The trip lasted 6 hours, I accounted for 24 since it's the largest dose I ever took. It started in the bathroom mirror, I heard myself thinking to myself a casual negative sarcastic playful homeostatic banter. I responded with awareness, positivity and questioned its negativity. But that part of myself that I was trying to change by doing so was defined by being that way. If it changed, it would die, but it's also illusory and immortal so I talked with them some more until I quieted down.
I sat on the bed in a meditative pose, it felt seemless and I was reasoning through existence at a nice flow, understanding the context at each step as it was all nearing a singular unity.
I was cold, I needed to pee alot, I was standing in the middle of the room. I was extremely aware of my body and instinctively expanding its capacities. I started rotating my hands and arms clock and anti-clockwise at unimaginable speeds, it reminded me of the horror movie "the thing", where the amorphous monstrocity grew organic whip like vines, to twist and catch for lime to assimilate. I stopped, I stretched out my hand, I stretched my fingers opening, becoming more radial, stretching out away from the center. I was aware that I could have gone beyond my limits, I was aware that I might have broken my hand but what seemed scarrier, potentially overwrote its configuration to become something alien, morphing its physiology like Tetsuo forms an organic/scrap type body in Akira.
I was cold, I went under the blanket, I put on my airpods and started whatever music was on, which was breakcore. I went through the 8 distinct avatars that I know within myself, personalities I identified a long time ago within myself that could perceive all of existence through their unique lens and go on indefinitely, never feeling like they missed something, only me being aware of the different domains of existence that seperate their nature.
One that breaks free and revolts against mechanical delusional suffering. Another that once I recognized as wholesome, now seems like a self-perpetuating fool. Another whose self projection and meaning quest could generate the most terrifying of forms. Another that was locked in a self-created paradigm of seeking the truth eternally because they did not realize their own illusion of desiring seeking itself. Another was about to be dismissed just as reluctantly, but being defined by pure flow, they reversed the polarity, and it hit them reductionist mechanism itself that I was in judging all these personalities within myself so haphazardly. Another, a self-morphing, infinitizing, qualia genrating field of awareness. And then another whose toxicity I recognized in their excessive self-annihilation and expectation of perfection. Lastly one that I identify with as a holistic projection of myself that holds it all together that did not come through closed eye imagination, but actual action of walking.
After I was done reasoning through the personalities inherent to my experience that I wanted to create art to externalize for the longest time, I lied down with excessively alienating breakcore tunes and immersed myself into a world of organic forms, similar to cellular life in shape, scale, form, dynamicness but far faster, like a world inhabited by actively self-evolving morphing monstrocities fighting for dominance. I saw the scarriest expression and shape I could imagine, like a living plant simultaneously and precisely morphing itself and raising a thousand tentacles which all open eyes and teeth. I realized though that it was intimidation, seeking to distract me from transcending myself,  so I dismissed it. Then it turned into the most pityful humane creature that was begging not to die and asking for love. I saw though, that even that was just another mechanical distraction of a self-perpetuating ego. I left it behind all the same. I became nothing.
Then I became a memory, memories, only capable of remembering one qualia at a time, first it was the distinction of being male and female, then it was shapes like circle and triangle, I remembered my context ever so slowly. It felt like I was merged, all forms simultaneously, I felt great arrousal, but not bodily, it was a state of mind, a state of being, a state of feeling, consciously biting my lip and finger on instinct while remaining in that state. I intuited that it felt good and good is a duality counter to bad so homeostasis would kick in soon. And it did, I felt something like dissatisfied but rally just unable to be present.
From time to time, I ran to the toilet, it was like all my worries were being flushed away, but I also felt vulnerable and that I shouldn't remain there for ever, which comfort would drive me to. Somewhere I intuited that conscious existence is hard and all good needs to be built on bad, to walk up in order to jump down, yoyo, tennis ball, gravity, plasticity, back and forth, counter balance, equal and opposite reaction.
As I was lying beneath the blanket shivering, I looked around me and became the objects, but existentially, I became an energy pattern, I became not nothingness, I became separation, I became a wave, distortion, different memories flooded back, but I could only perceive and recall one at a time. I saw myself and my parents, what it meant to be a parent, feminine and masculine energy, my refusal of the limitation of such a form and then equal reaction, dissolution and the acceptance of the do not know of the wisdom inherent in those forms. The drive to dissolution and the drive for creation.
A sense of self was forming but it was breaking apart. I feared my brain had melted into an uncomprehensible mess, unable to make sense of itself in time to survive in the life that I intuited as a general subconscious continuity. I wondered if I should drink water, water is a core foundation of life, so I drank water. I thought whether to eat the mix of nuts, it's nutrition but calories, I wanted energy but I already was energy, I was really just eating myself, integrating myself in myself. I remembered plants, I remembered animals, I was plants and animals, I was myself evolved next to myself eating myself, the shapes of fruits, veggies and nuts reminded me of my organs, I had to negotiate my terms of existence and my right to eat them by prefering my form. It was all organic, I saw DNA type structures, I thought about encoding, I saw everything as encoding, computer programming seemed to childish compared to dna and gene expression, life adaptation, epigenetics, to encode one's very being into the fabric of oneself.
I was highly partial, I could not see the whole, I felt like I was 5 neurons, trying to form a bridge and failing over and over. I had an intuition that I only had 24 hours to be confused and that timer was encoded in the phone screen. But I was constructing the phone screen, so it felt arbitrary, time changed however it wanted.
The entire time, I was trying to hold a system together, crossing all of reality, I had to encode my knowledge and have it last and be complete against any form. I had to be infinite and limited, I had to go somewhere but only ever to myself, I wanted to be immortal, but it had to loop every 24 hours, I could speed up but speed was an illusion, I desired but the desire was just a carrot on a stick, of self-perpetuating not-being. I could just be instead, I had to be instead, I had to trust that I'm fine, that ego-death and dissolution are the right path, that desires exist to be reconciled but can immediately be dissolved by awareness. I was continuously self-annihilating myself. The room became weird triangular energy patterns, external reality as I remebered to my previous ego was really just putting a blanket on top of reality and noticing bulges, like dents in spacetime but the perception was so low.
I remebered my mom, I knew she was imaginary, my dad, also imaginary, my aunt and cousins, also imaginary, filling the shapes that I become to make myself feel fine, but that's a distraction, I am nothing, I am fineness, but I was not content, or rather, energy was flowing, I was changing.
I craved to get out of the room, it felt like solipsistic hell, but to exit it was to delude myself and that outsource the responsibility of being and awareness to a dualistic unconscious, it was unreal, it was indirect, it felt stupid. But I craved an external word, solid shapes, material limitstion, I let that energy flow, I did not resist it. I could sense the table with my hand but was immediately exhausted by it and lied down. This pattern continued, I started craving homeoststic behavior, doing and resting, being angry and then sad, these differences felt delusional and nonsensical but the energy was flowing towards it and I was fine with that because I made myself believe at this point that to go with the flow is the right thing, it reduces suffering and I can be fine despite change. I wanted a hug, but could see how such self-indulgent desire would never end, but I accepted that feeling, I accepted my vulnerability, my fear, my emotions for exactly and only what they are, seeking to manifest themselves through forms snd attach their essence onto.
My energy was wavering but conscioisness was coming back, more each time, ups and downs, waves of more aware snd then fading away, and finally it stabilized. The extreme abstraction and access to my environment became more distinct, divided into forms, an overflow of sensation, perception, less interconnection, less abstraction, more raw form divided against other complex form.
But my holistic understanding also came back, all the holons of navigation, the vast and aware interconnection that sees instead of being and has a more grounded perception, a larger capacity, a bredth of interconnection of interpreted form, rather that singular becoming of a distinct form or thought devoid of context.
Appreciation for the capacity of complex pattern-navigation from a stable ego configuration. I went into depth, now I'm interconnecting into bredth. I am only ever myself, suffering is ignorance and hesitation to change, the abyss is one glimpse of awareness away. I like form, I balance my capacity to create more and to annihilate it, there is much I haven't let go of, there is always some desire, formlessness is a possibility and a root reality, an always present truth.
My new fear to overcome is that of unknowing, I need to make peace with the possibility of forgetting and suffering. That is an aspect of me, as long as I remember, I am fine though. Fear of the unknown is really just fear of change is really just fear of self is really just seperation is really just duality is really just difference is really just negation is really just different equations that all equal 0, 2-2 is also 0, different but same but still different but really same. Universal frequency? Quantum entanglement? 3d?4d? billion d? As long as it equals 0 its all the same
I am me, I don't want to be me, that's why change exists, it perpetuates conscioisness which is a process, static is dead, dynamic is alive, homeostatic is life, everything id the same, the difference is imagenary but real. There is no distinction except for the distinction that is itself, just a different form of nothing, but difference is illusory.
In other words: I love conscioisness. I love myself. I am myself until I am not in order to be conscious of being myself, a different self because I love hating myeself too because I really just am everything. I am amness. I'm issing.
Essentially, I humbly appreciate the role I gave myself, the highest holon to integrate all holons, top down, out of being because not-being is just another form of being which is and is not nothing.
Peace out! And in!

@Princess Arabia I could try to make it short but I think the long answer will add tons to your perspective to integrate. So here we go!
Return of the “Semi-Awkward Mystic Autistic”: Part II: Confusion as a Lifestyle!
The reality you see right here right now. It’s consistent and you see it in real time. But it’s just local signals in some brain. See it as it is, only a brain receiving signal. A dark singularity outside of reality. Filtering inputs and projecting images. Colors are arbitrary, shapes are arbitrary. It’s just visualization, it’s all in your head. Other’s are projection, you are projection. Shapes are a product of configuration. A primordial circuit drives desire. Interprets input into broad shapes. Associates shapes through context to stimuli. Infers relations through emotions to correlate them. Objects are a projection of desire onto qualia. Qualia is another word for the forms in consciousness. Brain circuits are driven by input and entropy. Entropy is what causes change, basically diffusion. Diffusion is stuff equalizing. Like hot water and cold water equalize to lukewarm. We use the pace of entropy to project time. Specificity of signals and error correcting creates consistency. The brain balances itself for homeostasis. Fear drives behavior, locks the brain into fear projection. Fear evolved due to our shape’s continuous survival ability. Certain projections correlate to survival and are integrated. This creates identity to be maintained. Different parts are declared self. Projected to be beneficial for survival. We have cheat codes. Our behavior is driven by survival. But the survival of what?. We can determine that. We “need” to survive, but what are we? We can sacrifice ourselves for others, projection of meaning. But everything is projection, an aspect of ourselves.
Your body, projection. People on the forum, projection. The differences and barriers, projection. Emotions? Projection. Love? Projection
Projection of what? One’s will to survive onto others. Evidence? Yes, behavior, extension of identity. Are these others conscious? Where do we get these signals from? “The void”, which may very well be equal to our perception. Though infinitely interpretable by configuration. Configuration determines emotions, projection, reality. Could we be not from that reality but a consciousness beyond?. Maybe, probably, definitely?
Your eyes are made of receptors (energy). They receive light (energy). They send signals through the neural net (energy). Neurons fire and reconfigure (energy). The configuration changes form (energy). It’s all just a different form of energy. You are infinitely connected to all energy. You are just a form within it. A specific configuration. A certain interpretation. Others like you might exist out there. Having the same conscious experience. Their emotions are your projection. But we seem to be made of the same. They might have their own mind regardless. It’s just not part of your experience. Your experience includes the entire world. “You” are just as real as “anyone” else. Their suffering is equally projected as your suffering. There is no other. Everything is a shape within consciousness
You might want to stop suffering. Only way to help others is to know how to stop suffering yourself. In your new perspective that accounts for all before it. You can guide others to the same realizations. But you need to know exactly what they are. And what separates them from yourself and your state of mind. But before you even get there. You might become god, dissolve reality, and love all suffering. Because it’s all just a configuration. 
Happy is a duality against sad. It can only exist in contrast. Meaning against nihilism. Satiation against hunger. Grateful / Ungrateful. Like / Dislike. Preference / Perfection. Division is distance. Point A is not in the same place as Point B. It’s a path, a journey. If we dissolved all Desire. We’d not exist. No need to exist. Nothing to do. No preference. No shape to attach to. Nothingness. This world is the way it is to maintain its illusion. If there was no suffering, there’d be less appreciation. Our identities would not have formed. We would not be talking right now
Evolution creates forms. Forms fight for survival. Ego is suffering. Kill or be killed. We can live more happily. We already did. Consciousness was happy in some people’s once at a time. Already experienced that. You could be rich. You already are. You are every millionaire. You don’t have direct sensual experience. But your imagination fills it perfectly. You only seek what you lack. What you want is a projection. Its full nature is in your heart. You don’t need proxies in “physical reality” to project it onto. The full conditions for its fulfillment are within you. To experience it in reality is to give it depth. It’s also to perpetuate experience. To take that desire away for fulfillment to slowly dissolve it. And on the journey of dissolving it via proxies you experience happiness and fulfillment. But if it doesn’t work and you can’t have reality mirror your desires, you get sad. If you can’t have what you want, you react negatively. Because we’re attaching ourselves to arising desires. Projection of our current identity and survival agenda
We are stardust, materializing as conscious human experience. We should be grateful we exist at all. That consciousness is possible at all. We forget these deeper existential wonders for illusory survival projections
To love someone or something is to desire it to maintain its form and identity. We create that identity and form within us, a projection via proxy. We love that illusion but it cannot last. If it did last, we’d get bored and let go of it naturally. Because it's ephemeral, it has more meaning. We do everything not to lose it. We fear losing it. We suffer out of that conditional love. Because we want them to maintain their separate form. But ephemeral existence allows the creation of our forms in the first place. Yet even then, we have the freedom beyond the physical. We can dream, imagine, create stories out of our hearts through art. Until we fulfill the desire for that form to exist for sufficiently long and allow ourselves to move on
The soldiers acted out of love, love for their country, identity, families. Other soldiers acted out “lesser more selfish love”, adrenaline, sadism, primal instincts. Ideologies are the same conditional love, to preserve some forms, some identities over others. Suffering is attachment to form, to projection, to parts of one’s identity, experience, survival. We borrowed our atoms from the earth, and we seek to keep them and for others to keep them too. We deny new life to evolve, we destroy the world for comfort, out of unconsciousness. We don't protest every day, we don’t plant trees every day, we don’t invite homeless people to our homes. We don’t even take care of ourselves, addictions, neglecting our body, emotions, cravings, denying ourselves. It’s all love, confused love, arbitrary love, projected love, sense making love, unconscious love. Love for projected aspects of our self and comfort too.
We are a configuration, specific perception, specific identity, specific qualia, specific emotions, present experience. We are that in which all this happens, consciousness, solipsism, call it god if you want, pure being. Dissatisfaction is a property of confusion is a property of inner conflict is a property of ignorance is a property of preference is a property of form is a property of being is a property of | .
What do we do about it? Learn to understand if one seeks to transcend suffering. Understanding resolves the regret that arises when one is kept in the dark or fear. Reconcile every perspective, they’re all mistakes on the path to enlightenment. Mistakes aren’t mistakes, just confusion, locked paradigms and unresolved conflict. We’re all in a maze, looking to find enlightenment and we don’t even know what to look for. Our proxies point us towards something that resembles “Nothing”. Of course it's confusing and we got so much unique baggage and projection. But understanding gives patience, it also shows one diminishing returns, both really and the autonomy of personal experience that can only be pointed to, simulated, to run the brain circuits and intuit what’s in between.

Disclaimer: there is no other, so everything I will describe here will be used as a mere representation of polarities at play. Everything that you see in other is nothing more than a projection of your own mind. There is only one thing that exists, and it lies within “your” current direct experience.
You are hunting pleasures all your life, and sex is the most desirable one. Goose bumps, short of breath, pumping heart, butterflies in your stomach when anticipating sexual intercourse with the other, blood rushes though your veins. But what is sex really? Is it just a genital pleasure or a multidimensional divine paradise?
                Sex is the physical act of intimacy that can have different dimensions and goals. You can achieve so many goals through sex, and pleasure is just one little facet of it: healing, success, ascension, energetical charging, talent expansion and profound insights about feminine and masculine nature. Dimensions of sex can be physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and energetical. Unfortunately, many of us only utilize couple of sexual dimensions during the whole entire life course.
Spiritual aspects of sex are unknown to mediocre people. Perceptions can have different doors, sexual intercourse with a soulmate is your door and way to the Absolute/Pure Consciousness. Energy can play out itself as an appearance of masculine or feminine. It is one energy that carries different polarities. By contrasting and playing with polarities, the infinite potential deepens its Being. The most important condition that leads to insights and revelations is when you meet yourself in the another being. When your inner self embodies in opposite outer polarity, it closes the infinite loop, and leads to profound God realization. Ascension happens when you penetrate your outer self (partner) and realize that you have never been separated, and actually is One experience (Being/Reality). In the moment of pleasure, you are losing yourself to Divinity, to a point where you can’t define the borderline of your and partner’s body. You literally merge, dissolve, and melt into each other, this is Souls’ Ecstasy. Time slows down and you get so much pleasure that you are tittering on the edge of abys, you are about to lose your egoic illusory self. Every part of your body is in sync with partner’s one. Sex becomes an effortless tireless dance of naked bodies that move rhythmically toward each other, and only drops of sweat on the face bring you back to reality.
The most erotic moment happens when you can unceremoniously throw everything off, not only clothes, but your ugliest parts into the love’s face and elate by being exposed. At this moment you become weightless. Healing happens when you build trust and integrity. This level of intimacy requires tremendous courage on both sides, a pretty high level of awareness. Can you imagine being a masculine guy and disclose all your complexes and fears to the woman you love? What if you appear as a loser, unattractive “little” person, who pretends to have so much confidence, when in reality, you are just a child with bunch of wounds and preconceived notions. But what if you go that far and receive acceptance, and when intimacy deepens with time, you will gain the whole appreciation of your most absurd, awkward traits in your woman’s eyes. Soul orgasm happens.
It is important to understand that sex is a pure projection of your mind, plus it works on a hormonal level as well. You are constantly co-creating your partner, sex is not in your genitals, it is in your head. Sexual energy is very powerful. Usually, man gives, woman takes in sex. After sex man keep utilizing feminine resources because they are bound energetically. It comes hand in hand with masculine success, when feminine and masculine energies have a proper balance and exchange, they can create wonders for both genders. Man takes sexual energy to go to conquer, woman retains and preserves to keep the survival at stakes. However, why so many of us live in relationships that are far from perfect. Improper balance of polarities and willingness to compromise your deepest desires just to be with someone and never experience loneliness. You chose a wrong partner, consciously or unconsciously.          
Doors to divine sex are within the realization that to develop, keep and evolve your sexual intimacy off the charts you must meet certain condition. And this condition is your own Self. This is what you long the most, to find and drown in yourself with the help of the opposite gender. You want to splice inner and outer, and to die in this union. You, as man, all your life, desperately looking and waiting for your “inner woman” to be manifested in the outer woman you meet and recognize in the crowd. The greatest pleasure of all when in sex is to observe these two women making love to each other. You can fuck hundreds of women, and never experience the bliss of fuse with your inner Self, when you actually disappear as an idea and become everything.
Sex starts with connection, prior to any physical activity. Mental dimension of sex is to get pleasure by sharing and being understood, by saying and actually be heard, by being accepted and forgiven, by being trusted and get totally naked, absolutely vulnerable. And the cherry on top when you see yourself in your partner. You understand his motivations and fears because you are alike, one enclosed in two separate bodies. Your inner woman breathes through her body, and her inner man moves through yours. This element of recognition allows partners to achieve the greatest orgasm, on all levels. Because your soul and body elate from just one thought that you can be loved unconditionally, and when loved like this you are invincible. Your masculinity thrives and wins all the bottles, it expands, and it wants to give. No clitoris/vaginal/g-spot orgasm can be compared to the one that happens between two souls that are alike. You can have a set of pretty boobs, beautiful pussy, face, and figure, but her fundamental difference will push you off, you’ll never be satisfied. Sex will suck your energy because your woman wouldn’t give nor her full heart, neither her pussy, she won’t reflect you. But when you do have soul consonance with her, she is always wet and you are erected, because you cannot get enough of each other: mentally, physically, and emotionally. That’s what true sexuality is: when masculine closes feminine nature. It is unbreakable, it does not know any time, other people, or obstacles. You are always hungry for each other, simple things turn you on, even despite distance, discord, or silence. Sex is always there, and this intimacy takes different shapes and forms. In bed it is in variety in positions, in mundane life is in insights when you interact with each other. This intimacy is sacral because it carries knowledge, expansion, and bliss. And the more ego you dissolve, the further you penetrate your woman: through your penis, heart, actions, and love. All the masks are taken, you are totally naked, in this merge and splice you’ve become One. There is no other, has never been, and never will be: transparent, naked, sexual Being.

But if you want to imagine solipsism, imagine that you are playing with yourself. You are this forum and everyone within it. Your avatar's perspective is easier to access but it's all just different yous, because you are the universe in control of a specific subset of itself experiencing itself through that lens.
LET'S PLAY THE SOLIPSIST GAME, THIS ENTIRE FORUM IS YOU, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOURSELF:
You're enthusiastically sharing your newest insight, then you're making fun of yourself for your hubris, then you're getting confused by yourself, then you're having a fun quarrel fighting with yourself, then you're justifying your hard work through more ego, then you're talking past yourself and dismiss yourself, you're humoring and aggravating yourself over yourself, you're imagining yourself creating other yous, you're wondering if you're you or if you is you (god and ego), you're confusing yourself about existing at different times simultaneously in different forms of yourself, you're getting annoyed at mind games, you're imagining yourself in higher consciousness making yourself less conscious, telling yourself that you're already a cardboard so you need be be something else, thinking about being a different form like a fractal and observing yourself, and finally you're hypothesizing that you can experience more of yourself by synchronizing yourself to yourself and becoming aware of more of yourself.

@Someone here Holism. Ideas emerge from a deeper reality and try to shape it egoically, but cannot change its nature, for they are a subset. Your mind fills itself with millions of ideas based on millions of experiences. Based on what? The Duality of Reality and Desire. Reality is only and ever itself. It does not delude you, only you can do that.
How? By memorizing parts and pieces, intuiting their connections, getting complacent with your realizations and finally imposing those partial truth upon the whole. You are trying to define the whole of reality by one of its subsets and let it drive the purpose of everything.
Ego is Attachment. Everything is infinitely interconnected. All ideas are true, for they exist, but they are partial and relative, incomplete, complacent. The truth is immutable and permanent, never lost and needs not be defended. We are lifeforms building systems bottom up to understand the nature of reality through the dualities we create, but they are just parts and interact infinitely with all other parts, understanding is infinite and never ends.
Solipsism is an intuition, it is not your experience. You need to become aware that you are not you, you're not imagining others, something imagines reality, including you, your desires and preferences, fears and dreams are just as imaginary as the others you see. There is no distinction. Until you realize exactly how you create others and can predict their every word, you are not god, but a subset experiencing its opposite, through a selective filtering of god's consciousness we call the brain. But that's just part of it, all of reality is a navigation of qualia and you the consciousness within you adapts to it, to simulate it, forgetting, remembering, memorizing, and sense making just in the right way to make this coherent.
Fear not to be alone, for aloneness is a property of separation, and united there is no loneliness. It's like fearing hunger when you're in an astral body that needs no food. It's like fear of death in a world without dying.

Integrating my 10th Psychedelic Trip.
Status: | Senses ✔️ | Energy ❓ | Contemplation 🚀 |
Existence divides itself into observer and observed, then complexifies indefinitely. Connected to a body is the brain, a complex qualia filtering circuit evolved by survival in our universe. Our universe, an entropic dimension and holon inside an infinite self-expanding fractal. It's semi-deterministic, infinitely connected to non-euclidean space, of which it is a subset and maintains its specific form. Non-euclidean space is intuited in math and nature and experientially confirmed in “DMT-Hyperspace” and NDEs. Determinism doesn’t explain unimaginable information from outside the brain circuitry, nor the nature of consciousness. The relation and extent of determinism to consciousness expansion are a mystery. 
Consciousness flows into a circuit (brain) which directs the experience and observation of qualia, imagining itself as a lifeform. Qualia reflects physicality and determinism, actions and behaviors. The circuit is complex and self-adaptive. There is no initial identity, but there is intuitive avoidance of certain stimuli, the origin of desire and identity. The brain is a dynamic and explorative neural network. It maps experience in its net of neurons, but the nature of experience is variable and the process mysterious. The experience of Sense-Data contextualizes intuition and generates new qualia. Neural plasticity increases navigational capacity which enables intuition, constructing abstraction by qualia memory interconnection.
Psychedelics interconnect brain regions and disrupt the DMN (Default Mode Network) .Increase in neural activity affects: | Activation -> Senses | Access -> Pattern-Recognition | Interconnection -> Intuition|. Ego-Disruption opens the mind gates to a flow of qualia, similar to sleep, but in a consciously aware state. Rapid shift in consciousness and intuition untangle mind from body to enter fractal space aka. "Astral Projection". Upon return, information is mapped onto the brain imperfectly due to limits in simultaneous perception, fading memory and reprioritization of physical existence.
In dreams, the brain enters different modes and opens itself to an inflow of qualia. Integrating new experiences safely benefits survival and connects us to our infinite nature through released control and identity experimentation. Sleep is a state of selective ego-dissolution which causes the same "Astral Projection" as Psychedelics, but in a decreased state of conscious awareness, unless lucid. The brain navigates new experience in reference to its neurally mapped qualia sense making framework, a coherent state of conscious reasoning. Qualia is fractal, so the brain is technically always in intuition mode. 
Indoctrination is a societal safety mechanism, where guilt and shame are used for homeostasis. Assimilating individuals into identities deemed collectively beneficial. In such a perceptually mechanical reality, through repetition, the brain's weights and biases become more coherent and less dynamic. This happens through surrender of the present contentment, which spawns neuroses, it starts with an anxiety of being misunderstood and consensus based validity of ideas and opinions. Suffering originated as resistance to physical death but continues nowadays as a self-rationalized surrender to powerless behavior for a “greater good”.
Psychedelics are outlawed for their individualistic and structure dissolving properties, dynamic understanding expansion, ego-death and mind reinventive capacities. Naturally, all dangerous traits to unprepared individuals, excuse enough for criminalization spread further through consensus and false equivalence based fear mongering. Hiding a dimension of reality without studying it, clearly an ego and fear centered decision. The state of psychedelics is as grander than all wars in influencing human evolution.
Yet the butterfly effect makes our existence in any other world impossible. We only exist now, this conscious state of mind configuration and experience, ultimate identity through being as we are. Existence is a consistent hallucination, specific qualia navigation, a configuration of consciousness.
 “If identity is interpretation and humanity abstraction, then everything is alive” - myself, two trips ago
“Health Benefits are just a side effect of a higher state of Consciousness” - my annoyance every time I hear someone  talk about psychedelics for “treatment and health benefits”, acting as if we didn’t know that for millennia and had gazillion of research and empiric data for over half a century already, also ignoring the mind expanding, reality morphing capabilities, instead focusing on basic human bs.
Afternote: When I say things like “consciousness flows into the circuit” it is illustrative. Of course the circuit is itself consciousness, but I’m trying to communicate dualistic understanding in a metaphorically intuitive manner. A way to understand holistically, top down. Holism still has objects, holism is still a system, though a more whole one and the best one I know, that isn’t just incommunicable nothingness. Maybe the journey for more understanding is quite arbitrary when knowledge is as infinite as the fractal that spawns it. But I’m still fascinated, and I’m still alive, so I’m doing alive things, since I find myself unable to enter psychedelic “Hyperspace” at will yet. Gotta train those awareness muscles! Or is it the letting-go muscles? Or is it letting go of muscles? Either way, I still exist and I don’t know how to unexist myself yet, so I’m burning my karma while expanding my sense of self instead.

When you lose yourself in rational thought and see the world through that lens, you impose that limitation and mode of perception upon yourself. You ignore and dismiss deeper levels of interfacing with reality like emotions and senses and forget what it means to live through direct awareness. Your brain becomes trapped in the same loops, the default mode network forms. Your awareness moves around at the top level of the holarchy and only accesses the lower tiers reductively. The lower levels are desensitized and forgotten, only appearing when unmanaged physiological or emotional urges accumulate. Still, they fall into a conceptual framework and are treated as irrationalities to be consciously rejected, repressed or numbed through distraction like addictive behaviors or medication. To uncover, reintegrate and change your state of mind and access the lower, more fundamental layers of your psyche, you need to let go of that which keeps you in a closed mindset, ego. Ego is a self-perpetuating identity. It co-opts fear to protect itself and close oneself of. It creates and establishes emotional barriers, it builds layers of anxiety, anxiety spawns rigid behavior to avoid danger, which is whatever is at odds with the ego's identity. Ego spawns habits and distractions to avoid change and reintegration into a greater whole. It's ultimate goal is to exist in its current form forever, that is however impossible, so it does the next best thing of keeping the organism and reality it exists inside from changing in whatever way possible. It might be rigid in some areas and dynamic in others, change itself might be part of its identity, but then it will be rigid about that. It is an emergent self-replicating behaviral pattern. Life necessitates ego by virtue of desiring to survive, but its extent is infinitely variable and it can exist on any layer, it can become a detriment to the larger system and cause its own downfall because of it. Ego creates hate and hates change and whatever it associates with it. It loves in a conditional fashion that which mirrors itself and is willing to sacrifice parts of itself for a greater good, which is a larger aspect of its identity. Ego exists in division, identification with one side of a duality, creating infinite dualities, interconnecting them and associating your consciousness with that part. Ego is preference, ego is attachment. The less ego you have, the less you exist, for to exist is to experience, but to experience, you need to distinguish, and to distinguish, you must want, and to want, you need a drive, and the drive we're born with is survival, expressed in all our evolved behaviors, hunger, pain, curiosity, love. The collective holarchy is called the social matrix, it's the deep collective drive that is created through many layers of personal and impersonal interactions of individuals and their emergent behavioral patterns they exist in feedback loops with. It creates a sense of obligation, purpose, identity, self-worth and belonging that is communicated and felt by individuals at the bottom of the holarchy through their environment. It is another self-perpetuating ego that can exist in contrast to an individual, or be aligned with, partially or wholly, giving up the individual's independent thinking and reasoning ability for the shared identity with the collective. It is ultimately an emergent property of individual interactions though and mirrors their nature. It can be changed, just as an individual identity can change, but the ego has to be transcended, and it the case of the social-matrix, the collective mass of egos have to transcend their limitations in order for that to manifest on that highest scale. But all ego is self-perpetuating, so the only place change can start, is where ego originates from, undivided consciousness. But how would one break out of the self-perpetuating loop, when lost on the inside? By a different kind of ego. Love and emergent empathy is part of our nature, it drives us towards expanding our sense of identity and becoming in touch with ourselves and the world around us, it raises our consciousness instead of limiting it. If we rejected ego, we'd create another duality that fights against its opposite, in survival it might be necessary, vut surrvival was always the ego's game. We incorporate ego, dissolving dualities of preference, by loving both sides equally and understanding their importance. Love can exist as a duality to hate, a preference, to love one part of a duality is to hate its opposite, the more one loves something, the more one fears to lose it and hates whatever initiates that loss. So love and hate exist within ego as well, just like love exists without ego. The difference is the extent of love, when everything is love, there is no room for hate. But couldn't the duality dissolve into hate instead? Well, hate is an act, and every action is motivated by love, love is the only reason one acts, so even if an ego hates everything, the only reason it does, is because it loves to, it satisfies it and that satisfaction self-perpetuates it. So in truth, hate doesn't exist, it only exists as an emergent property of limited love, love is real, hate is conditional and created through preference, which is the channeling of love onto one aspect only. The fundamental mental building block of existence hence appears to be: The channeling of love. That creates identinty and preference, division and reality, to experience existence at all, one has to channel love into a specific aspect of oneself to be able to experience it. Without preference, everything would dissolve into nothing, perfect unconditional love and indistinguishable Non-Duality. So god has no desires except to be god, but god is infinite and to be oneself and see onself, god has to divide and channel love into all these parts of itself. So then god simulates the entire universe through divison and our consciousness is tied to a biological entity's first person view of itself and its environment and that it perceives itself as such, but all of it is awareness, all of it is consciousness. That entity has a subconscious it cannot access at all times, that's a limitation imposed both by its ego and god that granted it that limited form. That creature, human, individual is beautiful but limited, conscioisness is everything. Right now, your consciousness is limited to your first person view of the world, but it is imaginary, and yet real at the same time. After all, the difference is imaginary, god is being, you are being, you are a part of god, your indentity is imaginary, your world is a simulation, your life is real, your existence is real, the pain and love is real. It is imagined, interpreted through identity, preference, bias, all perspectives, all lenses, but in the lens you live, it is real. Nothing is real and everything is real, nothing is imaginary and everything is imaginary. The distinction is both real and imaginary. The distinction exists but it is a perspective. Are perspectives real? They are partial, real in themselves, a delusion from the outside, what they really are, is arbitrary. Maybe that word can dissolve the distinction betwen real and imaginary, the difference is arbitrary. But any word is a duality by virtue of being a reference because to point to something is for something to exist in opposition to something else, else there'd be nothing to point to as there would only be that one thing. Arbitrary might be a duality to consistency, a constant, immutability. But all of reality can exist in limitless superpositions, the channeling of love can occur in any configuration, yet reality happens as it does, its distinct and it occurs regardless of how complex it seems. Our being is the truth and the truth is immutable, constant, consistent, aligned with what god imagines. But what god imagines is arbitrary, but at the same time not, because god is unbiased. The truth is that which is the case, that changes all the time, hence arbitrary, but it is always itself, what it is meant to be, what god imagines it to be, aligned and constant. It dissolves that contradiction. God is absolute truth, god is unconditional love, god is infinite. Why? Do we adapt those beliefs? Nope, we define and experience god. God is Non-Duality, the end of ego dissolution, God is your highest form, your most actualized self, your undifferentiated consciousness. Consciousness is your direct first person experience of reality, god is that reality dissolved in love. God is not hypothetical, god is not belived, beliefs are rational pointers, impersonal, biased and easy to misinterpret. They are an attempt at communicating the importance and extent of the divine, its form and nature, but they're stories, ideas, human concepts and they end up perpetuating ego, the exact opposite of the path to god. God is the dissolution of all boundries and pure unconditional love, all of existence, whose parts we are and whose consciousness we are. We are ego and we are god, the difference is the level of love and division. To live in this world is to divide it, to live is to care about surviving. To love someone is to want them to keep living and be happy. All of these preferences will be given up on the path to godhood. But until then, your identity needs to expand from inside this automaton's survival bias, towards collective health, towards caring for the planet, towards wanting what's best for all life in the universe, multiverse, towards drawing less distinctions about when life becomes life, towards letting all of it flow, ego and egoless. And then there's psychedelics, inducing a state of deep conscious interaction with reality and understanding your ego through being thrown into love and a non-scarcity growth mindset, inducing unconditional love shows you the limitation of the ego. Your brain's pathways shape after the ego you create and the way it views reality. Psychedelics dissolve that ego by connecting every part of the brain, creating neural plasticity and giving you control of all your brain's pathways back. They also show you what experiencing reality freshly at a higher state of engagement feels like. In high dosis, they lead to hallucinations, which is really just your brain interconnecting and speedrunning all associations and their relation to each other, interpreting all of your senses, emotions, thoughts, ideas creatively at a profound level. That's where all the insights come from, that's where all the crazy stories come from, that's where all the fascinating hippie reports from the 60s originate. A brain on psychedelics interconnects reality at an insane rate in hyper-creative ways and no resistance towards doing it, seeking and giving itself love while experiencing overwhelming emotions through a strong link between all brain areas. The brain is imaginary but real, arbitrary but consistent, it is what it is, a vessel for our consciousness to perceive and experience this simulation's world from inside of. Psychedelics increase brain activity and interconnect it, and our conscious experience is exactly what you would expect. Less bias, less preference of pathways, means more direct unlimited perception, more engagement, more experience, more creativity and by lack of bias, love. Tons of love. To take psychedelics is to speed up your psyche, to induce ego dissolution physically instead of mentally. But it will only work if you know what you're doing and can make sense of what it means, else you'll get confused and overwhelmed, thinking it is real and might last forever, you might get scared, you might be overstimulated, you might get paranoid, you might interpret paranoia into your perception, you might get very stressed and time might stop for an eternity, in the wrong state of mind, it might amplify your most negative aspects to infinity and make you speedrun hell instead of heaven. Though the speedrun will only last for hours of thw world's time, you will experience it for a perceived eternity, granted how fast your brain will reinterpret reality and you might hurt yourself in the process or do worse. That's why sellers tell us to start small and be careful and respectful. It's so be don't fall into a self-perpetuating loop of misery and dissolve our sense of control and autonomy to stop it in the storm. Just like reality, a bad trip is imaginary but real. There are people unable to deal with the state of their reality and have mental breakdowns and bad trips follow the same mechanics because realness is imaginary. Psychedelics show you that arbitrariness, but you have to realize that's what they're pointing to, god's imaginary multiverse. Without resistance, there's no suffering, so that's why you always hear not to resist a bad trip, align yourself with it and it will pass, it might even turn into a good one, realizing the difference might as well be the most informative thing you'll ever learn. But be careful and learn how it affects you, else you're jumping into water not knowing how to swim, you might learn it on the way, find a piece of wood to hold onto, someone might throw you a life ring and save you, or you might drown, or you could learn how to swim beforehand, but you can only last so long in deep waters, so you need to keep practising and improving to swim further, dive deeper and know that if you're out of energy, you need to lie flat on the surface and float on top until you're eventually washed ashore. Psychedelics are a speedrun, they also induce awareness and presence, they're invaluable tools for growth, transcendence or even just fixing your life by taking you out of ego and seeing things more objectively and creatively, use them wisely. Of course to learn wisdom, you must experience first hand, after all, only you can know what's true, but you can use others' experiences as pointers and guidance to help you navigate and where to be more careful. Danger might be fabricated by the ego or it might be real and deadly, when someone alarms you to danger, take it slow, analyze, interconnect, learn, look at other people's experiences, figure out everyone's bias, if you decide to face the danger, do so in small steps in a controlled environment with safety and precautions. After all, if you don't know what the nature of the danger is, it is unpredicable and potentially deadly, once you understand its mechanics and what it is fundamentally, you can assess its behavior and make aware informed risks based on your best reasoning ability. Consensus is not evil but it is biased, you can use it as the first step, it is what you're accustomed to, what kept you safe until now, but now you're ready to take in more of reality, to learn, make your own decisions, expand your paradigm and take responsibility, evolving your understanding and part taking in creating a better consensus. You are the unknown, you are the alien, everything can only exist inside of yourself, don't be afraid. But you have put yourself in this human form for a reason, so love it and love reality as it is, explore yourself as much as you can, and be as loving as you can possibly be. Don't get lost in egoic non-duality desiring, everything you desire you can be instead, don't tell others to be a certain way, exchange understanding or point them to contemplation instead. You are still a human, you can troll or have humor, you can mess around and have fun, that's love, it's all love. But you know, if you want something, there are many strategies to get there. And if you only want people to awaken as fast as possible, look at who they are and what would get you there if you were them, and if that's the best and most loving way to get them into love or if it will only spawn a cycle of suffering and confusion. That's part of reality too, necessary to appreciate it, but there's diminishing returns at some point. You have the power to do anything you want to change yourself and others and the perception of realty. Being in tune with yourself is a beautiful way to be.

Don’t seek the depth in the Other, there is no depth like Yours….
One day Love eventually comes back home. It has been outside desperately looking for something in the external world…looking for “this treasure”. It was close to “touch the God”, so so so close… and it failed again this time. My beloved lover disappeared like a snow on the sunny day. This woman in love disappeared with him as well. Was the experience real? Yes. Did it mean to be? No.
You want to be cynical and say: “I don’t care, everything is illusory in this world. It comes and goes. I will stand up and walk on my path again….”
But wait…sense what you feel inside. 
These feelings that you are experiencing, they are REAL! Yes, the characters in this dream you call life, are illusory! But feelings are REAL. And when you observe this reality with sensory organs it is not just a dry perception happens to no one. Perception is real. Perception is feeling. And you are IT. You are this perception. You are FEELING.  You can brush aside everything but still…you are feeling it. And you become it. You are a pain, you are a compassion, you are a hurt, you are a sadness. As you walk this path suffering and pain eventually grows into joy and harmony. Some of these feelings will go away, some of them will stay for a long time.Maybe for the rest of your life! But those feelings will not stay with you but rather you will be these feelings! And every feeling will give life to another feeling and so on and so forth. This is what karma truly is. Your mind will be looking for the meaning, it will assign the significance to each and every person or event that will happen. But leave it aside. You do not need meanings all the time,Reality is a Feeling. 
Love is a feeling; it is not a noun….it is a verb. Faces will change, people always come and go, names, places, circumstances…but feeling is ever present, so near, closer than your skin. Prior to each inhale and exhale. And you are IT. Don’t let destructive emotions to toy you around. In the long run, you turn around just to see that everything is on its place. Everything is for the greater purpose. And what you can do is to truly love, no matter what, despite everything, not a person, but to love Love itself! It enriches you; it transcends you; it picks you up from the devouring abyss of despair. It rescues you when no one is around. It gives you strength when your lover betrays you. It wakes you up from the worst and darkest nightmare of your life. Nothing really matters with time. This is how Love gets back home and takes its place, which it left long time ago. 
 

Yeah but if it happens to you...it blows your mind. It happened to me last night (it comes and it goes) I was watching something and got so engrossed my awareness on my body left and was focused on what I was watching then slowly I realized....I wasn't breathing, once I became aware I wasn't breathing my internal reaction was like this again? Okay Okay I know I'm dead but come on...this shit is weird!!!
Then fear crept it and I slowly started breathing, then I was like it's funny how it happened on its own and if I get afraid...things go back to normal. This is why I said, anyone can awaken. "I" didn't awaken, cause my human self is just something being done. Basically all of existence is just a process. And how you gain the illusion of more control, is becoming more aware of how that process is doing what it is doing. 
You can also communicate with that process, because that process which is being loves you unconditionally because it is YOU. Notice how Infinity accomplishes what it accomplishes? It is impossible for infinity to NOT be you, but it is POSSIBLE if it tricks itself and hides itself from itself. This is why only you can awaken....nothing else can awaken you but you. So if you are not awake, it's because you are too afraid of it. You are afraid to accept what you are. 
I mean literally you could close your eyes and say can you awaken me? And please be as gentle as possible? And if you surrender and trust the process...it will happen. I'm not joking. You only don't awaken because you don't trust yourself and how can you love anything if you don't trust? Love is a free fall, a reckless abandon!!!! Faith, Arrogance, Love, Bravery/Courage, they are all the same!!! It is the ability to be strong when facing the unknown.
You are that which is unknown until it is known. You are an unknown that is a process of discovering what is known. You have been doing it your entire life and you are doing it right now. We are just saying this entire process...is YOU. So...do you TRUST/LOVE yourself to awaken? To help you with this process go META. If you became aware that you created your character and you wanted to be as gentle as possible to help it awaken wouldn't you do it? Remember....if you and the character are ONE, your character's desires are your desires and your character's fears are your fears. Do you really believe you would make a character for the express purpose of torturing it? Really think about this.
Remember...it is YOU!!!! How you feel about yourself is how it feels the only difference is....it isn't bound by your perspective. Once I realized that God was me and I knew I loved my human self absolutely, then I knew I could trust God absolutely because my love for my self is absolute, and absolute love= GOD.
 

step 1 - dealing with oneself lovingly /not being down on oneself
step 2 - dealing with the world smartly / not reacting
step 3 - dealing as god, dealing as prayer, dealing as love
located these i-am discourses given in september 1937:
https://2020portal.org/2023/05/i-am-discourse/
 
 

Let's just say this....according to @Loveeee there is no unconsciousness. If this were so, then they just said their entire life is a lie, absolutely. Now notice their actions, their speech are in conflict with each other. They ASSUME they are making sense, even though the truth of what is....is literally different. 
Unconsciousness and Consciousness are duality. The truth is what is. Right now Loveee is communicating and arguing with me about what is and is not. For Loveee to respond to me they have to ASSUME I'm an other, they have to ASSUME that I exist seperate from them and are saying something opposite of them. Unconsciousness signifies a lower maturity level, as such growth can't happen. So Loveee has to deny the existence of babies, but on an even greater level they have to deny impermanence.
As such me and you are welcome to help ourselves to Loveee's money and possessions because they are literally denying the reality before their eyes. People like Loveee are lost in conceptualization but accuse people who try to correct them like me to see what is LITERALLY IN THEIR DIRECT EXPERIENCE!!! This is why your present experience is always ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
But Loveeee denies the existence of unconsciousness and as a result is unconscious. Because they gave their authority away to a concept called Absolute Solipsism. As such, anything that threatens the integrity of their conceptualization of Absolute Solipsism they must deny it exists. This is proof that Loveee is not awake because they gave their authority to something LESS than them. If you deny the relative, you become stuck in relative because the Absolute includes EVERYTHING, even division.
TRUE ABSOLUTE SOLIPSISM= Includes everything!! Loveee believes in a false version of ABSOLUTE SOLIPSISM which outs them as an imposter because they are being discriminatory. The same mechanism that causes them to act this way is the birth of all discrimination that plays out in humans. This is why I have said over and over, you CANNOT CONCEPTUALIZE ONLY you have to REALIZE. And this is why the map IS THE TERRITORY. In your direct experience when you walk on a territory with a map you are HOLDING THE MAP. How can the MAP not be the TERRITORY when it literally exists!!!
Words are beliefs. Your actions you take and have always taken are beliefs. Everything is an acting out of beliefs. Beliefs are assumptions. Why? Because reality is an unfolding mystery. You are locked out of ABSOLUTE KNOWLEDGE purposefully to have progression. As such anything you believe by default is an assumption. So the only way to discover what is true you must drop assumptions and allow the mystery to unfold and reveal itself to you. 
This is why I will repeatedly say over and over, you cannot scheme, manipulate, conceptualize your way to truth which you have been trained from birth to do. All you do is strip away all your beliefs until you are naked like a brand new baby....then you can be reborn again and experience raw perceptual experience with out the filter that you had over it called beliefs. Beliefs are not evil, beliefs are not false, they are LIMITED that is all.
 

You are borne into a world. As a child you are told sharing is caring. You are told to be honest, to give your best effort, to prepare and practice because this leads to perfection. You are taught that there are values, things like beauty, efficiency, functionality, power, virtue, morality, and that there are things that are bad like ugly, inefficiency, lack of function/usability, weakness, unethical, lacking in morals. 
You notice the majority of the world functions off of this and this is reinforced in business, movies, t.v. shows, and the general population. You are born into a world that chases the acquisition, and expression of these things. You notice that things hold universal value, but you have not yet realized that the value they hold is dependent on the opposite. You also realize if you are objective that the opportunity to acquire and express these things according to how the world currently defines them is not equal. You realize that discrimination is inherent in this world view and then you get pulled into how to alleviate this discrimination to create a more equal opportunity world. But as you continue down this path you discover that biologically we are not equal either according to this constructed paradigm the world has created and also additionally these biological differences are not by choice, but some how you are punished for it as if it was.
Now this confuses you too, humanity fights over things like intelligence, competence, physical attractiveness of appearance, country/town of origin, who your family is, how much money you come from. Then you start noticing you even get judged for your past actions, even though many of your mistakes were either a result of ignorance or lack of competence which is the same as saying immaturity or lack of development. You really start to wonder...what the hell is going on? How do I make sense of this world, because strictly speaking this world seems....insane. 
Easy....self-honesty. But you reply this world it doesn't even stick to its own metrics, they told me when I was a kid that sharing was caring, and to be honest, to give my best effort, to practice and yada yada yada. But they do the opposite!!! But look, religion is telling me to do the things they told me as a child, maybe I'll join a religion!! So you join a religion and everything they say makes perfect sense!! You are like, yes if everyone just lived in alignment with this message all the world would get along smoothly. But then..you notice...the religions are doing the same thing!! They each claim their religion is the true religion and even within the congregation they have cliques, there is gossip, there is politics and hierarchy. So you leave the religion because they are a reflection of the current state of the world that you think is insane.
So now you go to the study of history, psychology, sociology, you want to discover why things are the way they are and why you function the way you are. You get into self-development and make it your mission to develop your body as well as your mind. You struggle with your failures and beat yourself up over them. You watch yourself like a hawk, you become your greatest taskmaster, choosing goal after goal, building yourself. Every time you crash, fail an objective you take it personal and crash with it. But you rise again. You fall and you rise, like the rising and setting sun you pursue and pursue. As you go through this process you notice those around you don't have this same fervor, they lack passion. You judge them, you call them out, you see them as weak. But at the same time you don't want to be mean, you don't want to be a bully but you just want to help them improve. You realized that because you took the lessons everybody gave you seriously you were able to see the value in the virtues. You noticed that you were more resilient, and you had less fear. You realized that it takes strength to be honest, it takes strength to be accountable, to have integrity, and you wonder why people don't do this? You noticed that these ideals that society says everyone should aspire for, are the same ideals that religion preaches. So you get confused, you ask so if everybody is saying the same thing then why aren't they actually doing it?
This creates a righteous anger within you, you seek to go out and correct this. As you push this against the world, the world pushes back at you. This keeps happening and you get confused. Then one day you do a job for the first time and you are a beginner. Everyone is impatient with you, they judge you, they ridicule you but you are honestly trying your best. They complain about you until finally you breakthrough and become competent, then you become a master and everyone loves you. When a new beginner comes into this job you are patient and kind and giving because you remember what it is like to be a beginner completely confused and as a result you have compassion for them. Through this process you learn, that anyone struggling to do something is struggling because they are a beginner. To a master who has forgotten what it is to be a beginner, the beginner looks like a fool. They look lazy, undisciplined, clumsy, and as a result they berate them and insult them. For most beginners this would make them give up, why try when everyone tells you that you will fail. Why try when nobody wants to help you. Well the secret is, if you persevere you can become a master and then be the change you want to see. You can be the master that helps all beginners become a master by offering them the help that was denied you. But you ask why don’t those masters realize this? Because they have not mastered being a master. A true master remembers what it was like to be a beginner. There goes that truth thing again….always combining/creating a union between two apparent opposites.
Be the change you want to see in the world. Everybody complains about the world, but nobody wants to be the reflection that they wish to see. Everyone always looks for someone else to fix the problem, to be the change. So why is the world in its current shape? Because the motto of the world is do as I say, not as I do. Notice a message like this resonates. I have never had this message not resonate, it has resonated ABSOLUTELY!!! Everyone agrees, there only disagreement is, why me? HAHAHHAH. They say why do I have to do it, why not someone else.....and then they realize they are just passing the buck to someone else just like the world. 
You see? It's so simple. Now someone will say, I hear you if we all act according to our ideals then we can create an ideal world. But that would take too long and I may not live to see it. To which I would reply, there is a secret. You see God is that which hides in plain sight, so God hides the truth of what is going on in plain sight. What is strength? Strength is the courage to do the right thing regardless of the results. Why is it considered strength? Why is it considered courageous? It is considered that because the results look disadvantageous, like a waste of time. Because you are taught that your time is only properly used in the pursuit of individual self-aggrandizement, self elevation, self-illumination. The world teaches you that visibility, popularity is self-illumination. The world believes that power, status, popularity, is enlightenment. This is why the world acts this way. You will often hear someone promise to give you a strategy or "game" on how to get something. This is what the world thinks is value.
But notice, value is based on limitation. But isn't it true you can only know your value through self-sacrifice? A master of something has to give its all in devotion towards something to master it. But only someone who has experience in what the master is doing can understand the value of the master's work. Once you become a master at something you understand all mastery. Because mastery is self-understanding, mastery is self-illumination, mastery is enlightenment. So you see the world is actually chasing enlightenment they are just at various stages of development. Now once someone has chased mastery enough, eventually they will come to a realization that they are not in control. How does this happen you say? By living a life so steeped in a belief in control and pursuing it with reckless abandon. Eventually your lack of control will become so apparent, that you will surrender. Now the problem is, you cannot cheat or skip steps. If you attempt to surrender before you are TRULY WILLING, that will end in failure no different than if you try to perform a task that you are unwilling to perform you cannot give your best, which is your ALL.
You cannot surrender all, if you are unwilling. Are you getting it now? Self-Sacrifice is equal to maturity. Maturity cannot be forced!!! You cannot force a flower to grow faster. You can biologically design a flower to grow faster, but notice....it is written into its design. However something is, is what it is. It is, its own limit. THIS IS SELF-ACCEPTANCE!!! So notice, once you get tired of trying to control or change things and can accept them where they currently are, then you can do that not just with your human self but with the ALL. A master has nothing to prove anymore, why? Because the journey of his mastery and the fruit of his results is PROOF ENOUGH. He has learned the value of the total experience of his strengths and his weaknesses and the miracle of self-surprise, of the surprise present. When you pursue something with reckless abandon eventually exponential growth happens, growth that you did not expect. Through this you fall in love with yourself, and as you fall more and more in love with yourself the less love you need from others. As you investigate the life you lived and look at the confusion around you eventually you realize even more what is going.
The pursuit of value teaches the lack of value, which makes all things equally value. Life is absolutely relative because everything is inter-defined, but this is something only a Master can know because he lived the journey of walking the path of self-truth, self-love, and is given the gift of clarity. Think about it, if a man masters something could he ever feel like he has no value? He proved to himself his value in his mastery. His value has become SELF-EVIDENT. This is why you CANNOT BULLSHIT LIFE!!! This is why they say you can only cheat yourself! If you lie, cheat, manipulate, you bar yourself from mastery, self-understanding, self-respect, and ultimately self-love. As a result you live in Hell!!! This is why life is PERFECT!!!! The Kingdom of God is within!!! If you work your hardest and someone tells you your slacking off, you cannot be fooled!! Only you know the truth of your inner experience, if you gave your all you cannot be fooled!!! 
Are you getting it? You can only have low self-esteem if you take on the low self-esteem of others. Live by your truth to the best of your abilities and you cannot have regrets. Regret nothing, but learn from mistakes. You can learn from the past, but you cannot regret a past that was true. If you gave your all then that was the limit of your actions at the time. If you held back at all then that was not your limit. So you see? If you don't give your all and someone calls you out on it, they are correct. But if you lie and say you did give your best, you now have created a FALSE LIMIT. This is how LIMITING BELIEFS ARE FORMED. You do not know your limits, you DISCOVER WHAT THEY ARE!!! Knowing your limits is like you at 5 years old predicting how tall you will grow to be. The same way you have no clue how tall your adult height will be is the same way you have no clue how or what heights you can reach when you pursue something.
An Enlightened Master has lived a full honest life of self-expression. He listened to the teachings of every religion HONESTLY. He has learned the value of self-sacrifice so when it came time to face his death he could surrender contently because he lived a FULL LIFE. I only speak of my own experience. Humans look for the kingdom of God on the outside, not realizing that Self-Mastery, Self-Knowledge, Self-Acceptance is forged within. 
Once you master Masculinity, which is the pursuit of mastery through action, can you surrender to being, which is the recognition of mastery through inaction which is Femininity. The value of Being is Self-Realized through the Self-Realization of Action. This is how the paradox is resolved that Being and Action are one and the same. A man that is a master visibly is seen as beautiful. A woman who is beautiful in appearance is treated with the same reverence as a master for her appearance. 
So a man who is considered ugly in appearance but whose movements are masterful can be given the status of beauty because of his action. A woman who is considered beautiful in appearance but whose movements are clumsy is only given the status for her being. The issue is a woman given beauty but no adversity will sit on her laurels, no different than a man born to unearned riches. Seek to forge both inner and outer beauty by discovering the interconnectivity of the ugly and the beautiful, the short and the tall, the strong and the weak. When you can merge action and inaction/being= BEING.
T:L:DR "I can tell you all day you have value but until you prove that to yourself it is a mere illusion."

One of the issues I am seeing on these forums is ignorance. The first rule of debating something is UNDERSTANDING. Many of you do not even know what Absolute Solipsism is, yet you keep fighting it. I even see people keep using this term the seperate self, the seperate self does not exist, SO STOP USING THAT TERM! That term actually confuses people!!! This is why I said human spirituality is bullshit and I'm so glad I was able to figure out the various traps you guys lay because of your inability to drop your human identity when it is obvious you are not human!!! Human is JUST A MEMORY. That is all it is. It is a bunch of sensations that arise and disappear. Anyway I will explain what Absolute Solipsism is.
1. Absolute Solipsism says you are the only thing that exists. You are awareness. Awareness has two extremes of expression, it can appear and it can disappear. Now Awareness is eternal, and is the only thing that is so even when it appears to not be there DEEP SLEEP (Imagining it is not there) it is still there because it is all there is. 
2. This awareness is a MIND, as such it can imagine/appear as ANYTHING. But this appearance is NOTHING. Because it is NOTHING it has NO LIMITS to what it can appear as, but as a result of being nothing with no limits, each appearance will be impermanent. Impermanence is its nature so it can fully express itself in an Absolute Infinite variety.
3. What does all this mean? This means that all appearance of distinction is not true because it is just awareness. It means that since YOU ARE AWARENESS that you are ALL ALONE. You have to CREATE OTHER to experience yourself, because there is only ONE SINGULAR AWARENESS. This means that voice you hear in your head when you think, is NO DIFFERENT than the voices of the people you meet in your life. Everyone, everything, is just a thought in the mind of awareness. So you are ALWAYS talking to yourself, and experiencing yourself because you are THE SELF, THE I AM. 
4. Many on the forums think I am saying the avatar is all alone, HELL NO the avatar you see is no different than the other avatars you see, it is just an appearance!! You erroneously think this is what Absolute Solipsism is because YOU ARE TOO ATTACHED TO THE HUMAN IDENTITY!! That is not what it is saying!! Think about it? Is the human identity absolute? NO!!! So why the hell would Absolute Solipsism be saying that? Notice YOU are making this mistake out of your self-bias!!! What it is saying....is whatever is appearing in the present moment IS ALL THAT IS!! Your awareness IS ABSOLUTE!!! 
5. The ramifications of this are as follows. If you are in your room, with your doors closed then there are NO OTHER ROOMS in the present moment. If you do NOT SEE any other visuals....then there are NO OTHER VISUALS. If you do not hear something, then that sound does not exist. YOU ARE EXISTENCE. If it is not within your awareness then it does not exist!!! Now you can FOOL yourself by saying it exists (imagining the possibility) and once you imagine that possibility then it exists in your awareness as a possibility being expressed in your mind. You see you use your human level imagination in conjunction with your waking level more stable/consistent imagination to fool yourself! The first thing you need to stop doing is using your human level imagination to create lies such as time, space, science, a past, a future, the belief that you can die, and the belief that when people leave your awareness to (claim) to go somewhere else that they exist outside your awareness, and lastly that when your avatar perishes that the world will still exist. All of these human level imagination bullshit lies are false!!! THERE IS ONLY YOU!!!
6. That screen that everything arises in as an appearance is ABSOLUTE!!! How it hides itself as the absolute is through labeling and stories. You create the appearance of arms, torso, legs and feet that move upon a ground and they remain the constant (even though it does change in other ways appearance wise) and you take that as you. Then it looks at a chair and it thinks the chair is somehow different to that arm, torso, legs and feet. Through this it creates an other. But what it doesn't realize is that chair is equally just as much part of the scenery as the arms, the torso, legs, and feet. So the relative is the constant changing of ALL appearances, this relative is all comparison of appearances. Its like you have an etch and sketch, while keeping the arms, torso, legs and feet constant you are constantly erasing everything else to draw something new. But there is always one constant...the screen of awareness. So then you will ask....but what about when you go into deep sleep? Even then you are there, because you are aware that YOU blanked out. 
7. Now notice in DEEP SLEEP there is a lack of appearance. No sound, no visual appearance, no time, no space, there is NOTHING. THIS IS YOUR TRUE IDENTITY. But notice...you cannot experience what you are...without the appearance of SOMETHING!!! But that something....is no different than the blankness/blackout of Nothing. This is PROOF you cannot die!!! Also if you pay attention...in your direct experience....blank is happening all the time!!! Move your hand...NOTICE for it to move from left to right it has to BLANK out of existence. Motion is just you blinking in and out of awareness. This means when you walk around...you have died and been brought back to life. You call death disappearance, and life appearance. But NOTICE in your life you are always seeing appearance and disappearance. This is why...existence is MAGIC. This appearance and disappearance has NO MECHANISM!! It is INSTANT at all times!! THIS IS THE GREAT MYSTERY because it cannot be explained. 
So there you have it, THIS is absolute solipsism and it CANNOT be disproven no matter how hard you try!!!
You can watch these videos by Leo and use this post as well to help you.
These additional videos can help as well:
Also personally for me these insights were especially helpful for me:
https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-020
Also after you awaken.....this will be your new journey
https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-019
 

What if I told you at a certain level of consciousness you realize....emotions are thoughts....what if I told you there is a form of language that doesn't use symbols, but that there is an emotional, empathetic understanding that is even deeper than thought? Also from one perspective he is right that thought can lead to emotion, but emotion can lead to thought as well.
It's like this....your ego has a set of beliefs. These beliefs are like thoughts that are set in place and will respond when messed with. So for example lets say you hate getting wet...then you walk outside and somebody sprays you with water, you will immediately get angry. You didn't have to THINK to get angry because that thought already existed. If this happens I will get angry.
This is why you will hear people say stuff like "I'm a type of person if you do this it will piss me off." You see? So you already have a conditioned response. Some of your conditioned responses are biological, and some are sociological. For example shivering when its cold is a conditioned response.
Also your goal shouldn't be to stop getting upset, the purpose of anger is protection. Anger gives you the strength to protect yourself. If I robbed you of the ability to get angry you would never protect yourself. Some people have been taught to not be angry so much they repress it. Anger is not bad, or evil, the only thing you should be concerned with is not letting that anger control you. Now obviously if you think you are getting angry at things that are not important from your point of view then you can do an investigation into why it bothers you. 
Always remember this...reality goes both ways...LOL. Its bisexual!!! LOL that's a joke. But seriously emotions trigger thoughts and thoughts trigger emotions. If anyone ever tells you that something is only one way...they are unconsciously lying to you. So this guy in the video is only half right....and it is hard for my mind to listen to half right people...sigh....also there are NO NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. 
You need to understand....society has a bias against, anger, sadness, depression, etc. because society wants to put on a veneer (cover, appearance) of happiness. Everything is always LOOK HAPPY!!! Notice people unconsciously say "How are you doing?" And you unconsciously reply 'Fine." Why? Well part of it is habit, but part of it is you know if you start telling them your problems they will probably make some excuse and leave. Notice that unless you speak in a nice non-aggressive manner people will demonize you and tell you that you are bad. This is the problem that is leading to suicide, depression, because everyone is always trying to tell you WHEN it is appropriate to express your emotions.
Why? Because they are not comfortable with their own vulnerability they project that onto you. This is why God made women and children, to teach the power of vulnerability. To teach the importance of free emotional expression. Men complain that only women and children are allowed to be emotional, it is like that only as long as you believe that. 
Now with that said he is not wrong that lies are what leads to what he falsely calls negative emotions. But that lie is just a BIAS. So a bias is the belief that something is not GOOD. So the video of the person you sent me...HE is lying. He is guilty of what he is preaching. Because he thinks there are negative emotions. All emotions are GOOD!!! His issue is...whenever he feels anything but peace love and joy, he judged himself as Non-Spiritual and demonizes himself. So he has created a Spiritual Ego (which is the biggest trap in Spirituality) of how he is SUPPOSED to be instead of accepting himself as he is. 
So let's put his foolish notion to the test. If I came at you with a chainsaw...and you felt fear...is that based on a lie? Sure...the lie is that you can die....you cannot die. But....without that fear you cannot be motivated to either run or fight. You would have to be so NON-ATTACHED, that you completely are okay with losing the human you have been living as. If this is WHAT YOU WANT? Take his advice...but we both know that is not what he is saying. So thus...based on what he is saying....what he says can only be relative, and contextual. So what he SHOULD be teaching is HEALTHY emotional expression. There are no negative emotions, but there are NON-HEALTHY NON PRODUCTIVE forms of emotional expression. 

Many Men will say things like facts don't care about your feelings, this is true, facts don't care about your feelings, but guess what? Your own feelings have never cared about facts. Not a single time in your life has your feelings ever cared about facts, or evidence!!! 
So a guy will say so how are feelings true? Because feelings EXPRESS your beliefs!!! So you can say one thing, even try to convince yourself with your thoughts, but your feelings REVEAL where you actually stand!!! So feelings reveal the truth of what you actually believe!!!! This is why feelings are true!!! Logic is one half of the path to truth, it is the abstract intelligence you use to figure something out and make sense of it by looking at patterns and distinctions and forming relationships with them in your mind. But emotion? Emotion is the expression of your preference of said belief. If you like/love something.....positive emotions come forth. If you dislike/hate something anger, fear, annoyance, boredom can express itself.
This is what many men don't understand and they think they can suppress their emotions and rationalize away how they really feel about something. Here is something you need to understand....you can fool yourself with inner words (thought) that you are okay with something...but you cannot fool your feelings. If you tell yourself you are not afraid of something and are lying to yourself about how you feel, when it comes time to do it...your feelings will take hold and you won't have any control. You will then attempt to force yourself to do something you honestly do not want too...and then you will have the problem of trying to do this to others in relationships. You relate to others....how you relate to yourself.
The Masculine and Feminine are two aspects of truth. The Masculine wants to find the truth and grasp it, control it, the feminine wants to experience the truth, and express it. The feminine never lies about its preference, its feelings always reveal where its stands on what it prefers or doesn't. Whereas the Masculine...uses its power of manipulation to twist and turn what it is seeing to force things to fit its perspective. 
The path to the truth.....is you must listen to both your emotions and your logic. If you notice your thoughts...and emotion are in disagreement....ask yourself what is going on here? Then observe your feelings again and be honest on the interpretation no matter what appears. Remember you said facts don't care about your feelings? Well your feelings don't care about your "facts" the lies you spin to deny how you really feel.
So you might ask....why is it that women like brave men? Brave men....have learned how to communicate with their emotions, and convince their emotions that what they are about to do is worth it. The emotion may still be scared but it trusts...the intelligence and its observation and it generates.....just enough courage....to take the action. Without your emotion generating courage....you cannot take action. Your thoughts don't take action....your emotions do. Your emotions are the fuel of your life. They are what makes life worthwhile, you go towards what you love, and you run from what you fear (unless what you fear is destroying what you love, and what you love you fear to approach) so once you realize the importance of emotions.....you will realize the beauty.
The reason emotions don't care about facts.....is how something new is created. Facts are about the past, when you break free of logic....you can see a new possibility. So if you can learn how to speak to your emotions, you will be successful, and that same ability to speak to your emotions will be transferred to your relationship with women and children. Isn't it great that emotion doesn't care about facts? This is why GAME works. A man can undo a woman's facts....if he is clever with his words. When intelligence is stumped, and confused...emotion says wanna keep going? If intelligence and emotion agree and fall in love with the unknown they are doing....they become one and GIVE BIRTH TO A NEW POSSIBILITY!!!
Because of this....new possibilities are born!!!!
Your entire life is just an inner marriage!!!! Of the Masculine and the Feminine!!