Gesundheit

@Fuku Can you track it down back to the moment where it started exactly? How did it start and how did it evolve? Chances are it wasn't extreme at first, but then as soon as it started, you started feeding into it until it got here. Also, ask yourself this question: if there was no porno for your specific kink, would you still have it? And if that specific porn category suddenly disappeared from existence, how would that affect your life?

As I am reading the thread on Leo recruiting for a gf, I realize that there are a few people here who are literally like spam. I may need to make use of the ignore function from now on.

How many masturbation marathons did it take you before you realized this was a mistake? Be honest ? Anyway I am disappointed. You got my hopes up as I was expecting spiritual porno ?? Okay seriously don't ban me. I wish you good luck whatever you decide.

It's awareness of change/movement within time.

Totally clueless here. Any thoughts? Perhaps consider which perspective(s) you're deriving your answers from. I would definitely love to hear especially from the spiritual perspective as well as the materialist perspective. What is understanding?

It's the exact opposite of desire. So pure, it only presents itself in the absence of desire. It's beyond description. It transcends both hell and heaven. Once you desire it (or anything else for that matter), you will lose it. It is the most sacred thing there is. It is not to be touched by the profanity of the ego.

I'm not sure I understand your question, but I have a theory for the human psyche. The theory assumes separation in the human psyche in two categories; conscious and unconscious. The conscious is unconditional, slow, present, of little capacity for storage, and aware. The unconscious is conditioned, extremely quick, and of extremely large capacity for storage. In essence, no external or internal events should have any emotional effects. Emotions emerge due to the qualitative differences between the conscious and the unconscious. When an event occurs, it affects both sections. But the reactions in each section differ, again due to the qualitative differences. Let's take physical pain for example. What is it actually? One way to define pain is that it's an extremely condensed form of psychological fear. Certain undesired events keep reoccurring. The mind is in resistance. Fear emerges. It keeps accumulating and accumulating until it turns into physical pain. This pain is a fear strong enough to make the mind figure out ways to move away from it, because the initial fear wasn't enough. So what once was superficial fear/conscious emotional pain, now after decades or maybe even lifetimes of conditioning has become deep fear, which is unconscious physical pain. The body and the psyche store that information in the unconsciousness because it's much faster and has much more capacity than consciousness. Now, if you want to unpack that conditioning, you can, at least theoretically. But you'd have to shift everything to the conscious and away from the unconscious. I don't know if that's possible, but I don't see why not. After all, it's all one thing, not two. Duality is imaginary.

I find what you said a little bit problematic because you're separating the innate from the acquired. This separation may have practical value, but in the context of truth, I think it's not the best way to approach this discussion. The innate, we actually acquired from our ancestors. The acquired, we inherit to our descendants, and it becomes their innate. This circle keeps going to infinity. But there's no actual separation between the two. So that's the fundamental problem here. This separation assumes that there are things that can be changed (acquired) and some other things that cannot (innate). I find that to be incorrect from my personal experience. Second, I disagree with your views on attraction. We don't feel attracted towards what maxes out our survival. But let's assume it is about survival. Still it's tricky because what do you mean by that? Is survival purely physical or psychological? Or both? Regardless, how do we even know what is good for our (physical, psychological, whatever) survival? When we say survival, it's not that simple. We have to know exactly how it works in reality. Notice that ultimately what survival means is maintainance, actually. And what is maintainance but keeping the Pavlovian reflex alive while at the same time allowing change and adaptation? This Pavlov scientist figured all of reality out with this one concept, which I actually find identical to non-duality. Reality is nothing but a Pavlovian reflex. I think what modern scientists do is just patching their theories about life with evolution since it's the most prominent theory in our time. And I think many people do the same as well.

You'd logically think that. But in reality, no. You'd only understand if you ever glimpsed the peace of mind that you'd feel in the absence of desire. It's beyond description, and it will spoil you for the ordinary life.

I'm looking for some simple steps for opposing purposes.

Yeah I totally agree, however I'd speculate that something like invented value such as gold and money and all that started innocent and got corrupted with time due to unconsciousness. What do you think?

It's impossible. The whole human civilisation is built upon hierarchically enslaving the poor, and nobody, even the poor would want the current system to collapse. Think about it, if everyone could have all their needs met, why would a human work for another? The reason why hierarchies are possible in the first place is because of unequal distribution of resources. If we all were equal, we'd all become lazy and society would collapse, or we would start to enslave each other once again, and we'd be back right where we started.

I can, but you'll refuse anything I say because it won't fit your paradigm. Your paradigm assumes that direct experience is the only way to demonstrate and prove claims, but the truth is that it's just your paradigm, not truth. The map is not the territory.

@Preety_India Okay I apologize.

Actually, I think they're not entirely wrong. But their perspective could be presented more carefully. There's something that I've noticed about disordered personalities is that you can't really separate them from each other. A narcissist has the core of an empath, and an empath has the core of a narcissist. There are various dynamics that this special structure allows to exist and interplay, and so it's not always simple to discern who is who. Attraction simply cannot occur if either parties is a 100% narcissist or empath. There needs to be something familiar about the other person that turns the little spark into a huge fire. And so, if you really look inside yourself, you will most likely find some things that you judge as narcissistic or selfish. But to you, they are normalized because they live in the shadow. They had to be normalized because you as a person could not be otherwise. Deep down, an empath isn't really selfless, rather deeply selfish when you touch his core or even go near it. Notice for example that you chose to break up with your ex because you realized the harm he was causing you. If you were 100% selfless, you wouldn't have minded his abuse. I'm not saying that you should have stayed. I'm just presenting you with a certain perspective to help you understand yourself better. Another example is right now, when these two people on the forum told you that you may be a narcissist, notice your reaction, it proves their point. And now as you're reading this, it's perfectly normal if you feel triggered and feel like we're wrong or abusive. Recognize that it's your shadow trying to protect you. Observe your inner reactions and emotions. If you actually feel triggered, that means you have some narcissistic aspects in your shadow. And these aspects have to come to light instead of being ignored or denied in order for you to become integrated. This is the key to solving all of your problems with narcissists. It's not that you're not actually selfish, it's that you're ashamed of being selfish, even though you are. This shame is what makes you an empath. And without it, you would be a narcissist. This shame is what's preventing you from creating and demonstrating your boundaries to others in a proper manner, and it is what's allowing the shameless narcissists to take advantage of you. I want you to really contemplate what I said here. And I wish you all the best. Good luck.

@Preety_India Do you have a role-model in your life (specifically female)? It can be very hard to learn how to create boundaries when your caregivers were absent or abusive, because they were supposed to be your role-models, and now as a result of their absence you don't know how to create boundaries, and as a result of abuse you hate being like them so you refuse to create boundaries. And it all happens subconsciously, so your emotions are not allowing you to create the proper boundaries. A good inspiring role-model can totally solve this problem for you.

Well, yes, at least for me. I remember when I was a child, my parents would reward me psychologically in order for me to desire women. They would point to a singer on TV and tell me that I am a good kid and that they will marry me with her. It's Pavlovian conditioning on the level of the psyche/self-esteem. That's when I first started desiring women. After that, and as I was growing up, the only thing that was attractive to me is the thoughts of me hugging girls and kissing them. I didn't know anything about sex at that point. And then slowly with time, since nipples were not supposed to be seen, I started developing a curiosity to see nipples. Then somehow I started developing a desire to see everything that's hidden by default; including breasts, butts and butt holes, and vaginas. No, nothing really biological about it. It's all psychological. I assume the same thing for women, but in reverse and in different ways. Otherwise, how do you explain homosexuality and bisexuality and all the different orientations, fetishes, and perversity? Lol no. Obesity-phobia debunks this theory entirely. If fertility is truly the attractive thing about women, then fat women should be the hottest, or at least high on the rankings because: Fat = estrogen | Estrogen = fertility This theory is basically coming from the evolutionary perspective and it obviously is biased and somehow works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When science ranks certain people higher, we automatically tend to think that they're more attractive. Although, technically, at certain levels, high estrogen starts becoming antagonistic to fertility. So not all elevations in estrogen levels are indicators of fertility.

Classical Pavlovian conditioning.

Don't forget the fact that Leo is very understanding. So he definitely won't be shooting girls down for every little thing. He's got a standard and that has to be fine with some women, I guess. Of course, assuming that he's gonna get any lol

It depends on how we define selfishness and how we look at ourselves. There's not a simple answer to this question, but basically let's just say that selfishness is not a bad thing and it does not even exist. Why would I say that? Because you probably tend to assume that it is bad and wrong and you can't see how it’s not at all the case. In fact, here's a mindfuck for you; You are making an identity out of denying selfishness, which is itself a selfish act. So what are you gonna do? You're always gonna be selfish anyway no matter what you do. You can't be less selfish, and you can't get any more selfish. It's just a matter of focus and distribution. You can say that self-love is selfish, but then you're helping narcissists and allowing them to be more selfish. So you're merely taking away from your self and giving away to them. Which, ironically, defeats your own definition, because you said self-love is selfish but you don't apply this to narcissists, only to yourself. In doing that, you're basically enabling narcissists and disabling the good, loving, and caring people. So, I say get rid of the whole concept and remove it out of your head completely. Don't ever think about being less selfish unless you have gone too far in the other direction, but that's far down the road. So don't worry about it at all for the next few months/years.

Because narcissists love themselves and you don't. And deep inside, you want to experience self-love. The only way you know how is through them, because you don't know how to experience it by yourself. It's just a basic psychological need that you're deprived of.

That's where a slap on the face is effective. He needs to wake the fuck up instead of preaching dogma while pretending to be awake. + Respect lol

Hundreds and thousands of times. Once I said something mean here on the forum by intent/motivated by hatred, and next thing you know I had a little accident while I was walking outside. I got squeezed between two car doors, one of them happened to have a sharp edge and it ripped off my pants in the butt area. I had to walk back home with my ass exposed in the middle of the day. No bodily harm occurred, but it was a total humiliation ?

@see_on_see You reek of cultural dogmas, which is unconsciousness. Don't critique others when you're deeply unconscious.

Time heals everything + a good 10 day retreat made most of the progress for me. I hardly think about her anymore. Although, I did meet a couple other girls, it helped me see through the illusion of perfection that I thought she was. I mean she's great, I still think so. But now I'm more like whatever. If it was meant to be it would have been. I am currently seeking the ultimate enlightenment. Been lazy in the past few days but yeah still on the path. Good luck. Don't give up. Try doing something different that can bring you out of your current state of mind. It can really help you if you can create a shift in your awareness, which will detach you temporarily, which you can then extend and use as a stepping stone for breaking free. @Preety_India You're most welcome anytime.