that way.

Hi, I have a question that has been bugging me for a while now. Is going back to the country of your origin and trying to facilitate its growth and development worth it? I am Ukrainian, but currently live in Poland with my parents (we moved here when I was 14). I am 20 years old so I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to with my life. Sometimes I have a desire to go back to Ukraine, start some business here, contribute to the society, help it to grow and transform, etc., but then I watch some Ukrainian news and think to myself that this country is hopeless and that only time can change it, and that I will just waste my life going back there. Just to clarify, I don't want to be a politician or some government official, by helping the country I mostly mean being socially active citizen, creating a business that contribute to society, and stuff like that. I have read some of Leo's blog and forum posts in the past where he tells people to move to developed countries to be able to fully realize their potential. Self-actualization work is an important part of my life and when I am trying to envision my future life it's definitely one of the top priorities.

@Preety_India I think that you are right. Thanks for your responses!

@Preety_India thanks for the explanation. You have a valid point. Actually Ukraine faces a huge emigration crisis right now. Literally millions of people have left the country during the last 6 years. And obviously it's bad for the country. However, I don't agree that everyone should work hard to make their country a better place. I think it's an individual choice wether a person wants to get involved with all that mess or they just want to create a good life for themselves. Especially since you won't get any gratitude in return for genuinely trying to change things for better. Personally I would like to help my country, I honestly care about its well being and would like to see it change and prosper. But, unfortunately, more often then not, after I immerse myself into the Ukrainian media life, culture, news, politics, etc., I endup being completely disgusted both with the majority of people and politicians. And wonder why should I spend my life trying to help those retards out when there are lots of other problems in the world that I could be solving and people who I could be helping.

@Preety_India I don't get it, sorry, haha. What do you mean? Or was it supposed to be a joke?

Hi guys, just wanted to give you an update. She wrote back to me and said that she is ok. We talked for a bit and finished it all in a positive way. I'm so glad everything ended well! Thank you for your advices and support!

So, here's the story: I've met a girl on reddit. Since we've met we talked everyday for a couple of hours. I honestly became obsessed with her, all I did was either talking to her or thinking about talking to her. I have never felt this way towards anyone before. I decided to take a risk and said that I "love" her (I know it's stupid, but I wasn't thinking clearly at that time). Miraculously, she said that she also likes me, but doesn't think we can be together, so we should stay just friends. We talked for a couple of days as friends, from time to time touching on the topic of the relationships and eventually, after some convincing on my part, she said that she is willing to try being in a relationship with me. I was the happiest person in the world. We talked how we would meet (she is from America and I'm from Europe, so the distance is quite big), where we would go together, I complimented her a lot, she complimented me a lot, we talked about life, etc. The next day she said that it was a mistake and she is not ready for a relationship. She has a borderline personality disorder and a lot of past traumas, therefore it's hard for her to be in a relationship. At first I tried to act cool and understanding, I've said that we can stay just friends, I can help her, etc., but when she insisted that we should stop talking to each other I became desperate and started to write whatever came to my head just to keep her. I went to bed completely destroyed and out of control emotionally. When I woke up I became even more obsessed with making her respond to me and started to write a lot of crazy things: how I'm sorry, how I don't deserve her, how she has been nice to me, what she did wrong, how she should ban me, how she should give me a second chance, etc. Basically, I've gone totally crazy. Because of that we had an argument and now she hasn't been online for a while. I'm really worried that I seriously traumatized her and she might even hurt herself (she has been into cutting herself just a year ago). What makes the situation even worse is the realization that I've initially started talking to her to cheer her up and make her feel a little better. And I did, she became much more positive as we continued talking, but then I've lost control to all these emotions, became totally selfish, and probably left her feeling even worse than before she has met me. I just hate myself for being such a selfish idiot. I wanted to help her but fucked her up even more. And it's not like she doesn't have any other problems. She has family issues, depression, anxiety, struggles financially, can't receive any praise or compliments, etc. I honestly was such a piece of shit. Right now I'm okay with her never wanting to talk to me again, I feel like I don't deserve a second chance. I'm just really worried if she is alright and feel really guilty. I apologized to her and said that she doesn't have to forgive me, but I'm not sure if she has read this message. I'm not even sure if she is alive. What should I do to atone for my mistakes?

@flowboy Sorry, but I have to disagree with you. It's better to be together in the "pit of darkness" than completely alone. Although it wasn't even the case. She was always nice to me and I had the best time of my life talking to her. I feel guilt not because it's a part of the "evil spell", but because I acted like some 13 year old kid, who can't deal with his own emotions. Even when she deciced to break up with me, she tried to do it as gently as possible, I was the one who turned it into the complete mess. Here's what she wrote to me: "First and foremost, I deeply apologize for my indecisiveness. You are lovely, but I’m not ready to be in any sort of romantic relationship, I thought I was ready but I’m not. Talking with you for this period of time made me realize some things about me that I hadn’t realize was that bad. This time, I am certain, I have to leave this relationship. I’m sorry, I’m not who you think I am. I’m not a mentally sound person. I’ve never been. I’ve been through a lot. I can’t handle any sort of love, affection, praise. I just can’t handle it, it makes me physically ill. I hadn’t realized it was that bad. I need to work on it before I can even think of being with someone You don’t deserve a person who can’t reciprocate emotion I’m not ready for anybody. Not you, not the coworker I had a crush on. I’m getting help but right now I’m not ready. I’m crazy and no one wants to deal with me" Instead of accepting her decision and being as supportive as possible I've lost my mind. She was already feeling so bad about herself, and I only made it worse. If I acted like a mature person we could have at least stayed friends and I could cheer her up from time to time. That's what she replied to me after she saw all of my desperate and angry messages: "I wanted to be friends with you. I was still your friend when I went to bed last night but I woke up to this. I thought you understood. You pretended like you understood. This is too intense. I can’t be your friend." Sorry, I can't show you what exactly I wrote to her because I've deleted all of my messages as an apology (don't ask me why I decided that it's a good way to apologize, I wasn't thinking straight back then), but i assure you that all of her responses were completely justified. Also, I knew she had all these problems when I started talking to her, so this is completely my responsibility. It just breaks my heart to think about how bad she might feel right now and know that it's my fault at least to some extent.

Yes, I do have a lot of work to do on myself. I actually new that and didn't plan to get into a relationship just yet, but it just kind of happened as we started talking. Indeed, I acted very needy, beta, etc. My social skills in general are really bad (that includes dating and communicating with people in general). I don't judge myself too much about it though, it was my first ever relationship after all. I just feel bad about hurting her and acting like an idiot, but its more about emotional control than social skills I guess. I actually don't use reddit that much, I was just bored with all that coronavirus thing and I almost stopped using it since we have met. It doesn't change the fact that I waste a lot of my time on other useless distractions, so you're basically right.

Thank you. I have no problems with the fact that she doesn't want to be with me (at least now), I probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship with myself either. I actually hope that she will be able to forget about this bad experience and move on, but I'm worried if she's alright. As I've said she has borderline personality disorder and has been into cutting herself in the past. I'm not going to message her again, but won't delete her either, just in case she decides to write me back and say that she is ok.

Yeah, you're right. I hope that it's not that bad. Also, there's nothing I can do right now to help her, so I should just focus on working on myself. I don't want to commit the same mistakes in the future.

Thank you. I'm ok with the fact that it didn't work out (although I really wasn't at first). I'mn ot ok with how I behaved. Before, I always thought that if I get into a relationship, I'll be all cool headed, rational, and conscious, but here I was, crying and writing desperate and angry messages after she told me that we should stop talking... I try to think positively, but there is no way I can know for sure how she is doing unless she writes back to me, so it seems irresponsible to be all positive after what I've done. I just don't know how I can possibly move on while she might be suffering there all alone.