Epiphany_Inspired

Thank you both so much @Arman @pluto .... sincerely appreciated! @pluto Can you give an example of a specific Breathing/ Grounding techniques for this?... and does one want to invoke anger that may be a blockage within, or just deal with it if it comes up? How do we discern? What is an example of a creative expression of angry energy? For example, once I painted a huge spirit bear smashing and eating oil tankers for a big protest. The bear was quite fierce, and I was actually angry that the Canadian gov't was considering allowing these tankers through the Northern Gateway/ ONLY Spirit Bear home, etc...but the act of painting it was pretty precise, and emotionless...I would imagine angry energy painting would be much less controlled...wouldn't they be bold, harsh, & expressive?... feeling like the bear, not looking like the bear....lol.....Anyway, I still have not YET overcome perfectionism (yes, I've watched the video) to be able to paint like that...what are some other creative ideas? Maybe I should train to be a black metal singer...lol...but that actually sounds fun...if there was a way to sing/ release that energy, while actually spreading a message of compassion/ love instead of angry lyrics...there's enough of that already...lol...ideas?

@The Monk Thanks, I will! I still have some baddies... (luckily no video games, porn, alcohol, etc like so many others mention struggling with) but Leo's 30 day experiment usually serves me well...I will tackle it again for something...not my precious tea/ caffeine yet, that's last...lol.... The second one, I could use some advice with...after 1.5 years, my meditation is still only 1/2hour max because my 3 year old, can't seem to go any longer without my presence...occasionally slightly longer if at night instead...but then I tend to fall asleep (I know this will sound excuse-ish), but more than 20 min and I need to shift my back - in sitting (nerve pain - body was run over)...or, try longer meditation lying down = sleep... Ideas... for me to make it work... to really try this? I know enlightened people can do this despite any pain...but I'm not enlightened yet...lol.... p.s. advice on the download thing? I guess I could make my own worksheet, my bubbles are pretty extensive!

There's a television show kind of like this (8 months left for humanity)... it's really silly/ mind-numbing so I won't name it...TV is a terrible distraction....the positive side of the show is that the characters begin to follow their purposes, spend their $ on the most fun shit they can imagine, take awesome risks, and complete bucket lists, etc... For me, if I am self-honest...I'd be really torn between the practical and the exciting...I'd want to be flamboyantly revolutionary....but part of me would feel a need to get all of my excessive collections, papers, and projects in order (so others aren't stuck with my shit) while trying to amass as much money as possible to leave my child, etc... while the other part of me would sell my home and use the money to give myself and my child the greatest adventure all while assisting in positive global change, creating true expressive and free works, with the greatest gratitude and respect for every present moment imaginable!

@NahmDid you mean: my choice to experience this, or the choices others make to drink (etc) and harm themselves/ others? Something else? I feel it's somewhat beyond choice on my end...the dysfunction literally shows up on my doorstep out of nowhere (and I live really fucking deep in the woods!)... I don't know if the universe wants me to help them...or distance, and just lead by example...or what? I see locals in the military, or teachers, and other "strong figures" we "should respect" so fucking disturbed/ deluded/ dysfunctional! I see abuse from all sexes, but I am seeing mostly women feeling forced to tolerate harsh abuse and constant threats because of "love", or children, or marriage, etc. Is this because I was in something like this a year and a half ago (and still dealing with the legal stuff, etc)? I'm seeing people getting physically hurt, emotional trauma, etc...I've actually had success shattering their denial sometimes... Is this important work for me?...to see the fucked up shit in other women's lives, shine a beacon on the dysfunction and hope they snap out of it (because sometimes they do)? Or educate the men that their behaviour is unacceptable (because sometimes they realize it)? They are all around me...I'm not perfect...I'm dysfunctional too...I acknowledge it, and work on it in my own life...I wish it was only my own to deal with... This also seems so far beyond the choices of individuals (even though they do have choice), it' a major societal/ patriarchal mind-fuck! It's everywhere, I don't want myself or my child around it... I understand that I have choice...but how do I determine which choice is best, isolation, or interactions with the severely dysfunctional? ..I feel like I need to heed my own words and keep the mantra "over 7 billion people in the world" on continual repeat....I hope to, one day, surround myself in sane, dynamic, effective, and fruitful interactions...it's an easy choice for me, to revel in hermit-dom...probably not healthy for my child...I'm super confused....but I'm seeing signs of fresh awesome paths...they have opened up a consciousness school for kids here now!!! (Long drive, but...) It's incredible, based on Buckminster Fuller ideals, etc! I want to raise my daughters tuition somehow, hang with those parents, and create a new experience!

I also adore Bruce Lipton!

#1. Do it for passion/ purpose regardless. #2. Price based on how much of your heart/ soul is in it...our time is priceless, but consider how many hours you actually spent on it....value your time by respecting yourself #3. Guide your price based on truly similar works, even if their success/ status is a rung up #4. use your intuition for pricing without allowing insecurity or visions of grandiosity to cloud it #5. Most importantly, realize the true value is in it's existence, regardless of purchase! Keep creating!

It's true! MEGA GRATTITUDE!

I see laziness and impatience as both...great teachers/ indicators...but also as destructive nemesis monsters hindering....

Thank you so much @Arman , I am truly grateful for the thought, time, and energy in your response. You explained so much, so well, thanks! I still have a few questions if anyone has answers: #1. My experience of anger in OTHERS is usually a destructive lashing out. I do personally avoid anger because of this. I *allow* my anger, mostly in letters, when I feel there is a great injustice, prejudice, etc. I grew up in violence, I have the potential for truly harsh anger. What is an example of a beneficial way to express anger (is skipping rope enough)? #2. Shouting hatred, hitting pillows, etc, while imagining directing this at someone that is not there, concerns me. The person does not experience the anger from you (directly, but energetically?), regardless, I am not sure of this is a healthy practice. So, what is a healthy way to express this energy (like build-ups of numerous small frustrations)? I feel like I just want to enjoy the compassion, forgiveness, and empathy that usually come quickly anyway... #3. I was in that domestic victim state mentioned, but it was my trusty old buddy fear that got me out (with a little mother-bear protection anger too). I totally get that idea "From the space of anger it is easier to move to courage than it is from apathy". So, is this why anger is considered a "higher resonance" than fear even though it is a secondary emotion that comes from fear? #4. What are these techniques? links? The ones I've heard of so far seem disturbing to me. #5. Of course fear is a terrible delusion that I'm working on too...that said, as a *flight* responder (not fight), there is something rather comfy in my usual response...in attempting to enter anger states intentionally my whole body quivers with an energy I really do not like...I can go into hyper-vigilance, etc too...Like my Martin Luther King example above, are there positive ways to use this energy, (something to master/ evolve rather than transcend)?

Somewhere in my PD work I learned about the study of the face...apparently, smiling more (or even just having your resting facial expression with mouth corners up) actually increases your capacity for optimism...then, hilariously enough, you end up smiling even more because you become more optimistic...it's suddenly so much easier to be jovial, laugh all the time, etc.... I don't want to compare... but when my daughter and I are in the car, we often see a lot of sad or grumpy people out the window...it seems silly...my daughter often wants to cheer them ALL up...lol...but the best, is when they are beaming right back at us!

Thanks to you as well, I hope you are having a beautiful day!

For International Women's Day, a Global Sisterhood organized women's circles world wide for a united feminine meditation/ prayer. It was really cool to participate in. I'm posting this super late, but perhaps it may still apply to some time-zones:

I've experienced "the bad"... so badly...I get it...at the same time, to be authentically open-minded....we can't assume to truly know another's experience, insights or intentions just based on the descriptive words they use...like *infinity*...one really positive thing I see ...on both sides of the coin...is an awesome shattering of the rigid box of normalcy, an amazing willingness to explore, and beautiful communication about good, bad, etc...thank you!

Sort of a Happy Valentine's story: Back in Sept. I had an adventure to the states with one beautiful synchronicity after another (most noticeably in my life)...on my way home, the synchronicity seemed to continue, when I met the only person I've connected with in a potentially romantic way in years. He had a girlfriend, so it was easy to continue not being ready...available only to someone else like that in some far off future realm, indefinitely (while I do my PD work to prepare and make sure I only find something healthy, not "needing" anything, etc). That day when we met, he gave me a gift when we parted ways (it was a really intense meeting, with 2 long boat rides, one without/ one with my daughter). This gift had been missing for 6 weeks, we also hadn't spoke in 6 weeks (even though we had become good friends since Sept). I was in my studio and this gift literally fell from who knows where right in front of me. The next day I got a phone call about a workshop through a place he had recently worked for, so his name randomly came up. With those two things in a row, I felt pulled to contact him. We arranged to meet next week, (live on different islands near each other). The next night, lunar eclipse, his girlfriend told him she was leaving him (unrelated to me, we were just friends, it's about her independence for travel). It's amazing that we've suddenly connected beyond friends (valentines from slightly afar). That said, given all of these synchronicities, I don't want to loose touch with reality and get lost in what Leo was talking about with perceived meanings and unconscious symbols. I also don't want to miss out on something rad because of concern about meanings, when these symbols have really guided my intuition. I really don't want to get off track with my personal development either. The situation has complications on both ends, plus, I have been intentionally alone for 1.5 years now (because last relationship was abusive). I feel super stoked, but I don't know how to discover: if seeing someone is the right choice for me right now...I'm still super neurotic, and in need of a lot more personal evolution for sure...lol...thoughts?

I don't need answers about preparation/ focus, etc. That said, I am still a bit concerned about my ability to *be present, this extensively* etc. I know many of you work 9-5 etc, I honestly* haven't in over a decade (even if I spend 8 hours a day on a painting, I can walk away at any time, I usually require that, headaches etc ). So, I'm going to provide some more info about what I'll be doing (pretty standard PD stuff), and also attempt to answer my own questions in case this comes up for anyone else: *Learning: communication, breathing techniques, trauma effects/ compassion for wounded self, boundaries, sensations & self awareness, express energy/ more aliveness, how our bodies inform, appreciation - ourselves and others, places we’re stuck, patterns that no longer serve, enriching relationships/ healthy, personal responsibility, future planning, etc... *Answers attempt: use part of lunch break for private meditation, do only basic chores that week, ask for hand-outs/ less notes, avoid or limit homework until after workshop, etc, more ideas?

What are some things that you Actualizerz feel are good "mental/ physical/spiritual" preparations for intensive PD workshops, etc? I recently made a Mala for Meditation. One of the words I used in the mantra was *Transformation*. Within a week, there was a message in my inbox for a PD workshop with the same name! I ended up getting a bursary for the full $500 cost, and another bursary to cover my child care too!!! Incredible!!! I haven't had to conform, be in one spot, pay attention, etc...*full-time* in at least a decade! This is only a week, but it's a full, deep, intensive week! I feel like I'm having a PD growth spurt (similar to when I first began this a year and a half ago). Some of my beliefs, etc... can change on the drop of a dime, and I'm fantastically open. That said, I have a tendency to go overboard (like blacking out from sleep dep doing homework, etc). How can I go into this deeply, with full awareness, while at the same time, having this be gentle enough for me that I don't get totally overwhelmed. My motives are pure and true, I am prepared to release, travel into my dark corners, etc...Still, I have been (at least subconsciously) often more resistant and judgemental. How can I dive into this fully, to allow the ultimate blossoming to occur?

@aryberry Cuddling is amazing, but only if it is comfortable, mutually desired/ respectful, etc... Yes, animals like kitties are great to cuddle too, you can start there.... There is something "more" to the cuddle connection with other people...your kids, etc too....@DJ don't stop cuddling your child because of society...maybe if it gets too "uncool" for her as a teen....but please not because of perceived external judgement:) Cuddling and actualization?...same as all affection...must be interdependent snuggles...to be on actualizing path...What is it like? See @Peace and Love's post...they make vests that simulate cuddles as therapy, because it feels so calming, blissful, and rad!

@LowPlanetary I think in a few words, what @Nahm said nailed it.... as long as it's about connection...and it isn't parasitic, co-dependant, vampiric, etc... attached to a "pain-self's" *need* for "attachment".... now, that said, I still believe in a positive type of love attachment, which is a total bonding, like I have with my daughter...that would never be as simple as a connection....

@PetarKa When I saw this thread, my first reaction was "oh no"...lol... If you search the forum you will see that this is not the first time this has happened - Someone asks an innocent question about this, and it turns into a more intense debate. I have now learned that I have no desire to go back and forth on the subject, so this will be my only post, but please PM me if you want names of documentaries etc that will change your perceptions about meat and dairy forever! As someone that was vegetarian most of my life, for me personally, right now: it's about health (limiting processed foods, etc), sustainability (is this food production reasonable long term), ethics (how are the animals living, milked, etc, and how do they die), and additives (are there hormones, anti-biotics, formaldehydes, etc in it). We still consume dairy, but most of it comes from a friend's sustainable farm where the goats are really happy, etc. We don't eat red meat, but we do eat sustainable/ ethical local chicken, eggs, and fish. For me, it's making integral, compassionate choices where both my nutritional needs, and the needs of the planet are both kept in mind!

@ValleKnowsNothing Ok, so I've worked on this a lot more now too; I've barely begun...I think I have an idea for you about dropping roles, it's so simple, that's why we missed it. I think it's just more mindfulness. Once we shine a light on these roles, we can use our awareness to gradually transform ourselves (just like with other negative thought patterns)...the roles, like costumes, would simply begin to fall off of us, eventually leaving only our naked beauty shimmering beneath! We have that direction now, mindfulness, with higher-self's opinions as a guide (like a north star), to keep us on the path to dropping them, awesome. That said, the initial steps are still confusing for me. Maybe you have some ideas for me? First, I went through the whole video again and wrote down all of the roles. Apparently, I act out most of them (except a few, like "Macho" etc)...and there are more roles than Leo mentions too of course! Then, when it came to narrowing them down, I began to ponder if some of the ones that could also be classified as stereotypes were actually "roles", or just part of how I've evolved/ or feel I am perceived. For example: if we take anarchist & bohemian: sure, I often buy my books at the anarchist store/ go those workshops etc...or live rustically in the forest with my long hair, lol...but...Do I actually put any effort into embodying these? (Admittedly, a little. I would never tell people I "am" these things, but there are things I do to make me "more" like that.) Do I need to actually identify as the role? How often are the roles unintentional/ unconscious vs blatant projection? Are we mostly looking for insidiously hidden ones? Many people seem to have wounded bird. I have this one largely too, but acknowledging it in the top 3 is a challenge for me...because part of me feels like if I do, I would be simultaneously dismissing all of the progress I've made with my brain and physical injuries (notice my mention of injuries). Dropping it seems "fake", like when I've tried to pretend my brain is the same, or when I've unsuccessfully tried to do things as though I magically no longer have physical injuries. While figuring out how to drop this as a *role*, would I still accept the reality of my injuries and their effects? Is it just about not talking about injuries, or is it more internal? It's the same with victim or abused, the day I watched Leo's video, I changed how I respond, and am now a survivor (but this inherently indicates there was something to survive). Sure if someone was physically raping, or beating me, or something, I'd be a victim during the assault, but I would not perpetuate that victim mindset afterwards. How do you honour overcoming crap in the past which can still impact your choices, expressions, perceptions, etc.. while also detaching from it as a role?

@eskwire It was one of Leo's new insights, they are on the actualized site, first tab....this it was just as much of a mind-fuck for me as this roles thing because I'm one of those way too into symbols type people...lol.... @Nahm that might actually help...and I do like a good ceremonial burning release too!...is that more symbols? @Leo Gura, thank you, I think I have to read that a number of times to absorb it all, but the art reference alone clarifies! @Trond the potato reference is surprisingly helpful - to get this concept, I'm just not evolved enough to "believe" it yet... @aryberry Have you seen those musical instruments where you sing into a tube, and a layer of sand makes amazing geometric patterns? I can't remember what they are called just now, but I think you'd like them. (I am likely perpetuating the symbol significance here again) @Soulbass this is so true, on so many levels...and I know you are right...but I'm also so deep into the symbol and energetic thing...that book, as an object, although most beneficial when read....seems to me like it may still have an energetic/symbolic benefit based on it's history, composition, visuals on the cover, etc...I know, I'm terribly lost in "symbol", "underlying perceived meaning/ energy" crap...wanting to be more in reality, also wondering if I'd loose some wonderland beauty in life, and be left with dull nothingness ....but also trusting Leo is likely on to something, and my wonderland is probably only 1% of the real deal... @Whywolf Thanks so much! Yes, discerning is my like my greatest nemesis and my greatest teacher right now!

Re: Leo's insight about evolving out of perpetual unconscious symbols Obviously if you too are a "creative-type": an artist, story-teller, poet, filmmaker, etc you realize the value, importance, beauty, etc in symbolism. I would never want to eliminate this....but I see what Leo is saying...and I very much live in the typical, (if not more so) fantasy-land with endless ridiculous symbols. So, how do we recognize unconscious symbols if we are not conscious of them. Does mindfulness alone work to eventually spot and dispel them? What about things like sacred geometry, clocks that seem to have a significant time, etc...Which symbols are ok to see the universal connection etc in...and which will take me further out of "reality", and how do I discern?

@ajasatya @Elisabeth So much Gratitude to you both for helping! I should have been more clear, I was not considering "going poly" myself, I know my moral compass is monogamous, just as you said Elisabeth, so right! I was just really confused about how it works, if someone says they can be both mono or poly. I used the questions Leo suggested in Ayla's thread, and some of my own. I got really good answers (for anyone else that encounters a situation like this, I will post below). I will never again worry about asking "stupid" questions "too soon"! if we are truthfully ignorant about this stuff, we can just be honest and respectful, and inquire openly...it's really illuminating: *What exactly is polyamourous/ non-monogamous?: Apparently there are so many different types of this ranging from a person that lives alone but is in a relationship with (aprox) 7 different people and they distribute their time between them all (this may or may not include one night stands as well), to something simpler like Ayla's situation, and a full spectrum in between. *What about HIV/ AIDS (and the time frame needed to wait/confirm testing)? Apparently, it is a concern in the poly community. Like having one stable partner, having a fling, then potentially having to wait months to safely be with your partner again. Some people are trusting enough of protection, others do wait at lengths to be sure. *Why can some people be both poly and mono? It depends if a person "needs" to be with multiple partners, or simply has a desire to. *If you, as a mono or poly person had to choose one, which would it be? His choice was either, depending on the situation, people or person. The few bi-sexual guys I was with, all loved *people* regardless of gender* with *no preference*, (like for the gender opposite mine). If they did have that preference, I would not have felt comfortable in those relationships. I realized it was the same for me with this both mono & poly thing...and that for me, knowing if there was a preference, would determine if I was comfortable with expecting monogamy, from him for my benefit. I would never want to feel like I may be depriving anyone of the opportunity to live out their chosen orientation. So I asked: *"What if you could only choose one option and stick to it for the rest of your life"? He said poly. It's likely many people with this orientation would also choose poly, because it provides more variation and diversity in relationships, which is something people with a poly orientation naturally desire. So, now I know this situation is not right for me. It's much less awkward...and we are even better friends because of it (I'm a bit bummed, but receptive and accepting).

The forum noted Alya's thread was "old" and suggested I make a new one, but anyone interested in this subject should check out hers too. Edit: I just saw Concept's similar thread, sorry, should have checked first. Re: opinion on humans natural orientation, I think it depends on the individual more that the species...we see that in the animal kingdom too... So, tomorrow, I'm going to meet a friend we "like" each other...his girlfriend is leaving him...this relationship, and the one he had before were "one-sided-polyamourus"...where these ladies were with other guys - but he was only with them...he still considers these polyamourus...but says he can be "either monogomous, or polyamourus"...I'm confused... I have never wanted a poly situation (I've even said "get the fuck out of my tent, that sounds like a bunch of diseases waiting to happen"....lol)...It's partly about the diseases, (there is a waiting period before HIV can show up in testing etc)...but it's also an ego thing, perceived integrity thing, a moral compass thing, etc. I just want to be with one person. So, how do I tell him that my moral compass is only ok with "friend affection" (hugs, innocent kisses, holding hands, etc) until his girlfriend actually physically leaves (early spring)? How do I talk about: if we are seeing each other, and at some point I become a girlfriend, I don't want either of us to have other lovers? (I want to know if this is works, asap, but it's a big topic to bring up so soon). He is going to a polyamory meeting on Monday. Is it weird to ask: if he is going because he needs support dealing with his girlfriend having other lovers, or if he's going because he wants to "get more into it"/ it's become a part of his current identity.

@ajasatya Thanks so much! You are right about me needing more sincerity with myself, totally! Luckily it's not about neediness (though I have been that person before...lol). I've been single 1.5 years intentionally, I definitely don't "need" this (*was not looking/ wanting yet*). I'm just really pulled by the connection. You are also totally right that the whole poly thing is making me really uncomfy! I feel really awkward (no experience)! I would never want to tell anybody what to do, and I have no desire to do that in this situation either. Instead of "getting out", isn't it ok to ask questions, get clarification, then decide where I stand? Can I express my feelings somehow? He told me that he can be both, poly or mono, and he has never actually been with another woman while in his poly relationships, only the ladies were. Can I just express, that until she leaves, we are friends...and if he wants a relationship/sex/anything more with me once she's gone, that I am not ok with poly? Is this telling him what to do? I thought it is just explaining where I stand....i'm really confused, thanks for helping! I've had a couple of bi-sexual boyfriends before. They told me they were mono, and could be with either guys or girls, so that was easy for me to understand. If this new guy says he can be mono, or poly isn't it the same idea as a bisexual person choosing a single partner? I'm sorry if I came off as infantile, I have just never dealt with this before, and it's further complicated with his girlfriend not physically leaving just yet. I have been really honest too, brutally. I just don't want to go too deep into the logistics so soon and seem to intense, but I really do want to know if there is a potential future I'd be ok with, before I put more time and energy in. What do you think?