Gesundheit

He died and left no trace.

@Emerald Please stop painting women's sexuality as something more special and sophisticated than men's. We're all just human beings with human emotions/desires and survival needs. There's nothing more sophisticated about women's survival than men's survival, just the ways each of them manifest in. Pick Up is not designed to boost the survival of women. It is designed to boost the survival of men, regardless of women's agendas, because everyone is equal and out there for themselves. Just like feminism is designed to boost women's survival, not men's. (You can't have everything). And both of them absolutely work. Pick Up boosts a man's attraction, and there's not a single bit of doubt about that. When a woman finds a man attractive, it's absolutely identical to when a man finds a woman attractive. There's no need to paint women's sexuality as more sophisticated than men's, because it absolutely is not. When a woman finds a man charming, she is likely willing to be sleeping with him as soon as possible. That's the rule of thumb, but there are rare exceptions. And the same thing applies to men. A man just can't wait to be sleeping with a hot woman, but there are rare exceptions too. The exceptions in general are women who are strategic thinkers/have social expectations or people have certain standards/conservatives. And even within these exceptions, there will be exceptions, and people will fail severely and repeatedly at holding themselves against an attractive person. Because sexual desire is such a strong force that almost no one has the ability to stop or perfectly control, especially when young. When an experienced PUA plays his moves on a woman, it's more or less like a woman showing her boobs to a man. At that point, the woman won't likely think that he might be a serial killer or that he's even playing a fake persona, because these possibilities couldn't exist in such a charming guy, according to her worldview. You see how this works? In the emotional/intuitive system, this is how it's interpreted: Charming Character = Natural (irreversible equation). This is the basic code of how women judge men. But notice, it's not the other way around. Natural does not necessarily mean having a charming character. And this is a huge bug in that evaluation system (emotional/intuitive), which can be, and is most certainly exploited. You may be an exception here, but most people aren't above their sexual desire by any means. And a lot of women lie about their history, rightfully so, for social inconvenience. Men exaggerate, and women do the opposite. So, excuse me if I don't take most women's input into this.

I couldn't help but spill the truth that most women are not similar to those on this forum. Most women are not the thinker type. So, of course, anything women say here should be taken with a grain of salt, because they're a minority, and it only represents their limited pov from their limited archetype. The truth is that most women are willing to have sex with a PUA from the very first date. Why? Because a successful PUA is what's actually attractive to most women. Guys, don't listen to women's advice or perspective here. I mean listen, but don't prioritize it. Your priority should be to become a good PUA. That is what most women want. The rest is details that don't matter as much.

Why do I even journal online? That's as silly as ego can be. I don't have a stable internet connection, and yet I'm here sharing some of my most private thoughts with others. It's just a desire to be seen and heard that I don't really want or even need. This is going to be my last post here (except for the other journal, which will only contain updates regarding my progress). From now on, this forum is only for asking questions, and for reading in leisure time.

For fuck's sake! This is the last thing I need right now. The new age hippy propaganda is taking over the country, which is already a dead country. Ugh. Disgusting. I should cut down on my Facebook usage too. Lots of idiots there dogmatically parroting concepts such as reincarnation, Karma, God, etc... and mindlessly half-seriously asking existential questions. Lord! Why are you doing this to me? Who the fuck gave them technology?! It's like ego & delusion on steroids. Human rights and free speech are the biggest mistake in the human history. Most people don't deserve shit. Most people are just malware and should be used, repressed, and oppressed by dictators and psychopaths like me.

Yep. It is getting easier, as expected. Yesterday, and the day before (Saturday & Friday), the hall was closed. Today I went and studied for 3 and a half hours, with one long pause for about 15 minutes, and minor other pauses spread over the session which probably equal to 30 minutes in total. I've noticed much less resistance this time, although still there. I've got distracted many times with thoughts about my most recent posts here on the forum. I think I have developed a forum ego, which is co-operating with the addiction against me. Somehow, it's become a part of me. Anyway, I was thinking about the quality of my posts (I mean the ones I put some serious thought into) and I think it's become quite good. I felt proud of myself for that, and I hoped when I will get back home, I will find more than one notification from different users finding my posts useful. I came back home and got surprised with only one notification from a thread that I'm following. No thanks, and no appreciation. I checked out the thread that I thought I excelled at, here: I read Leo's comment, and he more or less said exactly what I said there (I honestly think that I articulated it better). But the @#&* deluded and biased OP did not find my views insightful. He found what Leo said deeply profound even though he didn't really add anything to what I said. I feel disappointed. Everytime I waste my precious time trying to give wisdom to people who don't deserve, and who are clearly & hopelessly deluded. I don't think I'm feeling jealous, just dismissed & underappreciated for the sake of someone who has higher status than I do. Ass kissing, and chimp worshipping. People really don't have minds of their own. They're just bots. This really disgusted me and made me feel like I should never ever try to help anyone ever again unless I am 100% certain that they deserve it. And it definitely made me want to embrace my psychopathic tendencies, by hiding my agendas and using evil tactics on others for my own ends, instead of exposing these tactics to others. People don't realize how they create evil with their stupid behaviors. I will create my own conscious evil, and I will hurt others and not care. There will be no mercy. I will not help anyone on this forum anymore except in DM if they want to, and if I find them worthy. From now on, I will be using this forum exclusively for journaling, and for gaining wisdom from this most deluded community. If I see someone dying, I will not give them my hand. I will give them my finger.

@SamC Yes, I think anyone can get stuck in the story of having a low self-esteem, which in and of itself is just more low self-esteem. In which case, what you're suggesting can be helpful. But otherwise, I don't think that would be a successful strategy, especially when there are psychopaths out there waiting for people with low self-esteem to abuse. You can love and accept yourself as a person who does not know mathematics, but that alone will never teach you mathematics. There's nothing wrong per se about not having a mathematics degree, but in the game of life, you will have to deal with money, which is numbers, and some people will spot your lack of knowledge and exploit it if you're not aware enough. When I was a kid, my father used to give me two coins of 5 to take one coin of 25. That's basically how psychopaths see people with low self-esteem.

You may be spiritually gifted with good focus abilities, but surely, it's easier to deprogram a younger mind than an older one. And there's always more to learn and become conscious of, so stay humble.

Did you stop both fapping and watching porn together? Or do you still fap? Awesome! Did your dating life improve as well?

Because they're the remnants of the Ottomans. And sure, when Ottomans first came, everyone in there hated them like they hate America now. It's a silly egoic game.

I wonder the same thing.

Why would you link that feeling to porn? I've heard others saying that porn makes you a cuckold too, but that's silly cuz the girl in the video means nothing to the consumer. And now that you're "more masculine", how different is your life?

@SamC Low self-esteem is not a simple conscious thought that you either think or don't. It's an unconscious complex. The approach you're suggesting is not practical, in my experience. I know a girl who is literally obsessed with Teal Swan, there's not a single video of hers she hasn't watched. She knows all the theory, and yet she's still stuck with a poor self-image. I told her that that's due to lack of awareness. She used to have a serious eating disorder due to that issue alone, and working on it helped, but the underlying issues are still there to an intermediate degree in my opinion.

I'm not sure about how you're doing it. I become the breath, like when I breathe in I make my stomach fully bloated with air, and when I breathe out, I push it to the inside. This produces a quick effect, I think. And it's necessary to open the mouth well for the breath because you want to be fully proactive with the breath instead of passive. Every little bit of air should be moving in and out by your will.

@Forestluv I have noticed that breathing from the nose correlates with more mind activity/identification, while from the mouth is much more relaxed and grounded in the body/senses. I used to always breathe from the nose, because I thought it was a filter too. The last few years, I have shifted to the mouth completely. (there's still partial nasal air leak lol).

@soos_mite_ah Note to self: stop posting memes and joking around on the actualized forum. Many people on there take everything too seriously and feel endangered by words and images. Girls, if you want a flower on Valentine's day, you should probably start planting it now. Okay, maybe one last time. Have a good day.

I don't think you appreciate what low self-esteem really means and what it can do to you. It's not that simple. It's a whole can of worms of conditioned negative thoughts that you actually believe in and can't let go of even if you want and try to, because you're convinced that they're true. And even though it helps, but you can't just fix all that with a simple "it's just a bullshit story in your mind" idea. Your mind and body won't buy it, and they will react strongly at any attempts to touching those beliefs. And that's assuming you've had a direct insight into low self-esteem. But if not, and someone else told you that, you will probably just dismiss them and think they're stupid to suggest that, and to even think that you're worthy of anything. A lot of people struggle with these issues for decades. Having a low self-esteem is like having your worst enemy as your best friend. It feeds on you, and makes you an easy prey for psychopaths/sociopaths, which will probably double-down on your lack of self-esteem.

I think it's tricky, because the underlying issues of self-image may not be addressed without them being exposed and worked through. Success can mimic actual progress, and it can mask fear and fake personas underneath it, all of which will be easily thrown off at the first real challenge, i.e. rejection, insult, criticism, etc... Fear needs to be overcome in order for an autonomous personality to mature. If there's still fear, there's still more work to do.

Says who? Dr. Penis? What does that mean? How exactly? And why?

@SamC Well, essentially, I think all dating problems stem from a poor self-image. An autonomous guy who is confident of himself would have zero problems with girls. In my journey, there was a fundamental realization that took place somewhere in an intermediate phase, which is that you can't force attraction. With that insight, there was relief. I finally understood that there's actually nothing personal when I get rejected, and that it's not possible to have every girl I like. And so, I stopped having the fear of rejection anymore, or at least to a much lesser degree. Part of my ego dissolved. And I found myself freer and more authentic with everyone, not only girls. When I realized that, I started interacting more with girls, and I discovered that they're just human beings, exactly like us. There's no need to put them on a pedestal. In fact, putting girls on a pedestal automatically puts me down on the self-esteem scale. With more practice, I started seeing that girls wanted my approval and attention as much as I did, if not even more. And so the game began to look more fair and balanced, and that increased my confidence. I realized that it's not a game where I should give everything to the girl so that she will appreciate me. No. That would make me look needy. Finally, I started learning to be myself fully and put myself first, and that's something I still have to work on. But I can see that ideally, that's the ultimate goal, is to be yourself fully and let your authentic self speak for you instead of your mind, insecurities, and agendas. If people like me for who I am, great. If not, I will not change for them or fake a persona. "Be yourself. The world will adjust." That's my final insight into dating and relationships and life in general.

I don't know what it's called, probably the bow. I've read about it years ago somewhere in a yoga book under the spine practices/postures chapter, and I have been applying it when needed ever since. I found this video:

@BartekD You're welcome. Make sure you try multiple variations of this practice. Like, with the hands, and without the hands. You can use pillows to adjust your body to different levels at different places. You can use your hands to push up your upper spine by pushing them against the ground. You can also change the distance between your feet, and the angle you curve your legs in. Experiment and see what works best for you.

They overlap. You gotta start somewhere, and the rest will do itself as long as you're committed.

About the swallowing, I make sure that I am prepared to let the saliva running so that I don't put any attention on it. Sometimes, when I'm walking, I start to do shamanic breathing, and I let the saliva just spill from my mouth like a dog. I don't care. It even feels nice btw, the saliva becomes very liquid and light and cold, it feels awesome on my lips and chin.

@BartekD I'm not sure, but have you tried laying on your stomach with your feet touching and then curve your legs together towards your back? To make this practice more efficient, use your hands to apply pressure on your feet in deep exhalation, and then try to move your upper spine, neck, and head backwards towards your feet. If you're talking about what I'm thinking, then you will experience lots of releases.