Gesundheit

I will not allow your dumb question to ruin my happiness

@Sempiternity Control is a relative notion. It does not apply to God. Inquire as to how the ego seems to be having control, and notice that it's just a mirage. It's just thoughts about control, but not really control. And the thoughts themselves are not under the ego's control, even though they may appear to be. What is control?

You guys ruin the inquiry the moment you start referring to consciousness as the human consciousness. This term "consciousness" is extremely problematic. Just throw it out of the window. Due to that epistemic mistake, what you're suggesting here is not very far from solipsism. It's just a polymer of solipsistic individuals, without a shared objective reality to ground all of their POVs, which leaves some very important questions unanswered, such as: How is existence possible? How is otherness possible? And what happens when one of the POVs dies or gets dissected?

You say that you as God should be able to control the dream, but you don't realize that God is already controlling it from the beginning, and that that's just ego going against God's will in appearance, while, in fact, both reality and the appearance are still under God's control and follow his will.

It's a state of mind that that can be easily achieved with a healthy human body & mind. But otherwise, the hardest thing to get. It has absolutely nothing to do with any material possessions or other people or the outside world.

Well, one of the best solutions is to treat each person as an individual person that has nothing to do with any other person. This makes it easier to understand others and form deeper connections with them, instead of building walls and using experience as a way to maintain fear or even create more fear. Don't let a few bad examples shape the rest of your life. Learn from your mistakes, but also be positive, forgive, and move on. And ideally, work on overcoming fear in general.

Earlier tonight, I had my first awakening, ever, of The Self. That's new to me. Before this, I've only known about it and understood it in theory, since I've already awakened to no-self and have had many Samadhi experiences with it, and due to the fact that both types are identical in non-duality. I've awakened to multiple facets consecutively, but I'm not sure about labelling them correctly. I'll try to list all the differences & similarities that I've noticed between the two types of awakening: Perhaps the most important and clear difference between the two is that with no-self awakenings, there's no self to experience anything. So, awakening occurs, but there's no self to register that it's an awakening. It happens without a perceiver so to speak. It feels empty. And you only realize it was an awakening in retrospect when you think about it later. The Self awakening, however, has an Omnipresence component in it. You're there, and you become completely present that your awareness extends beyond the human experience. You know that it's an awakening during too, and not only afterwards. Self awakening is an awakening to the everythingness of reality, while no-self is an awakening to the empty container of the illusion. I am everywhere vs. I am nowhere. I am everything vs. I am nothing. Of course, these dualities collapsed during the awakening. Both carry the sense of ultimate peace within them, aka Samadhi experience. Peaceful fearlessness. Everything is me. I don't even exist. What is there to fear? The path towards no-self awakenings is different from the path towards Self awakenings. Recently, I started embracing the ego instead of trying to diminish it. I think that's what yielded in my awakenings tonight. The recent events that have been happening to me and how I have been reacting to them, I've faced all of that directly tonight. And I was able to overcome and transcend it. While in no-self awakenings, there's no facing of events or fears or anything. Instead, they're more about direct letting go, kinda like bypassing, but not really bypassing cuz there's a progress being made. Both aren't just temporary states of consciousness. They're actual awakenings that can be locked down permanently, with spiritual work. The awakening experience fades away, but it leaves marks. I use the word awakening for the things that can be permanently obtained, realistically. There is definitely progress regarding these awakenings, as opposed to "infinite love awakenings" or what I call: Narcissistic Delusions (which I have personally experienced naturally, in different facets, at different times, and for prolonged periods of time). I used the quotation marks to highlight the fact that these "awakenings", as great and healing as they may feel, but they're just temporary states of consciousness that cannot ever be locked down permanently. They're simply elated emotional states. They don't have an absolute truth component to them because they're limited to the human condition. They have the component of Omniscience, which is utterly delusional. While none of that applies to Self and no-self awakenings. And still, Self and no-self awakenings have healing properties, because of the accompanying Samadhi experience.

There is no self to be reincarnated. The self is a fabrication.

The solipsism confusion is the silliest one I've ever come across. I mean, why do people only assume that it's either black or white? Really, let this sink in. Why assume that the question has only two possible answers? Either everyone is conscious, or it's only you? What if there are only two conscious beings? Or only three? Or only four? Or only five? Or whatever number that isn't 1 or everyone? Can you see how your mind is playing a biased game here against you? Just to trigger your worst fears, because you can't stand being alone. At least with my approach, you will end up in not-knowing, which is a better place than loneliness.

He died and left no trace.

@Emerald Please stop painting women's sexuality as something more special and sophisticated than men's. We're all just human beings with human emotions/desires and survival needs. There's nothing more sophisticated about women's survival than men's survival, just the ways each of them manifest in. Pick Up is not designed to boost the survival of women. It is designed to boost the survival of men, regardless of women's agendas, because everyone is equal and out there for themselves. Just like feminism is designed to boost women's survival, not men's. (You can't have everything). And both of them absolutely work. Pick Up boosts a man's attraction, and there's not a single bit of doubt about that. When a woman finds a man attractive, it's absolutely identical to when a man finds a woman attractive. There's no need to paint women's sexuality as more sophisticated than men's, because it absolutely is not. When a woman finds a man charming, she is likely willing to be sleeping with him as soon as possible. That's the rule of thumb, but there are rare exceptions. And the same thing applies to men. A man just can't wait to be sleeping with a hot woman, but there are rare exceptions too. The exceptions in general are women who are strategic thinkers/have social expectations or people have certain standards/conservatives. And even within these exceptions, there will be exceptions, and people will fail severely and repeatedly at holding themselves against an attractive person. Because sexual desire is such a strong force that almost no one has the ability to stop or perfectly control, especially when young. When an experienced PUA plays his moves on a woman, it's more or less like a woman showing her boobs to a man. At that point, the woman won't likely think that he might be a serial killer or that he's even playing a fake persona, because these possibilities couldn't exist in such a charming guy, according to her worldview. You see how this works? In the emotional/intuitive system, this is how it's interpreted: Charming Character = Natural (irreversible equation). This is the basic code of how women judge men. But notice, it's not the other way around. Natural does not necessarily mean having a charming character. And this is a huge bug in that evaluation system (emotional/intuitive), which can be, and is most certainly exploited. You may be an exception here, but most people aren't above their sexual desire by any means. And a lot of women lie about their history, rightfully so, for social inconvenience. Men exaggerate, and women do the opposite. So, excuse me if I don't take most women's input into this.

I couldn't help but spill the truth that most women are not similar to those on this forum. Most women are not the thinker type. So, of course, anything women say here should be taken with a grain of salt, because they're a minority, and it only represents their limited pov from their limited archetype. The truth is that most women are willing to have sex with a PUA from the very first date. Why? Because a successful PUA is what's actually attractive to most women. Guys, don't listen to women's advice or perspective here. I mean listen, but don't prioritize it. Your priority should be to become a good PUA. That is what most women want. The rest is details that don't matter as much.

Why do I even journal online? That's as silly as ego can be. I don't have a stable internet connection, and yet I'm here sharing some of my most private thoughts with others. It's just a desire to be seen and heard that I don't really want or even need. This is going to be my last post here (except for the other journal, which will only contain updates regarding my progress). From now on, this forum is only for asking questions, and for reading in leisure time.

For fuck's sake! This is the last thing I need right now. The new age hippy propaganda is taking over the country, which is already a dead country. Ugh. Disgusting. I should cut down on my Facebook usage too. Lots of idiots there dogmatically parroting concepts such as reincarnation, Karma, God, etc... and mindlessly half-seriously asking existential questions. Lord! Why are you doing this to me? Who the fuck gave them technology?! It's like ego & delusion on steroids. Human rights and free speech are the biggest mistake in the human history. Most people don't deserve shit. Most people are just malware and should be used, repressed, and oppressed by dictators and psychopaths like me.

Yep. It is getting easier, as expected. Yesterday, and the day before (Saturday & Friday), the hall was closed. Today I went and studied for 3 and a half hours, with one long pause for about 15 minutes, and minor other pauses spread over the session which probably equal to 30 minutes in total. I've noticed much less resistance this time, although still there. I've got distracted many times with thoughts about my most recent posts here on the forum. I think I have developed a forum ego, which is co-operating with the addiction against me. Somehow, it's become a part of me. Anyway, I was thinking about the quality of my posts (I mean the ones I put some serious thought into) and I think it's become quite good. I felt proud of myself for that, and I hoped when I will get back home, I will find more than one notification from different users finding my posts useful. I came back home and got surprised with only one notification from a thread that I'm following. No thanks, and no appreciation. I checked out the thread that I thought I excelled at, here: I read Leo's comment, and he more or less said exactly what I said there (I honestly think that I articulated it better). But the @#&* deluded and biased OP did not find my views insightful. He found what Leo said deeply profound even though he didn't really add anything to what I said. I feel disappointed. Everytime I waste my precious time trying to give wisdom to people who don't deserve, and who are clearly & hopelessly deluded. I don't think I'm feeling jealous, just dismissed & underappreciated for the sake of someone who has higher status than I do. Ass kissing, and chimp worshipping. People really don't have minds of their own. They're just bots. This really disgusted me and made me feel like I should never ever try to help anyone ever again unless I am 100% certain that they deserve it. And it definitely made me want to embrace my psychopathic tendencies, by hiding my agendas and using evil tactics on others for my own ends, instead of exposing these tactics to others. People don't realize how they create evil with their stupid behaviors. I will create my own conscious evil, and I will hurt others and not care. There will be no mercy. I will not help anyone on this forum anymore except in DM if they want to, and if I find them worthy. From now on, I will be using this forum exclusively for journaling, and for gaining wisdom from this most deluded community. If I see someone dying, I will not give them my hand. I will give them my finger.

@SamC Yes, I think anyone can get stuck in the story of having a low self-esteem, which in and of itself is just more low self-esteem. In which case, what you're suggesting can be helpful. But otherwise, I don't think that would be a successful strategy, especially when there are psychopaths out there waiting for people with low self-esteem to abuse. You can love and accept yourself as a person who does not know mathematics, but that alone will never teach you mathematics. There's nothing wrong per se about not having a mathematics degree, but in the game of life, you will have to deal with money, which is numbers, and some people will spot your lack of knowledge and exploit it if you're not aware enough. When I was a kid, my father used to give me two coins of 5 to take one coin of 25. That's basically how psychopaths see people with low self-esteem.

You may be spiritually gifted with good focus abilities, but surely, it's easier to deprogram a younger mind than an older one. And there's always more to learn and become conscious of, so stay humble.

Did you stop both fapping and watching porn together? Or do you still fap? Awesome! Did your dating life improve as well?

I wonder the same thing.

Why would you link that feeling to porn? I've heard others saying that porn makes you a cuckold too, but that's silly cuz the girl in the video means nothing to the consumer. And now that you're "more masculine", how different is your life?

@SamC Low self-esteem is not a simple conscious thought that you either think or don't. It's an unconscious complex. The approach you're suggesting is not practical, in my experience. I know a girl who is literally obsessed with Teal Swan, there's not a single video of hers she hasn't watched. She knows all the theory, and yet she's still stuck with a poor self-image. I told her that that's due to lack of awareness. She used to have a serious eating disorder due to that issue alone, and working on it helped, but the underlying issues are still there to an intermediate degree in my opinion.

I'm not sure about how you're doing it. I become the breath, like when I breathe in I make my stomach fully bloated with air, and when I breathe out, I push it to the inside. This produces a quick effect, I think. And it's necessary to open the mouth well for the breath because you want to be fully proactive with the breath instead of passive. Every little bit of air should be moving in and out by your will.

@Forestluv I have noticed that breathing from the nose correlates with more mind activity/identification, while from the mouth is much more relaxed and grounded in the body/senses. I used to always breathe from the nose, because I thought it was a filter too. The last few years, I have shifted to the mouth completely. (there's still partial nasal air leak lol).

@soos_mite_ah Note to self: stop posting memes and joking around on the actualized forum. Many people on there take everything too seriously and feel endangered by words and images. Girls, if you want a flower on Valentine's day, you should probably start planting it now. Okay, maybe one last time. Have a good day.

I don't think you appreciate what low self-esteem really means and what it can do to you. It's not that simple. It's a whole can of worms of conditioned negative thoughts that you actually believe in and can't let go of even if you want and try to, because you're convinced that they're true. And even though it helps, but you can't just fix all that with a simple "it's just a bullshit story in your mind" idea. Your mind and body won't buy it, and they will react strongly at any attempts to touching those beliefs. And that's assuming you've had a direct insight into low self-esteem. But if not, and someone else told you that, you will probably just dismiss them and think they're stupid to suggest that, and to even think that you're worthy of anything. A lot of people struggle with these issues for decades. Having a low self-esteem is like having your worst enemy as your best friend. It feeds on you, and makes you an easy prey for psychopaths/sociopaths, which will probably double-down on your lack of self-esteem.