Epiphany_Inspired

This is my self-love, life purpose, and mastery nemesis. @Socrates. I have not overcome it remotely...but... I know some things that help: For the self: #1. Cultivate acceptance (bulldozing through to anti-perfectionism at this point is only suppression) #2. Commit to dreams regardless of it (it's better to do something flawed than nothing at all) #3. Find baby step methods of willfully surpassing it (the beast won't realize it's loosing strength if it's broken down by toothpicks rather than swords) For judgement of others: #1. See them as their hurt inner children #2. Cultivate not giving a shit/ tolerance/ compassion #3. Re-invoke how judgement has felt for you, especially other's inaccurate assumptions..."do unto others", even in thought...

@WaterfallMachine No, I have too much to discover there to have anymore questions yet...my ignorance & the sheer scope of this, has left me feeling like there is so much more to learn before I could even conceive of something more to ask...thanks so much for everything! I especially love the list of ways to find large paradigms! Awesome! I feel like I mostly had theories before....and it's like you've given me the whole formula, and a how to road-map, thanks...an over-simplification is like: worldviews + beliefs + values + biases + assumptions + motivations + fears + aspirations/ admirations + attractions + spiritual orientation + envies + dislikes + culture + actions + stereotypes + etc... = large bubbles So, if I actually get to the point where I can complete that equation personally....I hope I can actually distill it down into the all encompassing singularity...to the point where I can recognize it as a total unification, possibly name it, and begin it's transformation....thanks! Yes, it's likely when liberated folk must put on their ego suits, they put on a mask or two as well....but consciously....

I just spent a bunch of time asking important questions (to me anyway) on those subjects, only to have all of what I typed gone... again...It's happened a few times, where I get signed out even though I'm still on the forum....then go to post....all work gone....dear admin person, can you rescue it? If not, I'll try to type it all out again later....thanks!

@aryberry Thank you truly, yes, that was my question, thanks. Anyone else reading this thread in the future, that's a good non-situation specific answer, also the shift mentally answer from @dorg. @philosogi I wish I knew for certain...mind vs. soul...my soul has always been drawn/connected to this other place, and I experienced a lot of synchronicity, like-minded connection, and motivation there...but I went there equally as a journey for growth, and as an escape...the other location is known for it's creative, passionate, hardworking people, as well as it's open-minded, free-spirited culture....and those all suit my soul quite well....it is good for children in many ways...also difficult for them in others...and my soul must choose for 2....I have a strong desire to escape too....how can one tell...mind/ fear vs soul? and if it may be a bit of both, how do you find which holds more weight? @dorg: Sadly, I'm dealing with actual toxicity (not just my lens, it's official). He's purchased a home 5 minutes away, which would be lovely if it was just for good co-parenting, but....the proximity is currently unhealthy regardless of my ability to adapt/ tolerate, etc... you can only change your own behaviour...yes, good with the child directly...but indirectly... he appears to be oblivious of the effects of dysfunction on a child...I have no way of knowing if this will ever change...so far, it's been years and it has only become worse... @Emerald Hope your birthday was awesome, that's my fav sushi too. I ended it, for good, long ago....never going back...but when you have a child, you are stuck connected... good idea, but I do not have the opportunity to try something else out. I cannot afford rent (plus there is a massive shortage there anyway), and keep my land. I would have to sell, and undertake a massive ordeal to move to a new permanent home (I am more of a homesteader, than a nomad....grow food, etc)...that said, we can do a camping trip there, or something...Yes, I want to limit the amount I have to spend interacting with his dysfunction. My intention, if I were to move, would not be based in trying to limit the other parents time, it would be for my freedom, and what I decide is in our best interest...the other location would still allow for time with the other parent...but a bit less... I do love my current home too, I am very connected to the nature here...I never planned to leave...I am shocked I am considering it....Am I feeling forced out, or considering a empowering choice? how do I discern?

@WaterfallMachine I think you are probably correct about the bubbles, and it helped me to understand: It seems like there must be a large bubble, with the smaller bubbles within. It seems like popping the large bubble would be more difficult than popping smaller ones (unless you could drastically shift your entire perspective). I also think you are likely right about what the big bubble is: the totality of our view on reality....I have a shitload of small bubbles, but I'm uncertain how determine what the big one is even with your definitions. When you mentioned the higher goals...is it a higher consciousness ideal that we've just distorted through ego, or more of a low conscious survival based interpretation of desires - believing it's of higher service? You seem to have an eye for bubbles. I am struggling, like the roles (too many/ quite diverse). I guess finding the big bubble is about developing the ability to see the entire distortion created by the whole pair of glasses, rather than looking at the issues with each individual "tinted" lens...the issue is when you mix the blue, red, & yellow lenses...it's like looking through murky mud/ pretty hard to see clearly...looking through them or at them.... As far as art appreciation & relationships: I think Leo said something about how sometimes our bubbles serve each other, but if they contradict, the ego has a way of bridging the gaps with self reasoning. For example as an artist, I am terrible with that, I can't seem to check out a library book for my daughter if I really don't like the illustrations...but my choices in relationships often have less to do with appearance and are more about the "story"/ connection (the last one was an unfortunate exception...lol...). I can see how my mind could bridge these type of gaps- In practicing mindfulness, it's ridiculous how I can make anything seem reasonable in my world, if I want to, or need to... to maintain my perceptions. Yeah, totally, everything seems to be a paradigm...but my intuition and optimism lead me to believe that something better must exist beyond them...

SQUEEEEE! Thank you soooooo much actualization team, whomever fixed the issue of all our work disappearing if we get signed out! My computer just crashed, and when I logged back in my comment was still there, this is awesome! Thank you amazing technical wizard!

@Treeves4u Love it! Perfect examples! @Shin Totally, I need to put that on my fridge or something! @Anirban657 Thank you for this thread. That Truth Warrior guy I found for you lives in BC, like me, and has awesome videos that seem in sync with Leo (hero's journey, etc)...actually I bet they'd be friends...more than Leo and Teal or something...lol...actually, who knows...lol...anyway, it ended up that I also benefited from sharing that with you... that super quick google, has now provided me with hours worth of awesome learning! Thanks! Were you looking into martial arts too? I've only done a little fencing and capoeira...so far....

@philosogi My wings may be a little clipped because I have a child, and would never give her up to move (unfortunately, I'd have to request it through a judge and make a good enough case). My gut is not currently functioning as a accurate barometer (overwhelmed)....that's why I posed the question...your siblings that are "able to deal", are they *thriving* compared to you? If not, do you believe this is because they stayed, or because they aren't motivated to thrive? @dorg I get what you are saying, but can you be more specific in terms of physical and mental changes. For example, is it more beneficial to remain physically but shift mentally, or move physically and shift mentally. I think you are saying that the mental shift can happen regardless of location that anywhere can become the mental realm....but, is one choice superior in attaining a mental realm? more swiftly? Is a mental realm easier to create in a new location or current location?

A Blissful Birthday to you Leo! May it be so joyful that you can't help but throw random things in the air with sheer excitement, in the moment! The gift I offer you today is my immense gratitude: in words, in spirit, and in energy truly sent to you with wholehearted love, appreciation, and respect! Forum: I loved all of the creative wishes, awesome work everyone! I'll do something next year. Remind me. (card is not my photo, and I have no idea about the religious contex)

@Loreena , @Emerald , @Annetta , @My_Name_Is_Mud Thank you all. I have always felt safe to share my deepest thoughts n on this forum...but, because of things that Mud brought up, such as slander, etc. I feel hesitant to discuss all of the details, also, I "may" still be experiencing it. Plus, other actualizers may have experienced victimization in a repeating form too (regardless, it could be sexual, physical. emotional, etc ...it's all violence...). I have been stalked a couple of times in the past, in the typical way we think of: following around/ showing up / calling, etc...You just get a restraining order, and it's usually all good. What I "may" be experiencing now is more insidious; I wasn't aware this form of stalking even existed until I recently read the legal definition and the effects on the "victim" and was horrified by the "apparent" accuracy. I swear to you Mud this is about security not revenge. My concerns are exactly what you mentioned, that it could be misconstrued, if authorities don't "get it"....and could actually escalate what "seems" like terrorization if they don't help or just give a warning that could aggravate the "apparent" aggressor further. I will be asking for help either way, (thank you @Emerald for helping me understand that it's just a label). How would I know if it's in my highest interest to go the police route instead of court? I have been utterly shocked by the typical reaction I get from professionals and some of my friends: blame/ others assuming I may have provoked it , or not understanding the extent, and repetitive/ cumulative nature of the "apparent" terrorization. Also parts of my personal-development-self may have been hindering getting help because I *SO* don't want to be a victim.... I want to be moving on to goals etc,*SO* badly that it left me unprepared for each next "potential" incident.....and I've been *SO* into taking responsibility...I was taking more than my share...

@My_Name_Is_Mud Exactly, I totally get that, so true! This is precisely the difference that I was trying to explain; between the victim mentality, and the actual victim events (in the first paragraph). I truly appreciate your perspective, thank you. Obviously the brave, forward moving person has the more joyful life! Let me re-phrase my questions: When the acts of violence (like stalking, or assault, etc) are happening continuously, and regardless of the desire to move on to goals and not let the violence stand in the way....it keeps happening...it's forced consistent actual victimization (not just a "poor me" re-living of the past). How can these extended victimizations be surpassed the same way an isolated event can (both internally and externally/ physical world)? and... If authorities need to be involved, they are not likely to help a person wanting to move on with their goals and put it behind them. Must a person go into "poor pitiful me" mode to get assistance from authorities like police, lawyers, etc? How can the cultural roadblocks (such as victim blaming, denial of support, etc) be surpassed to get the assistance often needed to fully embody the stage you mentioned: (going out and accomplishing while not letting anything bad that once happened to them stand in their way)?

TRUTH: For me...it's free of delusion, free of the ego's rationale, it's what really is - if you could take off the glasses with lenses made of your tinted perceptions. (make sense?) If not, see Bruce Lipton's work, look into how our past experiences, traumas, etc, create "lenses" that distort truth. Here's an epistemology description: "We never access reality because we can never get outside our own beliefs to do so. Our beliefs function as filters that keep reality (if such a thing exists) beyond us." THE CALL: For me...the call is more than a half-assed attempt at actualization. The call is waking up to why you are here, what you are meant to do, accepting the call to follow that path while being willing to go without, break ties, suffer the reality of actually fully experiencing our emotions, etc basically whatever it takes to FULLY accept the inner journey, and any external consequences. Defeating yourself: For me...I believe this is a battle that CAN always be won, the challenge is not - if it's possible, but if you are TRULY willing!

I believe you are asking how to become a warrior of truth, rather than a physical warrior, is that correct? If so, here are some things I have learnt from personal experience, though I am barely the lass that carries the spare sword at this stage...lol...: - persistence, without loosing confidence is key - fear is not a shield, and courage will inevitably be victorious - the strength of the entire universe is available, you can connect to it by drawing it in - they ability to connect to an innate knowing, while pushing aside or overcoming the ego's rationale is crucial - making a commitment to that path is an absolute necessity I just googled it, and came across a website that looks just right for you. It appears to be about both, martial arts, and personal development & truth. Here's a link and a quote: "The story of the Warrior is twofold. It is a story of heroes, and equally of tyrants. One side is a story of those striving to perfect methods of achieving self mastery and preserving peace and harmony in the world, and for others, a story of violence, subjugation, empire expansion, domination, unjust war, and totalitarian conquest. The story we have been told, the definition of terms, and the overall perspective we have in the present day of what the Warrior is has been mostly focused on the latter. The history of the Warrior was mainly handed down to us by the various empires and elite classes that dominated in their day. The true and complete version has mostly been lost and in my opinion, has been purposely wiped from our collective memory in many respects. It is thanks to those brave ones throughout history who have carefully preserved this body of knowledge that we are able to piece this together, to learn from the past, and to re-awaken the spirit of the warrior in our modern time where it most desperately needs to return." http://www.wayofthetruthwarrior.com/truth-warrior.html

First, on the positive side, when I see healthy functioning lives it is a like a glorious fucking vision! I have so much respect and admiration! Then, I see this dysfunctional shit almost everywhere-else I look! Is this really the majority of the population (western/1st world)? Or, am I still at such a low frequency that's all that will resonate with my life now? Homes that seem "happy" on the surface, turn super dark when you spend the time to truly view them. They are mostly abusive to one degree or another, or at least pretty fucked up. I always thought it was just my past, and occasionally other peoples lives too...but it seems to be almost everyone (even new people)! Disturbing interactions, friendships, parents, etc, on and on, almost everywhere! I'm not saying I'm the ultimate in functional, I'm just shocked by the pervasive darkness.....the extent of it! Alcohol/ addiction is often a major factor. Sure, there exist "happy" drunks/ addicts, but more often, it leads to, or feeds, toxic behaviour (anger, violence, depression, delusions, escape, etc). Obviously prohibition is not the answer, but it's creepy how accepted intoxication, etc is. Plus, I see verbal and physical assaults deemed "normal". Suddenly so many have a new mental illness out of nowhere. What the fuck humans, what's our problem? If I stayed away from everyone with alcoholism, aggression, abusive or victim tendencies, neediness, and other pretty dysfunctional shit...I wouldn't have very many people in my community, the nearest small or large cities, etc, to socialize with...I'd be even more isolated than my rural location already dictates. What's the solution? Keep working on myself until my consciousness finds more functional friends? or better tolerates dysfunction? Or, would I actively seek out more functional people/ risking isolation to avoid this fucked up shit I keep seeing everywhere? At least seeing the dark, makes the light so stunningly illuminating!

@LowPlanetary Anyone that says "be realistic" when they attempt to squash your beautiful dreams is likely not listening to their higher-self....and you likely won't be able to convince them to do so....but what you CAN do is to start listening to your own higher-self...and the confidence, bravery, etc will come, as your passion trumps any fears! Yes, intuition...it's one of the best tools for self-trust...mastery wouldn't hurt either...lol...

frustrated that I must type this again...universe, do I need better editing?...better memory?...what is the lesson?. .does continually re-typing help me somehow? Anyway, I've been going to some awesome PD workshops, and having deeper conversations (of course this is rad) but I've noticed a theme that seems potentially problematic. Teachers/ guides and peers that are unwilling to be open-minded to non-duality and the effects of this. In learning, some self-mastery techniques seem to clash with non-dual perception. When I ask the instructors questions about this they either don't get it, or seem unwilling to accept the possibility. In conversations, most of my peers don't seem to think non-dually at all...they think it's flaky, crazy, or it just goes flying by with no willingness to consider it, or ability to grasp it. I totally accept that it's simply another perception, like any of our other lenses, and restrain from rigidity in that too...at the same time, ND is pretty counter-intuitive to the way our culture typically perceives things...so it's usually easier to think dually... Are there stages one must go through in dual thinking before really entering the realm of non-duality? If the personal development techniques that embrace duality may be helpful to me at this point, would I work with them as is, or try to convert them into a non-dual version, if possible? How do non-dual thinkers typically connect with, and relate to dual thinkers and vice versa?

@Leo GuraThanks, I am beginning to acquire a taste for truth....it's definitely like the stinky natto they often serve in a separate room in Japanese restaurants...lol...but I like that now too...I understand what you are saying, I guess my concern is, in choosing the best bet longterm....it may affect my progress shorter-term...and progress helps me stay on track...then again, despite the odd flavor, truth is everything! @Principium Nexus thanks! if I question the "grounded in" there is usually intense rigid judgement...I will look for the most genuine options, thanks! @SchallUndRauch thanks...it's possible that this is true...that the rigidity is not as specific as it appears to be... I have a lifetime of experience with being frustrated that others don't consider my unique perspectives...and I have recently become used to accepting, in general, there are a lot of different/valid perceptions, and also mass cultural closed mindedness...at the same time, my personal experience is that, for me, this issue is duality specific...i'm glad there is likely no ladder though... I would be SO stoked to meet the Dali Lama, I might pee myself with excitement if he gave me personal advice...lol...I'd actually attempt it...i'd begin by observing and questioning the "dude"...while trying to gain his favor so that I could hang out with him often...I get that we can never truly know another's mind, and that most people in our culture don't undertake actualization...but what am I missing? I am surprisingly willing to consider the AI god theory...and have even contemplated something similar myself once in relation to the perfection with the connecting web of all the universe...my reaction is "hmmm, interesting concept"...is that the reaction you were expecting? I'm not sure what this means?... I often think quite literally, especially when it comes to reading (your comment) and writing (my comment)...I am fairly sure that you wanted me to learn something from the questions you posed, not answer them...but I find your lesson is somewhat illusive...

Wow, I feel so blessed by the support here, thank you all! I will attempt to re-write my questions. Total gratitude, thanks! @see_on_see I was doing the copy paste thing after the first couple crashes, but I forgot that time, thanks for the reminder!... paraphrasing from memory,: So first: I said how super awesome the Big Picture video was, and that the general road map is just fine, thanks Leo! Then I asked about Paradigms...great video, but I was confused about how to take action on this...I wanted to know if we are lumping all of our bubbles into one main bubble?....and if we are popping bubbles by entering other bubbles, by making new habits, or by stepping beyond comfort zones/ surpassing fears/ sheer personal bravery? Something else? Next must have been contemplation...oh yeah, I was wondering ...if I tend to do this a lot already...both the "good" kind, and the analytical type too, is it best to engage mostly understanding through direct experience first? So that I can use that as a guide... Concentration: first, with the visual ones, can the image animate a bit?...like the candle would flicker (my orange rotated, showing the stem, zoomed into pores, etc), everything I imagined had movement, is this ok, or distraction? Is it best to concentrate on a goal related image as in visualization? I had other questions, I can't remember...but I think I wrote something about the mudras...when I was learning to work with the Mala beads, they said to use the middle finger and thumb (earth and sky fingers) not index finger (fire)...does anybody know if using the fire finger is good for this practice...when Leo used those fingers he looked like a Tibetan deity...lol... Roles: still really struggling...other similar ladies (also have childhood trauma) that I know, say it's like we have "multiple personalities"...we have too many masks to name, and wardrobes like there are dozens of us. Roles are in my earliest memories, and I have felt really upset by how inauthentic/ superficial this particular work has left me feeling...despite my love of authenticity, and my devotion to embodying it....I now feel like a bad actress suit with a perpetually broken zipper, unable to reveal the real spirit within.....I have no idea how to isolate and pick away at the masks when they seem to be so endless...ideas? Insert random positivity here now (picture a cute puppy snuggling a kitten or something)...lol, thanks! Addition: I just spent half an hour writing a non-duality post, and forgot to copy it before submitting...like I did with this one...I've tried the back button like Leo suggested...but all my work is gone again...lesson hopefully learnt this time...

@bazera Perhaps I was projecting because of the way you worded the question... socializing was often "partying" for me at that age...maybe you are meant to be a really social person, or it's part of your Dharma? Perhaps you could contemplate balancing social time, vs productive time instead of worries about your skill with social interactions? I don't know...but what I do know (with 80% truth), is that today actually is the most important...not your imagined future self....and you don't need to *hope*, you create your own reality...you can *make*...

@Emerald The non-duality reminder, universal oneness, etc is likely what I needed to have reiterated, but in this context...thanks! Yes, I'm far from perfect too, but it's oddly helpful to know that your solution is keeping to yourself....because the only other alternative I can think of is somehow finding an entirely new community/ culture that is beyond that....Yes, I will not rule out the non-dual concepts... yes, my perceived external world is a vision of my internal creations...yes, healing myself is quite likely the ultimate solution!

The 21 year old you, the 21 year old all of us, likely has a pretty good idea of our Dharma....I would advise you to take the thing that you are most passionate about, and spend the majority of your time *enjoying* mastering that, savoring every present moment of that path...maybe it involves school, maybe it doesn't....giving up all socialization is silly...but at that age it's easy to allow it to take over, and you loose an entire decade, at least...

feeling love beyond humans...feeling the actual energy force....feeling it enter you, feeling it within you, and sending it out...like: love to water, the earth, the universe, etc....it's easier to love humans when you love everything...lol....

@Bob84 @Alex K I googled "open office", awesome, thanks!

I am open to any of your ideas for PD tasks for me to work on independently, (especially if you notice something particularly fucked up/ specific to me...lol..), but I'm posting this for a specific reason too: - Is there a way to view the worksheets without downloading them? If not, can actualized. org please do that? -If not, can you email the worksheets to us as a message, not a download? I totally want to do the worksheets...but I've been struggling with the logistics of the "download" since Leo changed to this format. I loved the "pause the video, do your homework, then press play again"...or the homework questions spoken at the end of the video...it ensured I did the work right away...and most importantly, that I knew what the homework was. I've been a 100% mac person at home/ every school/ every studio-workplace *magically*/intentionally for about 30 years, until now, my first PC...not a fan...(total *bubble*...lol...) anyway, it won't let me download the worksheets unless I have "office". Even if I get the "free trial" it makes me reconfigure my device so that I have to use my Microsoft account with ridiculously long password for everything etc. I don't want office again, but it automatically downloads the worksheet as an office file. I can't download any new alternate programs either...my device gets really glitchy....are there any other options?

@Flare Thanks so much, so many good reminders and insights! I will work on more acceptance, and appreciation thanks so much! I appreciate you! I am pretty tolerant, my issue is not with people living THEIR lives at their stage (I can see everyone as their "inner-child", I believe actions not people are "bad"etc)....my issue is when other's dysfunction clouds my world, or, when it starts setting an "example" for my child. I don't want us to be immersed in a world with this all around constantly, as it creates a standard of normalcy for sexism, intoxication/ addiction, abuse, victimhood, etc. I understand the concept of mirroring, and I have definitely witnessed "the reflection"...but, with alcohol/ addictions that = dysfunctional behaviour, etc...I've only consumed alcohol a few times a year, for at least 5 years...really minimal if at all...I don't think that I have any other addictions that really effect my behaviour like that (caffeine = alertness). This does not mean I feel "superior", just firm in my values that I want a different experience. I was honestly shocked at the EXTREME prevalence of (usually sexist) alcohol addiction fueled abuse/victimization in my culture, and since this post, I've heard of a couple more incidents, even what was to be a "happy wedding" turned into a violent abusive ordeal involving authorities, etc! It really seems everywhere! @Whywolf Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Yes, I may have to isolate, but is that fair to my child? Which is worse, not seeing any of her friends, or seeing friends with really dysfunctional families? I definitely don't want to involve myself further in the culture by volunteering directly, etc...I want to live beyond it....ideas?