Artsu

Actually, what you describe in the OP is close to how I see awakening in general. It is getting in touch with reality by having a break with reality. That means you realise that the belief system that most people operate from is invalid, and learning how reality truly functions. Going from consensus reality to true reality.

You've focused on the negative a lot, so try focus on the positive.

You didn't see God, and that wasn't like the Adam and Eve story. Adam and Eve decided together that they wanted to be gods, which went against God's plan for them. Jesus, i think, represented the fulfillment of God's plan for humanity, by bringing the Divine Love to earth. It must have been an incredible experience though and brought you very close together. There's an interesting thing about beating the game though. There might be truth to that. It depends what our role on earth is. I'm sure if you had gone down the conveyor belt it would have just been an intense trip. You would have learnt about death and the other side. I can't imagine that you would likely literally die. Perhaps, for now, investigate what is on the other side of death.

Simply put, the opening sentences of your posts struck me as Ni. Usually people start a post by referencing their dominant function, so i look for trends in recent post history. I also see the Fe and Ti in you. As for why the opening lines signify Ni, all I'll say for now is have a go at it yourself. Browse through your posts and link it to a single cognitive function. I assume you have a decent grasp of cognitive functions. I say don't accept my typing until you can see it yourself. Then you'll know what it's based on. Edit: 2 themes i see in your posts are a) looking at your life across time, and b) asking why. Asking why is a bit more general, but these 2 things signify Ni. I saw a post in a thread regarding empathy where you start the post with Fi. Fi is a co-dominant for INFJ, meaning it acts as dominant sometimes when the person becomes more INFP. I have been making some INFP posts on here myself. Fi relates to cognitive empathy.

I thought alcohol was lowering my consciousness too. I mean, in literal terms, if you have too much alcohol you will become unconscious, and each level of intoxication blocks out certain aspects of awareness. But i can easily maintain Tier 2 SD consciousness e.g. turquoise, while drunk. So it's not lowering you in that sense. Though i don't know how well it goes with post integral stages. Edit: actually, i was able to maintain post integral consciousness for a while whilst drinking. Drinking lowers your inhibitions, and makes you more lively. It is that invigoration that can be beneficial for spiritual practice.

Anger is natural. I can't think of how to address that right now. Hatred and vengefulness are not natural, and come from your own evil inclinations (i am not saying that you are more evil than the majority or anything. Most people do bad things). The best thing is to identify them as destructive mental state, and look for positive outcomes instead. As mentioned, replace that hate with love.

Yeah, things are weird. Isn't it weird that you're paying so much attention to that?

This is what you're worried about? No offense, but it sounds kinda ridiculous. Maybe you feel that you let yourself down, but just move through this. Let it go, move on. There is plenty more work to do. You haven't made a colossal mistake, there is no reason to die. Be free of this torment!

I'm not familiar with Leo's teachings. I'm aware first hand of things like lack of self, only now is real, simulation/only you are real. This is through a kind of experiential philosophy. It's not just thought, you do feel it, but it's still, in my view, philosophy. Thought experiments regarding the nature of reality. If you're not able to grasp noself and souls existing simultaneously, then i would say the error is in noself. One could say that even the soul is not the true self, even it is subject to change, and that technically there can logically be nothing fixed about being. This sounds philosophical, and i don't really know its implications.

Actualising leads to transcending, through the interpersonal and transpersonal and beyond, with the transpersonal viewing man in the context of nature.

Only if your shadow is a drinker.

Racism would be red wouldnt it? (Conflict is associated with red)

What level is spiral dynamics? I think turquoise, because it can describe turquoise well but not above it.

The problem with identifying with the thinker of the thoughts, is that only part of what goes through your head is actually being thought by you. Some things you are thinking, but even then you have to look at the thought in context.

I don't know about that last bit... But yeah, alcohol can have a spiritual purpose, just like other drugs. Actually as a daily to weekly habit, i think alcohol is better to use than other drugs, assuming it gives you the effectd you're looking for. I have definitely used alcohol to great spiritual benefit. There are health effects and danger due to intoxication to be mindful of though.

I imagine that the afterlife will be similar to lucid dreaming.

Yeah i think alcohol works for some people and not others, and at some times and not others. Personally, i find that alcohol serves me, and i just need to watch that my drinking doesn't escalate too much.

Nah i was selfless and accepted utilitarianism way before i got to yellow (i didn't just accept it, i basically came up with it). I would have been stage blue when i got into philosophy. I was also politically in green territory. Maybe my understanding of SD is too at odds here. Because i see green and above as when i got really spiritual in an experiential sense, not when i started holding to this or that viewpoint. Also it's kinda odd that green has so many items but yellow is just an abstraction. This makes me thinking maybe green is too inclusive and things need to be shifted over. My own understanding adds an extra stage in and defines it by subpersonal (ego), personal (self), interpersonal, transpersonal, interdimensional, transdimensional. The environmental movement is largely transpersonal. Science can get into interdimensional understandings. Mysticism is transdimensional. Edit: utilitarianism stretches up the spheres. It applies anywhere where there can be made value judgments of experience. In general, a philosophy etc. will span multiple layers, having a centre of gravity in the middle and maybe a tier 2 and tier 1 approach. So religious attitudes take place at blue, but they also take place in interdimensional and transdimensional worldviews.

The thing that works for me with alcohol is remembering that i need to take breaks. After drinking heavily for a while, i start thinking more and more about my liver until it's like, ok, i need to take a break. At the moment my drinking is moderate so I'm not worried about my liver health. Last time i got a check up, i was fine. Alcohol is something that damages primarily your liver over time, and it builds up. Your liver can repair itself, so take breaks. If you're unable to take breaks for the sake of your liver - your self protection is battling your pleasure seeking there - then perhaps not drinking at all is best, and then things like online programs may be of benefit. Smoking i wanted to give up for a few years but "not yet". Now I'm more at peace with it, and I'm just being a smoker, armed with the knowledge that if i want to quit, willpower is all i personally need.

Noself is more of a philosophical position, whereas OBE is spiritual-scientific. There can still be an energy body that can leave the physical body. Just as the physical body is not an impediment to the noself principle, neither are other kinds of body. Mind you, i don't actually believe in the noself principle. Theoretically it is plausible, but i believe in souls.

The mental health system would be waiting to inject me with antipsychotics, while actualized.org is waiting for my report. Yes next time it happens I'll probably make a thread about what I'm experiencing.

In my last "episode" i experienced time slowing down and speeding up, space distorting around my body, and lots of noises being made around me that could have been small animals or spirits. I was probably trying to move stuff with my mind, but i couldn't pull it off. I'll have another go next time. These episodes are times of intense spiritual energy. I have a consciousness growth spurt, and things keep getting weirder and weirder. So maybe next time will be when it happens!

That's really exciting! I haven't experienced that yet.

Well then you're sacrificing your health in the name of happiness and fulfillment. I'm a smoker too so i do the same. I'm not going to tell you not to, but it doesn't sound like you have the right mentality to quit. If you want to quit, you have to really want it. That means thinking it through and deciding that the happiness is not enough for the sacrifice in health, if that is indeed what you want. A flimsy resolve is not going to help enough with quitting, the decision has to be firm. You need to be able to say no to the cravings, and to continually say no for weeks and then longer.

Why don't your wants align with what is healthy? What other things are you prioritising?