LearningPodo

I have a catch 22 emotional problem. My parents are super old fashioned and it's hard to be on the same page with them. When I talk with them I am not on the same wavelength and although they are super sweet it results in a lot of emotional neglect. It's like when they talk, I barely feel like they're talking to me because they're not very emotionally intelligent at all. When I'm around them, I get OCD but somehow I still feel loved. When I'm living alone like in college right now, the below the surface emotional neglect trauma pops up and I get OCD within my own mind and it's like the residue scarring that's left. Sometimes it kills me when I ruminate too much, I have to like force myself out of my room because I don't trust my own mind to not spiral downwards. I don't know what to do, should I try and get therapy? My school offers free therapy services I think.

Hey, So I'm currently a college student and it's my summer break before I start my junior year. I really want this to be a time where I grow and learn a lot, and I've been pretty motivated ever since school ended. I've already read about 3 books, took online classes in subjects that I'm interested in, signed up for a gym membership and have been going almost everyday, etc. So for all those college students out there or early 20 somethings, what have you been doing to fill up this time? Just curious Also, just curious, but for you fellow university students, how have you decided what you wanted to major in and do with your life? I know this is such a broad question and I should listen to myself and what I want, but sometimes I run out of ideas and insights if I'm stuck at home all the time and lack the experiences / wisdom to know how to think in the correct way, right?

How do I stay clear-headed all the time and be able to focus on my intuition when there are so many crazy things thrown at us everyday and changes in life? For example, how am I supposed to stay focused on my goals and the big picture if, say, I moved to a new town where I know no one and it takes a toll on my mental health and confidence? How do I "see clearly" when I'm stuck in my house most of the day?

So this has been a problem all my life basically. So my parents are really old fashioned and they grew up in much poorer times in less developed countries. As such, growing up their worries were about getting food on the table, and they can't even comprehend why I would have issues like anxiety, for example. Anyways, they have no emotional intelligence and when I'm around them I usually feel like I don't exist because they kind of just talk at me (things like are you hungry? did you eat yet? have you finished classes), I never feel like I'm being talked to, just talked at like I'm a robot. Anyways, that's the problem. I like being alone so when I'm not around them I don't get lonely or whatever, it's just that being around them gives me SOOO much OCD because if you can imagine two people talking AT you all day but the conversation is so mechanic and like they're not talking to you. Basically I developed all these OCD habits just as a way to manage how much of a lack of control I have when I'm around them and they're complete lack of perceptiveness to anything. I don't hate them by any means, and I'm very grateful for all they've done for me but this is an issue that I don't know how to handle and it's affecting my focus and concentration in online classes because how am I supposed to focus if for hours a day I deal with OCD compulsions? Is there like a way to transcend this or somehow detach from my OCD??

Lately I've been tackling with the question of whether or not I want to join a frat. I've come to realise that there are many ways to think about this question. If you were to tell me that I'd be thinking of joining a frat when I was in high school, I'd laugh at you. I'm an INFJ. But having watched so many of Leo's videos and expanding my consciousness, I realised that the image I have of myself is just an image, and that's it. And I guess in the most absolute sense, "I" don't even really exist because "I" am just consciousness, so why can't consciousness join a frat and have fun and party? I typically am quiet and introverted, and my personality generally doesn't suit being in a frat. But I also know that I like to party and expand my sense of self, and that who "I am" is just a result of past conditioning, so why can't I let all of that go and pursue anything in life that attracts me? Regardless, I will still focus on my studies and that is still my first priority. Anyways, let me know what you guys think about this question.

After 200+ days at home as an only child alone with my parents, I'm getting really depressed. My parents completely neglect me emotionally, but it's not their fault. They're just really old fashioned and grew up in harder times, it's not like they're doing it purposely. But basically every time I see them for dinner or whatever, they just like talk about really little stuff like the food and whatever and basically I feel completely ignored, and this has been going on for 200+ days. I don't know what to do about this. I'm a college student and I don't know when I'll return to campus but every time I go back to my room after dinner I spend like 30 minutes just sitting there feeling pain in my chest. I want to stay motivated but it's so hard when I internalise that I'm basically invisible.

They would definitely talk about whatever, but mostly they live really unconsciously and like in a really small comfort zone. They're really sweet and everything, but I feel like most times they just joke around and almost have this depressive outlook on life, which I understand because of the time and environment they grew up in.

How do I go about my day and interact with people x and people y who may have their own bad habits and baggage but still remain independent in thought and be my own person when I leave their company? How do I not let their attitudes influence onto me?

Hey so I'm a college student and recently I got caught for academic misconduct and I don't know what the punishment is yet. It's probably going to be on my personal record forever, and as a pre-med this is a big rest in peace. To be honest, I wasn't dead set on studying medicine in the first place so right now I'm not TOTALLY freaking out about this, although I did throwup a couple of times. I guess I'm just looking for some general advice from y'all actualized people right now, because the last time I was traumatized was a heartbreak and actualized.org saved me. You guys see the big picture in things so yea, I just want some words to help me get over the initial shock? General college / career advice could help as well. Thanks so much

I'm sure you all know the saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time around. Well I've been going through a little dilemma right now. I'm a college student and ever since starting college, I've felt myself getting dumber just because the people that I'm around are all low-conscious. In high school (I went to a great school and everyone was really really rich, educated, and actualised) I felt myself growing and getting smarter everyday just by being around them. I felt greater awareness of myself and was able to see the big picture in stuff. Even after a semester or two of college spent around low conscious people, I feel myself slipping. So my question is, how can I hold myself to a higher standard without being around those people anymore? I feel like it's almost this subconscious diffusion of intellect that happens, so I have no idea how to replicate that...

Hey guys, So I know that I have quite a large shadow self, which I know are the aspects of my personality that I suppress in my psyche from conscious awareness. I mean growing up I didn't have an amazing childhood and I was bullied a bit here and there, as well as some traumas. So right now I'm living in the town that I went to school in (elementary through high school). In school, my peers were very white and "proper", and they didn't really tolerate people who were maybe a little bit loud or mean here and there. Growing up, I eventually learned to hide my shadow side and present the side of me that was sweet and innocent. Even when I'm home now from college, this environment causes me to suppress my shadow side. I don't think I'm a bad person at all to be honest, but I'm also not the person I play this role in. So my question is, how can I start to integrate some of the parts of my shadow into my personality even in an environment where I internalized it was not ok for me to have these traits? My parents are super old fasioned so it's kind of like I happily live in my head at home, all the while playing a character for the external world to see? In short, I lose my sense of self. I know I'll be back at college soon, and hopefully I can learn to express my whole self. But while I'm still home, what are some techniques I can use to integrate my shadow self that I've internalized is not ok? Thanks

@Zigzag Idiot Ah yea, I've been saving a lot of those "meditation music for bla bla bla" videos on youtube to listen to when I go to sleep. Hopefully they can help balance chakras and release fear and other messy emotions stuck inside me. I'm not sure how much they would actually work though. @Consilience Right! I've been doing that as well. For me, I like to look back on songs I used to listen to / pictures that remind me of a time I was at my higher self. I would think to myself, what would I be doing if I was at that time?

Hey guys, How do I go from my lower self (of the ego, the afraid self) to my higher self which knows inner peace and connection? I was always at my higher self until college started and life started to get a little messy. I'm a sensitive person and sometimes college life can be uncomfortable and chaotic. I was brought down to my lower self as the year went on and I started to internalize some social fears. Now it's summer and although life is fine, I feel an inner churning sensation as if some kind of subtle suffering. I find the need the always distract myself which is definitely a symptom of being in the ego. How can I transcend the "fear" and reach a more enlightened state of mind independent of what's happening in the external environment?

Hey so I know none of you guys know me in real life, but sometimes I suspect there's something mysterious inside of me. I like social interaction but I am also really comfortable in my head. I feel like sometimes I project a certain self image outwards that may not be consistent with the traits that I actually have, and anything that contradicts that self image I have of myself in my head tends to make me feel resistance and anxiety. I have a lot of empathy for people. A lot of people say that I am extremely perceptive and can almost see into their soul. Sometimes I can be manipulative to try and get what I want. Sometimes I actively suppress parts of my psyche in order to deal with stress and uncomfortable situations. Sometimes I do certain things in order to make myself feel more normal lol. Just like how I said lol in that last sentence to soften the blow. I always have conversations in my own head with myself. I have incredibly self-disciplined and am really good at managing my inner states. I've been isolated A LOT. My parents are really old fasioned and not really sensible, so I'm always in my head. Background info: I'm an only child, went through quite some traumas growing up. Didn't have many friends. I've been in love so it's not like I'm a sociopath or anything lmao.

Hey guys, How can I deal with the feeling of almost being dead inside? There has been a lot of traumas in my life including a heartbreak that completely shook my world. I'm in college now but I can't help but feel like a zombie living in autopilot. There is almost zero sense of soulful emotion that I exhibit. How can I get more in touch with my soul? I find it increasingly hard to connect with others on an authentic basis. All of my acquiantances and friends are so fake and I don't even really know them. I only know them from a narrow view of mind in which I've repressed all of the pain that is a part of me.

Hey guys, so I realized I really need to create a new self-image. The one that I have right now is just very inauthentic and causes a lot of suffering in my life. However, I don't know how I'm supposed to create/maintain a new self-image if I'm in college and I'm constantly reminded of this old self-image that others know me by?

Hey so I'm a college student who's still trying to find out what I want to do with my life. Lately, I've been seriously thinking between engineering vs. pre-med and going into the field of medicine. I see pros and cons of both. Medicine seems very rewarding much later in life, but requires a lot of hard work that I don't know if I can handle in my 20's going to med school and everything. Also, my mental health isn't the best, and I suffer from depression/anxiety so I don't know if I can really handle it. Still, I want to make something out of my life so I'm not sure. On the other hand, engineering seems nice and all (I'm good at math too), but I don't know if I'll be fulfilled with it later down the road.

Hey guys, so I'm in college but I feel like I'm living in a reality filled with projections from my mind. I feel like behind every little interaction and whatnot there is underlying fear, doubt, and judgement in the back of my mind. This definitely stems from the trauma I've accumulated throughout my childhood and high school years. I'm getting frustrated because I try so hard with self improvement to change my life from a place of pain and darkness to where I want it to go, but it seems so difficult. This doesn't happen when, say, I'm at a different country, because I don't associate my dealings with others with any pain or inferiority. But in the U.S. where I grew up I see it everywhere. I really want to be able to live like how I was when I was a child. To see the world as it is without all this baggage that I've accumulated. How do you think I can best achieve this sort of growth?

Hey guys so something's been on my mind recently. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't feel like myself. I feel like because of a few traumatic events in my past, I built up so many walls to protect myself that I don't even feel like I'm fully alive anymore. I feel like I'm subtley detached to everyone/everything to avoid pain. But to be honest, when the trauma first happened, I felt more whole. Like even though I was living in pain, I was still grounded in love. Memories seem more vivid, and people seem nicer/kinder. Now, I just feel like I'm this system that tries its best to avoid pain while attaining the highest amount of happiness/satisfaction possible. This feels like an incredibly inauthentic way to live and I don't really know how to disentangle all of the patterns of thinking that's probably in my mind. I'm in college and I feel like these next few years are my last chance to truly develop meaningful relationships and ground myself in love... :'(

@Oliver Saavedra Thank you, it means a lot!

So I just finished my first year of college at a relatively small university. However, I can't help but feel like there's something wrong. Sometimes I feel as though being in such a small campus with only so many students feels like a mental prison, a vacuum, or a bubble to some extent. It's a small school, so most people know each other and I feel like that doesn't really give me freedom to live freely and be my spontaneous self. To be honest I kind of led a few girls on who thought I was cute, when I wasn't even really interested in ever talking to them... I've been traumatized before in high school where there was a misunderstanding and a lot of people hated me and I got depressed. That's what makes me paranoid and always looking over my shoulder in the case that ever happens again. So I guess I'm kind of fear a little and I feel like I shut off a small part of my brain to avoid getting hurt, but living like that for 3 more years seems like a very sad way to live and a waste of the supposedly best years of your life. I was wondering if switching to a larger school would help where I can start again. Growing up I've also never felt like I had a strong sense of identity so I think that's also very crucial for me to develop in these years...

Hey guys, So I'm 19 and I've realized that for the majority of my life I've held a negative paradigm in my mind. My high school kind of traumatized me because I went to this super rich high school full of very very well rounded and intelligent people. In turn I internalized an inferiority complex, victim mentality, and probably some other negative attitudes. Now I'm in college and I feel MUCH better about myself and life in general. However, sometimes I still get triggered by certain dynamics that just cause me to shut down. How do I do a complete paradigm shift? How do I completely change the way I see myself and the world? I'm very motivated, and I've improved a lot. I'm a lot more confident and social, but I yearn for more. I want to be able to form relationships with women without the negative voice in my mind always creeping up on me.

I feel like it's not even so much about being goofy or authentic or whatever. It's more like mental. Like I want to be able to perceive others as equals, as people who I can be friends with rather than them being a possible threat to my wellbeing for the next few years of my life. I've always grown up with a sort of victim mentality, I've never had much confidence growing up and didn't have that many friends. People were very nice to me though in my high school because they liked me a lot, but I just didn't see them as people who I can be friends with, but more as people who looked after me LOL.

Yes, that is what I'm really trying to get to. I went to a very small high school where everyone knew each other since elementary school, so I feel like I didn't have that much of a chance to discover my authentic self by dropping my old identity until my senior year. However, how am I supposed to just "drop my current identity" when I am reminded of how others see me everyday, also since it's been more or less a part of me my whole teenage life? When I'm on vacation or something I feel egoless, I lose my sense of self and I'm just pure awareness, free of any limiting beliefs. That is what I really want to achieve in college so I can genuinely grow as a person in every way, not just intellectually. The more I try to drop my current identity at my college, the more I feel forced to prove something to others that I'm more than just the ego voice in my head... so again I'm living in the ego... if that makes sense haha. It honestly drove me crazy that I really really want to transfer schools now...