Epiphany_Inspired

@Huginn So true! @-T8 After some thought... I feel that perhaps we may need to educate ourselves, and access real intuition to find out what we are actually ok with.... then make choices based on those things... For example: if you were play wrestling, making out, or engaging in a protest type activity you would likely have strong unspoken boundaries of what you are, or are not, comfortable with in these situations... because a number of these privacy concerns are "new territory", we may need to go with gut instincts when things don't feel right... and discover what is really going on under the surface, without falling into too much paranoia, or not enough gratitude, etc... Warning- rant- coming: I remember the smart meter thing just screamed "big brother" to me, in the worst sort of way... suddenly half the people I knew seemed to be ok with a corporation knowing exactly which appliances we used and when etc... it was a little too like those scary sci-fi movies where the characters are always watched in their home... I was one of the few people that locked my meter up and literally had to physically guard against the constant trespassing attempts to put one of these (radiation emitting) monitoring devices at my home! Even others that seemed to care at first, made little effort to fight it ...this happened at least a dozen times with my friends:... Friends: "I'm a tenant, there's nothing I can do" Me "write a fucking letter to your landlord, express concern that you do not want this"!!! None of the friends ever bothered to write a letter, instead, they just became numb to the issue...and there are so many more examples within the online realm too... I find it bizarre, that people openly say they are really not ok with these invasions, but their addictions seem to get the better of them or something... ok... ranting is over ...lol....

@Huginn Everything you said was amazing! I hope it helps @-T8 too! Awareness may be one of the keys that can keep the door open... I really like that analogy about the Facebook record keeping, it's perfect! As someone that's actually experienced someone following me around recording everything... it particularly hits home! That said, because of my personal experience, I am possibly able to understand what that actually feels like more than posing it as a hypothetical to others... Being anonymous, online, or off, is often interpreted as hiding.... and this is extra tricky because there can be misrepresentation as well (think of people with crushes on, or virtually dating, someone using another person's photo, often a different age or sex)... so many people are hurt, even rapped this way... so building that trust you spoke of will be hard... I can think of this in my own life...and laugh now... but it really fucked me up at the time... a gay friend was using an icon photo on a social site, I thought he was a new friend, and I developed a crush... I got super mad when I found out I was "deceived", even though he had no intention to do so... he thought I knew it was him... just a misunderstanding... and because I do love him so much, I can see how that could happen quite easily...lol.... anyway... a picture that's not my actual, somewhat current, face still doesn't feel right, but I hope to get to that place of either trust or indifference with the pictures too

@Mrkvn8 I'm sorry for your loss. Perhaps you can re-connect with some of the insightful ones, if you have an authentic talk about your mistake? If not, I suppose it's an important lesson. I am 100% with @pluto it's about the toxic ones mostly, but I'll add, if the chimpy stuff is over the top - really destructive and awful, it's also shitty to deal with and usually too hard to resonate with even if they have wisdom etc... @Mrkvn8 I've found this with meeting new people too... if they are way too into chimpy stuff - just want to talk about the latest TV, how much they drank, etc... they may not be the best friend.... but there are billions of potential new friends for you, and with your new empathetic & less judgemental lens you will likely find more soon

@Dan Arnautu I had about a year and a half under my belt when I back-slid too. I can relate to how that feels...defeated, shame, panic, confusion, etc... I know what a kind person you are and how much you make a genuine effort to help others I will do my best to help you too ... From my personal experience, I have a few insights: One is to find more balance, and release some of the rigidity you had before (without falling into total slack-dom). Next, I have almost every neurosis on Leo's list, so this is coming from love and empathy... going to extremes like measuring your waist daily, having everything on a calendar, or whatever, is likely taking actualization efforts to the point of neurosis... it may be best to rebuild with a more gentle attitude toward this with maximum self-love possible. For example, if you need structure in your schedule, try doing this with some flexibility. Maybe "time block a)" could have options to be creative with your music or meditation... Perhaps after your scheduled school work, you could schedule a reward (like a smoothie with a friend or something... because you are now feeling "behind" it's probably silly to keep going in either of those ways (the way that you were, or in the way you are now)... balance/ middle ground... acceptance of what is...etc... I still haven't really recovered from my backslide about 6 months ago... but fortunately I was able to quickly see that the re-introduced bad habits weren't serving me... I just struggle with re-integrating the good ones....that said, you are hard-core, it is no longer in your nature to be a slacker like me, this is just an unfortunate domino effect that's occurred... you will be back on your feet - (fresh, balanced, self loving feet) in no time...I truly wish you the best!

@Goliath @deci belle @YaNanNallari Thanks so much! Wow, I feel so fortunate for this amazing assistance from you all! @Goliath That was the sweetest, it helps so much! I really appreciate you! The first paragraph explains so much, and I really adore that you shared your very personal experience with me. My research on this has said the same thing, about the high conscious activities... but I just don't feel up to anything... I can barely even eat or sleep... the cruddy lengthy wallowing you described is exactly what I hope to avoid... I see people struggle with a single break-up for years... I really don't want that... is it really ok to avoid my feelings a bit... if the activities I choose aren't chimpy? Yes, my mind is obsessively doing that... and because both my thoughts and my emotions display as visual images and movies, it's pretty extreme... and they are looping too! I have A LOT of hobbies but I don't feel up to any of them... how would I go about choosing a new one? I don't particularly *want* to do anything... so far, the only thing that makes me *feel a bit better* (short-term) are: seeing/phoning my distracting/ comforting friends, and the distraction of more physical pain, like if I am bringing in firewood, etc... ideas? @deci belle I am very, very, grateful for the thoroughness, and thoughtfulness of your answer! I take full responsibility for feeling too fragile to really accept or fully comprehend what you've said right now. I'm just not ready yet, but likely will be soon. Right now, the paradoxes just confuse me more, etc. I want to understand what you are expressing, but my energy seems greatly effected, and my brain chemistry seems way off (I keep falling and injuring myself, etc). I promise to re-read your wonderful comment whenever I am more mentally and emotionally stable. Thank you! @YaNanNallari I am appreciative for the pain I feel and the lessons I've learned/ am learning, but that doesn't seem to reduce my suffering. Yes, of course, luckily I am well enough to know I am responsible for my own pain here. How can I further embrace this? I completely respect all of this, and I only want happiness for the other person, even if I feel self-inflicted pain as a result. Your response was really beautiful, and so very true! Thanks so much!

@Preetom @NoSelfSelf @Shin @h inandout Thanks so much!!! I really appreciate you! @Shin I love you too! @NoSelfSelf No, these drunken friends can still paint masterpieces, or write/ perform incredible music etc...it's mind blowing!!! by using alcohol to escape their issues they seem more free do the things they love unhindered.... the best example I know of this is also the worst... I had a friend in *5 different bands*, he was virtuoso level player...but we would often have to toss a bucket of water on him to get him on stage, he'd get up there, become a wizard, then stumble off again (able to play like the wind, when he could barely walk)...he'd maybe have another drink, and black out again... maybe he could have been *even more* without drinking, or maybe he wouldn't be able to handle life without it, or play at all... I haven't had more than a few drinks per year for many years... but I see how much it "seems to help" others... and my suffering from this break-up makes it seem like it might be some cure-all-elixir... I know it would just make me feel sick, and low conscious, not better... but it seems to work for others... at least in a suppressive illusory way... What you said about happiness means a lot to me, I hadn't thought of that... It's likely not worth trading happiness for numbing, thanks! @Preetom I will hang in there... but right now I'm not up for agreeing with that quote... it doesn't seem easier at all... yes, I can't go back to ignorance...but what I could go back to is distraction... and all too easily... and it's been really, really, really tempting these last few days... I could put my thoughts and emotions *on hold*, etc... so far I've been strong... but I definitely wouldn't say it's easier... it really fucking sucks... That said, I am so grateful for you.. for wanting me to hang in there... thank you so much!

I look at my super drunk friends doing their life purpose work while guzzling booze all the while... it seems like they can do beautiful work unhindered, allowing the alcohol etc to sweep their issues perpetually under the rug... ignorance = bliss My lover just left because of his actualization work... Other friends revel in their crappy communication, etc relationships ignorance =bliss I look at myself: meditation = miserable - showing my horrific monkey mind, more mindfulness is just more neurotic awareness, life purpose attempts cause self efficacy to decline further and further, attempts at healing just create more awareness of more trauma - re-traumatization - more suffering and pain... I've had to give up all of my cool distractions, and garbage... of course I want TRUTH... but this really fucking sucks .... and I can't just go back to sleep... but I can go back to more distraction... and it's very tempting... ignorance = bliss I am so grateful to Leo etc for all of the help... but I'm also mad that I can't "un-see" many truths... I feel like Jack (and the beanstalk)... I've just bought Leo's magic beans... others tell me the beans are crap...but I've learned not to give a shit about other's opinions... I know there is a potential golden future at the top of the stalk... but I don't feel up to the task of defeating the giant and the rest of it...at all.... but if I come back "empty handed" I'm fucked regardless...blah, wtf!

@poimandres @Elisabeth @BobbyLowell @Spiral Thanks so much!!! I am very grateful for all of your words!

An ex has been seeing an old friend of mine (a friend for decades). You may assume jealousy, but I really want nothing to do with him. The real problem is that this friend was living elsewhere for a while and doesn't know about the violence that I experienced from this man. I know from personal experience that things with him seem great at first, and then the manipulation, coercive control, and violence start imperceptibly at first, until one is lost in it. I saw that this behaviour happened to the woman before me, and I continue to experience it. There was also intense obsessional stalking with me too, and he has addiction issues. (even dating my friend is likely a part of this, an attempt to make me look negative in family court, or cause drama, or dream I'm jealousy, etc) It's in my best interest to have this old friend in this relationship from a selfish perspective. She has similar values to me, and I believe would do better parenting with my child than my ex may have the skills or values to attain. She is far more reasonable and kind as well. That said, I feel an intense moral *need* to warn. I can do it through a third party (so that, hopefully,I'm not slanderous for family court), and I have actual evidence of the violence. My ex has not changed, I deal with his toxic behaviour every week....and he has been toxic with the woman before me...and this abusive behaviour is pervasive throughout his whole family (father to mother, brother to his partner, etc)... thoughts? would she believe this info from a third party that's heard proof, or would she likely be deluded by hormones/ infatuation? ....I should try, right? ideas?

@Emre

@Huginn Thanks so much, I really appreciate that (except maybe for the scary "on the horizon": info...lol..)! No, it's fine...paying with real pirate doubloons has been cool so far (one small hiccup, once)... eventually other people come to accept that you will meet them in person to pay for their workshop, or concert, etc...although most other people do all of this e-transfer type stuff and expect it at first... I figure, if it's acceptable for an elderly person, I can usually get away with it... people still write cheques etc Hmmmm, and yes... likely a lot of closing off in many directions... expression included... I will cultivate the bravery to be more open... or go back to giving less of a shit... lol... the risks for me, with self expression right now are things like how I will look in family court, and this can greatly effect my child's life, for better, or worse.... It currently doesn't appear like any rewards would outweigh any risks, as viewed from within my bubble... there is often some bizarre nemesis in my life I must battle, (silly lesson based universe), and sadly, my integrity, although internal, is viewed through my external expressions by others... No way, Jose, I don't use my actual name online anymore... there are only 2 of us on the planet with my name.... and I've just had 2 more stalkers even without using my name... the most recent one I've never even spoken to, they just spy on me in person, then try to contact me online, sending me their super creepy picture and messages... I recommend women protect themselves as much as possible... that said, I'm also sad that I'm not feeling safe enough to use my real picture on the forum anymore, I felt more friendly and connected with it somehow... again, @Huginn I appreciate your help so much!

Most of the posts in this section are likely rooted in fear.... This is my biggest problem too.... Leo was talking about working on this ....overcoming fear with the heart type thing... I'm hoping for a magic video on this subject that will somehow finally work on me.... I feel very grateful that my passion is grounded in my heart.... and hope that this will help to make conquering fear possible... Until this video hopefully happens, any ideas?

@Sukhpaal When I've lived in cities, I've had to fill my spaces with nature (transplanted ferns and wildberry bushes, stones, etc), and bring water from nature to drink as well....lol... I'm a "nature person"... I find it hard to really "connect" with man-made things... even though I now always live in nature, I still go on adventures to more nature...lol... here's a recent experience that you may like: I was walking in a park on the ocean...the only human there (that's my fav, unless maybe there is a kissable human with me)...lol... anyway, I found this stunted tree just my small size... it had weathered years of intense storms and yet it remained intact in a rock, when all else was blasted off by the sea. I felt connected just observing this tree...the storms it's survived are like all of the shit I've been through and I'm still standing too... such kindred spirits... I walked up and touched it.... I felt how flexible it's branches were, and took this as a real life lesson that the tree was teaching me... I felt it's branches move with my touch... gently moving the branches I felt exactly where they became rigid... this reminded me of my values...the point where I no longer want to be flexible (another lesson).... I felt the trunk...how solid and firm it was...like the base we all need to ground ourselves.. . then the most amazing thing happened... I saw the difference in colour between the old original tree, and the shoots of new growth...and there were 100's of these new beginnings/ possibilities... I realized that I am experiencing some of these already, and that I have the potential of all of these possibilities too... it felt incredible... I felt our love for each other and everything around us... amazing I don't get this as much in a city...it's rather distracting... I once picked a flower only to find a junkie's syringe tangled in the roots... there is nature there though... you can find it anywhere...even in cities... and cities also have lots of rad workshops etc...

@MisterMan I still totally suck at meditation... except for "love" meditation.... it happens very visually and energetically for me, it's incredible....I wish I could somehow show you both visually and sensorially what it's like....I've had the most amazing experiences with this... you can get to the point of sending this out, and the world likely needs more love sent out.... as there seems to be a lot of hate... it apparently re-wires you for more happiness as well.... so without even intending it, you may experience more self-love as well.... happy loving

@Damir Elezi I think it's mostly a generationally passed cultural issue. Most of our neurosis come from early childhood.... try connecting with your "inner child" and you may see what I mean... but I don't know for sure...

@-T8 I draw a lot of lines here: No smart meters to monitor my home, no personal info on FB, I live in the forest where drones aren't outside my bathroom window, I buy things with cash/ no online banking, I've stopped blogging or posting about my life, I limit photos, etc That said "they" likely still have all my info... I just like to maintain my illusion of privacy... and as others don't seem to give a shit, they give out my info without my permission anyway... I was heavily "monitored" for years after an accident. My privacy was violated more than you could imagine...they even filmed inside my windows which is illegal...they filmed outside where I used to shower naked in nature...they followed me everywhere and lived outside my home to film me constantly (I saw the footage with my lawyers, not paranoia)...they tracked down my friends, employers - everyone, and tried to get people to say "bad" things... luckily nobody did.... As a result, I cling to my illusions of/ desire for privacy, and seek out places to live, and friends that respect my "need" for this....If I'm at a show and people start filming, I hide, if a concert requires "scanning my ID" I don't go, if people want too much personal info - I disengage... and although this is partly about self-respect and personal preferences, it's also coming from a place of fear....@Caterpillar now I have to worry about robot mosquitoes too! It's all so "big brother -1984" these days... when will the forced microchips and barcodes begin?... maybe we do have to draw some lines folks...there are authorities that would use these technologies to limit our freedom further, and further....is privacy a legitimate concern, or this just fear?

@Scholar I think a simple way to comprehend this is: Leo's conviction likely comes from his direct personal experience (something we cannot truly be a part of). @Leo Gura I support you, and completely respect you for doing this, and I love the authenticity!!! As for the potential point of contention with the psychedelic involvement....( I see where this could feed the skeptics, the beginning of the video, where your hand was no longer "yours", reminded me of Lrrr after eating a Hippie... sorry Leo... I think it's an amazing video, and I am so grateful to you for sharing it!!! ) anyway, perhaps....the next time something similar happens, on a meditation retreat or something, you could film that too.....so that it can be seen "without" as well? I don't know....maybe that's like asking a virgin to pretend it's her first time again....when there's no blood etc, and it's obviously not the first time anymore ...lol.... I don't know... I'm stoked for you regardless of how you got there, and it may actually give sceptics more faith in trying psychedelics too...thank you so much for the inclusion! Edit: @Leo Gura I started feeling like a jerk for posting Lrrr, my intention was not to attack your authenticity at a time, when you were so genuine and vulnerable... it was just to show that the beginning of the video accidentally fits the stereotype that people have for psychedelic users "tripping out on their hands"....maybe that part could be edited out, but would that take too much away from" seeing it in action"? I'm tempted to remove the Lrrr clip...but want to be authentic too....so, I don't know....

@Emre Making assumptions about others causes most of our relationship problems. How do you know she "knows" how you feel? You can't possibly be inside her mind in that way (unless you've mastered telepathy). It seems like, from your lack of response to my last comment, that you are not willing to have an open-mind toward twerking, or try it yourself; is this true? Do you see how I "checked out" my perception with you? It feels a lot better, right? This will just continue to fester in your mind and heart until you either move on physically/ emotionally from her, or you try some healthy communication; are you willing to do either of these? Here's how communicating could go -this is from the communication model that I use, it's one of the best tools I have in my tool box for interacting with others...I hope this helps you (ask her to give you 5 minutes where she *just listens* no talking/ arguing, then you give her 5 min too): "Beautiful Girlfriend, my intention is to tell you about something that's been upsetting me and see if we can find a way to resolve this", "When I saw your twerking videos I felt.... sad/angry/etc", "I made up a story in my head that you are twerking to get sexual attention from other men", "So, I wanted to check it out with you to find out why you twerk, if it is for attention" "I'm really happy that you've learned to twerk, I think it's sexy, and hope you'll do it just for me sometime"..."If I am unable to get over my insecurities, would you consider not publically posting yourself doing this anymore"? Then you'll know for sure, one way or another...and you can decide to accept her, compromise, or move on...

@Guest Annetta @poimandres @ajasatya Thanks guys...yes, we share a child!!! So, I'm trapped...... even with "no contact order" he still manages to get away with some disturbing shit almost weekly, and the police can't help because my order is not enforceable by them! Now, I'm not sure if you guys missed that part, but I have actual proof ! (recordings of seriously fucked up shit) Would my friend still think I'm jealous or insane even with proof? The court accepted the proof and gave me the no contact order; wouldn't my friend accept it too? Would she be deluded by hormones or something? The recordings are obviously him; she would know it's him, and she'd hear some super scary and fucked up shit! Would she really be so deluded to think I doctored them or something? If she would, then, I don't want to risk it. I have court again (he never relents) and I don't want any efforts with warning her to negatively effect my parenting rights, ability to move, etc. That said, if proof could sway her, is it worth a try? She is an amazing woman!

Thanks @Joseph Maynor @I really appreciate the video links @star ark @SOUL @Mighty Mouse @Thanatos13 thanks so much for helping me to understand heckling, the role of judgement, etc... when I saw there were 56 replies I had a WTF/ holy shit moment...I was really unsure of what I may find, but I was super curious too...lol...a lot of what was said seemed to be in the form of debates... I'm not going to jump into any of those, but I appreciate the different perspectives and reviewed them all with an inquisitively-open-mind I am still somewhat confused about the emotional ties to criticism (how to ease up on critiquing, without repressing emotions)... and if criticism encompasses "dislike" too/ is dislike of another's actions automatically finding "fault"/"mistake"?

So, in self reflection, of course I have ongoing criticism issues for sure (it's the worst toward myself internally, and worse toward others externally). How about you? I have some questions: According to the definition, you must find "fault" or "mistake" to make something a criticism. Is this correct? Is there more to it? How does it function? I am concerned, that in this 30 day challenge, I may inadvertently cause emotional repression in my quest to be a Manta ray. For example: Is it still a criticism whenever you have negative judgement? If the actions of another cause emotional upset in you, could you still talk about your emotional upset in relation to these actions without it being a criticism (if you put the responsibility for your feelings on yourself)? There is obviously "dislike" of the actions...does that equal "fault"? Heckling seems to be the epitome of Hyena style criticism. Where an individual is intentionally trying to disconcert/ attack/ interrupt others. I am still so "attached" to criticism that I can perceive a sort of monocle- wearing-Manta ray-in-the-opera house- balcony being "justified" in some sort of "educated" critique...lol... but that is a heckler right there, monocle or not...lol...! Is it only once one has transcended judgement that one can make "educated" criticism? or does all criticism eventually go out the window? Is it possible to ever transcend judgement? Is that what we are tying to do? Or simply to become more mindful of the extent of our criticism and get it somewhat handled? If my inner-critic runs rampant with destructive and seemingly nefarious intent (ultimate nemesis), is it "ok" that this 30 day challenge is causing more internal criticism because of my external spoken or unspoken heckling? Is mindfulness enough? I love the wiki image for Criticism:

@Joseph Maynor Thanks so much! I'm not yet capable of separating mindfulness from criticism... the mindfulness makes me more self-critical....yes, tricky shit indeed!

@Emre I used to dislike all forms of crumping including twerking... some of the things said here remind me of my former views... but have you ever actually tried to twerk, or watched and informative cultural shows about why it's done and how the style emerged? twerking is quite the accomplishment to do!!!.... I can do shimmies, undulations, etc for belly dancing but twerking is another level! I get that you may find it vulgar, or believe that it may be intended to turn guys on... well people say that about flamenco and belly dancing too... I can assure you that from most women's perspectives, that's not what's going on... we can express femininity, even sexuality for the sake of ourselves, not others, even in a performance.... Can you learn to accept her self expression without jealousy? For example, if she had spend 3 nights on a costume and months on a new belly dance or flamenco routine, would you stop her from performing it? Twerking takes serious effort, commitment and stamina, she is likely stoked she can do it, that's all... but I don't know her... maybe she is just going for sexual attention.... it's hard to say... but positive communication... where you express your intention to positively resolve this, and your emotions without blame (and be genuinely curious about why she twerks)... might be a good place to start... maybe she can teach you, and you can laugh hysterically as you try it together? have fun! Add a note: In crumping culture, even the children twerk, it's not always considered sexual... like any "butt" dances (Africa, etc)

@Shir Some good questions here. Don't fret, you can have a boyfriend, you just need to have the courage to step off that cliff of fear (you will find firm fluffy clouds actually catch your every step). It's up to you to decide if the marriage thing really is a value or a fear....and I have no idea how many men, may or may not, hold this value too (honestly). That said, from personal experience, talking about those desires and intimate preferences would not be sufficient to determine chemistry etc.... Cuddling, holding hands, etc would be a good way to start getting comfortable with intimacy

@DocHoliday .this concept was beautifully written... I adore the paper cut outs too... for me, the second part of what you said reminds me of an attitude that concerns me...the attitude of "it wasn't meant to be", "this must be happening for a reason" ....it's when acceptance becomes an excuse for laziness... for example: you could accept that "the universe wants me to be homeless" when you haven't found a new apartment, or you could start baking amazing pies for all of the potential landlords and win someone over.... I have seen, how with effort, things can change, we can create a different life.... I know you weren't specifically talking about this phenomenon.... but I see them as all too easily intertwined....