Epiphany_Inspired

@illia Welcome to the world of "backsliding" ... this happens to me at times too... I think this is the video:

Everything doesn't revolve around love... everything IS love.... but not that "kind" of love.... you already answered what's happening to you... a crush....i'm sorry it didn't work out... I feel like a broken record...I know I always point out the billions of other humans that exist on this planet...but it's true!!!

I love prog-rock!... but I didn't think anyone still made it much after the 70's/80's... then again I live mostly off vinyl...good for you... I hope it has some flute like Jethrotull or some Rick Wakeman like key stylings.... or just that vibe really....regardless of the instruments... I often hear musicians ask this tittle question...some obsess over it for years and hold back on releasing the art as a result.... I feel like the tittle that comes to you at the right moment is likely far better than anything an external source may choose, or perhaps the tittle of a song or painting may not even need to exist...that the work speaks for it's self.... some of my favorite songs are untitled....& some have the perfect tittle that "makes it"....maybe follow your heart and all will be well

I was going to type a rather "logical" response.... but the poetry of the other responses chased it away, like a fox out of the hen house

@Truth ...or maybe not... one of my favorite friends ever was known as Ghost, and now he is one.... sometimes there is an underlying reason people choose these names... through my lenses: there have been beautiful, and profound, and limited, and confusing comments, like a melting pot, in this thread... to answer the initial question to the best of my ability... @Torkys ... well, I have been concerned about this since the early days of the forum and even said so in one of my threads once... I thought of the delicacy of the vulnerable... that said, I think of all of the help and support here... all of the love, authenticity, open-ness, and wisdom and my heart rests in the embrace of this community, like a family.... and I have total acceptance of nothing, anything or everything in relation to vanish vanishing... and send love regardless ....

@OnceMore Wow, you got so many incredible/ insightful responses, I have tasted them all .... and they are pure, true and so sweet... like trays of tropical fruit... these awesome answers have helped me a lot too... so.... I am equally grateful for the question

@Psyche_92 oh...man...is it just me that so does not want it to be true? ...lol... thank you truly for the resource though.... I met up with a friend that had developed a sex addiction... she was going crazy about it... and that lead me to this path of study, likely for good reason... I really appreciate your help, I will see if the library has it on audio book tomorrow, thanks!

I've only read part 1 so far... but there are 6 parts including healing, spirituality, etc.... what do you think? http://www.health-science-spirit.com/neurosex.html

@Leo Gura yes...hahahaha @Joseph Maynor I love it! ...and glad it's not just me... Tina is so good! lol @GomeGabrielDavid cool, I will!

I only lasted 2 of the 4 weeks = no music challenge (and there were times when music was unavoidable, in the dentist office, etc, when I didn't think to bring earplugs). I finally caved for an incredible live, intimate house concert with a famous band and local talent, all ages, amazing I have some insights from the music-less experience: 1. When music showed up out of nowhere in public, it was often the same unconscious pop songs repeating everywhere, call this conspiracy theory, but it seemed as mind-numbing a tool as toxic billboards and crappy fiction television. 2. When I'd have to let other's know about my "no music challenge" (to turn it off, or not play in my presence) they DID NOT get it at all. The reactions were often extreme, horrified, as though I could be harmed without it or something. Is this because it is a mutually pervasive addiction, or is what they were saying true?...they spoke exactly how I felt when Leo suggested it, as though music is like food and medicine and love... "but Leo, avoiding music could be unhealthy, right"? None of the people I told understood the issue with stimulation addiction (as I gave up TV, fiction books, etc already)....but I believe it was not really about me specifically, but mostly because stimulation distraction is so engrained in our culture. 3. I did not find more mindfulness most of the time, just desperate grasping for less healthy replacements for my music desire. After a few days, I was like Gollum without the ring. I turned to Leo's Hawaii videos and binged watched them over 2 evenings, like before I started actualizing and I'd get addicted to a TV series and watch all episodes in a row. I had to know "what happens in the end" ...lol... It was actually really good timing, to have Leo's honesty and insights from that retreat, but my craving for stimulation was just being masked by my desire to learn about more advanced meditation etc. 4. Of all songs, "Fly like an Eagle" by the Steve Miller band was the only one pervasive in my mind.... I felt it was like cheating whenever it played, and I struggled both to "turn it off", and let it "play"... I have no idea why it was this song, I only hear it occasionally on the radio, I may own the record, but it's not in my iTunes or anything.... Am I reading into things that it "means something"?...who knows.... 5. I mostly gave up because it was inadvertently creating some backsliding for me... in the form of other, less healthy distractions re-surfacing as replacements. The most profound benefit is my awareness of the "quality, consciousness, messages, and resonance" when I do make musical choices, I am also far more capable of thriving in silence some of the time as well Thanks Leo

@Arion I skimmed the rest now too... One part of me thinks that this is just scientists trying to do the same thing as uptight religious folks = to demonize the orgasm....like we should all wear self imposed virtual chastity belts...lol.... the other part of me agrees with you that this may indeed be correct... and the dopamine and prolactin rollercoaster described sounds all too familiar in our human relationships... I totally get it... and the dopamine cycle does seem to create dysfunction...but, if there was no prolactin, there would be a lot more sex addiction in our culture... i'm thinking of the Beatles song "why don't we do it in the road" ....without prolactin that would likely be happening everywhere....lol... I really doubt most humans would get on board the "only experiencing sex/affection without orgasm train" willingly... and is that the only way to have healthy, long-term monogamous relationships? I can really see now how this is like sugar/ morphine/ etc for the dopamine fix ... why some people feel the need to regularly masturbate to keep up their dopamine levels, like a craving..... personally, I can go either way - into that world of passion or into celibacy... but celibacy for me is a single person thing.... if I was in a relationship, I would want to have sex... and it seems totally abnormal to avoid orgasm.... sex isn't just for procreation.... I feel there are amazing intimate tantric experiences that do not need to involve orgasm... and perhaps there are some that do.... I like cuddling and innocent affection too, I agree that oxytocin from this bonding is very beneficial .... but isn't life meant to be fully enjoyed? are orgasms really the equivalent of eating junk food (based on the neurochemical repercussions in our relationships)? What is up with this, is it true?

15 years of the: Johns Hopkins Psilocybin Research Project (MAPS project) shows that this medicine can actually can be used to treat anxiety.... that said, if you go into the experience with a lot of worry, that may lead to a concerning journey... if you can go in with pure positive intention/ or total acceptance of anything, then the research shows that you can actually re-wire your brain to be less anxious.... Leo advocates for doing this solo... but in your case, perhaps you may want to consider volunteering for their study and have help and guidance from a psychologist? or prepping yourself for positive transformation another way? I don't know and can't "advise" you either way, but it's cool to check out their research regardless: http://psychedelicscience.org/conference/clinical/johns-hopkins-psilocybin-research-project-studies-of-mystical-experience-adverse-effects-meditation-in-healthy-volunteers-and-palliative-effects-in-cancer-patients-implications-for-spirituality-and-therapeutics http://www.maps.org/news/media/260-lsd-psilocybin-for-anxiety

@WildeChilde The mythical tales of the spirit realm from many cultures... the differences and similarities are amazing to discover.... so are the stories from those that have passed, and returned at a higher state of consciousness.... so many stories of terminally ill humans, leaving their bodies, then returning to them with profound messages to help us actualize... Leo is likely right, that we should go do our practices... but from my current POV exploring this may be a part of our practices too

@herghly as a single, low income mom... my retreats are a bit different... but perhaps, you'd like to try something like them: I get a couple of days to myself sometimes, plus the equivalent of a work week once a year... I will get more time as my child gets older, and I am grateful to be with her now.... in retreat terms, this means I must condense things... I am good at this (twice, I did post secondary programs that were 3 years condensed into 1 year)... I can't afford to "rent" anything, so I fold down the seats in my vehicle and make it into the comfy-est second home... I fill it with food, candles (camping supplies) and it becomes a mobile hotel that can go into very isolated forest locations where I spend most of my time outside in nature... (I'm in nature all the time anyway, but the point is to travel to "new nature" away from both humans, and my distractions).... some of my time is spent exploring beauty & connecting, some of my time is spent meditating, some visualizing, some concentrating and inquiring .... one night is a serious journey into the depths... I don't really like "vacations" like most of my friends take: going to a hot place and eating or buying crap/sunbathing/boozing/creating garbage, etc.... my retreats are quite the opposite, and they are priceless to me

@Deutsche22 I find that people that are afraid to look within/ develop personally, definitely do not want to talk about personal development/ actualizing.... and yeah, that kinda sucks....since that's the majority of people...lol... but, I've recently discovered a bit of a "work-around" .... just because they may not have an interest in actualization, doesn't mean that the conversation topics must be small and meaningless.... although most humans do not want anything shifted onto themselves or anything they may find "wrong" or "needing work" with themselves, they often still like to observe others....so: environment, world, society, culture, etc and there are some amazing topics to explore here.... for example, I have been discussing with men, the idea that they perceive it to be culturally unacceptable for males to show any emotion other than stoked or angry around fellow men unless someone has actually died or something.... if you do want to make the conversations more personal, people love to talk about the things they'd like to do while alive, etc (see the ted talk called something like "big talk").... wishing you more meaningful interactions

I have not actually experienced this...but based on the closest I have come.... I would guess that it's like a paradox of sorts.... and involves shifting the way we think about "living".... because we are eternal... I think when you can view "living" in this sense as irrelevant... but also appreciate the gift of this incarnation/ experience.... and fully embrace and accept whatever happens....to fully let go.... I've read stories of people who have done this, and the miraculous things that resulted... though I believe this is easier said than done... I think that it is not meant to be viewed in that way because it is not possible to wrap our current consciousness level around it .... just too much of a mind fuck really....

@WildeChilde I have a melanistic (all black) Bengal/Siamese cat (mini panther) that I adore. I also have a German Shepherd dog that I love very much too....there are lots of ravens, deer, woodpeckers, salamanders, etc and sometimes bear and cougars that live all around me in the forest too.... I did a spirit animal meditation and got a chameleon... I really like narwhals for some reason.... and butterflies/ dragonflies are always so magical.... I honour them all as nature, so much closer than I am....with great joy and respect... especially cuddly snuggly kitties

@Leo Gura really? I could say "but Leo" a hundred times here... but I won't... I accept this mystery doctor's challenge! ... but I accept it like a duel ...with a glove slap to his/her face... because it will be so hard ...my saving grace is knowing the level of appreciation I will have upon music's return... and the extra mindfulness I will likely cultivate in the process... thank you!

I just watched this... and although it was serious... I laughed through a lot of it... at myself! I "customize" everything... I have never followed a single recipe without changing it, even those manuals on how to put together a shelf (etc), I usually have to do it "my way" ....lol.... really glad I watched this update, I get it, why not to in yoga! Fortunately, I'm pretty open-minded, not too sceptical etc and have a metaphysical background....I also saw this the same way...as though this would likely resonate better with me than meditation alone, I love visualization and energy.... plus I really need to connect my body more ....still ... now, I have some questions: Would 2 of years of semi-decent/ semi-struggling PD work likely be enough to attempt this level of discipline? How would one know if they still have "fires to put out"? (as in: can one be too neurotic?, or can ones personal life, past or present prevent effective discipline?... must one be totally anxiety/ trauma free? ) This Ganga Giri song reminds me so much of this:

@Leo Gura Thanks! I hadn't realized that, but you are right...mind fuck....but Leo...I have no interest in video games, or porn etc... I quit fiction entertainment etc too... but... it's true, I am addicted to stimulation... even drops of water falling off moss into a puddle seems captivating,...I always need music or a PD book, anything seems better than silence... I seriously had an escape hatch installed in the roof of my cabin, they seem like a necessity... I googled the silence/ enlightenment connection... ahhhhh ha, mmmm hmmmm! ... but Leo, wouldn't infinite sounds be preferable?... lol... @PsiloPutty maybe we can wear our noise cancelling headphones without the beats sometimes... seems easier than fancy arm rests

I wish @Shin , you were really green too, but beautiful any colour! I loved seeing Arman's smile... I didn't have a mental image of you @Arman but smiling + super genuinely seems so fitting! I realized I didn't even know if most of you were male or female...etc...and how cool that is....but I also like seeing the real person, thanks @egoeimai... @Joseph Maynor, you look the same, but it's a different perspective, so that's rad... @Soulbass you could never appear fake ... I've had my picture here before.... right now I feel more free without it (personal reasons/ stalking)....but I live for truth, and have nothing to hide.... so I will post one...but...please don't quote me so it's posted over and over, that would creep me out.... @JustinS, your expressions were awesome, I love your silly/ happy face!

@Leo Gura My new excitement for yoga was almost completely instantly squashed with the "silence" part....really? not even some nice relaxation chimes or something?... I bet I can get away with nature silence, right?...at least a few crickets or something....lol... Hmmmm, why do I dislike "silence" so much? It seems like the same reason some children are frightened of darkness...it is the auditory equivalent of darkness, is it not? and the same way a broom can look like a monster in the dark... silence can illuminate other mental projections....,how terrifying!!!....lol..... I guess these monsters in the silence must be seen for the brooms they are! @PsiloPutty I guess that's why we need time away from the beats...

@Paul EMD Thanks so much! What you said seem true and reasonable, it is myself that seems less so...lol...

@egoless Hmmm, I have all the same neurosis and more I like this thread, it allows space to express these "less than positive" things with the optimism of overcoming them, fabulous! Being an INFJ, for me, is a little different...I agree that society seem to be an extroverts world too...and I REALLY don't like that either... but I also have too much appreciation for our inner worlds to scum to total hate... I wouldn't wish for more external living, because I truly adore the internal @egoless could this maybe be your key to having introvert acceptance? I can have people think I'm an extrovert, but it's like reading a poem on stage and the podium prevents everyone from seeing me shake...lol... It is not possible to WILL yourself to be an instant extrovert, but it IS possible to WILL yourself to interact as boldly as one. I really like @tsuki the concept of thinking out loud in authenticity! My Demons (a few of them): 1.The Beast of Distraction: still grips me tightly. Even when I catch it in mindfulness, the rationalization monster can still convince me it's somehow necessary to waste my time, through some obviously twisted reasoning...and if that fails, a numbing monster can simply blow some sandman type dust across the mindfulness until the fog of illusion is so thick it seems too hard to find my way out of the distraction forest. 2. The Devil of Fear: still holds me most captive....how quickly it can spin tales of worst case scenarios out of nowhere...working in tandem with that rationalization monster again, they can have me utterly convinced that the worst is not only a possibility, but ultimately, utterly, inevitable!!! 3. The Gargoyle of Judgement: it lurks in shadows... often posing as rational "observations" ....when it is actually composed of nasty opinions, entirely! It judges myself, others, elderly, children, humanitarians, pets, etc there is no end to it's pathetic criticisms. 4. The Vampire of Repression: this thirsty vulture wants all of my authenticity for it's-self/ myself. It holds my emotions, desires, and unrequited actions in cages, sucking from them slowly...until the cages burst at the seems...the result is externally terrible, and the creature begins again. 5. The Behemoth of Perfectionism and Inaction: This beast is massive, the malicious offspring of Fear and Judgement...It appears omnipotent! It uses it's combined powers to halt my life purpose work in general, or demand I destroy/ dismiss any attempts when I finally have the hero's courage to create again....it is 100 times my size, breaks all scales in weight, has 50 rows of teeth, etc....

I'm likely addicted to them...or still find it a real struggle without them.... The only "replacement" I have is meditation in nature near waves, creek, rustling leaves, or waterfall etc.... the beats are magical... they can induce visionary states etc... it's hard to choose meditation in emptiness, when there appears to be a fabulous sound filled alternative...