Hi everyone,
I’m a regular observer of the actualized forum, but I’ve never really posted before. I’ve been on the self-development path since 2016 and have been following Leo’s teachings since pretty much the beginning.
I’ll cut to the chase. I’ve had a number of very profound psychedelic experiences in the last few years. These experiences have been the primary driving force in choosing to take enlightenment work seriously - it was becoming clearer and clearer to me that life was a dream that I was beginning to awaken from.
Something that’s always bothered me is the fact that my sober spiritual realisations have been practically non-existent. Until recently, I could only count 2 experiences that I felt had any real significance - these were incredibly fleeting and were certainly nothing that could be compared to a full blown psychedelic trip.
However, last week I woke up to my morning alarm and sat up in bed to do my breath-work and meditation. Just as I was getting ready to start breathing, I had a significant breakthrough experience that probably lasted 3 seconds tops.
Like a bubble bursting (to quote Peter Ralston) my sense of self seemingly evaporated and my consciousness was filling the entire room. My visual field was the same as normal, but somehow different - it was like gazing into a sea of snaking fractals. This feeling was familiar, I’d achieved this state of consciousness a number of times through psychedelic use, but this was the first time I’d ever managed to access it whilst in a sober state. In that moment, I was everything - I recognised myself as god somehow creating reality through my experience.
It made me think back to Leo’s video on self-enquiry when he talked about when the moment of enlightenment comes, it would be like a snap of the fingers - it certainly was as instantaneous as that, but there was more to it. I felt like in the moments before it happened I managed to make some kind of mental calculation that resulted in the break through. It was comparable to having to turn your head a certain way to be able to comprehend an optical illusion.
I’m certain that the experience was aided by the fact that I’d only woken up a few moments before and that I was in a very relaxed state, but this was real. It wasn’t a waking dream, it was tangible and it really happened to me. Unfortunately, my ‘eureka’ moment slipped through my fingers as quickly as it had occurred.
So this is where I need advice from anyone that feels they can answer my question - can I take this as a serious indication that I’m moving closer to waking up or are these just baby steps that I shouldn’t get too excited about? I understand that this work will go on for the rest of my life and that this is probably just a glimpse of the ‘ox’s tail’ but I’m already 38 years old and I would count myself as being pretty late to the game. I meditate several times a day and sometimes feel that I’m pouring too much time into enlightenment work - with little payoff. This has been a bit demoralising at times, but those few seconds of enlightenment were frankly spellbinding.
Love to you all,
Alex
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