Gesundheit

Just got my fucking wisdom tooth removed. My remaining 1% wisdom is now gone. Now I'm a 100% idiot. My sister is a dentist. She took care of that SOB. Too bad I can't connect to her emotionally. I was raised with a mindset that doesn't allow such connection to exist. But I will work on it.

It's not black or white. That may be true for you as a healthy individual, but not for an individual with NPD. If you love/accept that narcissist, you will enable evil. Not that that's bad in the ultimate sense, but in "our ordinary human equality rights" sense. A narcissist does not understand things like love or transcendence. In fact, they use these concepts to use others and further push their greedy agendas. If a normal human ego can be satisfied easily, a narcissist's ego doesn't. Thus all the problems of humanity. Now, of course, narcissists won't like me saying this truth, and brainwashed people won't like it either. But yeah, it is what it is. Some people are simply evil, and you can't sugar-coat it.

We seriously need to have clear definitions of these words: Selfishness. Selflessness. Ego/devil.

But it's less egoic than, let's say, trying to earn 100 million dollars. Isn't it? Because inner peace is endless, but money isn't. So I can increase my inner peace to infinity without taking away any of your inner peace, but I can't earn 100 million dollars without taking some of your share.

How exactly?

Ego is not a pet. It is a fucking monster. 1. Elaborate? 2. But it is less egoic.

@Blackhawk What do you mean by suffering? Most people have decent health and live decent lives for most of their lives. If someone is suffering more than they're supposed to, it's most likely that they're suffering from delusions, in which case enlightenment exists to free them from that suffering. Don't draw false conclusions from a few examples.

It's the case for 95% of humans. The remaining 5% may be suffering more, I'll give you that.

Fucking ADHD, and fucking toothache. Suuuuuurrrrrrrreeeeennnnderrrrrrrrr.

Life is like 5% suffering, max. The rest 95% you're free to make it however you want.

Yes, and you're right because you're a kid who spent half of his life on the internet watching YouTube videos, while Osho was just a naive old man who'd magically gotten to leadership.

Philosophy.

Awesome insights, man! Thanks for sharing.

I was contemplating and I got an insight... The question here is: Should suicide be facilitated and organized by government? And my answer is: If we were at that level of understanding, no one would want to commit suicide in the first place. The main reason why people would hate being alive is because of the abuse that others execute all the time. Suicide is basically a reaction to the limitations that are imposed on the ability to live a decent life. It is a reaction to the retarded & corrupt capitalist system that we currently have. Abusers at the top of the capitalist system would never want to facilitate such a thing because it goes against their agendas of greed and expansion. An image of slaves 2500 years B.C. jumping off of the Egyptian pyramids comes to mind.

Of course, and it's complicated I can't put it all into words, but I'll try... First of all, I am naturally more inclined towards physical than intellectual activity (or at least something more balanced than purely intellectual). And so the whole studying thing in general goes against my nature, or at least is not in complete alignment with it. Second, and consequently, my only motive for studying was fear. Fear of being judged by my parents, which was transmuted into and masked as fear of failure. I never really had any passion for studying. Third, since I entered school one year younger than other students, and due to the enormous growth that happens during puberty, I was left out, like mentally when compared to my peers. I entered high-school at 14 while most other students at 15. A lot of changes occur during that time gap. I was like a child among adults. It was not fair competition to begin with. That became clear as I started gravitating towards younger students, which made me feel, let alone actually be alienated from my peers. Fourth, the high-school I went to was not an ordinary one. It was one that only accepts certain students who apply and pass their test. The name of the school has "for superior students" in it. My parents had me applying, and I barely passed the test and got accepted. I was in the last 10 out of all the 90 students who got accepted. And so, clearly I was not exactly within their league. Fifth, most of the other students were from a higher class than mine (money-wise), and they didn't used to work (not that my family needed money, but my parents thought it was better for me to work so I could learn to be independent and responsible). I used to work full-time during the summer, and part-time alongside school. Sixth, most of those students applied for medical school too. So I was stuck with them, in addition to 500 more students of the likes (again, I was in the last 10 who got accepted). Seventh, those students are not ordinary. They're genetic freaks, literally. It was like being an owl amongst eagles. Eighth, since I used to be at the top of school up to 9th grade, I used to take it for granted. And so, when I was faced with equally good and better students, I was shocked and couldn't adapt very well. Before, I didn't have to earn my friends, I was kinda spoiled in that aspect. But then, in high-school, I tried but couldn't earn friends due to lack of social intelligence due to lack of interaction due to work and other factors. Ninth, I was completely dependent on my parents, and I couldn't do anything without their help. And so, naturally, I didn't know how to navigate through the hardships of high-school and had to just wait until I passed and it was over. My mom told me that I could change school if I didn't like it there, but I was afraid that I would disappoint her and my dad. So, I sucked it up and stayed (same thing reoccured in medical school). I think that's a good enough summary. I like this song! Thanks. I try to always learn more. My English is decent, but not fluent. Glad you like my writings. I guess it has to do with the fact that I live currently from a place of no-self for the most part. And as for the emotions part, I am currently numb, I don't feel anything when I write, but of course it comes from deep places inside me. Thanks for the rest of the comment and the videos.

And that would make one more reason to try again.

It's a VERY difficult situation. On the one hand, I don't think it's a good idea to be in a relationship when there's too much suffering and turbulence. Spiritual awakening is a delicate situation that virtually no one ever is equipped enough, let alone willing to take care of another person going through it. The process can be extremely messy and unpredictable. It's hard to know what's best to do at any given moment. Sometimes, the other person will need comforting, and some other times they will need a slapping. On the other hand, it's hard to break up with someone going through so much pain because that will further add to their pain, let alone losing a very valuable, supportive, and understanding person on their side. Yet, eventually they have to go it alone anyways. At some point, they'd have to realize for themselves that they have to face their demons alone. Ethically, are you obliged to stay? Of course not. Yet, you could be the fine line between two radically different experiences for the other person. Unfortunately, I can't answer the question.

VID-20201223-WA0001.mp4 ???

As if they're gonna be able to penalize you after death

If you were her, what would you want your partner to do?

Of course you'd have to want her in order to approach. If there's no desire, there's no approach. BUT, the difference between needy approach and non-needy approach is degree. A needy approach is stressful for the girl. It just turns her off, because it places a huge importance/pressure on her when in fact she wants to be treated fairly like a normal human being. You want to aim at a certain degree of desire, where you desire the girl enough to feel engaged, but not so much that you'd come off as desperate. Think of it this way; You have your life going; with a life purpose in place, a decent job, a good social circle, good residence, etc... You have all that, and you're looking for someone to share all of that with out of love and generosity, and desire for expansion and experience. So the girl should take like 10% of the overall picture, not 90%. That's the lesson most guys have to learn the hard way (I'm no exception). The girl doesn't want you to think of her as 90% of your life. Just 10% is okay, and then with time she earns more importance in your life because you're happy with her.

It's by far the hardest problem I have ever faced. College and graduation. How did I get here? I started school at 5 years old, one year ahead of other kids because my mother was a teacher. It's a legal benefit that parents can give to their children if they work for the government. And for the first 9 years, I was always the best or one of the best students in school, I wouldn't say effortlessly, but I did not struggle mentally, it was always within my mind capabilities. My mom always believed I'm a genius, not sure why. Then I got into high-school with a bunch of superior students who had also been at the top of their primary and secondary schools. They were extraordinarily intelligent, to the point where it was terrifying. I did not stand a chance. And thus, I started developing depression without me knowing. So, three years passed, and I graduated. At 2013, I started medical school (6 years in total here, although as far as I know, in Western countries it's just 4 years, but anyway), which means I should be graduated by now, but that's not what happened. I passed the first three years similar to school, challenging but no major problems. But then at the 4th year, with all the existential crises, internal struggles, depression, neuroses, OCDs, ADHD, night terror, dark night of the soul, heartbreak, war, poverty, work, and on top of all that trying to remain Muslim. It was hell, and I could not take it anymore. I broke down. I had to repeat the 4th year thrice, and the 5th year twice. So that's where I am today; repeating the 5th year after battling with reality for years. At least now there's no suffering and there's much more balance and clarity. I still am not in my optimal state yet. I am a lot better than this. But what can I do? I had exhausted my limits. I need to rest and heal. I need to treat myself gently. I need to nurture myself. I need to give myself what I have deprived it of before. I am getting better everyday, and sometimes I slide back, but in the big picture it's all moving upwards. Everything is curable. Stay strong, and never lose hope.

One month left for the exams. I should start preparing before it's too late. I have 6 materials left. 1 of them from the 4th year, and the remaining 5 from the current 5th year, like the following: Surgery (part 1); General/Abdomen. Surgery (part 4); Cosmetic/Osteo-traumatic/Paediatric. Ophthalmology. Rheumatology. Paediatrics (part 2). Forensic Medicine. I will come up with a plan/schedule and post it here.

Why don't people question reality enough? Because they're busy doing something else.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panentheism Interesting! Thanks for Joseph Maynor for talking about this concept.