@Itsokimok I have good news for you.
You won’t be reincarnated into a life worse than your current one. The mere fact that your life has been shitty meant consciousness experienced those situations through your life. Lessons. KARMA. You’ve drained your “Karma” enough because you’re experiencing being a human being, not a pig being roasted.
You are an eternal mind on a path toward evolution. So is everyone else.
The ant is “X” lives behind you so to speak.
So don’t be afraid. Your next lifetime will be BETTER than your current one.
Thats how your spirit evolves.
You’re an eternal 0 having an infinite number of experiences. But there is a logic to it.
Why would you think reality is as dumb as to send you to be a pig being slaughtered?
This is where watching a video and taking it as dogma is a terrible thing to do.
The way your next lifetime gets created by GOD (you) is by incorporating the lessons from past lives. God is on a path towards reunification.
Do you realize how epic this is?
You, God, are you BECAUSE of the collective experiences of its probes.
What this literally means is that you have an infinite number of lives better than your current one. 
That’s how the wheel works. 
And it’s even more radical than that.
You are the only thing that exists right this second. 
Existence itself is relative.
I am just an echo of you, living this life; but our lives did not happen simultaneously.  

Where in the universe does it say that a taco must bounce in order to be the same as a basketball?
Can you see that YOU are the only one imposing that criterion?
All criteria for difference or similarity are relative and arbitrary!
There is no difference between bouncing and not-bouncing.
Get it?
It's not a language game, it's the foundation of your mind's BIOS.
If you realize what I am telling you, your mind will collapse into emptiness. You won't be able to tell the difference between up and down, good and bad, past and future, life and death, love and hate, etc.

Knowing is a function of the mind. When you stop it, you're just left with Being or non-symbolic consciousness.

When we are little children we learn to speak through labelling. At least this is how I remember.
Mom would ask - what is this?
I would say- this is a house
This is a car.
This is a window.
This is me.
Where is your nose?
Here is my nose, and I would touch it...

I have learned to label things and experiences and tested my limits and limits of my parents patience by throwing things, by saying no, by trying not to be conditioned. You know that little rebel age if you have kids.

So I learned the language and started using it, communicating with other people. One of most important words was me and mine: this is my toy, not my brother's.

No one has ever told me that 'me' is a word that is only useful in communication with others. Without others, there is no me, without I there is no them.

Somehow this belief in a me became stronger and took over, it became the central belief around which everything else was turning. It's like a belief, that earth is the centre of the universe, I became the centre of my world.

Until I looked. It really was just one look, it took a few seconds and all the search was over. The search for clarity, the quest of 'who am I?' was seen as cosmic joke.

There is no who.
There is nothing here in direct experience that is separate from experienced. Just this. Always now.

If you want to test this, simply do this little experiment that won't even take much of your time. All you need is 20 minutes, a pen & paper.

First write what you are experiencing right now using words I and me. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just plain description of here now.

Like this-
I am laying in bed. I am hearing the rain, I am typing these words..

Do it for 10 minutes. Watch the body, are there any sensations of tightening or relaxing?

Then for next 10 minutes write without words I and me. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs:
Waiting for next thought, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the rain.

Again watch what is happening in the body.

Now compare the two ways to label experience- is one truer than the other? If so, which one? What is here without labels? Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

Your body knows. I is a label, not experiencer. Not a thinker, not a doer, not a hearer of rain. I is not what makes eyes blink and it is not a breather, it's a word, that is used for convenience of communication. If it's believed to be an entity, the mind is confused, the body is tensed up. Unconfusing it is simple- bring attention back to now and look once again- is there a me behind the word 'me'?

Life is happening. Looking is happening. Getting lost in the story is happening. With or without label I.

What is not on automatic?
And do we really need to be enslaved by labels? After all, experience is what labels point TO.

The story goes on. The belief in story drops away. The story is way much more enjoyable without the fear that something can happen to this 'me' once it's clearly seen that there is no actual me. Confidence, grace, fearlessness, peace with what is starts to shine through as fear gets loosened.

Imagine that! Humans got screwed by labels. And look at world of fashion- labels are so important!

So much emotional pain, such strong desire to get home, when home is all there is. Right here- underneath all the labels. Here, now waiting to be recognized.

Look. Don't think, just look. ❤

No free will massage excercise
Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience.
Look at one of your hands and forearms.
Massage them with your other hand in a slow free flowing manner.
Notice that it feels like you are doing this.
Notice however that its imposible to know the exact moment when you would begin the massage.
Notice that you dont know exactly how the massage will be, the pressure you will use, what áreas you stay longer massaging.
Notice that its impossible to know the exact moment when you will end the massage.
The massage is really happening by itself, there is no you doing it, any sense of control is illusory.

Contrary to the materialist view, consciousness is not generated by the brain, rather, everything is consciousness and the brain’s role is merely focusing consciousness into a singular and specific perspective, where as without it, your perspective would be infinite and therefore you would be formless.  
 
At the same time though, the brain is being completely imagined by consciousness, and what you consider to be form and limited is simultaneously formlessness and unlimited to begin with.  Yes, it is a paradox.