Juressic

I was in the similar situation 7 years ago, then I realized that what I need to do is to cut my expanses of. I've noticed that I'm spending my money meaninglessly.. smoking cigarettes, going to bars, drinking alcohol, eating meat, eating at restaurants... Then I've realized that best things in life are free actually and most valuable thing is your time. I'm not going around spending money anymore, I'm only buy ingredients once a month that I'm cooking on my own. I'm going in nature, on the beach instead in bar or shopping centers. So if you are living in your own house you probably don't need much money, I can suggest you to cut your expanses at maximum and find a job that you'll be doing 4 or 3 hours a day instead of 8 because you need time to work on your business. Working on your business should be self rewarding actually. I guess you are hopeless because you don't like spending half of your life at your day job.

@lizz_luna I have to admit that my mental state wasn't clear at all. I've realized that I've putted myself in shameful situation and pretending that everything is fine would be worse maybe. Every prolongation was making elephant in the room bigger, because my decision was very clear, so I had to broke the silence and bring the elephant to the table... "Surprise, surprise mdk, he's not too big yet " My business is going very well actually, this month I've earned 1.5x of my defined salary. And best part is that I only need about 10% of it per month. My working day is 4 hours long, not 8, the rest is relaxing on a beach with summer vibes. @integral I was just thinking about A.I. web development this morning, thanks.

@integral Learning curve would be 2 months in my case because I lack much of ability of focusing my mind in busy envirnoment, I should practice focusing. I feel like a sponge that is collecting all the information's around except the one that is focusing on. I should have predicted all that but I was too much positive about it and my family was pushing me. I've ignored my greatest value which is freedom and it's great lesson in the end for me. Now I will appreciate my time so much better and I will continue to do my own web dev business more seriously, my clients are still there waiting for me, I was almost canceled them. It's not easy to quit a job in general I guess, especially when you are working for a longer time, but I've did it one 2 hours ago - on time (after 1 week). The only comment of my boss when I've told him whole story and reasons was "It's a shame", but he had empathy for me since I'm very nice and polite. I think that some of collogues there would like to do the same but they probably don't have financial freedom and heart to do it, and company would try to hold them back anyway. I think I've made correct decision. Is it worth to give up your time (9 to 5) while risking of getting burnout syndrome just because of taking some extra money, potential career and maybe growing yourself in some cold heartless way? Don't get me wrong, I actually think that having a 9 to 5 job is technically awesome thing, but it's just not in align with my values obviously.

@Michal__ @Sincerity @universe @hyruga In 1 hour my boss is coming and I'm still thinking, should I stay or should I go. I know this is challenging and good for my career but actually I'm craving freedom and being my own boss works well for me actually. I feel stupid to suprise my boss but we'll see, he will probably try to change my mind.

Yeah, I think they felt phenomenon and then their unspiritual mind just assumed things and made connections with their childhood religion. It's kind a silly, because a lot of people have experienced those moments of enlightenment at some points in life, but because they've been involved in spirituality earlier, they didn't instantly made connections with their childhood religion. I think it's based on fear actually, because their mind connected dots and realized the they are on the road to eternal hell. EDIT: I just watched a testimony where guy is telling that he was converted to Christianity at the moment when he saw a devil that was literally whipped him with tongue giving him physical damage. hmm

I'd like to ask you what do you think about those testimonies of people who was on the edge of their life and almost died because of drug abuse (heroin, crack, cocaine...) suddenly meet a Holy spirit, Jesus, God... Are they really became good persons all of the sudden, or they just exaggerate whole situation? I think that it's just the way how people who are really toxic stage RED becomes BLUE, because they've first time in their life experienced deep meditative state of mind, but because they are raised in Christian culture (in this case) they simply gave names from the Bible to this what they felt and wrapped whole experience in structure of Christianity. So their morals now are built upon the Bible.

I'll going to use it the same as I'm using Google now, but in easier way, . If I'm trying to write some song about something, I'll tell it how I feel and it will write something for me, then I'll align it with my feelings. If I'm trying to paint something I'll repeat the same process. It could be useful, but I think it can also make you so lazy because you don't need to do any research about anything, could make you feel that everything is already done.

Haha, they are triggered easily. Day before yesterday, my stage GREEN friend called me in the bar to watch football match and it didn't went well. I didn't wanted to go in that bar, wanted to suggest other bar, but since he was already there and football match almost started, I went anyway, but I knew where I'm going. At the end of the night he ended up fighting with a bartender, owner of the bar, (who is totally stage RED, drug abuser, criminal worshiper) Because bartender wanted to steal his money by demanding to pay more then he ordered. Worst part is that he thought he is his friend, gave him trust, but I totally knew that he is a absolute moron who have to be kept at a distance. I was pissed off too, I hesitated whether to beat shit out of bartender or not. I been thinking 'if I beat shit out of him now, It would be hard to forget about him, I don't want him to be a part of my mind, better way is to calm down situation and never come here again'. I'm glad that my friend learned the lesson, but in harder way, so he agreed that he won't come there anymore too. Today I'm still feeling some anger about that situation, because I hate injustice and preferably I'd like someone to destroy that bartender and his bar, which will probably happen, because it's how natural selection works. You see, even though I'm conscious about morons, keeping them away successfully, my friends stage GREEN/ORANGE still involving me into shit situations. I realized that I have to start avoiding my friends while they are calling me from a 'sewers', because clean and calm mind is one of my greatest values. Ahh man

I realized that I'm living in society that is mostly RED, many of my friends are at that stage. They like to steal from others when they get a chance, don't have any respect or empathy for animals, abusing drugs and alcohol daily, they are so much selfish, only have respect for people that they have some interest from, all other people they perceive as stupid and they like to gossip and make fun of others a lot, because they like to think that they are better then others. Even they don't care for their "best" friends. If their friend break-up with his girlfriend for example, they don't mind about his feelings, they are aiming for a chance to fu*k her. I have some friends at stage ORANGE / GREEN / YELLOW as well, but they are minority. They are quite opposite and spending time with them is so much inspiring, constructive, calm, respectful.. I didn't realized it before, until I've discovered this concept of spiral dynamics, but I think that socializing with friends at stage RED should be only occasionally. I don't want to explicitly discard them because I understand them and sometimes they are my only choice for socializing, and I don't mind about their negativity since I'm careful with them, but since they are often destructive as hell, without respect for each other, always competing with everyone, it can't be anything good but having some drunk fun with them here and there. How do you deal with your RED friends? Are you keeping them on distance, arguing with them or you have explicitly discarded them long ago?

Yeah, I like the famous proverb "You are who you are with", so people should considerate with whom they are spending their time and what they want to become. There are also stage BLUE people in our lives that is dragging us down, in most cases that is our family. But it is also very relative, because their influence on us depends on how mentally strong we are.

I mean, they are not dedicated explicit criminals because they are afraid to be, but they will likely screw over anyone who isn't in their group when they get the chance. They see successful criminals as something worthy of admiration and respect. They are also xenophobe nationalist, some of them are Neo-nazi, they gaining max respect, and those don't even respect people from neighbor cities, rather insulting them based on their differences. They especially feel delight when they put someone down from their group, it's their spiritual food, making fun of someone, under the guise that it was just a joke. @Ulax They are my neighbors from hood, they are always out there in group, looking for a alcohol, weed or amphetamine, and because I've been socializing a lot before, they were my drinking buddies. At that time, I guess big part of me was RED also, but I was only 18 back then, now I'm 30. I've realized how bad and boring their vibe is, but also I've become immune of their shit over the years. I don't socialize with them as I used to, maybe once a month now when I see them in a bar, then I just wonder about their worldview, analyzing it, maybe criticizing their beliefs for fun and just enjoying myself, accepting that they are 50% of my society. @Recursoinominado I agree, that's why I avoid them, especially when they are in a group, but problem is that they have influence on everybody, and then if you are avoiding them, some of my friends that are stage ORANGE / GREEN will connect me to them again, just because of their addiction to weed for example. But anyway, it doesn't bother me, that's how things are. We only have to be careful with them, learn from situations and love them endlessly, even if we decide to punch them in a face, in the name of their spiral growth

Nice news, I'm glad that you found your first job. Every new beginning is hard, but it will get easier by getting experience, just focus on it with meditative mindset, release all tension and stress that is accumulating. Sometimes for workout I'm practicing shuffle dance, because it's very practical. Don't need to go anywhere wasting time, can do it in front of my computer for 30 minutes, enjoying music, and it have better effect then jogging outside, but it takes time to learn.

I don't see any connection between those, so I'd recommend you to pick one to master and leave others as hobbies. I have a similar problem, I'm choosing between web dev, game dev and music. If I choose all 3 it would be hard to master any, I'd be mediocre at all 3. Be aware that people often like the idea of some life purpose, they only see the fruits of it, but in practice when they see what it takes to master it, they don't like it at all. Maybe you'll decide by contemplating that way.

That feeling as the world and time has stopped and merged in the moment.. when you feel like the trodden road that is showing you the way when you are returning home from a long journey, that feeling of freedom as your all disturbing little demons suddenly disappeared and left you alone in infinite inspiration. From that perspective I don't love, I am Love. I don't do, I am. But in mundane life, I love going to music festivals, making songs, apps and games for people, and seeking for Love that is omnipresent.

Nice! Organize it, write it down and find yourself a band mattes. I think that's the point of metal.. going around, blowing people's minds and ruling the world I love metal festivals, even though I'm not listening metal at home!

@Applegarden8 I don't listen to metal anymore, but your music is awesome, and you play great! I think you should focus to do live shows with your band. People won't recognize it as an album only especially without vocals. You could make it theatrical as some ritual ceremony, make your audience wear masks at the show, burn some wooden sculptures and make it edgy... Wow man, I have tons of ideas, I could be your manager and make you millionaires

QUICK TIP: I have struggled a lot with a name for my business. If I'd name my business again I'd first make a logo, then the name.. simple as that, because if the logo looks cool name will also sound cool.

The same was with my girlfriend, she had a guy who had controlling and calling her all the time, stalking and begging for love... then she met me and became that guy herself, but I've told her that I don't like to talk on the phone, just messaging.. 100 messages a day, and once I didn't reply in few hours, and she gets mad. Once I've hang out with friends at concert and she spend all night messaging me and checking my social media profile in order to find something suspicious. And I don't know why she always have need to ruin my night when we hang out and I feel amazing, by criticizing me out of the blue, just because she don't feel good as I am. That's something strange to me. I think the root of all that issues is jealousy, problem is someone other who might stole what was theirs. Why would someone like to control, pressure, sabotage... it's like some ownership... I think it's fear of loss. Lack of trust. Lack of self-confidence. Lack of self-love. That's crazy to me, it's utterly stupid.. People should work on themselves to be happy, not on others to make them happy.. because others will leave one day for sure! Maybe they will fall in love with someone else.. But if our happiness have relied on their hugs, we will be absolutely miserable to the point where we literarily would like to kill that person. That is happening a lot and it's scary. Killing someone 'cause you love him.. hmm.. seems like paradox, but it's actually lack of love.

I'm afraid when you truly fix a broken bird, she will fly away, and won't look back anymore, maybe will laugh at your walk, maybe drop some shit on you cloth. -song by me I had two 5 years relationships like that. I've never understood neediness, or loneliness when I'm in relationship. In relationship I always felt loved, secured, even when I've been totally depressed or too far from the loved one for weeks. And I've never cheated and always had too much trust in her, giving her freedom to do what she wants. I don't know should I continue that kind of relationship, 'cause I'm quite opposite of that 'daddy issues' mentality... But I love her and after few days she always apologies, telling me that I was right... but it repeats again and again in circles. All I want for her is to truly love her self, and then I would love her 10 times bigger and our love would start multiplying! If she begs for love in some sad depressed way, telling me that I'm the problem for her sadness ... then my psyche is confused and for some reason doesn't want it to happen. That's natural reaction I guess.

I think I've been fixing those people whole my life.. and they always telling me that problem is in me, that I'm not giving them enough, that I'm too selfish, that I'm speaking to them from above, while they screaming, braking things and listening my calm conversation, and my calm conversation making them even more mad. I'm type of person that is extrovert with friends and self-sufficient at home, and I'm always attract that kind of women's. LITTLE RELATIONSHIP STORY: -First she said 'once a week is not enough, I want to see you twice a week' (depressed) , -I said ok we'll meetup twice a week. -Then she said 'Twice a week is not enough' (depressed), -I said ok I'll see you every other day then. -Then she said 'Every other day is not enough, I want to see you every day (sad)', -I said ok. -Then she said 'Why don't you call me to move in with you, you obviously don't love me (crying)', I said ok let's live together. -Then she said 'Why have you walked away from bed without hugging me (nervous)', -I returned and hugged her.. -"it's not enough, hug me more (depressed)"... -I said "But I have to pee it's too hot on this summer day, I feel awesome with you, why are you depressed..." -She said "You don't love me, you always leaving, I'm not attractive to you, I want to feel secured and loved, I want to leave you.."

He is in process of changing vinyl to the other side / resetting his hard drive sort of speak . ?

Life is preventing us, but what is life... isn't it one point in infinity where boring loops are happening.. maybe we are stucked, but hey, I really don't want any unicorns here, this loop is our home, I'll cuddle some unicorns on venturing in my dreams ?

Time exists in our minds, in terms of infinity there is no difference between real and imaginary, and I think it's possible to go into past by traveling into future technically speaking.. If you want to be born in 80' for example, I can give you a hope that you will, but in some other cycle of universe. Infinity have no boundaries nor end, just imagine as Lennon said, but be careful with your wishes

@The Mystical Man Have you tried it? Are you still breathing? I'm scared of normal LSD dose, let alone anything else

That's true, I've heard some dmt trip reports, so probably I'll base my dream around that, but anyway let's test it sometimes. It doesn't matter will it be the same, it's simply great tool for diving into unconscious and when something is hard to imagine in a dream you need a tool for that.