Epiphany_Inspired

First, on the positive side, when I see healthy functioning lives it is a like a glorious fucking vision! I have so much respect and admiration! Then, I see this dysfunctional shit almost everywhere-else I look! Is this really the majority of the population (western/1st world)? Or, am I still at such a low frequency that's all that will resonate with my life now? Homes that seem "happy" on the surface, turn super dark when you spend the time to truly view them. They are mostly abusive to one degree or another, or at least pretty fucked up. I always thought it was just my past, and occasionally other peoples lives too...but it seems to be almost everyone (even new people)! Disturbing interactions, friendships, parents, etc, on and on, almost everywhere! I'm not saying I'm the ultimate in functional, I'm just shocked by the pervasive darkness.....the extent of it! Alcohol/ addiction is often a major factor. Sure, there exist "happy" drunks/ addicts, but more often, it leads to, or feeds, toxic behaviour (anger, violence, depression, delusions, escape, etc). Obviously prohibition is not the answer, but it's creepy how accepted intoxication, etc is. Plus, I see verbal and physical assaults deemed "normal". Suddenly so many have a new mental illness out of nowhere. What the fuck humans, what's our problem? If I stayed away from everyone with alcoholism, aggression, abusive or victim tendencies, neediness, and other pretty dysfunctional shit...I wouldn't have very many people in my community, the nearest small or large cities, etc, to socialize with...I'd be even more isolated than my rural location already dictates. What's the solution? Keep working on myself until my consciousness finds more functional friends? or better tolerates dysfunction? Or, would I actively seek out more functional people/ risking isolation to avoid this fucked up shit I keep seeing everywhere? At least seeing the dark, makes the light so stunningly illuminating!

@LowPlanetary Anyone that says "be realistic" when they attempt to squash your beautiful dreams is likely not listening to their higher-self....and you likely won't be able to convince them to do so....but what you CAN do is to start listening to your own higher-self...and the confidence, bravery, etc will come, as your passion trumps any fears! Yes, intuition...it's one of the best tools for self-trust...mastery wouldn't hurt either...lol...

frustrated that I must type this again...universe, do I need better editing?...better memory?...what is the lesson?. .does continually re-typing help me somehow? Anyway, I've been going to some awesome PD workshops, and having deeper conversations (of course this is rad) but I've noticed a theme that seems potentially problematic. Teachers/ guides and peers that are unwilling to be open-minded to non-duality and the effects of this. In learning, some self-mastery techniques seem to clash with non-dual perception. When I ask the instructors questions about this they either don't get it, or seem unwilling to accept the possibility. In conversations, most of my peers don't seem to think non-dually at all...they think it's flaky, crazy, or it just goes flying by with no willingness to consider it, or ability to grasp it. I totally accept that it's simply another perception, like any of our other lenses, and restrain from rigidity in that too...at the same time, ND is pretty counter-intuitive to the way our culture typically perceives things...so it's usually easier to think dually... Are there stages one must go through in dual thinking before really entering the realm of non-duality? If the personal development techniques that embrace duality may be helpful to me at this point, would I work with them as is, or try to convert them into a non-dual version, if possible? How do non-dual thinkers typically connect with, and relate to dual thinkers and vice versa?

@Leo GuraThanks, I am beginning to acquire a taste for truth....it's definitely like the stinky natto they often serve in a separate room in Japanese restaurants...lol...but I like that now too...I understand what you are saying, I guess my concern is, in choosing the best bet longterm....it may affect my progress shorter-term...and progress helps me stay on track...then again, despite the odd flavor, truth is everything! @Principium Nexus thanks! if I question the "grounded in" there is usually intense rigid judgement...I will look for the most genuine options, thanks! @SchallUndRauch thanks...it's possible that this is true...that the rigidity is not as specific as it appears to be... I have a lifetime of experience with being frustrated that others don't consider my unique perspectives...and I have recently become used to accepting, in general, there are a lot of different/valid perceptions, and also mass cultural closed mindedness...at the same time, my personal experience is that, for me, this issue is duality specific...i'm glad there is likely no ladder though... I would be SO stoked to meet the Dali Lama, I might pee myself with excitement if he gave me personal advice...lol...I'd actually attempt it...i'd begin by observing and questioning the "dude"...while trying to gain his favor so that I could hang out with him often...I get that we can never truly know another's mind, and that most people in our culture don't undertake actualization...but what am I missing? I am surprisingly willing to consider the AI god theory...and have even contemplated something similar myself once in relation to the perfection with the connecting web of all the universe...my reaction is "hmmm, interesting concept"...is that the reaction you were expecting? I'm not sure what this means?... I often think quite literally, especially when it comes to reading (your comment) and writing (my comment)...I am fairly sure that you wanted me to learn something from the questions you posed, not answer them...but I find your lesson is somewhat illusive...

Wow, I feel so blessed by the support here, thank you all! I will attempt to re-write my questions. Total gratitude, thanks! @see_on_see I was doing the copy paste thing after the first couple crashes, but I forgot that time, thanks for the reminder!... paraphrasing from memory,: So first: I said how super awesome the Big Picture video was, and that the general road map is just fine, thanks Leo! Then I asked about Paradigms...great video, but I was confused about how to take action on this...I wanted to know if we are lumping all of our bubbles into one main bubble?....and if we are popping bubbles by entering other bubbles, by making new habits, or by stepping beyond comfort zones/ surpassing fears/ sheer personal bravery? Something else? Next must have been contemplation...oh yeah, I was wondering ...if I tend to do this a lot already...both the "good" kind, and the analytical type too, is it best to engage mostly understanding through direct experience first? So that I can use that as a guide... Concentration: first, with the visual ones, can the image animate a bit?...like the candle would flicker (my orange rotated, showing the stem, zoomed into pores, etc), everything I imagined had movement, is this ok, or distraction? Is it best to concentrate on a goal related image as in visualization? I had other questions, I can't remember...but I think I wrote something about the mudras...when I was learning to work with the Mala beads, they said to use the middle finger and thumb (earth and sky fingers) not index finger (fire)...does anybody know if using the fire finger is good for this practice...when Leo used those fingers he looked like a Tibetan deity...lol... Roles: still really struggling...other similar ladies (also have childhood trauma) that I know, say it's like we have "multiple personalities"...we have too many masks to name, and wardrobes like there are dozens of us. Roles are in my earliest memories, and I have felt really upset by how inauthentic/ superficial this particular work has left me feeling...despite my love of authenticity, and my devotion to embodying it....I now feel like a bad actress suit with a perpetually broken zipper, unable to reveal the real spirit within.....I have no idea how to isolate and pick away at the masks when they seem to be so endless...ideas? Insert random positivity here now (picture a cute puppy snuggling a kitten or something)...lol, thanks! Addition: I just spent half an hour writing a non-duality post, and forgot to copy it before submitting...like I did with this one...I've tried the back button like Leo suggested...but all my work is gone again...lesson hopefully learnt this time...

@bazera Perhaps I was projecting because of the way you worded the question... socializing was often "partying" for me at that age...maybe you are meant to be a really social person, or it's part of your Dharma? Perhaps you could contemplate balancing social time, vs productive time instead of worries about your skill with social interactions? I don't know...but what I do know (with 80% truth), is that today actually is the most important...not your imagined future self....and you don't need to *hope*, you create your own reality...you can *make*...

@Emerald The non-duality reminder, universal oneness, etc is likely what I needed to have reiterated, but in this context...thanks! Yes, I'm far from perfect too, but it's oddly helpful to know that your solution is keeping to yourself....because the only other alternative I can think of is somehow finding an entirely new community/ culture that is beyond that....Yes, I will not rule out the non-dual concepts... yes, my perceived external world is a vision of my internal creations...yes, healing myself is quite likely the ultimate solution!

The 21 year old you, the 21 year old all of us, likely has a pretty good idea of our Dharma....I would advise you to take the thing that you are most passionate about, and spend the majority of your time *enjoying* mastering that, savoring every present moment of that path...maybe it involves school, maybe it doesn't....giving up all socialization is silly...but at that age it's easy to allow it to take over, and you loose an entire decade, at least...

feeling love beyond humans...feeling the actual energy force....feeling it enter you, feeling it within you, and sending it out...like: love to water, the earth, the universe, etc....it's easier to love humans when you love everything...lol....

@Bob84 @Alex K I googled "open office", awesome, thanks!

I am open to any of your ideas for PD tasks for me to work on independently, (especially if you notice something particularly fucked up/ specific to me...lol..), but I'm posting this for a specific reason too: - Is there a way to view the worksheets without downloading them? If not, can actualized. org please do that? -If not, can you email the worksheets to us as a message, not a download? I totally want to do the worksheets...but I've been struggling with the logistics of the "download" since Leo changed to this format. I loved the "pause the video, do your homework, then press play again"...or the homework questions spoken at the end of the video...it ensured I did the work right away...and most importantly, that I knew what the homework was. I've been a 100% mac person at home/ every school/ every studio-workplace *magically*/intentionally for about 30 years, until now, my first PC...not a fan...(total *bubble*...lol...) anyway, it won't let me download the worksheets unless I have "office". Even if I get the "free trial" it makes me reconfigure my device so that I have to use my Microsoft account with ridiculously long password for everything etc. I don't want office again, but it automatically downloads the worksheet as an office file. I can't download any new alternate programs either...my device gets really glitchy....are there any other options?

@Flare Thanks so much, so many good reminders and insights! I will work on more acceptance, and appreciation thanks so much! I appreciate you! I am pretty tolerant, my issue is not with people living THEIR lives at their stage (I can see everyone as their "inner-child", I believe actions not people are "bad"etc)....my issue is when other's dysfunction clouds my world, or, when it starts setting an "example" for my child. I don't want us to be immersed in a world with this all around constantly, as it creates a standard of normalcy for sexism, intoxication/ addiction, abuse, victimhood, etc. I understand the concept of mirroring, and I have definitely witnessed "the reflection"...but, with alcohol/ addictions that = dysfunctional behaviour, etc...I've only consumed alcohol a few times a year, for at least 5 years...really minimal if at all...I don't think that I have any other addictions that really effect my behaviour like that (caffeine = alertness). This does not mean I feel "superior", just firm in my values that I want a different experience. I was honestly shocked at the EXTREME prevalence of (usually sexist) alcohol addiction fueled abuse/victimization in my culture, and since this post, I've heard of a couple more incidents, even what was to be a "happy wedding" turned into a violent abusive ordeal involving authorities, etc! It really seems everywhere! @Whywolf Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Yes, I may have to isolate, but is that fair to my child? Which is worse, not seeing any of her friends, or seeing friends with really dysfunctional families? I definitely don't want to involve myself further in the culture by volunteering directly, etc...I want to live beyond it....ideas?

Thank you both so much @Arman @pluto .... sincerely appreciated! @pluto Can you give an example of a specific Breathing/ Grounding techniques for this?... and does one want to invoke anger that may be a blockage within, or just deal with it if it comes up? How do we discern? What is an example of a creative expression of angry energy? For example, once I painted a huge spirit bear smashing and eating oil tankers for a big protest. The bear was quite fierce, and I was actually angry that the Canadian gov't was considering allowing these tankers through the Northern Gateway/ ONLY Spirit Bear home, etc...but the act of painting it was pretty precise, and emotionless...I would imagine angry energy painting would be much less controlled...wouldn't they be bold, harsh, & expressive?... feeling like the bear, not looking like the bear....lol.....Anyway, I still have not YET overcome perfectionism (yes, I've watched the video) to be able to paint like that...what are some other creative ideas? Maybe I should train to be a black metal singer...lol...but that actually sounds fun...if there was a way to sing/ release that energy, while actually spreading a message of compassion/ love instead of angry lyrics...there's enough of that already...lol...ideas?

@The Monk Thanks, I will! I still have some baddies... (luckily no video games, porn, alcohol, etc like so many others mention struggling with) but Leo's 30 day experiment usually serves me well...I will tackle it again for something...not my precious tea/ caffeine yet, that's last...lol.... The second one, I could use some advice with...after 1.5 years, my meditation is still only 1/2hour max because my 3 year old, can't seem to go any longer without my presence...occasionally slightly longer if at night instead...but then I tend to fall asleep (I know this will sound excuse-ish), but more than 20 min and I need to shift my back - in sitting (nerve pain - body was run over)...or, try longer meditation lying down = sleep... Ideas... for me to make it work... to really try this? I know enlightened people can do this despite any pain...but I'm not enlightened yet...lol.... p.s. advice on the download thing? I guess I could make my own worksheet, my bubbles are pretty extensive!

There's a television show kind of like this (8 months left for humanity)... it's really silly/ mind-numbing so I won't name it...TV is a terrible distraction....the positive side of the show is that the characters begin to follow their purposes, spend their $ on the most fun shit they can imagine, take awesome risks, and complete bucket lists, etc... For me, if I am self-honest...I'd be really torn between the practical and the exciting...I'd want to be flamboyantly revolutionary....but part of me would feel a need to get all of my excessive collections, papers, and projects in order (so others aren't stuck with my shit) while trying to amass as much money as possible to leave my child, etc... while the other part of me would sell my home and use the money to give myself and my child the greatest adventure all while assisting in positive global change, creating true expressive and free works, with the greatest gratitude and respect for every present moment imaginable!

@NahmDid you mean: my choice to experience this, or the choices others make to drink (etc) and harm themselves/ others? Something else? I feel it's somewhat beyond choice on my end...the dysfunction literally shows up on my doorstep out of nowhere (and I live really fucking deep in the woods!)... I don't know if the universe wants me to help them...or distance, and just lead by example...or what? I see locals in the military, or teachers, and other "strong figures" we "should respect" so fucking disturbed/ deluded/ dysfunctional! I see abuse from all sexes, but I am seeing mostly women feeling forced to tolerate harsh abuse and constant threats because of "love", or children, or marriage, etc. Is this because I was in something like this a year and a half ago (and still dealing with the legal stuff, etc)? I'm seeing people getting physically hurt, emotional trauma, etc...I've actually had success shattering their denial sometimes... Is this important work for me?...to see the fucked up shit in other women's lives, shine a beacon on the dysfunction and hope they snap out of it (because sometimes they do)? Or educate the men that their behaviour is unacceptable (because sometimes they realize it)? They are all around me...I'm not perfect...I'm dysfunctional too...I acknowledge it, and work on it in my own life...I wish it was only my own to deal with... This also seems so far beyond the choices of individuals (even though they do have choice), it' a major societal/ patriarchal mind-fuck! It's everywhere, I don't want myself or my child around it... I understand that I have choice...but how do I determine which choice is best, isolation, or interactions with the severely dysfunctional? ..I feel like I need to heed my own words and keep the mantra "over 7 billion people in the world" on continual repeat....I hope to, one day, surround myself in sane, dynamic, effective, and fruitful interactions...it's an easy choice for me, to revel in hermit-dom...probably not healthy for my child...I'm super confused....but I'm seeing signs of fresh awesome paths...they have opened up a consciousness school for kids here now!!! (Long drive, but...) It's incredible, based on Buckminster Fuller ideals, etc! I want to raise my daughters tuition somehow, hang with those parents, and create a new experience!

I also adore Bruce Lipton!

#1. Do it for passion/ purpose regardless. #2. Price based on how much of your heart/ soul is in it...our time is priceless, but consider how many hours you actually spent on it....value your time by respecting yourself #3. Guide your price based on truly similar works, even if their success/ status is a rung up #4. use your intuition for pricing without allowing insecurity or visions of grandiosity to cloud it #5. Most importantly, realize the true value is in it's existence, regardless of purchase! Keep creating!

It's true! MEGA GRATTITUDE!

I see laziness and impatience as both...great teachers/ indicators...but also as destructive nemesis monsters hindering....

Thank you so much @Arman , I am truly grateful for the thought, time, and energy in your response. You explained so much, so well, thanks! I still have a few questions if anyone has answers: #1. My experience of anger in OTHERS is usually a destructive lashing out. I do personally avoid anger because of this. I *allow* my anger, mostly in letters, when I feel there is a great injustice, prejudice, etc. I grew up in violence, I have the potential for truly harsh anger. What is an example of a beneficial way to express anger (is skipping rope enough)? #2. Shouting hatred, hitting pillows, etc, while imagining directing this at someone that is not there, concerns me. The person does not experience the anger from you (directly, but energetically?), regardless, I am not sure of this is a healthy practice. So, what is a healthy way to express this energy (like build-ups of numerous small frustrations)? I feel like I just want to enjoy the compassion, forgiveness, and empathy that usually come quickly anyway... #3. I was in that domestic victim state mentioned, but it was my trusty old buddy fear that got me out (with a little mother-bear protection anger too). I totally get that idea "From the space of anger it is easier to move to courage than it is from apathy". So, is this why anger is considered a "higher resonance" than fear even though it is a secondary emotion that comes from fear? #4. What are these techniques? links? The ones I've heard of so far seem disturbing to me. #5. Of course fear is a terrible delusion that I'm working on too...that said, as a *flight* responder (not fight), there is something rather comfy in my usual response...in attempting to enter anger states intentionally my whole body quivers with an energy I really do not like...I can go into hyper-vigilance, etc too...Like my Martin Luther King example above, are there positive ways to use this energy, (something to master/ evolve rather than transcend)?

Somewhere in my PD work I learned about the study of the face...apparently, smiling more (or even just having your resting facial expression with mouth corners up) actually increases your capacity for optimism...then, hilariously enough, you end up smiling even more because you become more optimistic...it's suddenly so much easier to be jovial, laugh all the time, etc.... I don't want to compare... but when my daughter and I are in the car, we often see a lot of sad or grumpy people out the window...it seems silly...my daughter often wants to cheer them ALL up...lol...but the best, is when they are beaming right back at us!

Thanks to you as well, I hope you are having a beautiful day!

For International Women's Day, a Global Sisterhood organized women's circles world wide for a united feminine meditation/ prayer. It was really cool to participate in. I'm posting this super late, but perhaps it may still apply to some time-zones:

I've experienced "the bad"... so badly...I get it...at the same time, to be authentically open-minded....we can't assume to truly know another's experience, insights or intentions just based on the descriptive words they use...like *infinity*...one really positive thing I see ...on both sides of the coin...is an awesome shattering of the rigid box of normalcy, an amazing willingness to explore, and beautiful communication about good, bad, etc...thank you!