Helge

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! @Natura Sonoris I can't say how much I apreciate this. That you are so open and shared your story with me and really tried to help me. Since I was 3 I had a really good friend. My best friend. We met each other EVERY day and had so much fun. I loved him so much. But later when we went to school, suddenly he just wanted to be with the 'cool kids'. He didn't want to be around me anymore and when I was around him he made fun of me and tried to antagonize everyone against me. I felt so so hurt and cut him out of my life. But after that I coudn't find a new best friend, I just coudn't have a deep relationship again even though I wanted it... So after that when someone bullied me and told me that I was ugly I felt really hurt because I felt alone, unsupported and weak. This was some realy deep shit! I am really sad now because now I understand why I get all the time angry when my mother speaks with me. When I was a child she just wanted to help me out but I didn't want to talk about it. So everytime she tried to help me I was remembered by my situation and so I felt pain. I tread her so badly and unloving because of this I feel really ashamed of myself. I know now why I react so sensitive when a close person rejects me in any kind of form and why I coudn't accept that my girlfriend really loved me. Again thank you so much. I think I know on what I have to focus now in order to fix some deeper problems I have. So I can get of my incorrect belive that my fucking ego put on me! By the way: I am a guy

Thank you @step1 for your advice! I think finding a new (healthier) idenity is what I need to do. Did you find your purpose already? Because to me it sounds like a thing that will take years to achive it. The idea that I have to be like this for several years before I find my great life purpose makes me upset. How long took it for you to get rid of these unhealthy idenity? Did you have to find your life purpose in order to do so or is there another way? Thats an interesting perspective @Natura Sonoris and I think this 'bad box' comes from bullying in my childhood and the need for to feel loved. I think this point of vew helps me to disidentify with 'my box'. Where do you have this idea to think 'in boxes'? What exactly do you mean with "Find your first box on which on the other boxes were build on."?

I am addicted to beauty I look into the mirror, in a window in the streets . EVERYWHERE I am I want to know how I look like and to make sure that my hair and style looks perfect. When it rains I dont want to go out because it could ruin my hair and sometimes before I go to a party I wash my hair three times before it looks the way I want. My friends are annoyed by my beauty addiction and I am so sick of it as well. But I can't stop looking into the mirror or thinking about how I am looking right now. Have you any advice how to overcome insecurities and stop carring how I look like?

I'm trying to improve my relationships by improving conversation and social skills. Lately I realized a way to do all the practices from books and self-help videos to have good conversations effortless, it all came natural to me and it just felt good! (Most of the time these conversations feels kinda akward. It's very exhausting to me to focus on all the techniques and sticking to them in a long conversation.) What I did: I was in great mood. I mean I wasn't just in a good mood, I was in an AWESOME mood. I stoped thinking about "what should I say next, when she will have finished her sentence? What can I do that is funny?". I was very present and didn't think that much. I just expressed my feelings and my humor without filters and I had a great time. Usualy it exhausts me but that time I build up more and more engery by socializing! I didn't have to remember all the techniques because naturaly I already new how to do it. I just needed to be in the right mood to unleash sides of me, that i never new where there! I felt like a people magnet and with my happiness the bitter peoples mood turned into fun and joy. How I did it: When I woke up that day I wasn't in a great mood, but I wasn't in a bad mood neither. Iremembered the things that I read about "how to trick yourself into being in a good mood". So I listened to my favorite song and started singing and dancing. I went out with the attitude that every person I met is a friend and I put a smile on my face and tried to be grateful for everything I was thinking of. Eventualy this trick of acting the good mood would creat a good mood in myself (a self fullfilling prophecy). Unfortunately I was able to keep this state for only 1 and 1/2 hour and the whole day I coudn't restore this mood. Well I am sure you had a day like this before. What I am asking myself is, if one day I don't have to trick my mind into being in a great mood anymore? Will I be just a "happy person" if I keep doing this? Do you regulary can put yourself into a mood like this? How do you do it?