BlackMaze

What leo said is the right answer. I've seen many people that can't recover from their past traumatic experiences. Every new bad experience leaves them in a worse place than before. That's because they have no idea what they can do to deal with this stuff. They have no tools to help them and don't know that these tools even exist. In my case i think that every challenging period made me grow a bit. In the very least it motivated me to find and learn about those tools and experiment with them. Never something truly horrible happened so far in my life but moderately stressful events happen all the time for many years now. When you had enough there is a point that you just accept that life is unpredictable and new very stressful stuff will happen sooner or later. I had many stuff happening together at the same time that i reached a point that i find it funny. Like a cosmic joke. I am curious about the next thing that will happen to challenge me and i anticipate it. I know that i will be able to deal with it because of my xp dealing with stressful stuff. There is a point that you can't take it personal anymore. When you reach this point you can become free.

@Someone here i know! It's the same for me unfortunately.. Maybe it will be easier if you stop right now again that the experience of quitting is still fresh. It sucks to ruin all the effort just because you believed that just one will do nothing. I experienced this many times by now. Almost everytime something stressful made me smoke again. The last time was different, i was drunk and i believed that i can now enjoy just one because i quited and it's no big deal. I did not have a real craving but after this cigarette i had. Maybe you can turn this to anger about this trap in society and use this anger as the energy required to stop again. But this is using willpower. The last time what helped me was to observe the other smokers and be happy that i'm not trapped anymore. I still postpone it but i will try again soon. Good luck

Don't worry. You will try again. It was a great try lasting for so long. Unfortunately even one is enough to relapse and by this point i proved it to myself many times. When you feel like it quit again.

I like to believe that i would refine and work on my life purpose. After all the partying and buying.. But i don't know. Maybe the reality would be very different. It's a difficult question to answer. Probably i would be doing psychedelics on my own island half of the year. I like to believe that i would be able to control myself and not self destruct as many lucky lottery winners. But who knows. When i learned about this my immediate answer was that you must be stupid to ruin your life after suddenly becoming filthy rich. But who knows? It's a lot of stress. Either i would use this freedom to grow and expand or this freedom would make my ego go crazy.

From the list? Probably only 5 or 6. But i was looking at the list today and decided to start again more seriously.

All episodes are amazing! This series and black mirror are must watch

Sure it's a good thing that the money goes to creators. They could also advertise it this way and not indirectly say to you pay for youtube or else we will do our best to hate your experience with the free version.

I am also thinking of starting and finishing them both again. They are great books! I would say just let it be. It doesn't matter. But what do you believe this was? Is there an answer that you hope to get? Even if it was what you believe or hope it was, does it change anything? Just read the books and let stuff go. I'm planning to do the same!

The more aggressive yt gets with the ads the less i'm willing to pay for it. I tried amazon music and it's great. Free trial. Not sure if i'm going to pay for this in the future but at least it doesn't force me to buy it.

@seeking_brilliance you are right thank you. The concept of being scared is just another illusion connected with what i consider as myself. But to drop completely everything all the concepts that we base and explain reality and realize that i'm alone and my experience is the only thing there is, is fucking scary. I need to watch this some more times to understand it better.

Amazing video... Mind fucked. I'm nowhere near this realization but i got a little perspective. I'm not sure if i ever want to go that far. I assume that realizing you are god is the most scary thing there is?

Yesterday i had the idea that everything is our memories. Of course this is somehow false. It seems alot more complicated than that. Does this mean that a story or something fictional in general is just as real as our memories or as our reality? And what is its nature? Is it a thought? What is a thought? Now i have more questions.

@Dodo thumbs up

Just try to sleep early and wake up without an alarm. Your body knows how much sleep you need. When you sleep plays also an important role. I noticed that when i manage to sleep at 9 or 10 i wake up with more energy. According to an ayuverda book i read many years ago 10 pm - 6 am is a good sleep schedule.

When you say try, you assume that what you want to do it's so hard that you might fail at it because you feel a weakness to do it. When you try you talk to your head. You say either: come on man! You can do it! Or: you know very well that you don't have a chance. You are too weak. You suck etc. Let's say you want to do something pleasant, play a video game or whatever. This is easy and requires no effort. Let's say you have a delicious cake in front of you and can't wait to eat it. You wouldn't say i will try to eat the cake, because it's piece of cake. So you have something hard that you want to do. It's normal to feel resistance doing it because we have a stupid survival mechanism to preserve energy that makes us lazy. To overcome this you need to go against this tendency to preserve energy and do the opposite. The thing you want to do needs X amount of energy. When you try to do it you need alot more energy because of the mental chatter. In the end i don't think that you try to try. It's just a habit of the mind to masturbate with thoughts. Just listen to the thoughts and emotions, accept them and move the body to do the action that you know it's the best possible for the present moment. This is the skill i currently try to master

Haha. I ate enough to know that it's shit. In some places is at least tastier.

And you wake up in the year 3000 but you still are a delivery boy Yeah that's crazy.

My favorite rapper of all time is a guru

Some good games to play: Nier automata The Stanley Parable Layers of fear Bioshock infinite Witcher 3 What remains of Edith Finch Mgs the phantom pain Pathologic 2 Portal games The binding of isaac rebirth. Maybe my favorite game but also highly addictive. I also agree that dark souls and hellblade are amazing.

@Natasha sounds like a plan

Maybe you have the old edition? Because i am reading his book again and he says that it takes 3 weeks for 99% of nicotine to leave your body.

What is a freak is defined from what is considered "normal" Given that what is considered normal is very disfunctional i wouldn't say that this is necessarily a bad thing. But yeah i agree that everyone that is in this forum is probably a freak more or less by default.