street19

A bit of both lol. Just a bit perplexed by this John Flores fellow.

What the hell did I just read

Thank you all for your amazing comments and advice. I'm doing ok today & I've learned a lot over the past few days. I've realized that I'm being a bit selfish, as I am not the only one with these feelings about life. None of us asked to be here. None of us really know what's going on. So I've decided to change some things. I'm fortunate enough to be quite well off for my age (22) (which makes me feel even worse about complaining about my problems), so I'd decided that I'm going to dedicate 1 out of every 3 months to volunteer work around the world. I've found a few organizations that coordinate construction projects, public works, teaching children, aggriculture and sustainability. I figure, if everyone else is suffering, the only thing that makes sense for me and my life, is to help these people as much as I can. Wish me luck! Thanks again.

I decided to sell all my shit and live in a van. So far it's been amazing. Just get ready to haul ass to walmart if you gotta poop.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with any of this. I'm tired of existing. I don't want to feel any more pain. Gunshot to the head seems like a easy fix. Sucks to feel this way. But I don't see any other choice. I don't want to go though the stuggle of rebuilding my shitty life. I'm just done. I want to not be "me". I want to simply have peace... And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. Fuck

If I could use facebook as a tool to reconnect with old friends, learn about new events and places.. then I totally would.. but honestly I just end up scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling then boom its 3am... Instagram is OK depending on your level of self control. I use it to follow pages that can give me ideas about things im currently working on in my life. I don't have any friends on there, otherwise it turns into a picture version of facebook for me. They're just tools... Unfortunately most people don't know how/have the ability to use them correctly.

I used to be a compulsive spender. My mind would think in a similar way to yours when I got money from someone. "What should I spend this on!?" Save it. You'll be happy to have it around when you're really drawn to something.

Thanks Leo. Im making such a big point about it because honestly, im scared. Its messed up. I know im not supposed to feel like this, but whatever I do, it doesnt change, in fact it usually ends up digging me deeper into the hole. Im at the point now where I just want to give up. Quit my job, declare bankruptcy, forget about all my debt (which may or may not be legal), throw away my electronics, leave the country etc... But I really dont think that will "fix" anything... Or maybe it will, but either way its just to frightening.. Im stuck, as you said, in a cycle of inaction. Im only 22 btw. Joining a monastery is something ive dreamt about, but im not sure where I would even start... It just seems like a huge change, which, I know I NEED, but god its frightening man!!

Thanks for the reply. Nice to know someone cared enough to reply. The way I feel about this though.. is just.. why? why would I want to chase any of those things? whats the point? its all pointless..

This world fucking sucks. The way its set up. Financially, ethically, etc. Just all of it is bullshit. Im sick of it.. Before you say "oh just meditate", Logically I get that "I" am not "me", and am literally nothing and everything at the same time, and i've come close to experiencing that.. but so what? At the end of the day its back to my shitty job, around shitty people, in my shitty world, with my shitty habits, shitty relationships, shitty feelings etc etc. Ive been trying to make it better for YEARS now. I've just lost hope. I wish it would all stop for a while. I just want to sleep... For a long time.

Hey friends, new to the forum and thought I might bring this issue up because I haven't seen it here yet. I've been using porn since age 13, and have been attempting to stop for the last two years (i'm 21 now) without much success. Im at the point now where I've given up on trying to willpower this thing. I feel that I need a serious life adjustment in order to knock this habit. Im able to abstain pretty easily when i'm on a vacation or trip without my laptop or phone (because you can't watch porn without the internet, right?) but once I get back home, within the next 2 hours, i'm watching porn. It's a horrible cycle. When i've been able to abstain for 5+ days, my life seems great! No depression, happy, confident, etc., but after each and every "relapse" my brain starts to see everything in a negative light. I just want to go on a 30 day meditation retreat or something drastic to just SHAKE this addiction OFF. I'm just lost, I don't think i'll ever live a normal life unless I fix this.