BlackMaze

Egos never shut up. I'm tired of them and i'm tired of mine. Are egos necessary? Ego means getting stuck and being rigid. Not flowing. We are used to this mode of the world. We just don't know what the alternative is. I read somewhere in here that personality in not the ego. That sounds right and feels like a relief. You are unique but you are not you and that means that everything is unique. Don't worry i know about my ego. I can also see yours. What do i even want? A nice dream? Do i want to wake up? Should i wake up and start building dreams? Does it even matter? See this? This is nihilism and i got trapped in this before. If nothing matters then saying that nothing matters also don't matter. Good thing that i read this somewhere. That means that everything just is. I'm going back to the video about free will because it left me confused af. What are plans? Things i want to do? What does this mean if there is no doer? Really no free will? Just enjoying the ride? Let the spirit do its thing expressing itself through this body? Even my desire to make the body healthier and strong to express "myself" is an expression that i can't control because i don't exist? What the fuck are thoughts. Really wtf are thoughts. Just by asking this question and by trying to find an answer bla bla - It's everything thoughts. Can i really know what a thought is by using thoughts? Who is using the thoughts? Me that observes them. So the observer is also a user? Is using something the same as observing something? Are those symbols on my phone enough to find an answer? Is a seeker the same as a user or as an observer? Is every verb a characteristic of the Self? Self is the source of every action everywhere. Does this mean that every action is also the Self? Where am i going with this? Probably it ends with the phrase everything is one. Where do i go with this as a human in a body? Probably looking to realize this for myself. But no, the self expresses itself by looking to get this realized. Why? Why does everything exist? Why does this soup has so many forms, good and bad, male and female and so on. I understand why psychedelics must be very useful to get closer to the truth. But why does a truth needs to be found? I'm getting lost. The next step is having a good life in the human form and letting dreams get created. Somewhere psychedelics will be experienced. And understanding alone is not freedom from thought because it is thought. Or a vision or whatever. You can let it go. If you do it's like surrendering. Maybe surrendering is letting the self shine through. Ok enough for today. Maybe i should let a mental no fapping happen.

Thank you all! I got the answers that i needed.

Is there a way to not get affected? I may be able to do it for some time but it throws me off balance eventually. There is always negativity around me. Maybe i was too or still am sometimes but i can snap out of it. However some people can't. I would like to help them but i don't know how. It annoys me. They annoy me. Changing environment is not an option in the near future. I may be feeling great but then i will see a very depressed face like their life is over or something and sometimes i just get angry. Or the pettiness in work environments. How can i stop this from affecting my mood? I've been very patient for many years. I can't tolerate negativity anymore. I also can't tolerate stupid people full of themselves or toxic managers. Sure i could try to love people but it's so energy depleting that i can't. I keep losing focus from what matters. How can i prevent this?

What is rest? Rest is necessary. You need rest when you are tired. Being well rested seems like the opposite of being very tired. We sleep every night because rest is as important as eating to survive. When we sleep our mind rests. Our mind gets tired everyday from constant thinking and our body needs repairing. If we don't get enough rest we can't repair fully. It's like working out, rest is necessary. You can't just do heavy workouts 7 days/week. You will most probably and up injured. You need rest in order for the muscles to grow by repairing themselves. In the same way everything we do grows us in some direction. First we take the action that requires energy expenditure makes us tired and rest make the particular muscles grow. If you are well rested before taking a test you will perform better. Rest is necessary even for learning. Rest recharges our batteries. We have an amount of energy at the start of the day that gets depleted until we can't stay awake anymore. Where does the energy come from? From the source... The same thing that created everything provides you with energy everytime you sleep. But why? Why can't we access this energy when awake? Sadhguru says that he needs only 3 hours of sleep. Maybe it's bs and everybody is different and needs different amounts of sleep. Or maybe he knows something that i don't. Maybe it's possible to save some energy and not waste it. Maybe it's also possible to access the source that repairs us every night. The only reason fasting is so good although i haven't really tried it is because we give our digestive organs a rest. What does the body do? It detoxes and repairs itself. So the natural tendency of the body is to repair itself when given the chance. If we don't rest enough we don't allow this repair and growth happen. We may end up sick. It isn't worth it because when you are always tired you are not so effective. You also harm the body. There needs to be a balance of what you do and how much rest you get. There are actions and things that deplete energy. Unhealthy living unnecessarily puts a strain on the body. Coupled with not enough rest it leads to sickness. Bad environment and negative people deplete energy. Negative and persistent thoughts and emotions deplete energy. Fidgeting is wasted energy. All these things can be dealt with. The less energy unnecessarily lost the more energy you have and less rest is needed. Some activities fill us with energy. Identifying them and doing more of them sounds like a good idea. The must be a common link in these activities that make us more energized. In some way they make us more connected to the source of energy. Yes if i keep doing this for 5 years i can already see the benefits.

@mandyjw that's a beautiful answer thank you.

@Nahm i assume you mean that there are no persons at all? From the perspective of someone that believes that other persons are real as myself there is an enlightened person not because they say they are but because you can see it in their eyes and from the way they act. How does one realize that other persons are not real? I don't mean their ego but their physical form as well as all physical forms. Does something being imaginery necessarily mean that it's not real? Do i mental masturbate too much? Will it even lead somewhere if i do?

@Jirh if i said i have tried it i would be lying. Kind of hard if you have to wake up very early for work though.

@Meta-Man i see. Thank you

@Megan Alecia of course but it's also not so simple. I experienced so much negativity from others in my life that i don't think i can tolerate it anymore. Ideally i would handpick the people i want in my life. I currently can do this only to an extent. There are many situations that i can't avoid. My motive behind this is selfish. I want to create a good life. To do this i need to go above and beyond by taking action. Now i know how to take effective action but to do this and sustain it i need energy. My energy is raised by living heathier and then situations keep arising that completely drain my energy. My energy is not unlimited and is needed to stay focused at creating stuff. Negative people rob my energy and i need to stop it from happening.

@Preety_India thank you I really appreciate your answer you are right.

@Preety_India i agree 100%. However it's not only about people saying things to me. I can handle this most of the time. It's about all negativity. What about when a person close to you is very depressed? I can't do much to help. If you see this kind of thing in different forms for years it affects you whether you want it or not and it becomes your burden when you keep seeing it and can't remove yourself from the different situations. @Heaven thank you. Actually the other question i asked and you answered was because i thought about this question more deeply. If you are not your ego anymore of course nothing can affect you. This is the ultimate solution for not being affected by others. This sounds good and all but what happens if this happens? What will happen is very unpredictable. I think i read this somewhere maybe it was a quote from an actualized video: it's all fun and games until someone loses an ego. Someone might find this funny because they don't really understand what i mean but i'm scared of losing an ego. Maybe i'm not ready to lose an ego. How will i know? Should i climb the maslow's pyramid first for example? How dangerous is it to be egoless when your life is not already in place?

Being in accordance with one's values, being a creator and create value, help other people and not having to work for a boss ever again. What you said makes sense and i agree. What i'm not sure about and the reason i'm asking this question is that i'm not sure that without an ego the values will stay in place. Maybe it won't matter anymore. Maybe creating a business will not be a priority. Maybe even my health won't be a priority. In this way i consider it dangerous. This is my ego making sure that my life will work just fine without it. All i'm doing is trying to understand if i even want to go deep with this work.

@UNZARI thank you i will try it

@LfcCharlie4 cool! Did you just thought about the projects? Or is this the kind of books you publish?

Cool. Yes of course they are a great resource. It's just that me as someone that has 0 knowledge on the subject if i really want to gain some understanding i have to walk blindly and lose time or get lost with bad information etc. I almost always prefer a good quality book or course as an introduction.

@LfcCharlie4 well building some wealth is the goal behind it but i'm asking if you know a resource that teaches how to invest in crypto while understanding what you are doing.

@Loving Radiance could you give an example? I don't quite get what you mean. Do you mean to add things that seem so impossible to me that maybe they would be possible if i worked at them for 500 years? @Nahm will do Of course. This is something i realized before but also keep completely forgeting. Side tracked by life. I am in the middle of doing an exercise from a book. I already made a list with everything i want, making sure that i really want these things and choosing the results. This list will get transferred on the board once it arrives.

@fridjonk i see. I just thought you done it already because you wrote attempting another x60 hit. Yeah it must be as close as you can get to hell if it becomes a bad trip haha. But yeah for me this was a long time ago and had no xp other than weed and had no idea what i was getting into. That said i couldn't stop exploring it for a week. Maybe another stupid thing to do but i was young and foolish. I don't regret it though.

Sorry for jumping in here i haven't read your journal. I just wanted to comment on this x60 salvia trip. Man you have balls. I would never attempt that. My only worthwhile experiences with psychedelics in general were with x10 and they were extremely intense. Could i ask how it was like?

I think i get it now... As why this is so important. The first time i found this thread it really confused me. A book cleared things up a bit. Of course we create non stop. My addicted gamer's perspective helped me understand this a bit better. My addiction comes in phases. I did it while i was taking the rest i needed. The next phase is action based. So if i play a game at first i just play it. If i feel that the game i am playing is one of the best ever made and i absolutely love it i commit earning all the achievements even if they seem impossible. I don't care what anybody thinks about this, i deeply enjoy it. I try to see life as a game. The purpose that resonated with me and i chose is to make games. This doesn't come only from my addiction. I created art that maybe sucked in another form in the past, i couldn't help it. The medium is just different. I know the joy of creating something new and sharing it with others. It's possible for everybody to build the skills necessary to create in whatever form. So what is the difference in this case between my favorite games and the life game? My favorite games have an achievement list in place that i look to see what's next. If i don't have an idea of how to get a particular achievement i look it up ? My life game has not any achievements in place to look at and see what's next. My purpose is to make this list myself and also be a completionist. If i absolutely loved the game of life i would strive to get every achievement just because i deeply enjoy it! I could also have some fun with this. Of course i also need to be careful with what achievement i create. For example i could write bought a company i was working in and fired everybody. Haha not even gonna bother but maybe these types of achievements could help create a game. I am convinced to buy a board and make my achievements board. I just think that this style would fit my personality better. I still feel that i need to hold back by writing things on it just because other people are gonna see it. The will judge me and my ego will get butthurt. I know that i shouldn't care. Np i just found a solution. I can be as creative with my list of achievements as i want. I can write them in a way that only i understand. It's nobody's business to understand. I already know that having a dreamboard is more important and far more effective than i think. Thank you @Nahm

Thank you. Now i need to find a board to buy

I know that i have repressed anger that maybe accumulated for most of my life. In my everyday life i'm actually calm and can control my emotions more or less but this prevents me from doing things. It's also the lockdown and many other things. I only lately noticed that it's there. How can i release this? Trying to just feel it is not enough because it's deep. I can't even feel it but i know that its there and that is strong. Just a book recomendation would be very helpful.

got it thanks. I guess what people have to say or what they will think is not as important as creating this life. I can't really know how effective this is unless i try it.

@Nahm it's time to do it then! The only reason i haven't so far is because i don't want people coming to my place look at it. Should it be in front of me most of the time? Will drawing things i want to add in a notebook do? Is it ok if i do it in onenote? What i am asking is if there is a more private alternative than having everything i want to create there for all to see. I started drawing the things i want. I can't draw, time to learn. I will also keep a private journal to write everything i want. If i like a drawing i will put it on the wall. It's not a board but maybe it will be effective.

@Nahm always cutting to the chase thank you The funny thing is that i know how to enter a higher state at will. I hope that this doesn't sound foolish. That said i very rarely bother to do this. Somewhere i decided that it's dangerous. The question is why don't i? I think the reason is fear. Or should i accept that really there is no controlling and just need to see it? Is there even a choice to create? Or what to create? Is the idea of embracing my ego bullshit? I don't want to be just blank. I want to have a healthy personality that has no problem creating stuff. But my ego comes along with all this baggage. @Loving Radiance thank you i kind of tried it but to express my anger is not really what i want. As i said i usually don't even feel it. I could feel some of it if i don't smoke for a long time.. What i want to do is to unroot it completely. Maybe the only way is to do it gradually as it shows up.