Gesundheit

First day; piece of cake. Woke up at 6:00 AM, and now it's 7 PM. I feel drowsy and I'm gonna sleep soon. No porn or masturbation or video games ✔ 30 minutes of music or less ✔ 15 minutes of internet usage or less ✔ 1 Friends episode (20 minutes) ✔ 1 design course video ✔ A few insights and glimpses. Nothing worth mentioning. General theme is practicality. Will see how it unfolds. I've noticed that the commitment I made to journal about the progress I'm making is being counter-productive. For this reason and from now on, I will most likely only journal when something major or extraordinary happens, whether it's a breakthrough or a breakdown. Anything less than that is not worth talking about, I guess. Maybe I will report if I fail to meet the criteria in the check-list as well. We'll see.

I could do that ? ??

@Mikael89 So what if your survival is secured? You're gonna die when you're old. The only difference is the number of years, but the fear will be there. How are you gonna face the fear of death?

It was there all along. Or at least that's what it seemed from the mystical experience I once had. I experienced being a fetus or a sperm or something like that. It felt so warm. Here: I was listening to this on headphones and then it happened.

Watch Prison Break series.

All right, it's decided. Starting from tomorrow I will be running the observer mode on 99% efficiency. Basically, I will be meditating and in silence all day long, and nothing shall escape the light of awareness. _____ I will allow myself only a little bit of low consciousness (entertainment) throughout the day. And that'll be: 15 minutes max of internet usage divided on 1 to 3 occasions per day to check on things that are happening around me in the world. (Journalling here does not count). 30 minutes max listening to music per day. 1 Friends episode (20 minutes) max per day. I'm currently watching it for the first time and it's great so far. I don't want to miss the show even though it's old. 1 design course video max per day regardless of the duration. That's about two hours, and all of it is optional. I may not feel like doing anything at all at some point. I don't know. _____ No video games. Zero. Blank. At least for the next few weeks. 2 masturbation sessions max per week. _____ Will try to report here everyday if I feel like it. And will update my plans each week, ideally. No rewards or punishments. Just total honesty and awareness. If I slack off, I will make sure I don't judge myself but instead just be aware of what's happening. This isn't about achieving some future goals. It's just about being present, accepting reality, and increasing awareness. The planned practices are mentioned in the original post. I may not specify what I practice each day. The most important thing is to be aware. I guess that's it for now. Will update the day after tomorrow.

This is wrong, but you're still in denial that it's wrong. Why? Simple, I admit that perfection, love, goodness, etc... are all egoic constructs that have no relation to the absolute. Same as it goes for their counterparts; lack, fear, evil, etc... are all egoic constructs that have no relation to the absolute. Another word for it is projection. Depending on your state of consciousness, and if you're not aware of how projection works, you will most likely mistake your state for reality.

Not sure about this. I've personally gone through the dark night of the soul. It was nothing like anything else. Just pure suffering. DP/DR don't necessarily have the suffering component. In fact, they kinda helped me detach from the suffering. So maybe they're part of consciousness' immune system so to speak.

*yawn* Doesn't explain anything at all.

Me, I don't know. Leo, on the other hand, does not believe in conspiracy theories, but he believes that life is God conspiring against himself to fool himself and then feel smart. So God created brains and all this shit to deceive himself to keep himself asleep. Which view sounds more likely?

I have experienced several changes so far and all without psychedelics. The "positive" changes: More creativity. More intuition. Heightened awareness. More clarity. More presence. More peace of mind. More feeling of emotions and all other sensations (×10 or ×20 times). More relaxed thought processing, i.e. less neurosis. Meditative resting awareness, i.e. passive contemplation. Potential for healing abilities. Potential for clairvoyance. Ability to detach and enter nirvana. Can't recall more at the moment. The "negative" changes: Faint memory, depending on the subject. Loss of interest in almost everything. Therefore, loss of the ability to memorize things. Slow thought processing. More feeling of negative emotions and sensations, which means immense physical pain and psychological suffering. Hot is extremely hot, and cold is extremely cold. Over-uniqueness. I can't relate to people the same way I used to. Restlessness. I can't keep my attention for too long, and I used to be able to concentrate for hours easily. Mind all over the place. I do things in portions now. I don't read a long post on the first sight. I first assess the length and the depth, and then I read in portions in sync with other things. No multi-tasking though. Just multiple threads. Lack of purpose, drive, and direction. I don't know what else.

There is thought without awareness, and awareness without thought, and thought about awareness, and awareness of thought.

What is existence?

A = thought B = awareness A =/= B Thought =/= awareness Anything that is not awareness is thought. And anything inside thought is not awareness.

God, I hope so. That means it's not gonna happen.

It's called derealization disorder. Possible causes: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352911 And yes, I experience it a lot of times depending on certain things that I'm not fully aware of.

@Rilles Okay. Now I think you're being more than a little bit neurotic. I'll just excuse myself from further comments.

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I think you're being a little bit neurotic.

From what I've noticed about psychedelic users, they all, without exception, seem to be stuck in chasing mind-expansions and favoring it over being. And to me that's antithetical to enlightenment. Because the more mind you have, the less you'll be able to just be.

Leo also says that God is the devil.

How can people be this naive and believe this is true?!

Most of the times, a point is a circle, actually

Looks perfect! I wish you the best. Just let go of any expectations, and you're ready to go.

Being is a point. Purpose is a circle.