Laloosh

Hi everyone, first of all Leo if you answer this I will literally shit my pants. Secondly, I have been in a long-term relationship for 6 years now and my partner and I work well together when it comes to health, spirituality and development. However, drastically different upbringings have brought us to the issue we are facing and the content of this post. My partner has struggled for most of his life with low-self esteem, feeling unattractive and general rejection by society and most of all rejection by women (can lovingly refer to him as an incel) During the last few years he has taken considerable focus on his health and fitness and has become more physically attractive than he has ever been in his life. The attention from women he now receives is simply something he has never experienced before and has always wanted. I am the first and only girl he has had a serious, long-term relationship with and he feels comfortable with the thought of being with me for the rest of his life but also feels as though there is a part of his life he missed out on. If I am content with the decision, he would like to explore relationships with other women while still being with and eventually intending to marry me. I have the intention of being with him too. Here is the problem, I've been receiving and excess of male attention since I was 12 and now at 28 attention from men feels like a joke to me. I've experienced intimate relationships with other men and have felt content being monogamous with my partner who is the first decent relationship I've had. I have struggled with the thought of him being with other women, the thought often results in me not feeling good enough in who I am and what I bring to the table. Family trauma (Muslim/second-wife shit) often rehashes a lot of negative kick back when this issue is discussed as well. I realize it would be counter-intuitive to just say go ahead and explore. It may eventually lead to a stronger bond between us if this is something I can accept. But egoic tendencies weigh me down when it comes to accepting a situation like this, I feel hurt most of the time. I would like to accept this part of him, I would like to love my partner without restriction but I don't know how like this, and I am struggling. How do I accept something like this and not feel like shit? Should I accept this? I am happy to elaborate.

Well Leo I shit my pants, ty. This was my initial response to this situation down to the wire. If he did not want to break up with me due to guilt, I have certainly given him reasons to break up with me by advancing into my final bitch form which I kept hidden for 6 years. Not only did I reject the prospective situation entirely but turned others against him for wanting this...and I ripped out a bush but that is another story. Nevertheless, he has been adamant about staying together. And I replanted the bush. I feel like I need to add more context here. He isn't a pigish man, I have known him since I was 6 (and have dated many a pig) and have seen first hand the amount of social rejection he faced, he was literally the kid who never talked in class and was pretty much a gremlin in high school. He has flourished in the past few years and watching actualized videos are what brought him to understanding this feeling more. The chicks he seems inclined to are usually socially awkward, not the most physically attractive, and basically the female version of what he was in high school. They are not girls he wants a relationship with but seems to get a lot of fulfillment being an inspirational/supportive figure when he talks to them/spends time with them. His motives seem to be based more on an emotional connection, of course the sexual aspect is there but more so as a by product. Of course, I could just be putting a different costume on the same cat and have certainly felt like I have been yanking a leash at times. But it does seem to be more a drive of sexual conquests, more so a lack of feminine love in his life. Idk @Leo Gura help a sista out. My gut instinct tells me to both run and wait.

@loub thank you for calling me out, I did act foolish, the initial negative response affected me more than it should have because its often the answer I get irl and I expected more empathy on this forum. Turns out I should elicit more empathy myself. Thank you for your resources, they seem very aligned with what my partner desires, he never believed his needs were purely sexual rather an aspect of wanted to care/support in ways that made him feel like he was something good in another persons life. I really do appreciate your considerate replies. @Keyhole I'm sorry I dragged your cat into this, I'm sure its a fine cat. I am also a defensive person so I understand where you are coming from and hope one day you realize its a vice not a virtue to be this way and I appreciate you nonetheless. @lostmedstudent I have spoken to him openly, he doesn't want to do anything that will hurt my feelings nor does he want to be shunned for feeling this way. I did respond negatively initially and took a long time coming to terms with it, but I want to work with it somehow.

ugh, your poor cat, lucky it has 9 lives. please excuse yourself from this post.

I hope you figure out what it means to love and accept one day, meow.

Wow I really appreciate your response, thank you. Any ideas about the non-sexual ways to explore femininity? I think the sexual part is what I am struggling most with right now.

What I want is to be able to love selflessly, without that being negated by control, jealously and self-pity. I would like to hear from people who have transcended those emotions which harm your development whether you're in a relationship or not. No, your answer isn't what I was looking for but I'm glad to know that there are others on this forum still struggling with ego backlash, I had higher expectations posting here and your response has grounded them. So thank you.

Suppose I could just get a cat? I could throw some treats at it once in awhile and convince myself its happy while simultaneously locking it inside my house and forcing it to love me and feel validated only by me, while suppressing its natural instinct to hunt and mate. It so much simpler to have complete control over the things we love isn't it? Perhaps I can't seem to extend this love because I don't have enough reserved for myself and depend on others to feel like I am good enough? Maybe you can love two people? Isn't the point of Leo work to be open-minded about such things? This isn't a women's problem this is human nature.

I appreciate your insight, but I don't think it's that simple.