Gesundheit

This is interesting @Leo Gura

Still doesn't matter. Desire precedes all teachings. If you truly desire something, it will be regardless of the labels you may put on it.

Glad to hear that you're moving on. I deeply understand and sympathize with the kind of pain you're talking about. In my case, it was the most wonderful relationship with the most wonderful girl. But it had to end due to certain painful reasons for both of us. What hurt me so much was the fact that I had to let go of what was the perfect relationship for me. She, on the contrary to your ex, deeply understood me and was the only one I truly loved. I don't know if I could ever love someone else as much and I really still think that she's irreplaceable. I guess letting go is difficult either way, good or bad partner, but see, in my case the person was great and it still was extremely difficult to let her go. So that's why I am getting more convinced now that it was really about me, not the world. The things I said above were the steps that I took to get back on my feet. I'm not in my best shape yet, but still I've done a lot of progress and I feel a lot better too. And most importantly, the lessons and the growth I had were invaluable so that's something to be grateful for as well. Nothing’s ever is a waste. I hope you'll get over that bastard completely soon and I know you will. Stay strong, you're doing great, and me too ??

The one question that is bugging my whole existence, but you know, whatever. But there's no hurry, I'll probably know after I die, so...

I don't want perfect or better or the best. I don't want defective or worse or the worst. I don't want anything at all. I am full and complete. Here. I am free.

Here it is.

It's okay to talk about it in your journal or here if you want to vent off. How do you feel right now after all the advice you got? Do you feel better? Freer? What do you feel you want the most right now?

If you want to be very technical, it doesn't matter.

Good for you.

Finally! Leo coming out of his shell. Welcome back.

Yes, I think that's important. Regardless of your relationship status, you should always keep in mind that you come first. If you don't care about your well-being, who will? When you enter a relationship, it should not take from your life but rather start adding to it. Forgiveness is good when you're in a position of power. But when you're not, it's always bad. Your power comes from being you fully, and from having your needs and desires met. You don't exchange your needs and desires for power. That would be like putting the cart before the horse. Abusive people trick you into give up your power by appealing to the good forgiving side of you, and then they pretend like they are giving it back to you by giving you what is your right in the first place. They're experts in this area. They know how to exploit every vulnerability you may have so that they can control you. Some people simply don't deserve a second chance. Some of them don't even deserve a first chance. When you're grounded in your own self and wellness, you will be able to catch those clearly on a whim. The only way they can get to penetrate your defences is if you allow them to do so. All insidious infiltrating abusive tactics won't work when you're present.

Thoughts about him = him. The problem is not whether or not you like him. The problem is that he still influences your life against your will. Love or hated both kinda have the same effect here. The effect here is the influence that is caused by the value you're subconsciously assigning to him. If love/hate has the value +1/-1, then complete indifference has the value 0. You want to turn his value into 0 by becoming completely indifferent of him by making a paradigm shift that will turn your focus onto something else and transform the way you interact with others. Think about it; The you that thinks about him and gets triggered cannot get over him. The dysfunctional parts of you have to change. What I offered above was a different approach to relationships. It may not be the most realistic approach, but it has the potential to get you over toxic ex's. You want your ex to become a complete stranger to you, and that's what my advice is for. You certainly can't remove him from existence so I don't see any better options. In brief, the world does not owe you anything. If you're being good because you expect to be treated well in return, that's not goodness, that's business. And in business people get screwed over all the time. That's life, get over it. Be truly selfless and stop thinking about how others should be treating you. You may have been unlucky, like many others, but it's not the end of the world. Being unlucky is a challenge, of course, and it will make you stronger. Take responsibility for how you feel. Learn from your mistakes. Don't let others step on your boundaries ever again. Don't let others make you feel bad for who you are. Anyone that tries to make you feel bad even for 1% is not worthy of being in your life. Your life is precious and sacred and not everyone deserves to be in it. Only allow the precious and sacred.

You said you wanted tips and I said what worked for me. You're not going to forget him without a paradigm shift.

This sounds like a summarization for the reason why you're feeling what you're feeling. So there's you, and there's the world out there. You assume that if you act good, you will receive good. This one assumption is causing you all this hurt. But the more important question here is why do you even assume it in the first place? Why do you not assume that when you do good you will receive bad? Why do you not accept that whatever you do has nothing whatsoever to do with the outcomes? A huge part of the answer is actually related to lack of self-worth and a defective self-image. Because you don't fully accept yourself/you think you're not enough, you think that by doing good you will be rewarded by others telling you that you are good so that you can accept yourself and feel enough. And you think that by avoiding selfishness you are being more selfless and a better person that doesn't deserve bad. Classic people pleasing attitude, and it's toxic to you first and foremost. Let alone unattractive at all to others. You're afraid of facing reality and taking full responsibility for your well-being by delegating your own responsibility for your emotions onto others. In that act, you allow others to share you with the process of creating your feelings, and a lot of times people are out there for themselves they won't care about your feelings because they take care of their own feelings and think that that's enough. Simply stop allowing people to have a chance to affect you. Be your own boss, and let whoever does not like you suck it. You want to be strong and worthy but you don't know how. The how is simply by being whoever you are fully and accepting your flaws and weaknesses and adopt these flaws and weaknesses until they're your strengths. Remember that there's nothing actually weak or wrong about you, only the shame and fear and denial that you attribute to yourself is what creates actual weakness. Without those, imagine how much freer and stronger you will be. Rest with that image until it becomes reality.

That's duality. It's accessible to all visionaries.

@Someone here Actually I want to believe you. What is better than a clairvoyant friend? Maybe if your claims turn out to be correct we can help you sharpen your abilities. But also on the other hand, I don't want to be unrealistic.

No need for mental gymnastics. I simply don't know, neither does anyone else. Consider the following pattern image extended to infinity: How many triangles are there? Infinity, of course. But what is a triangle? What's its nature? Why are there triangles in the first place? And why are they in different colors?

I've certainly have had some amazing awakenings when I was Muslim. The only problem is that they were superficial compared to the awakenings I have nowadays. The depth is very different.

The spirit is genuine and authentic. You can't force spiritual growth through practice. The you that seeks the growth is the actual obstacle towards it. Let it go, and let yourself grow, naturally.

Actually, turns out there is. Stage Green delusional people. They're at a completely different level of stupidity.

Only the minority of people truly care about religion from heart, those will find the way. Most religious people are mimicking true religion because they are hypocrites. If they would stop being hypocrites, they should not take any positions. But they can't because they think it would hurt their survival. Literally me 5 years ago. I totally agree. Spiritual wisdom should only be understood through intuition. Logic destroys the message. And a huge like to the Rumi quote in your signature @mandyjw

There's literally no one more stupid than a rationalist.

@Carl-Richard Well, for starters, the ego is answering the question of whether or not it's important. Of course it will say it is important. Classic conflict of interests self-bias. Next we have the notion of importance, which is the heart of ego. Who said the ego is important? The ego, of course. Why should I trust the ego? Because it is important, of course. Classic circular logic. Next we have the wise people who advocate against ego from all old religions and spiritual schools. Clearly they're not just talking BS. Mohammad, for example, said that paradise is forbidden for those who have even the slightest bit of ego/pride. The Buddha said that the ego/attachment is the source of suffering. Next we have to understand what is meant by ego and what functions it serves. Is the ego purely mind/thinking? Or is the thinking clouded by biases and selfishness and attachment and pride? Now the most powerful evidence that the ego-mind is not important is direct experience. Insane people do exist in my direct experience and they don't have egos. So at least theoretically, we can survive without it. And also if someone is in a critical dangerous situation, the ego-mind is most useless most of the times and it cannot prevent death.

From E7 to E8 immediately.